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The cases of the BAU, an elite group of profilers who analyze the nation's most dangerous criminal minds in an effort to anticipate their next moves before they strike again.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: This is Special Agent Dr. Reid. Man: Oh, you look too young to have gone to medical school. Dr. Spencer Reid: They are Ph.D.'s, three of them. Man: What, are you a genius or something? Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute. [pause] Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, I'm a genius.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: So tell me, what does keep young Dr. Reid awake at night? Wait, let me guess. Memorizing some obscure textbook? No, no, no. Working on cold fusion? No, I got it, I got it, I got it. Watching Star Trek and laughing at all the physics mistakes? Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, there aren't that many scientific errors in Star Trek, especially considering how long ago it was made. There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors. Special Agent Derek Morgan: Right.
Penelope Garcia: You've got a problem. Deadbolt's the number one password crack-resistant software out there. You're gonna have to get inside this guy's head to get the password. Derek Morgan: I thought I was calling the office of Supreme Genius. Penelope Garcia: Well, gorgeous, you've been re-routed to the office of Too Frickin' Bad.
Garcia: [Aaron's brother Sean emerges angrily from Aaron's office. Garcia, Elle, and J.J. are watching] That's him. Elle Greenway: THAT'S Aaron Hotch's brother? Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Sorry, I just don't see it. Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [Aaron appears at the door of his office] Sean, all I'm saying is, you're 25 years old. It's normal for people in your position to seek alternatives... Sean Hotchner: You know what? DON'T profile me Aaron! Sean Hotchner: [Sean continues to storm away] Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Now, I can see it...
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: How's it having Gideon around? Penelope Garcia: You can have him back whenever you would like.
Penelope Garcia: Rainmaker, how wet do you want it?
Jason Gideon: [Hotch is commenting about Garcia to Gideon] Garcia? Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Penelope...? The tech with the glasses...? Jason Gideon: The room... the one with all the screens? [Hotch nods] Jason Gideon: I like her. She's great.
Special Agent Jason Gideon: Confucius once said, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
Penelope Garcia: All hail the goddess of information.
Penelope Garcia: [answering call] Oracle of Quantico - speak if you deign to hear truth!
Penelope Garcia: [answering call] Fount of all Knowledge, check my flow!
Penelope Garcia: [answering call] Office of Unfettered Omniscience - how may I help you, O fortunate one?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Wheels up in 30.
Cheryl Davenport: This job... how do you stomach it? Elle Greenway: The people I go after are cowards. They often prey upon the weaker members of society, such as women and children. There is nothing I would rather do than put the bastards away.
Michael Russo: Look, I don't speak smartass.
Elle Greenway: [Morgan walks in, startles Elle] Dude! Derek Morgan: Dude? You're *way* too tense.