Gilligan's Island

Gilligan's Island Quotes

Seven men and women are stranded on an uncharted island following a torrential storm.

Gilligan: Hiya, Professor. What are you doing?
Professor Roy Hinkley: I'm making notes for a book. It's to be a chronicle of our adventures on the island... I think it's a book people will want to buy, don't you?
Gilligan: Sure, I'll buy one. I'm dying to find out what happens to us.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: You don't know anything about space.
Gilligan: I do know one thing. You take up more of it than I do.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Ginger, I've got a problem... I've got a real problem... Now you're a girl, right?
Ginger Grant: Well, if you're not sure about that, you have got a problem!
[the castaways have set up a courtroom and are conducting a trial]
Thurston Howell III: Your Honor, will you get another gavel?
Professor Roy Hinkley: Why?
Thurston Howell III: That one's squirting milk all over me.
[Later in the same courtroom sequence]
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Ginger's very damaging to us.
Gilligan: Yeah, her testimony.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: No, her legs.
[And finally... ]
Thurston Howell III: I'd like to charge Mary Ann with murder.
Professor Roy Hinkley: Murder?
Thurston Howell III: Her testimony's killing me.
Gilligan: What was that stuff you just gave me?
Eunice Wentworth "Lovey" Howell: That will help you sleep, it's a sedative.
Gilligan: Thanks, Mrs. Howell, but you're wasting your time. Those things don't work on me. I remember once...
[falls asleep]
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Gilligan, little buddy, come with me.
Gilligan: I'm not finished yet.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Gilligan, come with me!
Gilligan: I'm finished.
Professor Roy Hinkley: I'll get Mr. Howell and we'll reconnoiter.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: All right, we'll get Mr. Howell and we'll reconnoiter. Come on.
Gilligan: Okay, but I think we ought to scout around a bit first.
Thurston Howell III: [pretending he's a Chief Headhunter] Moolah, moolah, moolah.
Professor Roy Hinkley: Well, that glue is permanent! There's nothing on the island to dissolve it. Why do you know what it would take? It would take a polyester derivative of an organic hydroxide molecule.
Thurston Howell III: Watch your language! You're in the presence of a lady!
Gilligan: Skipper, should I pick the yellow bananas or the red bananas, because the yellow bananas are green.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Then pick the red ones.
Gilligan: But the red ones are pink.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Gilligan, I don't care if you pick red-white-and-blue bananas, just pick some bananas!
Gilligan: Okay, Skipper... Blue bananas?
Professor Roy Hinkley: Listen, Gilligan, how far down was she? How many feet?
Gilligan: Professor, in navy circles, we don't say "feet". We say "fathoms".
Professor Roy Hinkley: All right, how many fathoms?
Gilligan: Oh I don't know, about 15 feet.
Gilligan: You're a big man with a big head and...
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Gilligan!
Gilligan: And a big heart.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Oh, thank you.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: [upon finding a robot] Oh for goodness' sakes, that's just what we needed. The tin fugitive from the Wizard of Oz.
Thurston Howell III: What is this slop?
Skipper Jonas Grumby: It's Gilligan's own creation, Mr. Howell, It's coconut pot pie.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: If I were ever seen talking to this refugee from a junkyard, they'd think the skipper lost all his marbles.
Robot: The skipper lost his marbles.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: I guess it will be a long time before you'll eat another mushroom.
Mary Ann Summers: You can say that again.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: I guess it will be a long time...
[laughs]
Gilligan: Don't worry about mushrooms anymore, I got a book that tells all about them.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: You do?
Gilligan: Huh huh. Yeah, and it's called, "'How to Tell A Mushroom From a Toadstool'" by the late Dr. Morton Kepstone.
Skipper Jonas Grumby, Mary Ann Summers: Late?
Gilligan: Late?
Eunice Wentworth "Lovey" Howell: Anyone who says money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop.
Gilligan: [Repeated line] Heh. Seeya later.
[repeated line]
Gilligan: Sorry, Skipper.
[repeated line]
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Oh, Gilligan, not again!
[repeated line]
Gilligan: Gee whiz, Professor!
Gilligan: Do those headhunters really collect heads, Professor?
Professor Roy Hinkley: Yes, Gilligan. They boil them... they shrink them... and then they mount them on sticks.
Gilligan: Eeeeeeew, what a crazy cane!
Thurston Howell III: The 'Wizard of Wall Street' strikes again!
Thurston Howell III: You goofed, didn't you?
Robot: I am not programmed for that information.
Thurston Howell III: I wonder what next year's models are gonna look like.
Robot: I am not...
Thurston Howell III: Oh shut up!
Gilligan: Skipper, are you asleep?
Skipper Jonas Grumby: [sarcastically] Yes.
Gilligan: Oh, well when you wake up will you tell me if you've seen my rabbit's foot?

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