Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Mitch Hedberg — American Comedian born on February 24, 1968, died on March 30, 2005

Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs... (wikipedia)

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

Mitch Hedberg Quotes

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