I Dream of Jeannie

I Dream of Jeannie Quotes

A United States astronaut finds his life vastly complicated when he stumbles on to a bottle containing a female genie.

Jeannie: Master is football more important to you than I am?
Major Nelson: Of course not, that's like comparing oranges and lemons.
Jeannie: And I'm the lemon.
Blue Djinn: How does thou wish to die?
Major Nelson: Of old age.
Officer Anderson: You know, this is a one way street.
Jeannie: I was only going one way.
Jeannie: I would not be going out with your best friend if I were married to his best friend.
Jeannie: How should I punish him? Should I give him death of a thousand itches.
Major Healey: How about scratches?
Jeannie: Itches are much worse.
[Dr Bellows to Major Nelson after one of Jeannie's mishaps]
Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Some men dedicate their lives to science. Some men dedicate their lives to politics. I'm dedicating my life to understanding you.
Major Nelson: Jeannie, I never knew how much you meant to me until this happened. I'm never going to let you out of my sight again. Look, I even brought you flowers. Once I get you out of there, I'm going to take you out to dinner... the best candle lit dinner...
[Dr Bellows, Major Healy and Harry walk in on Major Nelson talking to the moon safe]
Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: A candle lit dinner...
Major Nelson: I can explain, sir.
Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Being in love with a safe, they haven't got a name for that one.
Jeannie: All I do is think and blink.
Jeannie: Master I have a mother-in-law problem.
Major Nelson: You can't have a mother-in-law problem. We are not married.
Nelson: How are things going?
Jeannie: Terrible. I have to make dinner - I mean actually make it without magic. We are liable to die.
Mrs Winker (house buyer): How many bedrooms do you have?
Jeannie: How many would you like?
Amanda Bellows: [after Jeannie has turned Tony's living room into a campground with a fire, tent, and running brook] Oh, it's wonderful! Alfred, how come we never do anything like this?
Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: Amanda, I spend half my life *curing* people who do things like this!
Jeannie: Let me see now. A six letter word for rat. M-A-S-T-E-R.
Major Nelson: Jeannie's turned against me.
Major Healey: She can't turn against you. Your her master. She as to obey you.
Major Nelson: Yeah, who says so?
Major Healey: I don't know, maybe it's in the genie manual.
Major Nelson: Then how come she's deliberately disobeyed me?
Major Healey: Maybe she wasn't issued a genie manual.
Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD: You may be an expert in financial matters, Mr. Huggins, but I happen to be an expert in Major Anthony Nelson.
Jeannie's Sister: You can make a man eat shredded cardboard, if you play the right tricks.
Narrator: [Opening Narration-episodes 1.2 through 1.8] Once upon a time, in a mythical place called Cape Kennedy, an astronaut named Tony Nelson went up on a space mission. The missile went up, but something went wrong and they had to bring it down. Captain Nelson landed on an island in the South Pacific where he found a bottle. At least it looked like a bottle. But it didn't act like a bottle... because in it was a genie. Oh, not your average, everyday genie. But a beautiful genie... who could grant any wish. Captain Nelson was so grateful, he set Jeannie free. Only she didn't want to be free. You know how it is when you've been cooped up in a bottle for 2000 years. She wanted to have fun. And she wanted to have it with Captain Nelson. So she followed him back to Cocoa Beach. A mythical town in a mythical state called Florida. And there in this house, the girl in the bottle plays Spin The Astronaut.

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