Love and Death Quotes
In czarist Russia, a neurotic soldier and his distant cousin formulate a plot to assassinate Napoleon.
Sonja: To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.
[last lines]
Boris: The question is: have I learned anything about life? Only that... only that human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there IS a God, I don't think that He's evil. I think that the worst you can say about Him is that, basically, He's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death. I mean, if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean. The key here, I think, is to... to not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses. Regarding love, heh, you know, what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that count. It's the quality. On the other hand, if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Well, that's about it for me folks. Goodbye.
Boris: The question is: have I learned anything about life? Only that... only that human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there IS a God, I don't think that He's evil. I think that the worst you can say about Him is that, basically, He's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death. I mean, if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean. The key here, I think, is to... to not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses. Regarding love, heh, you know, what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that count. It's the quality. On the other hand, if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Well, that's about it for me folks. Goodbye.
[Boris is standing, looking at Napoleon, who's lying unconcious on the floor]
Boris: If I don't kill him he'll make war all through Europe. But murder... the most foul of all crimes. What would Socrates say? All those Greeks were homosexuals. Boy, they must have had some wild parties. I bet they all took a house together in Crete for the summer. A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates. That means all men are homosexuals. Heh... I'm not a homosexual. Once, some cossacks whistled at me. I happen to have the kind of body that excites both persuasions. You know, some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all, you know... they become lawyers.
Boris: If I don't kill him he'll make war all through Europe. But murder... the most foul of all crimes. What would Socrates say? All those Greeks were homosexuals. Boy, they must have had some wild parties. I bet they all took a house together in Crete for the summer. A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates. That means all men are homosexuals. Heh... I'm not a homosexual. Once, some cossacks whistled at me. I happen to have the kind of body that excites both persuasions. You know, some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all, you know... they become lawyers.
Napoleon: This is an honor for me.
Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.
Napoleon: No, a greater honor for me.
Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.
Napoleon: No, a greater honor for ME.
Boris: Well, perhaps you're right. Perhaps it IS a greater honor for you.
Napoleon: And you must be Don Francisco's sister.
Sonja: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.
Napoleon: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.
Sonja: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.
Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.
Napoleon: I see our Spanish guests have a sense of humor.
Boris: She's a great kidder.
Sonja: No, you're a great kidder.
Boris: No, you're Don Francisco's sister.
Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.
Napoleon: No, a greater honor for me.
Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.
Napoleon: No, a greater honor for ME.
Boris: Well, perhaps you're right. Perhaps it IS a greater honor for you.
Napoleon: And you must be Don Francisco's sister.
Sonja: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.
Napoleon: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.
Sonja: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.
Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.
Napoleon: I see our Spanish guests have a sense of humor.
Boris: She's a great kidder.
Sonja: No, you're a great kidder.
Boris: No, you're Don Francisco's sister.
Sonja: Judgment of any system, or a priori relationship or phenomenon exists in an irrational, or metaphysical, or at least epistemological contradiction to an abstract empirical concept such as being, or to be, or to occur in the thing itself, or of the thing itself.
Boris: Yes, I've said that many times.
Boris: Yes, I've said that many times.
Russian gentleman: So who is to say what is moral?
Sonja: Morality is subjective.
Russian gentleman: Subjectivity is objective.
Sonja: Moral notions imply attributes to substances which exist only in relational duality.
Russian gentleman: Not as an essential extension of ontological existence.
Sonja: Can we not talk about sex so much?
Sonja: Morality is subjective.
Russian gentleman: Subjectivity is objective.
Sonja: Moral notions imply attributes to substances which exist only in relational duality.
Russian gentleman: Not as an essential extension of ontological existence.
Sonja: Can we not talk about sex so much?
[Boris and his father speak in Dostoevsky references]
Father: Remember that nice boy next door, Raskolnikov?
Boris: Yeah.
Father: He killed two ladies.
Boris: What a nasty story.
Father: Bobak told it to me. He heard it from one of the Karamazov brothers.
Boris: He must have been possessed.
Father: Well, he was a raw youth.
Boris: Raw youth, he was an idiot!
Father: He acted assaulted and injured.
Boris: I heard he was a gambler.
Father: You know, he could be your double!
Boris: Really, how novel.
Father: Remember that nice boy next door, Raskolnikov?
Boris: Yeah.
Father: He killed two ladies.
Boris: What a nasty story.
Father: Bobak told it to me. He heard it from one of the Karamazov brothers.
Boris: He must have been possessed.
Father: Well, he was a raw youth.
Boris: Raw youth, he was an idiot!
Father: He acted assaulted and injured.
Boris: I heard he was a gambler.
Father: You know, he could be your double!
Boris: Really, how novel.
Gen. Lecoq: Now men, because you are all getting a three-day furlough before going into battle, we would like to show you this little hygiene play.
[the actors step forward and the play begins]
Woman hygiene class: Goodbye. I hope you had a good time.
Soldier: I did. I had a good time. Oh, what's this sore on my lip? I better see the doctor.
[He steps to his right and another actor stands up]
Soldier: Doc, I have this sore on my lip.
Doctor: You have a social disease my friend.
Soldier: Oh my God!
Doctor: If you do not treat it, you will go blind... Or insane!
[Applause]
Gen. Lecoq: Well men, that is the end of the play. Have a good time on your furlough and take care of yourselves.
Soldier: Well, what did you think of the play?
Boris: Oh, it was weak. I was never interested. Although the part of the doctor was played with gusto and verve and the girl had a delightful cameo role. A puckish satire of contemporary mores. A droll spoof aimed more at the heart than the head.
Soldier: As for me I'm planning to spend the next three days in a brothel. Care to come with me?
Boris: No, I went to a brothel once in my life. I got hiccups you know, it was over like that.
[the actors step forward and the play begins]
Woman hygiene class: Goodbye. I hope you had a good time.
Soldier: I did. I had a good time. Oh, what's this sore on my lip? I better see the doctor.
[He steps to his right and another actor stands up]
Soldier: Doc, I have this sore on my lip.
Doctor: You have a social disease my friend.
Soldier: Oh my God!
Doctor: If you do not treat it, you will go blind... Or insane!
[Applause]
Gen. Lecoq: Well men, that is the end of the play. Have a good time on your furlough and take care of yourselves.
Soldier: Well, what did you think of the play?
Boris: Oh, it was weak. I was never interested. Although the part of the doctor was played with gusto and verve and the girl had a delightful cameo role. A puckish satire of contemporary mores. A droll spoof aimed more at the heart than the head.
Soldier: As for me I'm planning to spend the next three days in a brothel. Care to come with me?
Boris: No, I went to a brothel once in my life. I got hiccups you know, it was over like that.
Boris: Oh, if only God would give me some sign. If He would just speak to me once. Anything. One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
Sonja: Of course there's a God! We're made in His image!
Boris: You think I was made in God's image? Take a look at me. You think He wears glasses?
Sonja: Not with those frames.
Sonja: Of course there's a God! We're made in His image!
Boris: You think I was made in God's image? Take a look at me. You think He wears glasses?
Sonja: Not with those frames.
[first lines]
Boris: How I got into this predicament I'll never know. Absolutely incredible. To be executed for a crime I never committed. Of course, isn't all mankind in the same boat? Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed? The difference is that all men go eventually, but I go six o'clock tomorrow morning. I was supposed to go at five o'clock but I have a smart lawyer. Got leniency.
Boris: How I got into this predicament I'll never know. Absolutely incredible. To be executed for a crime I never committed. Of course, isn't all mankind in the same boat? Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed? The difference is that all men go eventually, but I go six o'clock tomorrow morning. I was supposed to go at five o'clock but I have a smart lawyer. Got leniency.
Sergeant: And now we're going to see a little hygiene play.
Woman hygiene class: Goodbye. I hope you had a good time!
Soldier: Oh yes, I had a good time. Oh, what's this sore on my lip. I'd better get that checked. Doctor, I have this sore on my lip.
Doctor: You have a social disease! If you don't treat it you'll go blind! Or insane!
[Thunderous applause]
Sergeant: Have a good furlough everyone, and look after yourselves!
Woman hygiene class: Goodbye. I hope you had a good time!
Soldier: Oh yes, I had a good time. Oh, what's this sore on my lip. I'd better get that checked. Doctor, I have this sore on my lip.
Doctor: You have a social disease! If you don't treat it you'll go blind! Or insane!
[Thunderous applause]
Sergeant: Have a good furlough everyone, and look after yourselves!
Countess Alexandrovna: My bedroom at midnight?
Boris: Perfect. Will you be there too?
Countess Alexandrovna: Naturally.
Boris: Until midnight then.
Countess Alexandrovna: [presses his hand to her bosom] Midnight.
Boris: Make it a quarter to twelve.
Countess Alexandrovna: Midnight.
Boris: But of course.
Boris: Perfect. Will you be there too?
Countess Alexandrovna: Naturally.
Boris: Until midnight then.
Countess Alexandrovna: [presses his hand to her bosom] Midnight.
Boris: Make it a quarter to twelve.
Countess Alexandrovna: Midnight.
Boris: But of course.
Sonja: Oh, Boris, I'm so unhappy.
Boris: Ohh, I wish you weren't.
Sonja: Voskovec and I quarrel frequently. I've become a scandal.
Boris: Poor Sonja.
Sonja: For the past weeks, I've visited Seretski in his room
Boris: Why? What's in his room? Oh...
Sonja: And before Seretski, Aleksei, and before Aleksei, Alegorian, and before Alegorian, Asimov, and...
Boris: Okay!
Sonja: Wait, I'm still on the A's.
Boris: How many lovers do you have?
Sonja: In the mid-town area?
Boris: Ohh, I wish you weren't.
Sonja: Voskovec and I quarrel frequently. I've become a scandal.
Boris: Poor Sonja.
Sonja: For the past weeks, I've visited Seretski in his room
Boris: Why? What's in his room? Oh...
Sonja: And before Seretski, Aleksei, and before Aleksei, Alegorian, and before Alegorian, Asimov, and...
Boris: Okay!
Sonja: Wait, I'm still on the A's.
Boris: How many lovers do you have?
Sonja: In the mid-town area?
[Boris is bothered by thoughts of suicide]
Boris: Something's missing.
Doctor: What?
Boris: I don't know, I feel a void at the center of my being.
Doctor: What kind of void?
Boris: Well... an empty void.
Doctor: An empty void?
Boris: Yes. I felt a full void about a month ago but it was just something I ate.
Boris: Something's missing.
Doctor: What?
Boris: I don't know, I feel a void at the center of my being.
Doctor: What kind of void?
Boris: Well... an empty void.
Doctor: An empty void?
Boris: Yes. I felt a full void about a month ago but it was just something I ate.
Russian gentleman: What would you think if I told you you were one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen?
Sonja: I'd think what a mad fool he is.
Russian gentleman: And what would you think if I suddenly put my arms around you?
Sonja: I'd think what a mad impetuous fool he is.
Russian gentleman: And what would you think if I kissed you?
Sonja: I'd think what a mad, impetuous, wonderful fool he is.
Sonja: I'd think what a mad fool he is.
Russian gentleman: And what would you think if I suddenly put my arms around you?
Sonja: I'd think what a mad impetuous fool he is.
Russian gentleman: And what would you think if I kissed you?
Sonja: I'd think what a mad, impetuous, wonderful fool he is.
Boris: [about their plan to murder Napoleon] ... I know, but murder, the most foul of all crimes. And not just abstract murder like shooting an unknown enemy on the battlefield, but standing in a closed room with a live human being and pulling the trigger, face to face. And a famous human being, a successful one, one who earns more than I do... My God, you figure Napoleon has gotta be good for 10,000 francs a week... That's minimum. That's without tips or extras. Nothing like that. And me, what am I? He's a great man. He thinks like the superman, and I'm just a worm, an insect... some kind of crawling, disgusting, creeping little vermin! You know, you can stop me!
Sonja: I will when I disagree.
Sonja: I will when I disagree.
[Sonja meets Ivan's widow in church]
Anna: You're praying for Ivan?
Sonja: Yes. Your husband, I loved him, as you know.
Anna: I wanted you to have some of his possessions.
Sonja: How kind.
Anna: I kept his sword and gold watch... but here, I'm giving you his mustache.
Sonja: I'll cherish it.
Anna: Also some string. Ivan saved string.
Sonja: I know. It was one of the reasons why I loved him.
Anna: I understand that. I loved him for his string, too.
Sonja: Anything else for me?
Anna: I thought we should divide his letters. Do you want the vowels or the consonants?
Anna: You're praying for Ivan?
Sonja: Yes. Your husband, I loved him, as you know.
Anna: I wanted you to have some of his possessions.
Sonja: How kind.
Anna: I kept his sword and gold watch... but here, I'm giving you his mustache.
Sonja: I'll cherish it.
Anna: Also some string. Ivan saved string.
Sonja: I know. It was one of the reasons why I loved him.
Anna: I understand that. I loved him for his string, too.
Sonja: Anything else for me?
Anna: I thought we should divide his letters. Do you want the vowels or the consonants?
