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Henry Hill and his friends work their way up through the mob hierarchy.
Henry Hill: You're a pistol, you're really funny. You're really funny. Tommy DeVito: What do you mean I'm funny? Henry Hill: It's funny, you know. It's a good story, it's funny, you're a funny guy. [laughs] Tommy DeVito: What do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What? Henry Hill: It's just, you know. You're just funny, it's... funny, the way you tell the story and everything. Tommy DeVito: [it becomes quiet] Funny how? What's funny about it? Anthony Stabile: Tommy no, You got it all wrong. Tommy DeVito: Oh, oh, Anthony. He's a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Funny how? Henry Hill: Jus... Tommy DeVito: What? Henry Hill: Just... ya know... you're funny. Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? Henry Hill: Just... you know, how you tell the story, what? Tommy DeVito: No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny! Henry Hill: [long pause] Get the fuck out of here, Tommy! Tommy DeVito: [everyone laughs] Ya motherfucker! I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering prick ya. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.
Henry Hill: [narrating] For as long as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster. To me that was better than being president of the United States. To be a gangster was to own the world.
Henry Hill: Jimmy was the kind of guy that rooted for bad guys in the movies.
Tommy DeVito: No more shines, Billy. Billy Batts: What? Tommy DeVito: I said, no more shines. Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away a long time. They didn't go up there and tell you. I don't shine shoes anymore. Billy Batts: Relax, will ya? Ya flip right out, what's got into you? I'm breaking your balls a little bit, that's all. I'm only kidding with ya... Tommy DeVito: Sometimes you don't sound like you're kidding, you know, there's a lotta people around... Billy Batts: I'm only kidding with you, we're having a party, I just came home and I haven't seen you in a long time and I'm breaking your balls, and you're getting fucking fresh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Tommy DeVito: I'm sorry too. It's okay. No problem. Billy Batts: Okay, salud. Billy Batts: [takes a drink] Now go home and get your fuckin' shinebox. Tommy DeVito: Mother fuckin' mutt! You, you fucking piece of shit! Billy Batts: [taunting] Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, come on, come on! Tommy DeVito: Motherfucking... He bought his fucking button! That fake old tough guy! You bought your fucking button! Tommy DeVito: You mother fuck... Fuck! Keep that motherfucker here, keep him here! [leaves]
Henry Hill: You know, we always called each other good fellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody, :You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a good fella. He's one of us.: You understand? We were good fellas. Wiseguys. But Jimmy and I could never be made because we had Irish blood. It didn't even matter that my mother was Sicilian. To become a member of a crew you've got to be one hundred per cent Italian so they can trace all your relatives back to the old country. See, it's the highest honor they can give you. It means you belong to a family and crew. It means that nobody can fuck around with you. It also means you could fuck around with anybody just as long as they aren't also a member. It's like a license to steal. It's a license to do anything. As far as Jimmy was concerned with Tommy being made, it was like we were all being made. We would now have one of our own as a member.
Henry Hill: [narrating] Paulie may have moved slow, but it was only because Paulie didn't have to move for anybody.
[last lines] Henry Hill: [narrating] Anything I wanted was a phone call away. Free cars. The keys to a dozen hideout flats all over the city. I bet twenty, thirty grand over a weekend and then I'd either blow the winnings in a week or go to the sharks to pay back the bookies. [Henry leaves the witness stand and speaks directly to the camera] Henry Hill: Didn't matter. It didn't mean anything. When I was broke, I'd go out and rob some more. We ran everything. We paid off cops. We paid off lawyers. We paid off judges. Everybody had their hands out. Everything was for the taking. And now it's all over. [narrating] Henry Hill: And that's the hardest part. Today everything is different; there's no action... have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food - right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce, and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I'm an average nobody... get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.
Henry Hill: [narrating] As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.
Jimmy Conway: I'm not mad, I'm proud of you. You took your first pinch like a man and you learn two great things in your life. Look at me, never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut.
Jimmy Conway: What's the fuckin' matter with you? What - what is the fuckin' matter with you? What are you, stupid or what? Tommy, Tommy, I'm kidding with you. What the fuck are you doin'? What are you, a fuckin' sick maniac? Tommy DeVito: How am I meant to know you're kidding? What you mean, you're kidding? You breaking my fuckin' balls? Jimmy Conway: I'm fuckin' kidding with you! You fuckin' shoot the guy? Henry Hill: He's dead. Tommy DeVito: Good shot. What do you want from me? Good shot. Fuckin' rat anyway. His family's all rats. He'll grow up to be a rat. Jimmy Conway: You stupid bastard, I can't fuckin' believe you. Now, you're gonna dig the fuckin' thing now. You're gonna dig the hole. You're gonna do it. I got no fuckin' lime. You're gonna do it. Tommy DeVito: Who the fuck cares? I'll dig the fuckin' hole. I don't give a fuck. What is it, the first hole I dug? Not the first time I dug a hole. I'll fuckin' dig a hole. Where are the shovels?
Tommy DeVito: Sure, mom, I settle down with a nice girl every night, then I'm free the next morning.
Henry Hill: [narrating] Now the guy's got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the bill? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with the cops, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie. But now the guy's gotta come up with Paulie's money every week, no matter what. Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. Place got hit by lightning, huh? Fuck you, pay me.
Henry Hill: [Henry has just been busted for dealing drugs] For a second I thought I was dead. But, when I heard all the noise, I knew they were cops. Only cops talk that way. If they'd been wiseguys, I wouldn't have heard a thing. I would've been dead.
Stacks Edwards: What time is it? Tommy DeVito: It's eleven thirty, we're supposed to be there by nine. Stacks Edwards: Be ready in a minute. Tommy DeVito: Yeah, you were always fuckin' late, you were late for your own fuckin' funeral. [shoots him]
Henry Hill: [narrating] One day some of the kids from the neighborhood carried my mother's groceries all the way home. You know why? It was outta respect.
Karen: I know there are women, like my best friends, who would have gotten out of there the minute their boyfriend gave them a gun to hide. But I didn't. I got to admit the truth. It turned me on.
Tommy DeVito: [after killing Morrie] I thought he'd never shut the fuck up.
Henry Hill: I swear to my fucking mother, if you touch her again, YOU'RE DEAD.
Henry Hill: If you're part of a crew, nobody ever tells you that they're going to kill you, doesn't happen that way. There weren't any arguments or curses like in the movies. See, your murderers come with smiles, they come as your friends, the people who've cared for you all of your life. And they always seem to come at a time that you're at your weakest and most in need of their help.
Tommy DeVito: You know Spider, you're a fuckin' mumbling stuttering little fuck. You know that?
Spider: [hesitating] Why don't you go fuck yourself, Tommy? Jimmy Conway: [stunned silence] Whoa! Can't believe what I just heard. Hey Spider, here. This is for you. [tosses money on the table] Jimmy Conway: Attaboy! I got respect for this kid. He's got a lot of fucking balls. Good for you! Don't take no shit off nobody.
Henry Hill: All they got from Paulie was protection from other guys looking to rip them off. That's what it's all about. That's what the FBI can never understand - that what Paulie and the organization offer is protection for the kinds of guys who can't go to the cops. They're like the police department for wiseguys.
Billy Batts: Go home and get your fucking shine box.
Tommy DeVito: [sitting in car with Henry] The only thing is she won't go out with me alone, you know. Henry Hill: No. Tommy DeVito: No what? Henry Hill: No. Tommy DeVito: No what, Henry? Who the fuck asked you anything? I didn't even ask you anything, at least hear what I have to say. Henry Hill: Alright, what? Tommy DeVito: Okay what. She don't want to go out with Italianns alone. She's prejudiced against Italians. Do you believe that? In this day and age? What the fuck is the world coming to? I can't believe this, prejudiced against Ital - a Jew broad - prejudiced against Italians. Anyway, she won't go out with me alone unless her girlfriend comes with her so I figured you could come along and go out with her girlfriend. Henry Hill: See? I knew it - I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Tommy DeVito: You knew what, Henry? See? What? What the fuck is wrong with that? Henry Hill: When is this? Tommy DeVito: Tomorrow night. Henry Hill: I can't tomorrow night, I gotta meet Tuddy. Tommy DeVito: You could meet Tuddy. You could fucking come early and then still go. Henry Hill: Tommy, Tommy. Why do you always do this to me? Tommy DeVito: Don't give me that fucking Tommy shit. What the fuck I asked you for, Henry? I asked you for a favor. I do a lot of fucking favors for you, don't I? I'm trying to bang this fucking broad, you wanna help me out! [view switches to outside of car with view of restaurant, smoke billows from restaurant windows] Tommy DeVito: It's like... uh... ah... Henry Hill: What? Tommy DeVito: I don't understand you! She's fucking beautiful. Her fucking family, they live in the Five Towns there. You know these Jew broads got a lot of money. Maybe the family owns the whole fucking block and you happen to end up with a big fucking score, mother fucker. Henry Hill: [turning to look at the restaurant] Oh fuck! Tommy DeVito: What? Henry Hill: See? With your fucking mouth! [car speeds away]
Henry Hill: [narrating] And then there was Jimmy Two Times, who got that nickname because he said everything twice, like: Jimmy Two Times: I'm gonna go get the papers, get the papers.
Tommy DeVito: We hit the deer and his paw... What do you call it? The paw. Jimmy Conway: [Speaking through a mouth full of pasta] The hoof. Tommy DeVito: It got caught in the grill. I got to hack it off.
Tommy DeVito: Oh, I like this one... One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way, and this guy's sayin', "Whadda ya want from me?' Guy's got a nice head of white hair, it's beautiful. Jimmy Conway: Looks like someone we know. Tommy DeVito: Oh, my... no, without the beard? Oh, shhhhhh...! [laughs]
Jimmy Conway: [after kicking Batts to near death] Look what this fucking mutt did to my shoes
Henry Hill: For us to live any other way was nuts. Uh, to us, those goody-good people who worked shitty jobs for bum paychecks and took the subway to work every day, and worried about their bills, were dead. I mean they were suckers. They had no balls. If we wanted something we just took it. If anyone complained twice they got hit so bad, believe me, they never complained again
Henry Hill: [narrating] I felt he used too many onions, but it was still a very good sauce. Paul Cicero: Vinnie, don't put too many onions in the sauce. Vinnie: I didn't put too much onions, uh, Paul. Three small onions. That's all I did. Johnny Dio: Three onions? How many cans of tomatoes you put in there? Vinnie: I put two cans, two big cans. Johnny Dio: You don't need three onions.
Karen: What do you do? Henry Hill: I'm in construction. Karen: [She feels the softness of his hands] They don't feel like you're in construction. Henry Hill: Ah, I'm a union delegate.
Henry Hill: Now take me to jail.
Jimmy Conway: [Frenchy is describing a large shipment of cash at Idlewild Airport to Jimmy and Henry] What about the security? Frenchy: Security? You're looking at it.
Henry Hill: [narrating] Whenever we needed money, we'd rob the airport. To us, it was better than Citibank.
Jimmy Conway: Yeah. Vinnie: Yeah. Jimmy Conway: Who's this? Vinnie: This is Vinnie. Jimmy Conway: Vinnie, what happened? Vinnie: Well we-... Jimmy Conway: You get it straightened out? Vinnie: No, we had a problem... and uh, we tried to do everything we could. Jimmy Conway: What d'you mean? Vinnie: Well, you what I mean. He's gone, and we couldn't do nothing about it. [pause] Vinnie: That's it. Jimmy Conway: What d'you mean? What d'you mean? Uh... Vinnie: He's gone. Uh, he's gone. [pause] Vinnie: And that's it. Jimmy Conway: [smashing telephone] Fuck. Can't fuckin' believe that, can't fuckin'... Jimmy Conway: [crying] Fuck it, fuck... the fuck... [Henry exits diner] Henry Hill: What happened? Jimmy Conway: They whacked him. They fuckin' whacked him. Henry Hill: Aw, fuck. [Jimmy kicks phone booth] Jimmy Conway: Motherfucker! [pushes over phone booth] Jimmy Conway: [cries]
Jimmy Conway: [after Spider tells Tommy to "go fuck yourself"] I can't believe what I just hear. [he throws some money on the table] Jimmy Conway: Here, Spider, this is for you. I got respect for this kid. He's got alot of fucking balls. Good for you, don't take no shit of nobody. He shoots him in the foot he tells him to go fuck himself. [to Tommy, joking] Jimmy Conway: Tommy, you gonna let him get away with that? You gonna let this fucking punk get away with that? What's the matter? What's the world coming to? [Tommy pulls out a gun and shoots Spider in the chest]
Tommy DeVito: In this day and age, what the fuck is this world coming to? I can't believe this, prejudice against - a Jew broad - prejudice against Italians.
Pete the Killer: [points] By the way, I took care of that thing for ya
Henry Hill: [narrating] It was revenge for Billy Batts, and a lot of other things. And there was nothing that we could do about it. Batts was a made man, and Tommy wasn't. And we had to sit still and take it. It was among the Italians. It was real greaseball shit. They even shot Tommy in the face so his mother couldn't give him an open coffin at the funeral.
Henry Hill: [after Karen points gun at him while hes sleeping] I got enough to worry about getting whacked on the street! I gotta come home for this! I should fucking kill you!
Henry Hill: [narrating] And when the cops, when they assigned a whole army to stop Jimmy, what'd he do? He made 'em partners.
Henry Hill: [narrating] Jimmy had never asked me to do a hit before, and now he's asking me to go down to Florida with Andy to make a hit. [Jimmy gives him a pack of matches with a number] Henry Hill: [narrating] That's when I knew I would never have come back from Florida alive.
Henry Hill: [narrating; Paul is slicing the garlic with a razor] In prison, dinner was always a big thing. We had a pasta course and then we had a meat or fish. Paulie did the prep work. He was doing a year for contempt, and he had this wonderful system for doing the garlic. He used a razor, and he used to slice it so thin that he used to liquefy in the pan with just a little oil. It was a very good system.
Tommy DeVito: [Tommy mocks at Spider] Oklahoma kid. That's me. I'm the Oklahoma kid. You fuckin' varmint! Dance. Dance. YAHOO, YA MOTHERFUCKER! [shoots Spider in the foot]
[first lines] Henry Hill: The fuck is that?
Billy Batts: Give us a drink. And give some to those Irish hoodlums down there. Jimmy Conway: There's only one Irishman in here. Billy Batts: On the house. Salud. Jimmy Conway: Top of the mornin'.
Jimmy Conway: [Knocks on the car window of two cops following him. They cops have fallen asleep] Come on fuckos, let's go for a ride.
Karen: [buzzing over and over on her husband's girlfriend's intercom] This is Karen Hill, I want to talk to you. Hello? Don't hang up on me. I want to talk to you. You keep away from my husband, you understand me? Hello? ANSWER ME. I'm going to tell everybody that walks in this building that in 2R, Rossi, you're nothing but a whore. [gets on phone] Karen: Is this the superintendent?... Yes, sir, I would like you to know that you have a whore living in 2R. Rossi, Janice Rossi... He's MY husband. Get your own goddamn man.
Karen: [after Henry has stood her up on what was to be their second date] You got some nerve standing me up like that last night! Nobody does that to me! Who the Hell do you think you are? Frankie Valli or some kinda bigshot?
Tommy DeVito: I gotta wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.
Paul Cicero: I don't want any more of that shit. Henry Hill: What shit? What are you talking about? Paul Cicero: Just stay away from the garbage, you know what I mean. Henry Hill: Look, Paulie? Paul Cicero: I'm not talking about what you did inside, you did what you had to do, I'm talking about now, from now, here and now. Henry Hill: Paulie, why would I want to get into that... Paul Cicero: Don't make a jerk out of me, just don't do it... just don't do it. Now I want to talk to you about Jimmy, you have to watch out for him. He's a good earner but he's wild, takes too many chances. Henry Hill: Yeah I know that, I know Jimmy, you think I would take chances like Jimmy? Paul Cicero: And Tommy he's a good kid too. But he's crazy, he's a cowboy, he's got too much to prove. You gotta watch out for kids like this. Henry Hill: Yeah I know what they are, I only use them for certain things, believe me you don't have to worry. Paul Cicero: Listen, I aint gonna get fucked like Gribbs, understand. Gribbs is 70 years old and the fuckin guy's gonna die in prison, I don't need that. So I'm warning everybody, EVERYBODY. It could be my son, it could be anybody. Gribbs got 20 years just for saying hello to some fuck who was sneaking behind his back selling junk, I don't need that, aint gonna happen to me, you understand. Henry Hill: Uh huh. Paul Cicero: You know that you're only out early because I got you a job. I don't need this heat, understand that. Henry Hill: Uh huh. Paul Cicero: And you see anybody fucking around with this shit you're going to tell me right. Henry Hill: Yeah. Paul Cicero: [slaps him] That means anybody! Henry Hill: All right. Paul Cicero: Yeah? Henry Hill: Yeah, of course.
Tommy DeVito: All right so he got shot in the foot, what is it a big fuckin' deal?
Tommy DeVito: Just don't go busting my balls, Billy, okay? Billy Batts: Hey, Tommy, if I was gonna break your balls, I'd tell you to go home and get your shine box. [to his friends] Billy Batts: Now this kid, this kid was great. They, they used to call him Spitshine Tommy.
Tommy DeVito: Hey, Spider, that fuckin' bandage on your foot is bigger than your fuckin' head.
Tommy DeVito: What the fuck you looking at? Come on. Make that coffee to go. Let's go. [Frankie mumbles something and goes to the door with the coffee pot in his hand] Tommy DeVito: What the fuck are you doing? It's a joke! A joke! Put the fucking pot down!
Henry Hill: [narrating] When they found Carbone in the meat truck, he was frozen so stiff it took them three days to thaw him out for the autopsy.
Henry Hill: Killing's got to be accepted. Murder was the only way that everybody stayed in line. You got out of line, you got whacked. Everybody knew the rules.
Karen: [narrating] After awhile, it got to be all normal. None of it seemed like crime. It was more like Henry was enterprising, and that he and the guys were making a few bucks hustling, while all the other guys were sitting on their asses, waiting for handouts. Our husbands weren't brain surgeons, they were blue-collar guys. The only way they could make extra money, real extra money, was to go out and cut a few corners. [Cuts to Henry and Tommy hijacking a truck]
Tommy DeVito: [Henry, Jimmy and Tommy are digging up Billy Batts' decomposed corpse. Henry is coughing from the stench, while the others don't appear to be bothered] Hey, Henry, Henry, hurry up, will ya? My mother's gonna make some fried peppers and sausage for us. [Jimmy and Tommy laugh while Henry coughs] Jimmy Conway: Oh, hey, Henry, Henry! Here's an arm! Henry Hill: Very funny, guys. Jimmy Conway: Here's a leg! Tommy DeVito: Here's a wing! [laughs] Tommy DeVito: Hey, what do you like, the leg or the wing, Henry? Or ya still go for the old hearts and lungs? Henry Hill: [Vomiting] Oh, that's so bad!
Tommy DeVito: [about Morrie's corpse] Hey Frank, let's chop him up. Frankie Carbone: All right. [starts to get out of the car] Tommy DeVito: Where you going? Where you going, you dizzy motherfucker, you? Frankie Carbone: To chop him up. Tommy DeVito: At Charlie's, not here! [Carbone mumbles to himself in Italian] Tommy DeVito: Come on, what are you doing? Let's get the fuck outta here. I oughta let him [Morrie's corpse] Tommy DeVito: fucking drive. What are you waiting for? Frankie Carbone: The car's cold. Tommy DeVito: Get the fuck outta here! What fucking warm enough? Get outta here!
Tommy DeVito: [Infuriated at Spider and speaking to the other card players] Hey, what's that movie that Bogart made? Anthony Stabile: Which one? Tommy DeVito: The one where he played a cowboy. He only did one. Anthony Stabile: Oh... ah... The Oklahoma Kid. Jimmy Conway: Shane? Tommy DeVito: Oklahoma Kid! Tommy DeVito: [to Jimmy] Shane... [They all laugh]
Karen: One night, Bobby Vinton sent us champagne. There was nothing like it. I didn't think there was anything strange in any of this. You know, a twenty-one-year-old kid with such connections. He was an exciting guy. He was really nice. He introduced me to everybody. Everybody wanted to be nice to him. And he knew how to handle it.
Henry Hill: [narrating] By the time I grew up, there was thirty billion a year in cargo moving through Idlewild Airport and believe me, we tried to steal every bit of it.
Morrie: Henry, you're a good kid, I've been good to you, you've been good to me. But there's something really unreasonable going on here. Jimmy's being an unconsionable ball-breaker. I never agreed to 3 points on top of the vig! Am I something special? Some sort of schmuck on wheels? Henry Hill: Morrie, please! You borrowed Jimmy's money, pay him. Morrie: I never agreed to 3 points on top of the vig! What am I, fuckin nuts? Come on! Henry Hill: Are you gonna argue with Jimmy Conway? Just give him his money so we can get the fuck outta here! Morrie: Hey! Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em in the ear! What are you talking about? Fuck 'em in the other ear, that son of a bitch! Did I ever bust his balls? Did I? Did I? I could've jumped the dime a million times, and I wouldn't have to pay tip! Henry Hill: Come on, Morrie, you're talking crazy, stop it! Jimmy Conway: [Grabs telephone cord and chokes Morrie with it, then his wig falls off and Henry starts laughing] You got money for that fuckin commercial. Fuckin' commercial, you don't got my money, you don't got my fuckin money, huh? Henry Hill: Jimmy, he'll pay, he'll pay. Jimmy Conway: I'll fuckin kill you, get the money, you fuckin' cocksucker, you hear me? [Phone rings] Jimmy Conway: Pay me my money. Morrie: Hello? Who's this? He's here. [Gives phone to Henry] Henry Hill: Jimmy, I'm sorry. Jimmy Conway: Yeah? You should be sorry. Don't fuckin do it again and give me the money. Give me the fuckin money, You hear me? You hear me, I gotta come here and you bust my balls? Give me the fuckin money. Morrie: OK, OK, OK. I'll pay you kid.
Tommy DeVito: He said, "No, you're gonna tell me something today, tough guy." I said, "All right, I'll tell you something: go fuck your mother."
Henry Hill: [With the suitcase open on the desk, Henry counts out stacks of cash] Thirty-five, forty, forty-five, fifty, sixty thousand. Jimmy Conway: It's gonna be a good summer.
Tommy DeVito: What the fuck are you doing? You're hanging around my fuckin' neck like a vulture, like impending danger.
Henry Hill: [narrating] Thirty-two hundred dollars he gave me. Thirty-two hundred dollars for a lifetime. It wasn't even enough to pay for the coffin.
Morrie: [on Morrie's wig commercial] Don't buy wigs that come off at the wrong time.
Johnny Dio: How do you like your steak? Paul Cicero: Medium rare. Johnny Dio: Huh. An aristocrat.
Jimmy Conway: [Tommy has shot Spider] I'm fucking kidding with you; you fucking shoot the guy? Henry Hill: He's dead. Tommy DeVito: I'm a good shot, what do you want from me? I'm a good shot. Anthony Stabile: How could you miss at this distance?
Paul Cicero: You know anything about this fucking restaurant business? Sonny Bunz: [Talking to Henry] He knows everything about it. I mean he's in the joint 24 hours a day. I mean another fucking few minutes he could be a stool that's how often he's in there.
Morrie: What am I? A schmuck on wheels?
Karen: Please stop feeding the dog from the table... from the plate on top of it.
Tommy DeVito: What am I, a mirage?
Tommy DeVito: You dizzy motherfucker, you!
Truck Driver: [Henry and Tommy just boosted a rig] Hey, you got a phone? Two niggers just stole my truck. You believe that shit, huh? You fuckin' believe that?
Paul Cicero: Tommy's a bad seed. What am I supposed to do? Shoot him? Copa Captain: That wouldn't' be a bad idea.
Billy Batts: [under his breath after Tommy leaves the bar] I'll fuck him in his ass. I fucked kids like him in the can in the ass. Fuckin' trying to break up my party.
Police Detective: [to Henry] Talk to me, when was the last time you took a collar? Hey fuckhead, I'm talking to you. You don't wanna say a fucking word to me, you don't have to. I don't really give a fuck. Twenty five years, pal, that's what you're looking at.
Sonny Bunz: But I'm worried, I mean, I'm hearin' all kinds a fuckin' bad things. I mean he's treating me like I'm a fuckin' half-a-fag or somethin'. I'm gonna wind up a lammist, I gotta go on the fuckin' lam in order to get away from this guy? This ain't right, Paulie.
Stacks Edwards: This drink is better than sex, baby.
Jimmy Conway: [referring to Henry and Karen] She'll never divorce him. She'll kill him but she won't divorce him.
Tommy DeVito: I didn't want to get blood on your floor.
Tuddy Cicero: [as Paulie is being arrested] Why don't you boys go down to Wall Street and find some real crooks? Whoever sold you those suits had a wonderful sense of humor.
Tommy DeVito: Kidding? How am I meant to know you're kidding? You're breaking my fucking balls.
Tommy DeVito: What do you want to tell me now, tough guy? I said, "Bing, what are you doing here? I thought I told you to go fuck your mother!" [group laughs] Tommy DeVito: I thought he was gonna shit!
Jimmy Conway: Watch this. Henry Hill: Ah, don't fuck with them. Jimmy Conway: I do it all the time. Bust their fucking balls. Henry Hill: Don't give'em the satisfaction, the fucks. Jimmy Conway: [taps on car window of two cops following him, who had fallen asleep] Come on, fuckos, let's go for a ride. [he and Henry laugh] Jimmy Conway: Keep'em up all night.
Tommy's Mother: Has Tommy ever told you about my painting?
Henry Hill: I only bought the damn guns because he wanted them and now he didn't want them. Jimmy Conway: What the fuck are these? None of them fit. What's the matter with you? What, do you want me to pay for this shit? I'm not paying for it! Henry Hill: I didn't say a thing. He was so pissed off, he didn't even say goodbye. Jimmy Conway: Stop with those fucking drugs. They're making your mind into mush. You hear me? Take'em back!
Police Detective: [to Henry] Hey, your pals are here. You don't want to talk to me, you're gonna have a fucking problem all night 'cause I'll be on you like shit. New York State. Twenty five fucking years, pal. [the detectives bring in the utensils Henry used to make coke] Police Detective: What, were you guys grocery shopping? What, are we going to make a cake? Gonna make a fucking cake? Got anything good in there or what? [a detective tastes the residue in a pan] Police Detective: Is it good? [detective nods; to Henry] Police Detective: Ha ha ha ha. Bye bye, dickhead. Ha ha ha. See you in Attica, dick.
Tommy DeVito: [has just killed the talkative Morrie] I thought he'd never shut the *fuck* up. Jimmy Conway: Yeah. Pain in the ass.
Henry Hill: So what does she do after she hangs up with me? after everything I told her? After all her yeah yeah yeah bullshit? She picks up the phone and calls from the house, now if anbody was listening they'd know everything, they knew a package was leaving from my house they'd even have the time and flight number thanks to her.
Tommy DeVito: [Tommy holds up a gun at the truck driver he's hijacking] Where's the strong box you fuckin' varmint, you?
Frankie Carbone: I could never hit that number [unintelligible] Tommy DeVito: Frankie, Frankie, Frankie. What the fuck does 528 have to do with 460? I can't believe this guy. Fuckin' 528 ain't even close to 460. Now what the fuck does that got to do with anything? Frankie Carbone: Eh, I been playin' that numba for three years
Karen: [Referring to the other wives] They all had bad skin and wore too much make up they didn't look very good they look beat up the stuff they wore were thrown together and cheap a lot of pantsuits and double knits they talked about beating their kids with broom handles and leather belts and that their kids still didn't pay any attention when Henry picked me up I was dizzy Karen: [Referring to FBI] There were always a little harassment they always wanted to talk to Henry about this or that they'd come in with their subpoenas and warrants and make me sign but mostly they were looking for hand out a few bucks to keep things quiet no matter what they found I always asked them if they wanted coffee some of the wives like Mickey Conway's wife used to curse at them and spit on the floor that never made any sense to me it was better to be polite and call the lawyer.
Frankie Carbone: [Morrie jokes at the table] Morrie, stop breaking my balls, all right?
Tommy DeVito: What, do you got me on a fuckin' pay-no-mind list kid?
Billy Batts: Hey Jimmy! What's right is right. You understand what I'm talking about? Jimmy Conway: It's all right. It's all right. Billy Batts: No. The kid's over here. We're hugging and kissing over here. And two minutes later, he's acting like a fucking jerk. Jimmy Conway: No, no, no, no, no. You insulted him a little bit. You got a little bit out of order yourself. Billy Batts: No I didn't insult him. I didn't insult him. Jimmy Conway: I'm sorry. You insulted him a little bit. Billy Batts: No, I didn't insult nobody. Give us a drink. Give us a drink.
Henry Hill: [Narrating] These are the guys Jimmy put together for what turned out to be the biggest heist in American history: the Lufthansa heist, Tommy and Carbone were going to grab the outside guard and make him get us in the front door, Frenchy and Joe Buddha had to round up the workers, Johnny Roastbeef had to keep them all tied up and away from the alarm, even Stacks Edwards got in on it, he was supposed to do was steal the panel truck and afterwards compact it with a friend of ours in New Jersey, only Morrie was driving us nuts, just because he set this up, he felt he could bust Jimmy's balls for an advance on the money we were going to steal he didn't mean anything by it, it was just the way he was
Henry Hill: [narrating] Jimmy had never asked me to whack somebody before - but now he's asking me to go down to Florida and do a hit with Anthony? That's when I knew I would never have come back from Florida alive.