A SPECTRE agent has stolen two American nuclear warheads, and James Bond must find their targets before they are detonated.

James Bond: Still here, Moneypenny? You should be in bed.
Miss Moneypenny: James, we *both* should be!
Fatima Blush: You know that making love to Fatima was the greatest pleasure of your life.
James Bond: Well, to be perfectly honest, there was this girl in Philadelphia...
Fatima Blush: SHUT UP!
Fatima Blush: Now write this: "The greatest rapture of my life was afforded me on a boat in Nassau by Fatima Blush," and sign it "James Bond, 007."
James Bond: I just remembered. It's against Service policy to give endorsements.
Fatima Blush: WRITE!
Nurse: Mr. Bond, I need a urine sample. If you could fill this beaker for me?
James Bond: From here?
M: I send you to a health farm to get yourself in shape! Instead you DEMOLISH it! Now I've had to notify the local police, get a minister to muzzle the press, and allocate a sizable chunk of my meager budget to renovating the establishment!
James Bond: A man DID try to kill me, sir.
M: Oh! Caught you seducing his wife, did he?
James Bond: No, sir, not at all. But, in fact, I did lose 4 lbs and God knows how many free radicals.
M: [slams the table] That is the KIND of attitude that tempts me to suspend you, 007!
[Fatima Blush lands in James Bond's arms when she water-skis up the ramp to the bar]
Fatima Blush: Oh, how reckless of me. I made you all wet.
James Bond: Yes, but my martini is still dry. My name is James.
Q: Good to see you Mr. Bond. Things've been awfully dull 'round here. I hope we're going to see some gratuitous sex and violence in this one!
James Bond: I certainly hope so too.
M: Too many free radicals. That's your problem.
James Bond: "Free radicals," sir?
M: Yes. They're toxins that destroy the body and the brain, caused by eating too much red meat and white bread and too many dry martinis!
James Bond: Then I shall cut out the white bread, sir.
M: Oh, you'll do more than THAT, 007. From now on you will suffer a strict regimen of diet and exercise; we shall PURGE those toxins from you!
James Bond: Shrublands?
M: You got it!
Miss Moneypenny: Have you got a mission, James?
James Bond: Yes. I am to eliminate all free radicals.
Miss Moneypenny: Ooh. Do be careful.
Largo: Do you lose as gracefully as you win?
James Bond: I don't know, I've never lost.
Largo: Are you a man who enjoys games?
James Bond: Depends with whom I'm playing.
Fatima: You're quite a man, Mr. James Bond, but I am a superior woman. Guess where you get the first one?
[Fatima lowers the gun towards James' crotch]
Domino Petachi: [after Largo forces her to break the statue] You're crazy!
Largo: Crazy? Yeah... maybe. I'm crazy.
[Last lines]
[Small-Fawcett is thrown into the pool by James Bond]
Small-Fawcett: I'm sorry Mr. Bond. I obviously caught you in a bad moment.
James Bond: M sent you!
Small-Fawcett: Only to plead for your return, Sir. M says that without you in the service, he fears for the security of the civilized world.
James Bond: Never again.
Domino Petachi: Never?
[they hug and Bond winks to the audience]
Fatima Blush: Jack must do as he's told to keep his FAST CARS and his PRETTY CLOTHES. And if he wants to keep his sister alive...
Jack Petachi: You leave Domino out of this or I'll...
[He attacks Fatima but she quickly beats him up]
Fatima Blush: Now darling must do his little trickie in eight seconds. Then nursie will give baby his candy.
Blofeld: I am Supreme Commander of SPECTRE, the Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion. Yesterday morning, the American Air Force launched 2 cruise missiles from Swadley Air Base in Great Britain. Through the ingenuity of SPECTRE, the dummy warheads they carried were replaced with *live*, *nuclear* warheads. Your weapons of destruction are now safely in our possession and will be moved to two secret targets. Please note the serial numbers of the missiles; they will confirm the truth. Your weapons of deterrence did not deter us from our objective! A terrible catastrophe now confronts you. However, it can be avoided by paying a tribute to our organization, amounting to twenty-five percent of your respective countries' annual oil purchases. We have accomplished two of the functions that the name SPECTRE embodies: terror and extortion. If our demands are not met within seven days, we shall ruthlessly apply the third: revenge!