Across the Universe Quotes
The music of the Beatles and the Vietnam War form the backdrop for the romance between an upper-class American girl and a poor Liverpudlian artist.
Max: And you know what really pisses me off is I swallowed all those cotton balls and they never even took a damn x-ray.
Hippy dude: You still have options man.
Max: Yeah, jail or Canada and they both suck. I mean I could never come home, so what is it, it's a choice of a 6x4 cell or an endless wasteland of frozen tundra.
Hippy dude: Montreal is cool.
Max: Man, they speak French.
Hippie Guitarist: So learn French. Learn French or die.
Hippy dude: You still have options man.
Max: Yeah, jail or Canada and they both suck. I mean I could never come home, so what is it, it's a choice of a 6x4 cell or an endless wasteland of frozen tundra.
Hippy dude: Montreal is cool.
Max: Man, they speak French.
Hippie Guitarist: So learn French. Learn French or die.
Max's Father: Goddammit, Max! Get serious, for once! What are you going to DO with your life?
Max: Why is it always what will I do? "What will he do", "What will he do," "Oh, my god what will he do", Do, do, do, do, do. Why isn't the issue here who I am?
Uncle Teddy: Because, Maxwell, what you do defines who you are.
Max: No, Uncle Teddy. Who you are defines what you do. Right Jude?
Jude: [awkward] ... Well, surely it's not what you do, but the, uh... the way that you do it.
Max: Why is it always what will I do? "What will he do", "What will he do," "Oh, my god what will he do", Do, do, do, do, do. Why isn't the issue here who I am?
Uncle Teddy: Because, Maxwell, what you do defines who you are.
Max: No, Uncle Teddy. Who you are defines what you do. Right Jude?
Jude: [awkward] ... Well, surely it's not what you do, but the, uh... the way that you do it.
Max: [they head for the basement of the campus, they come to a room. Jude closes the door] Shit, I'm outta shape! Woo!
[he pants heavily trying to catch his breath before he recognizes Jude from earlier]
Max: You're the guy who was asking for the janitor, right?
Jude: [nods] Yeah.
Max: So what are you, uh, like the, uh, assistant janitor?
Jude: I'm just bunking down here, y'know. Temporarily.
Max: [as he observes his surroundings] Why?
Jude: Why do you need to know?
Max: You wanted by the cops? Huh? FBI?
Jude: You know it looks to me as though, uh... You're the one who's on the run.
Max: Uh... yeah. Thank you for that by the way.
Jude: What would that lot have done if they'd caught you?
Max: [he and Jude sit down] I don't know. Something, uh, involving genitalia and shoe polish.
Jude: Nasty.
Max: Yeah. Where's that accent from?
Jude: Same place as me. Liverpool.
Max: Do you have a name?
Jude: Yeah.
[smiles]
Jude: It's Jude.
Max: [smiles] Max.
[he extends his hand, Jude shakes his hand]
Jude: [as he shakes Max's hand] I'm please to meet you.
Max: Well, uh, Jude, as a stranger to our shores, the least I can do is offer you some Ivy League hospitatilty.
[he tosses Jude a flask]
Jude: [a beat] Cheers.
[he takes a drink from the flask]
[he pants heavily trying to catch his breath before he recognizes Jude from earlier]
Max: You're the guy who was asking for the janitor, right?
Jude: [nods] Yeah.
Max: So what are you, uh, like the, uh, assistant janitor?
Jude: I'm just bunking down here, y'know. Temporarily.
Max: [as he observes his surroundings] Why?
Jude: Why do you need to know?
Max: You wanted by the cops? Huh? FBI?
Jude: You know it looks to me as though, uh... You're the one who's on the run.
Max: Uh... yeah. Thank you for that by the way.
Jude: What would that lot have done if they'd caught you?
Max: [he and Jude sit down] I don't know. Something, uh, involving genitalia and shoe polish.
Jude: Nasty.
Max: Yeah. Where's that accent from?
Jude: Same place as me. Liverpool.
Max: Do you have a name?
Jude: Yeah.
[smiles]
Jude: It's Jude.
Max: [smiles] Max.
[he extends his hand, Jude shakes his hand]
Jude: [as he shakes Max's hand] I'm please to meet you.
Max: Well, uh, Jude, as a stranger to our shores, the least I can do is offer you some Ivy League hospitatilty.
[he tosses Jude a flask]
Jude: [a beat] Cheers.
[he takes a drink from the flask]
Jude: What is that place?
Prankster: The headquarters of the league of spiritual deliverance!
Dr. Robert: The home of Dr. Gary, another outlaw, like myself. We're navigators, we're aviators, we're eatin' tators, masturbatin' alligators, bombardiers, we got no fears, we don't shed no tears, we're pushin' the frontiers... of transcendental perception. What's weird is, we haven't met yet, on this or any other plane.
Prankster: Hey doc, he says he won't see you, man.
Dr. Robert: Why, is he sick?
Prankster: He just said he's busy.
Dr. Robert: Did you tell that
[sniff]
Dr. Robert: sonofabitch that we drove 3,000 miles to see him? Alright, everybody back on the bus. We're going home, to California.
Max: Doc, California isn't home to all of us.
Dr. Robert: What can I say? You're either on the bus, or off the bus.
Prankster: The headquarters of the league of spiritual deliverance!
Dr. Robert: The home of Dr. Gary, another outlaw, like myself. We're navigators, we're aviators, we're eatin' tators, masturbatin' alligators, bombardiers, we got no fears, we don't shed no tears, we're pushin' the frontiers... of transcendental perception. What's weird is, we haven't met yet, on this or any other plane.
Prankster: Hey doc, he says he won't see you, man.
Dr. Robert: Why, is he sick?
Prankster: He just said he's busy.
Dr. Robert: Did you tell that
[sniff]
Dr. Robert: sonofabitch that we drove 3,000 miles to see him? Alright, everybody back on the bus. We're going home, to California.
Max: Doc, California isn't home to all of us.
Dr. Robert: What can I say? You're either on the bus, or off the bus.
Max: [invites Jude over to him and Lucy's house for Thanksgiving]
Jude: We don't have it in England, is it - is it a big deal?
Max: Well, it's a heart-warming American tradition.
Lucy: Yeah. It celebrates the time when the Indians shared their food with the early settlers. And how did we repay them? We slaughter them in thousands then ship them off to the shittiest bits of real estate.
Max: [Max chuckles]
Lucy: [Introduces herself to Jude] I'm Lucy.
Jude: We don't have it in England, is it - is it a big deal?
Max: Well, it's a heart-warming American tradition.
Lucy: Yeah. It celebrates the time when the Indians shared their food with the early settlers. And how did we repay them? We slaughter them in thousands then ship them off to the shittiest bits of real estate.
Max: [Max chuckles]
Lucy: [Introduces herself to Jude] I'm Lucy.
Jude: Well, I, I got a job.
Lucy: ...
Jude: Ya, as in, we'll pay you to do it.
[after still no response from Lucy]
Jude: Thought that'd you'd be pleased.
Lucy: What job?...
Jude: It's a logo for Sadie's record company.
Lucy: ...
Jude: It's a strawberry. Ya' know. Red, juicy... Sexy. Yea? Get it?
[no response from Lucy]
Jude: No?
Lucy: ...
Jude: Ya, as in, we'll pay you to do it.
[after still no response from Lucy]
Jude: Thought that'd you'd be pleased.
Lucy: What job?...
Jude: It's a logo for Sadie's record company.
Lucy: ...
Jude: It's a strawberry. Ya' know. Red, juicy... Sexy. Yea? Get it?
[no response from Lucy]
Jude: No?
Cop: You two, scram! You're defacing city property!
Jude: Oh, shit!
Lucy: What are you talking about? This was just a crappy wall, and now it's a work of art.
Cop: Do you want me to come down there?
Jude: Yeah, Please do come down. You'll scuff up them shiny black boots.
Lucy: Shit! You don't wanna get in trouble with the law, Jude!
[Jude and Lucy start running]
Jude: Oh, shit!
Lucy: What are you talking about? This was just a crappy wall, and now it's a work of art.
Cop: Do you want me to come down there?
Jude: Yeah, Please do come down. You'll scuff up them shiny black boots.
Lucy: Shit! You don't wanna get in trouble with the law, Jude!
[Jude and Lucy start running]
Jude: Excuse me, you don't know where I could find Professor Hubert, do you?
Max: Um, no such person, not that I'm aware of.
Jude: Uh, Professor Wesley Hubert?
Max: Listen buddy, I've pissed off every Professor in Princeton, and he's not one of them.
Max: Oh, wait a second,
[points off screen, towards audience]
Max: there's a Wes Hubert. That's him, right over there.
Max: Um, no such person, not that I'm aware of.
Jude: Uh, Professor Wesley Hubert?
Max: Listen buddy, I've pissed off every Professor in Princeton, and he's not one of them.
Max: Oh, wait a second,
[points off screen, towards audience]
Max: there's a Wes Hubert. That's him, right over there.
Max: [walking in and seeing Lucy and Jude in bed together] So that's how it is?
Jude: [They both wake up and Lucy starts laughing a little] Yeah. That's how it is.
Max: Well, speaking as a brother, I think she could do better.
Lucy: [a little stunned] Max? Get out!
Max: Well I'm sorry, but, as blissful as you are in the throes of young love, I'm just letting you know I have a date with Uncle Sam.
[Walks out of the room]
Jude: [They both wake up and Lucy starts laughing a little] Yeah. That's how it is.
Max: Well, speaking as a brother, I think she could do better.
Lucy: [a little stunned] Max? Get out!
Max: Well I'm sorry, but, as blissful as you are in the throes of young love, I'm just letting you know I have a date with Uncle Sam.
[Walks out of the room]
Jude: My God, you- you have perfect teeth.
Lucy: [sucks in her lips]
Jude: No you do. They're perfect. In Liverpool people seldom do,
[holds hand up to his mouth with fingers sticking out]
Jude: they stick out in all different directions. It's horrible.
Lucy: Have you never heard of braces?
Jude: Yes I have thank you very much, we use 'em to keep our trousers up.
Lucy: [sucks in her lips]
Jude: No you do. They're perfect. In Liverpool people seldom do,
[holds hand up to his mouth with fingers sticking out]
Jude: they stick out in all different directions. It's horrible.
Lucy: Have you never heard of braces?
Jude: Yes I have thank you very much, we use 'em to keep our trousers up.
