Each year, three brothers, Samuel, Jeffrey and Michael Douglas visit their grandfather, Mori Tanaka, for the summer. Mori is highly skilled in ninjutsu, and for years he has trained the ... See full summary¬†¬Ľ

Fester: Where are those little boogers? If I was a little booger, where would I be? Mom and Dad's room!
Fester: [while eating the pizza they stole] Y'know, we should save some of this for the kids we're nabbing.
Hammer: They're probably pretty nice kids.
Colt: [scene cuts] Where are all the weapons? The sling-shot, the knife throwers?
Colt: I'm Colt because I'm fast, he's Rocky because he's solid and he's Tum-Tum because he'll eat anything.
Tum Tum: I won't eat dog poop.
Fester: [aiming gun at clerk] Open up the cash register. That's right, dude, us three bone heads are sticking you up. Open up that register before I have to get nasty.
[Pager goes off]
Fester: Excuse me, sir, could I please use your telephone?
[Grandpa is giving the boys names]
Tum Tum: Can I be Monster Destroyer? Or how about Super Killer?
Colt: How about Super Dork?
Fester: Hey dude, what time does school get out?
Hammer: I don't know. I never stayed to the end.
Grandpa: I hate pizza.
Grandpa: Remember, never fight unless you're sure you can win.
Colt: Hold it! Before Phase 2, I got a little surprise! takes out a bottle of Lax-Go laxative
Tum Tum: What's that stuff?
Colt: Takes cap off bottle: Remember last year when you were sick and couldn't take a dump for 3 days?
Tum Tum: Yeah...
Colt: This is the stuff that makes you have to go.
Colt: Instant diarrhea.
Tum Tum: You're sick.
Colt: Not as sick as they're gonna be. stirs spiked Coke with his finger.
Babysitter: Who is it?
Fester: Pizza, ma'am.
Babysitter: We didn't order any pizza!
Fester: Uh, some kids called. Yeah, and if you don't pay, we'll, uh, we'll T.P. your house.
The Dudes: [shove pizza in Babysitter's face] Surprise!
Tum Tum: We almost had you!
Grandpa: Had me? Oh Michael.
Tum Tum: What?
Grandpa: If I hadn't have stopped the car, you would've been called 'Pancake' by now.
Marcus: Radical!
Grandpa: Alright, Samuel!
Rocky: Sir!
Grandpa: From this day forth until forever, you will be known as Rocky. Because you are strong, solid, and cool as granite rock!
Rocky: [Receives mask] Awesome! Yeah!
Grandpa: Ahh, Jeffrey. Fast and free, spirit of the young wild horse; you shall be known as Colt!
Colt: Colt? That's cool.
Tum Tum: What about me? Can I be Monster Destroyer? Or how about Super Killer?
Colt: How about Super Dork?
Tum Tum: Shut up, spazz!
Grandpa: Ah, little one. Since your energy begins and ends with your tummy; you shall be known as Tum Tum!
Tum Tum: Tum Tum!
[Both Tum Tum and Grandpa laugh]
Colt: I can't wait 'till we show these to dad!
Rocky: He'll hate 'em.
Jessica Douglas: If you think being a Ninja's hard work, try being a mom.
Grandpa: Two lessons you have to learn from this battle. Lesson 1, never attack unless you're gonna win?
Colt: And lesson two?
Grandpa: Don't climb a tree that's full of thorns. Uh!
Fester: Okay, none of you little dudes move until those two dudes get back!
Fester: Well, my dangerous buds, tomorrow is another day. And those little dudes are ours. Slurpee?
Hammer: Radical!
Fester: Slurpee?
Marcus: Dude!
Fester: We're outta here.
Rocky: Hey, what's the matter with us? Remember what Grandpa taught us? Everything around us can be our friend. Be friendly to your environment.
Colt: Oh sure, Rocky, we gonna go make the friendly door open?
Hammer: Dude!
Fester: This kidnapping is so much better than armed robbery.
Hammer: Yeah I never got a pizza on a robbery.
Grandpa: Colt, what is a ninja?
Colt: A ninja is one who can use everything around him to trick his enemies. He and fast and he is friendly to his environment.
Rocky: A ninja is honest and good. His mind, body and spirit are one. He has self-control. He has discipline.
Tum Tum: A ninja loves nature, uh, 'cause he is part of nature. A ninja never fights a battle if he cannot win.
Fester: I say we kill those little boogers!
Hammer: But like, I thought we wanted them alive.
Fester: I want *us* alive, dude!
Tum Tum: [Emily nearly drinks a spiked soda] No, no, no, that's diarrhea.
Fester: Marcus, score us some nacho chips and some radical salsa.
Marcus: Dude!
Fester: None of that green stuff.
Tum Tum, Colt: Ro-cky LOVES Em-il-y!
Store Owner: Hey amigos, this is no Library you buy or you go.
Hugo Snyder: Am I a nice guy or what?
Colt: You're a geek.
Hugo Snyder: They're just kids. KIDS! I want them found NOW! Or I'll tear out your liver!
Colt: Oh no, robbers!
Hammer: Robbers? I thought we were kidnappers.
Rocky: Grandpa is a Ninja. He will come.
Tum Tum: I don't care who he is as long as he brings us something to eat.
Fester: Alright. Operation: Kick Butt is about to commence. Synchronize watches.
Hammer: What time is it?
Fester: I dunno, anybody got a watch?
Fester: Okay little dude, we know you're in here somewhere. We don't wanna hurt you, we just wanna kidnap you.
Fester: First we feast. Then we Felony!
Rocky: We should run.
Tum Tum: We should hide.
Colt: We should kick their butts!
Fester: Okay, Marcia Brady or Laurie Partridge?
Hammer: Rather do Laurie.
Fester: Cool. Okay, Cheryl Ladd or Farrah Fawcett?
Hammer: Tanya Roberts, dude.
Brown: Festin, don't screw this up or we'll have to kill ya.
Fester: Bummer.
Hugo Snyder: God, I love being a bad guy.
Fester: We got those little dudes now, Dudes.
Fester: Seems that providence has shined her light upon us boys. It's pizza time.