Robot Chicken Quotes
From creators Seth Green and Matthew Senreich, 'Robot Chicken' is stop-motion animation with a demented twist.
Emperor Palpatine: [on the phone with Darth Vader] Vader! How's my favourite Sith?... Whoa whoa whoa... whoa, whoa. Just - slow down. Huh? What do you mean they blew up the Death Star? Fuck! Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!... Who's THEY?... What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?
[sighs]
Emperor Palpatine: OK, OK, so who's left?... Are you shitting me?... Well, where are you?... Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal?... Oh, you must smell like... feet wrapped in leathery, burnt bacon... Oh, oh, oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet!... Do you - do you have ANY idea what this is going to do to my credit?
[phone beeps, he sighs]
Emperor Palpatine: Hang on, I've got another call.
[switches line]
Emperor Palpatine: WHAT? I'm very busy right now!... Oh! Oh, well - well, where are they going?... Oh, alright Uh. Um, get me a turkey club... Um, coleslaw I guess. I'm not even going to eat it... Well, what are you getting?... See, I always order the wrong thing. No, no, I'll just stick with that. OK, bye - What?... Oh, uh, cherry coke. Thanks.
[switches line]
Emperor Palpatine: Sorry about that.
[sighs]
Emperor Palpatine: What?... Oh, oh, JUST rebuild it?... Oh, real fucking original. And who's going to give me a loan, jackhole, you?... You got an ATM on that torso Light Brite? Now get your seven-foot-two asthmatic ass back here, or I'm going to tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about Padama-may or Panda-Bear what whatever the hell her name is!...
[covers receiver]
Emperor Palpatine: Oh, Jeez, he's crying!
[giggles, then into phone]
Emperor Palpatine: Hey, hey, hey, hey. C'mon. C'mon, don't do that. Just - just. Look, you know, I'm just dealing with a lot of crap right now. Death Star blown up by a bunch of fucking teenagers, you know? I didn't mean to snap.
[does jacking off motion to guys in room]
Emperor Palpatine: Oh, uh, just get back here. OK. OK. Bye. I... um... I...
[whispers into phone]
Emperor Palpatine: I love you, too.
[sighs]
Emperor Palpatine: OK, OK, so who's left?... Are you shitting me?... Well, where are you?... Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal?... Oh, you must smell like... feet wrapped in leathery, burnt bacon... Oh, oh, oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet!... Do you - do you have ANY idea what this is going to do to my credit?
[phone beeps, he sighs]
Emperor Palpatine: Hang on, I've got another call.
[switches line]
Emperor Palpatine: WHAT? I'm very busy right now!... Oh! Oh, well - well, where are they going?... Oh, alright Uh. Um, get me a turkey club... Um, coleslaw I guess. I'm not even going to eat it... Well, what are you getting?... See, I always order the wrong thing. No, no, I'll just stick with that. OK, bye - What?... Oh, uh, cherry coke. Thanks.
[switches line]
Emperor Palpatine: Sorry about that.
[sighs]
Emperor Palpatine: What?... Oh, oh, JUST rebuild it?... Oh, real fucking original. And who's going to give me a loan, jackhole, you?... You got an ATM on that torso Light Brite? Now get your seven-foot-two asthmatic ass back here, or I'm going to tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about Padama-may or Panda-Bear what whatever the hell her name is!...
[covers receiver]
Emperor Palpatine: Oh, Jeez, he's crying!
[giggles, then into phone]
Emperor Palpatine: Hey, hey, hey, hey. C'mon. C'mon, don't do that. Just - just. Look, you know, I'm just dealing with a lot of crap right now. Death Star blown up by a bunch of fucking teenagers, you know? I didn't mean to snap.
[does jacking off motion to guys in room]
Emperor Palpatine: Oh, uh, just get back here. OK. OK. Bye. I... um... I...
[whispers into phone]
Emperor Palpatine: I love you, too.
Daphne: [falls down a trapdoor and finds a mantle adorned by the head of Pamela Voorhees] Hey, that must be Jason's dead mother! This explains everything!
Fred: [falls through the same trapdoor and lands on Daphne] Hey, that must be Jason's dead mother! This explains everything!
Daphne: Fred, you're an asshole! And that ascot makes you look gay!
Fred: [falls through the same trapdoor and lands on Daphne] Hey, that must be Jason's dead mother! This explains everything!
Daphne: Fred, you're an asshole! And that ascot makes you look gay!
[Cobra Commander, Skeletor, Mum-Ra and Lex Luthor are car pooling]
Skeletor: Oh, that was a good one Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Lex Luthor: What was a good... OH, Dear Lord!
Skeletor: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Cobra Commander: AHHH IT'S BURNING MY EYES!
Mum-Ra: [Tries to open windows] UNLOCK THE WINDOWS!
Skeletor: Behold the gaseous stench of Skeletor's BREAKFAST BORRITO HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Skeletor: Oh, that was a good one Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Lex Luthor: What was a good... OH, Dear Lord!
Skeletor: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Cobra Commander: AHHH IT'S BURNING MY EYES!
Mum-Ra: [Tries to open windows] UNLOCK THE WINDOWS!
Skeletor: Behold the gaseous stench of Skeletor's BREAKFAST BORRITO HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAA!
[ending theme]
Robot Chicken: [sung] Wawk bawk bawk / Ba wawk bawk bawk / Bawk bawk bawk bawka bawka wawk bawk bawk
Robot Chicken, 2nd Chicken: [sung] A wawk bawk bawk / Ba wawk bawk bawk / Ba wawk bawk bikka gikka wawk bawk bawk
Robot Chicken, 2nd Chicken, 3rd Chicken: [sung] A wawk bawk bawk / Abawk bawk bawk / Bawk blawk bawk bicka kicka bwawk bawk baaaaaaawk
Robot Chicken: [sung] BIGAAAAAAAAK
Human male voice: [spoken] Bawk.
Robot Chicken: [sung] Wawk bawk bawk / Ba wawk bawk bawk / Bawk bawk bawk bawka bawka wawk bawk bawk
Robot Chicken, 2nd Chicken: [sung] A wawk bawk bawk / Ba wawk bawk bawk / Ba wawk bawk bikka gikka wawk bawk bawk
Robot Chicken, 2nd Chicken, 3rd Chicken: [sung] A wawk bawk bawk / Abawk bawk bawk / Bawk blawk bawk bicka kicka bwawk bawk baaaaaaawk
Robot Chicken: [sung] BIGAAAAAAAAK
Human male voice: [spoken] Bawk.
Chinese Resturant Guy: ["You Can't Do That On Robot Chicken"] Hey! Breckin Meyer!
Breckin Meyer: Yeah, Chinese Restaurant Guy?
Chinese Resturant Guy: Hey! Ever hear of a cat gopher?
Breckin Meyer: Cat gopher? What's a cat gopher?
Chinese Resturant Guy: Cat go for $6 if I put MSG on it!
[audience laughs as Chinese Restaurant Guy goes back in locker]
Breckin Meyer: Seriously, is this the only part of the sketch I'm in? I spent an hour and fifteen minutes in traffic getting here. I mean, granted, I was in a Benz, but this is horse shit! Oh, fuck you! You know what? I'm going home! Yeah, you can kiss my ass! I was in "Garfield," motherfucker!
Breckin Meyer: Yeah, Chinese Restaurant Guy?
Chinese Resturant Guy: Hey! Ever hear of a cat gopher?
Breckin Meyer: Cat gopher? What's a cat gopher?
Chinese Resturant Guy: Cat go for $6 if I put MSG on it!
[audience laughs as Chinese Restaurant Guy goes back in locker]
Breckin Meyer: Seriously, is this the only part of the sketch I'm in? I spent an hour and fifteen minutes in traffic getting here. I mean, granted, I was in a Benz, but this is horse shit! Oh, fuck you! You know what? I'm going home! Yeah, you can kiss my ass! I was in "Garfield," motherfucker!
Pat Morita: You can't enter that tournament without the proper skills, Fat One.
Joey Fatone: ...And will you train me, Mr. Miyagi?
Pat Morita: First of all, I'm Pat-effin'-Morita, ya nutsack. Second of all, you're too old for the training.
Daniel-san: [enters with a plunger] So was I... if you remember.
Pat Morita: Daniel-san! I thought I smelled failure. That toilet's not going to uplug itself!
Joey Fatone: ...And will you train me, Mr. Miyagi?
Pat Morita: First of all, I'm Pat-effin'-Morita, ya nutsack. Second of all, you're too old for the training.
Daniel-san: [enters with a plunger] So was I... if you remember.
Pat Morita: Daniel-san! I thought I smelled failure. That toilet's not going to uplug itself!
TiVo Addict: [sits at TV while watching TiVo] Wow! I can record my favorite shows and teach it to record other shows that I like! This is great! What did I do without this thing?
[phone rings]
TiVo Addict: Yello?
Guy: Hey, buddy! We're heading down to the bar. You wanna come?
TiVo Addict: Why don't you take your *bar* and shove it up your *ASS*! I'm watching TiVo!
[phone rings]
TiVo Addict: Yello?
Guy: Hey, buddy! We're heading down to the bar. You wanna come?
TiVo Addict: Why don't you take your *bar* and shove it up your *ASS*! I'm watching TiVo!
