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A Hollywood lyricist goes through a mid-life crisis and becomes infatuated with a sexy, newly married woman.
George Webber: By what name are you known, sir? Don: Donald. Don, to my friends and paying customers. George Webber: In that case, I'll have another double Don. Double Don, God, that's going to be difficult to say by the shank of the evening. Better make that one a single.
George Webber: Doesn't he do anything except swim and jog on the beach? Hugh: Oh yes! He makes me happy. So I let him swim and jog on the beach.
Samantha Taylor: [examining George's bee sting] That looks bad, have you taken anything for it? George Webber: Ah, yes, I took four of your birth control pills, I hope that's okay. Samantha Taylor: [kisses George on the cheek] Try an antihistimine. George Webber: I don't like those, they make me pregnant.
Telephone Operator: [on the telephone to Don in the lounge] Mr. Webber, please. Don: [aside to George] Are you in? George Webber: No, no. Don: [on the phone to the operator] Listen, kid, until otherwise instructed, Mr. Webber will be incomunnicado. Telephone Operator: Don, where is that? Don: About twenty miles due east, make a left turn. Telephone Operator: OK, thank you Don.
[the dog runs out of the room after Mrs. Kissel farts] Reverend: Whenever Mrs. Kissel breaks wind, we beat the dog.
George Webber: I was in the Royal Air Force as a matter of fact. Bill Collins: I thought you had to be English to be in that. George Webber: You do. Bill Collins: You an English fella, huh? George Webber: Mm-hmm. Bill Collins: [after long reflection] That's all right.
George Webber: If you were dancing with your wife, or girlfriend you knew in high school, and you said to her, Darling, they're playing our song, do you know what they'd be playing? Don: What? George Webber: Why Don't We Do It In The Road. Fuckin' hell kind of era is that?
Police Officer: Be careful sir, you shouldn't mix drugs and alcohol. George Webber: [laughs] You could have fooled me.