Matt Roper — British Comedian

Matt Roper is a British comedian, writer and musician who made his stand-up debut in the mid-1990s... (wikipedia)

I can't abide small talk.
I'm a Taurus, you know. A bull. I belong in a field.
I have two vintage typewriters. One just about works and the other hasn't a hope in hell, bless it. But they're both beautiful, and they'll stay with me just as long as there's a roof over my head.
Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.' My relatives seem to drop like flies around me. Who's next? Will it be someone I can't stand?
I want truth. I'm crying out to hear it. I need it like oxygen.