License to Drive Quotes

A teen decides to go for a night on the town with his friends despite flunking his driver's test.

Les: I am so dead they're going to have to bury me twice.

Dean: Natalie! I was wondering, if you were driving 55 miles per hour and you collided with a runaway train, would it make ANY improvement on your face?

Les: No thanks Dad, I already have a Mercedes.

Les' DMV Examiner: Driving instructor: Now Anderson, I want you to take a good look at my cup of coffee. Now, I LOVE my coffee. It's probably the only thing I cherish on this god forsaken mud ball called Earth! What I'm trying to say, Anderson, is that most examiners rely on this clipboard...
[throws the clipboard out the window]
Les' DMV Examiner: I don't believe in that shit. What I do believe is in my cup of coffee. Now this coffee is hot. If it falls on me it'll probably burn me, right? Speak up, son!
Les: Yes, yes!
Les' DMV Examiner: And nobody likes to get burn, now do they?
Les: No, no!
Les' DMV Examiner: So it's simple: You burn me, you fail. You don't, you pass.

Mr. Anderson: You are damn lucky that your mother didn't go into labor tonight!
Mrs. Anderson: Robert!
Mr. Anderson: DAMN LUCKY!
Mrs. Anderson: ROBERT! I AM in labour!

Les: [while chasing the drunk man in the Beatle car] I don't care what you say to the man just get him to pull over.
Charles: The man is a drunken lunatic don't you think this is a little bit dangerous.
Les: Your telling about dangerous, Charles you want to know whats dangerous. Me going home and having to explain to my father that this piece of shit is my Grandfather Cadalliac.

Les' DMV Examiner: Last name first, first name last!
Les: Uh... Anderson... Les Anderson.
Les' DMV Examiner: Buckle up, son, it's the real world out here!

Dean: Charles, you spasticated idiot.

Les: Les jams the breaks in order to prevent an accident and looks over at the instructor whose coffee cup lands in his crotch...
Les' DMV Examiner: You're in luck son... the cup... was empty...!

Tow Truck Driver: [while Les is on the hood of the truck] Son I driven with deer, elk, and even bears strapped to the hood of this truck. So no 65 pound sack of shit is gonna shake me a hell a differnce.
Les: Listen mister I'll give you everything I got.
Tow Truck Driver: [driver stops and Les goes flying off the hood] Just how much you talking.

Mr. Anderson: The last thing he's gonna be worried about is his car,
[opens the door to let grandpa in]
Mr. Anderson: hi Dad.
Grandpa Anderson: Where's my Caddy?
Mr. Anderson: [grabs Les and puts him in front of him frightly] LES DID IT!

Dean: Les, that license in your wallet, that's not an ordinary piece of paper, that is a driver's license, and its not only a driver's license, it's an automobile license, and it's not only an automobile license, it's a license to live, a license to be free, a license to go wherever, whenever and with whomever you choose.

Dean: Get the juicehead to pull over.

Miss Hellberg: Well, Mr. Anderson... We were able to retrieve your test results from the computer. And as I suppose you already know, YOU FAILED. God giveth, and the DMV taketh away. You mustn't fuck with the Department of Motor Vehicle. We can make your life a living hell.

Les: I'm a free man!

Dean: Les, to live in fear is not to live at all.

Dean: If you're lucky she'll bite.

Dean: Could you take the car out of neutral? We just got passed by a street sweeper.

School Teacher: Mr. Anderson... It's punks like you that paramedics end up scraping off the road at four in the morning. For your sake, and the safety of others, I hope you fail your driving exam.

Mr. Anderson: I'm making some room for the old boat. Want to help, Dean?
Dean: I'd love to, Mr. Anderson. But I just remembered.
[Pretends to cough]
Dean: I'm allergic to, uh...
[Thinks]
Dean: ...dust and cardboard boxes.

Dean: Archie's come back! Come baaaaaaaaaaack!

Les: I'm with her!
Club Doorman: Boy, you wouldn't be with her if she was your siamese twin. Now get lost.

Drunk Driver: Ooh, a Mazaratti, This ones much nicer than mine.

Mr. Anderson: We had a college fund set aside for you! That's gone now! You had free room and board, two trusting parents and a social life. All gone! You had a Tv, a stereo, baseball, tennis racket, a skateboard, a bicycle - All gone! you even had sunlight and a window in your room!

Les: While taking his license test, Les halts on a hill top, as instructed and the car behind him honks...
Les' DMV Examiner: What are you waiting for son, Christmas?

Dropout #1: Hey, dweebs! Does mommy hold your dicks when you piss?

Les' DMV Examiner: Buckle up, son! This is the real world out here!

Les: Hey dad, did you take a look at that brochure I gave you?
Mr. Anderson: Yeah.
Les: And what did you think?
Mr. Anderson: A 23,000 dollar BMW for a kid who hasn't had a job in his life... I think it's a great idea!

Les: Not too bad for a kid without his license, huh?

Les: An innocent girl, a harmless drive. What could possibly go wrong?

Mr. Anderson: Les. Can you tell me what size SHARK is responsible for this. No don't say anything, save it for the judge.

Charles: We're going to be locked up with men who murdered, and raped, and robbed convenience stores.

Miss Hellberg: Wait a minute. Stand back children, don't crowd me, I'm a living time bomb!