Employee of the Month Quotes
A slacker competes with a repeat winner for the "Employee of the Month" title at work, in order to gain the affections of a new female employee.
Lon: Wow, that's gotta hurt. I mean, he's always doin' that to you. Stealing your thunder. You remember the red head? In gardening? Boinked her behind the monkey grass. And the asian in automotive? Did her on a pile of carburetors. Oh, and the blonde in frozen foods, with the... Doink! Doink! Turkeys done! Remember her?
Lon: [sticks his fingers out of his chest]
Lon: [sticks his fingers out of his chest]
Russell: Think about it guys, we could be working over there at Maxi-Mart and that place really sucks. Pass me the chips there, eight balls.
[Iqbal passes a bulk size bag of chips]
Lon: Plus, I hear they make you wear those house-arrest ankle bracelet things, so they know where you are all the time and if you leave the main floor, you get a little shocker.
[Blows a party kazoo]
Russell: True. I knew a guy in upper management, man, went crazy. Strapped one of those things around his hairy ballsack, ran out in the parking lot and blew a three dollar Hawaiian wonder cooler all over the place.
Iqbal: Ids-kay, ids-kay.
Russell: Knocked the little Korean kid right out of shopping basket.
[Iqbal passes a bulk size bag of chips]
Lon: Plus, I hear they make you wear those house-arrest ankle bracelet things, so they know where you are all the time and if you leave the main floor, you get a little shocker.
[Blows a party kazoo]
Russell: True. I knew a guy in upper management, man, went crazy. Strapped one of those things around his hairy ballsack, ran out in the parking lot and blew a three dollar Hawaiian wonder cooler all over the place.
Iqbal: Ids-kay, ids-kay.
Russell: Knocked the little Korean kid right out of shopping basket.
Grumpy Lady: [Woman struggling to load a casket onto a cart] Damn! The thing's heavier than it looks.
Zack: Hi, do you need some help with that?
Grumpy Lady: Yes, thank you.
[They get the casket into the cart]
Grumpy Lady: It's for my husband.
Zack: Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that.
Grumpy Lady: Oh, he's not dead. Not yet. It's just too good a deal to pass up.
Zack: Well, do you need some help getting it to your car?
Grumpy Lady: No, thank you. The lazy prick's waiting for me. I'm gonna make him load it.
Zack: Well, good luck murdering your husband.
[Woman laughs]
Zack: If you need my help, holler.
Grumpy Lady: [Woman on her way out of the store] Excuse me.
Dirk: Yes?
Grumpy Lady: That young man is wonderful. I'll be back for sure, just because of him.
Dirk: [Dirk looks at Vince] Oh, that man there? No surprise.
Grumpy Lady: No.
Grumpy Lady: [Woman goes over to Zack] This is the guy. He's a wonderful fella.
Dirk: Well thank you. May I help you find your way to your car?
Grumpy Lady: I know where it is. Idiot.
Zack: Hi, do you need some help with that?
Grumpy Lady: Yes, thank you.
[They get the casket into the cart]
Grumpy Lady: It's for my husband.
Zack: Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that.
Grumpy Lady: Oh, he's not dead. Not yet. It's just too good a deal to pass up.
Zack: Well, do you need some help getting it to your car?
Grumpy Lady: No, thank you. The lazy prick's waiting for me. I'm gonna make him load it.
Zack: Well, good luck murdering your husband.
[Woman laughs]
Zack: If you need my help, holler.
Grumpy Lady: [Woman on her way out of the store] Excuse me.
Dirk: Yes?
Grumpy Lady: That young man is wonderful. I'll be back for sure, just because of him.
Dirk: [Dirk looks at Vince] Oh, that man there? No surprise.
Grumpy Lady: No.
Grumpy Lady: [Woman goes over to Zack] This is the guy. He's a wonderful fella.
Dirk: Well thank you. May I help you find your way to your car?
Grumpy Lady: I know where it is. Idiot.
Russell: Check it out guy, he's the alpha male of the store... chicks always go after the alpha male, they're like lions... kings of the desert. And you, you're just a little tiny fieldmouse dangling in the teeth of the lion while he's banging your chick. Oh wait a minute... boxboy, you're like the little hairy nutsack on the little hairy fieldmouse swinging back and forth while he's banging your chick...
Zack: [radio] You're metaphors are magical, but shut the hell up! please?
[radio]
Russell: [radio] Roger... Just going back and forth hairy calahari style in and out with his big...
[radio]
Zack: [radio] You're metaphors are magical, but shut the hell up! please?
[radio]
Russell: [radio] Roger... Just going back and forth hairy calahari style in and out with his big...
[radio]
