A Day at the Races Quotes
A veterinarian posing as a doctor, a race-horse owner and his friends struggle to help keep a sanitarium open with the help of a misfit race-horse.
Whitmore: Just a minute, Mrs Upjohn. That looks like a horse pill to me.
Dr. Hackenbush: Oh, you've taken them before.
Mrs. Upjohn: Are you sure, Doctor, you haven't made a mistake?
Dr. Hackenbush: You have nothing to worry about. The last patient I gave one of those to won the Kentucky Derby.
Whitmore: May I examine this, please? Do you actually give those to your patients? Isn't it awfully large for a pill?
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, it was too small for a basketball, and I didn't know what to do with it. Say, you're awfully large for a pill yourself.
Dr. Hackenbush: Oh, you've taken them before.
Mrs. Upjohn: Are you sure, Doctor, you haven't made a mistake?
Dr. Hackenbush: You have nothing to worry about. The last patient I gave one of those to won the Kentucky Derby.
Whitmore: May I examine this, please? Do you actually give those to your patients? Isn't it awfully large for a pill?
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, it was too small for a basketball, and I didn't know what to do with it. Say, you're awfully large for a pill yourself.
Flo: Oh, what is the meaning of this? Oh, why you little pest. Well!
Dr. Hackenbush: Say, what's the matter with you muggs. Haven't you got any gallantry at all?
Tony: She's in with Whitmore. She's trying to frame you.
Dr. Hackenbush: I wouldn't mind framing her. A prettier picture, I've never seen.
Flo: Thank you.
Dr. Hackenbush: Thank yo.
Tony: Hey Doc! Doc, I'm tell you a secret - she's out to get you.
Flo: Why, I've never been so insulted in my life.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, it's early yet.
Dr. Hackenbush: Say, what's the matter with you muggs. Haven't you got any gallantry at all?
Tony: She's in with Whitmore. She's trying to frame you.
Dr. Hackenbush: I wouldn't mind framing her. A prettier picture, I've never seen.
Flo: Thank you.
Dr. Hackenbush: Thank yo.
Tony: Hey Doc! Doc, I'm tell you a secret - she's out to get you.
Flo: Why, I've never been so insulted in my life.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, it's early yet.
Mrs. Upjohn: Dr. Hackenbush tells me I'm the only case in history. I have high blood pressure on my right side and low blood pressure on my left side.
Dr. Leopold X. Steinberg: There is no such thing. She looks as healthy as any woman I ever met.
Dr. Hackenbush: You don't look as though you've ever met a healthy woman.
Dr. Leopold X. Steinberg: There is no such thing. She looks as healthy as any woman I ever met.
Dr. Hackenbush: You don't look as though you've ever met a healthy woman.
Dr. Hackenbush: [examining Stuffy with an auriscope] I haven't seen anything like this in years. The last time I saw a head like that was in a bottle of formaldehyde.
Tony: Told you he was sick.
Dr. Hackenbush: [pointing to Stuffy's neck] That's all pure desecration along there. He's got about a 15% metabolism, with an overactive thyroid and a glandular affectation of about 3%.
Tony: That's bad.
Dr. Hackenbush: With a 1% mentality.
[Stuffy grins]
Dr. Hackenbush: He's what we designate as the crummy moronic type. All in all, this is the most gruesome looking piece of blubber I've ever peered at.
Tony: Hey doc. Hey doc!
Dr. Hackenbush: Huh?
Tony: You gotta the looking glass turned around, you're looking at yourself.
Tony: Told you he was sick.
Dr. Hackenbush: [pointing to Stuffy's neck] That's all pure desecration along there. He's got about a 15% metabolism, with an overactive thyroid and a glandular affectation of about 3%.
Tony: That's bad.
Dr. Hackenbush: With a 1% mentality.
[Stuffy grins]
Dr. Hackenbush: He's what we designate as the crummy moronic type. All in all, this is the most gruesome looking piece of blubber I've ever peered at.
Tony: Hey doc. Hey doc!
Dr. Hackenbush: Huh?
Tony: You gotta the looking glass turned around, you're looking at yourself.
Whitmore: [Speaking on the phone, believes he is talking to the Florida Medical Board, but, it is really Dr. Hackenbush, pretending to be Medical Board Records Department Manager, Colonel Hawkings] I want to know about Doctor Hackenbush.
[Hackenbush, in an adjacent office, buzzes the dictograph. Whitmore goes to answer it]
Whitmore: Yes?
Dr. Hackenbush: Whitmore, you'll have to cut out that squawking. The patients are all complaining.
[Talking on the phone in a Southern accent, pretending to be Colonel Hawkings]
Dr. Hackenbush: And, eh, I hope, sir, that's the information that you require.
Whitmore: I'm sorry, Colonel, I didn't hear it. I was called to the dictograph.
Dr. Hackenbush: [On the phone, pretending to be Colonel Hawkings] What was that you said, sir?
Whitmore: I was called to the dictograph!
[Hackenbush, in an adjacent office, buzzes the dictograph. Whitmore goes to answer it]
Whitmore: Yes?
Dr. Hackenbush: Whitmore, you'll have to cut out that squawking. The patients are all complaining.
[Talking on the phone in a Southern accent, pretending to be Colonel Hawkings]
Dr. Hackenbush: And, eh, I hope, sir, that's the information that you require.
Whitmore: I'm sorry, Colonel, I didn't hear it. I was called to the dictograph.
Dr. Hackenbush: [On the phone, pretending to be Colonel Hawkings] What was that you said, sir?
Whitmore: I was called to the dictograph!
Flo: Oh, eh, how about a little scotch?
Dr. Hackenbush: Why, I'd love it. Oh, eh, I'll ring for some.
Flo: Thank yo.
Dr. Hackenbush: Thank yo.
[Picks up the phone]
Dr. Hackenbush: Will you have the bellhop hop up with some hop scotch.
[Hangs up phone]
Dr. Hackenbush: I'll flip you to see who pays for it.
Flo: Oh-oh, Doctor.
Dr. Hackenbush: Why, I'd love it. Oh, eh, I'll ring for some.
Flo: Thank yo.
Dr. Hackenbush: Thank yo.
[Picks up the phone]
Dr. Hackenbush: Will you have the bellhop hop up with some hop scotch.
[Hangs up phone]
Dr. Hackenbush: I'll flip you to see who pays for it.
Flo: Oh-oh, Doctor.
Whitmore: [In walk Tony and Stuffy, disguised as Doctors] Dr. Hackenbush, tell me, who sent for these men?
Dr. Hackenbush: You don't have to send for them. You just rub a lamp and they appear.
Tony: My name is Steinberg.
[Goes to shake Dr. Steinberg's hand]
Dr. Hackenbush: Dr. Steinberg, by a strange coincidence, this is another Dr. Steinberg. May I take my great friend and introduce my colleagues and good friends, another Dr. Steinberg. This is a Dr. Steinberg, Dr. Steinberg. Dr. Steinberg. And a Mrs. Steinberg. And Doctor, I'd like you to meet another Dr. Steinberg. And, eh, that's a, that's a Steinberg junior.
Dr. Hackenbush: You don't have to send for them. You just rub a lamp and they appear.
Tony: My name is Steinberg.
[Goes to shake Dr. Steinberg's hand]
Dr. Hackenbush: Dr. Steinberg, by a strange coincidence, this is another Dr. Steinberg. May I take my great friend and introduce my colleagues and good friends, another Dr. Steinberg. This is a Dr. Steinberg, Dr. Steinberg. Dr. Steinberg. And a Mrs. Steinberg. And Doctor, I'd like you to meet another Dr. Steinberg. And, eh, that's a, that's a Steinberg junior.
Tony: Excuse, please. We're sure getting a lot of new customers since that Doctor Hac-ken-a-pus is coming.
Mrs. Upjohn: Did you say Hackenbush?
Tony: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Upjohn: I wonder if that could be the same one! Where's he come from?
Tony: Where's your Hac-ken-a-pus come from?
Mrs. Upjohn: Palmville, Florida.
Tony: That's the one!
Mrs. Upjohn: Did you say Hackenbush?
Tony: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Upjohn: I wonder if that could be the same one! Where's he come from?
Tony: Where's your Hac-ken-a-pus come from?
Mrs. Upjohn: Palmville, Florida.
Tony: That's the one!
Judy: I want to announce your association with the Sanitarium. We'll send your picture to all the papers.
Dr. Hackenbush: The Florida papers?
Judy: Yes. We want it for publicity.
Dr. Hackenbush: Publicity? Oh, we mustn't have any of that, Miss Standish. You know, the ethics of my profession.
Judy: But, we have to get new patients.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, after all, the old patients were good enough for your father.
Dr. Hackenbush: The Florida papers?
Judy: Yes. We want it for publicity.
Dr. Hackenbush: Publicity? Oh, we mustn't have any of that, Miss Standish. You know, the ethics of my profession.
Judy: But, we have to get new patients.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, after all, the old patients were good enough for your father.
[Stuffy is getting an examination]
Dr. Hackenbush: Say "ah!"
[Stuffy opens his mouth, but says nothing]
Dr. Hackenbush: Louder!
[Stuffy does the same thing]
Dr. Hackenbush: Louder!
[Stuffy does the same thing. Dr. Hackenbush starts to leave]
Tony: What are you doing?
Dr. Hackenbush: I'm going to get my ears checked. I'm deaf.
Tony: You're not deaf. It's just him.
Dr. Hackenbush: Say "ah!"
[Stuffy opens his mouth, but says nothing]
Dr. Hackenbush: Louder!
[Stuffy does the same thing]
Dr. Hackenbush: Louder!
[Stuffy does the same thing. Dr. Hackenbush starts to leave]
Tony: What are you doing?
Dr. Hackenbush: I'm going to get my ears checked. I'm deaf.
Tony: You're not deaf. It's just him.
Secretary: Doctor, may I have an OK on this, please?
Dr. Hackenbush: I'm too busy right now. I"ll tell you what, I'll put the O on now and come back later for the K.
Doctor: Doctor Hackenbush.
Dr. Hackenbush: A little later.
[to his nurse]
Dr. Hackenbush: Eh, get me the Turkish bath.
Nurse: Yes sir.
Dr. Hackenbush: I'm too busy right now. I"ll tell you what, I'll put the O on now and come back later for the K.
Doctor: Doctor Hackenbush.
Dr. Hackenbush: A little later.
[to his nurse]
Dr. Hackenbush: Eh, get me the Turkish bath.
Nurse: Yes sir.
Flo: Oh doctor. Thank you.
Dr. Hackenbush: Thank "yu". Do you like gardenias?
Flo: I adore them. How did you know?
Dr. Hackenbush: I didn't, so I got you forget-me-nots. One whiff of this and you'll forget everything.
[Hackenbush hands her a wilted sunflower. He seats her and pushes in her chair at the table]
Flo: Thank you.
Dr. Hackenbush: Thank "yu".
Flo: [handing him her wrap] Do you mind?
Dr. Hackenbush: Not at all. I always take the wrap.
Dr. Hackenbush: Thank "yu". Do you like gardenias?
Flo: I adore them. How did you know?
Dr. Hackenbush: I didn't, so I got you forget-me-nots. One whiff of this and you'll forget everything.
[Hackenbush hands her a wilted sunflower. He seats her and pushes in her chair at the table]
Flo: Thank you.
Dr. Hackenbush: Thank "yu".
Flo: [handing him her wrap] Do you mind?
Dr. Hackenbush: Not at all. I always take the wrap.
