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I cannot live a life where I'm deprived. I'd much rather be five, 10 pounds heavier. With my luck, I'll get myself to that perfect goal weight, and I'll get hit by a bus. Then I'll be like... looking at myself from some afterlife going, 'You idiot. You could have had that agnolotti, dummy.'
To be accused of 'channeling' is to be dismissed as a ventriloquist's live dummy, derogated at not having a mind of one's own.
Dummy Dum Dum was my nickname for years at school. I was the strange one of the family, the one who couldn't remember his name.
Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.
When I was eight years old, I got a dummy for Christmas and started teaching myself. I got books and records and sat in front of the bathroom mirror, practising. I did my first show in the third grade and just kept going; there was no reason to quit.
When there's not ten feet of snow on the ground, I ride my bike down the streets of New York, and I literally hear two things out of car windows as cabs pass by me: They either yell, 'Hey, dummy,' or 'Hey, Mayhem.'
I was a dummy in school.
Of course, I'm no dummy.
Colloquial poetry is to the real art as the barber's wax dummy is to sculpture.
Up until college age I was using the typical little-boy dummy that sits on the knee and makes woodpecker jokes. My first original character didn't happen until later, and that was Jose the Jalapeno on a Stick.
