Addams Family Values Quotes
A comical Gothic horror-movie-type family tries to rescue their beloved uncle from his gold-digging new love.
[as an Indian, ad-libbing during a Thanksgiving play]
Wednesday: Wait!
Amanda: What?
Wednesday: We cannot break bread with you.
Amanda: Huh? Becky, what's going on?
Becky: [whispered] Wednesday!
Wednesday: You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller."
Amanda: Gary, she's changing the words.
Wednesday: And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.
Wednesday: Wait!
Amanda: What?
Wednesday: We cannot break bread with you.
Amanda: Huh? Becky, what's going on?
Becky: [whispered] Wednesday!
Wednesday: You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller."
Amanda: Gary, she's changing the words.
Wednesday: And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.
Debbie Jellinsky: I don't wanna hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns, or bombs, or electric chairs. But sometimes people just won't listen. And so, I have to use persuasion. And slides.
[Showing slide pictures]
Debbie Jellinsky: My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or *were they*? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday.
[the slide shows her as a child, smiling and opening a gift]
Debbie Jellinsky: I was 10, and do you know what they got me? *Malibu* Barbie.
Morticia: Malibu Barbie.
Gomez: The nightmare.
Morticia: The nerve.
Debbie Jellinsky: [flicks to the next slide of her throwing a bared-teeth temper tantrum] That's not what I wanted! That's not who I was. I was a *ballerina*, graceful, delicate! They had to go.
[the next slide shot shows a burning house]
[Showing slide pictures]
Debbie Jellinsky: My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or *were they*? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday.
[the slide shows her as a child, smiling and opening a gift]
Debbie Jellinsky: I was 10, and do you know what they got me? *Malibu* Barbie.
Morticia: Malibu Barbie.
Gomez: The nightmare.
Morticia: The nerve.
Debbie Jellinsky: [flicks to the next slide of her throwing a bared-teeth temper tantrum] That's not what I wanted! That's not who I was. I was a *ballerina*, graceful, delicate! They had to go.
[the next slide shot shows a burning house]
[at the police station after asking to arrest Debbie]
Gomez: [shouting] Has the planet gone mad? My brother, passion's hostage. I seek justice - denied! I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil!
[Grandma waves Pubert in the air]
Gomez: I have seen horror!
[Lurch waves]
Gomez: I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!
Morticia: They're at camp.
Gomez: I have seen all this, officer. But until today, I had never seen... *you*!
Desk sergeant: Hook him, book him, cook him. *Now*!
Gomez: [shouting] Has the planet gone mad? My brother, passion's hostage. I seek justice - denied! I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil!
[Grandma waves Pubert in the air]
Gomez: I have seen horror!
[Lurch waves]
Gomez: I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!
Morticia: They're at camp.
Gomez: I have seen all this, officer. But until today, I had never seen... *you*!
Desk sergeant: Hook him, book him, cook him. *Now*!
Gomez: [shouting] I demand justice! Someone has married my brother!
Desk sergeant: [sarcastically] No!
Gomez: She took him to Hawaii!
Desk sergeant: [cynically] Get outta here!
Gomez: They have moved into a large, expensive home, where they make love *constantly*!
Desk sergeant: I hate when that happens.
Gomez: Arrest her at once, without delay!
Desk sergeant: Who?
Gomez: Debbie. My brother's wife, the temptress of Waikiki!
Desk sergeant: Who are you? What are you? Who moved the rock?
Gomez: Officer, you must issue a subpoena. I believe they own...
Morticia: Gomez, NO!
Gomez: [shouting] A Buick!
Desk sergeant: [sarcastically] No!
Gomez: She took him to Hawaii!
Desk sergeant: [cynically] Get outta here!
Gomez: They have moved into a large, expensive home, where they make love *constantly*!
Desk sergeant: I hate when that happens.
Gomez: Arrest her at once, without delay!
Desk sergeant: Who?
Gomez: Debbie. My brother's wife, the temptress of Waikiki!
Desk sergeant: Who are you? What are you? Who moved the rock?
Gomez: Officer, you must issue a subpoena. I believe they own...
Morticia: Gomez, NO!
Gomez: [shouting] A Buick!
Heather: [first nanny] Children, as your new nanny, I know we're all concerned about the environment. So, this morning, let's discuss how to prevent forest fires.
Wednesday: Prevent them?
[lights a match]
Mrs. Montgomery: [second nanny] Alright children, I've had it up to here. Now you just answer one simple question. Where is that baby?
Wednesday: Which part?
Polly/Nanny: [third nanny; holding up a puppet] Hello kiddies, I'm Polly the Puppet. What shall we do today? I know! Let's all clean our rooms!
Wednesday: [holding up devil puppet] Hello Polly, I'll clean my room. In exchange for your immortal soul.
Wednesday: Prevent them?
[lights a match]
Mrs. Montgomery: [second nanny] Alright children, I've had it up to here. Now you just answer one simple question. Where is that baby?
Wednesday: Which part?
Polly/Nanny: [third nanny; holding up a puppet] Hello kiddies, I'm Polly the Puppet. What shall we do today? I know! Let's all clean our rooms!
Wednesday: [holding up devil puppet] Hello Polly, I'll clean my room. In exchange for your immortal soul.
Gary: [to the Campers] Lifesaving! Now I know we're all top-notch, little swimmers, but now we get to show our stuff and earn those certificates! Hey, how about our first little pair of lifesaving buddies? Amanda, Wednesday?
Amanda: Is that your bathing suit?
Wednesday: Is that your overbite?
Gary: Now, one of you will be the drowning victim and the other one gets to be our lifesaver.
Amanda: I'll be the victim!
Wednesday: All your life.
Amanda: Is that your bathing suit?
Wednesday: Is that your overbite?
Gary: Now, one of you will be the drowning victim and the other one gets to be our lifesaver.
Amanda: I'll be the victim!
Wednesday: All your life.
[Morticia is reading "The Cat in the Hat" to Pubert, who has golden curls and rosy cheeks]
Morticia: Are you enjoying this?
[sadly]
Morticia: To think, a child of mine!
[turns the page]
Morticia: "I know it is wet, and the sun is not sunny. But we can have lots of good fun... that is funny."
[flipping to the last page]
Morticia: Oh, no. He lives.
Morticia: Are you enjoying this?
[sadly]
Morticia: To think, a child of mine!
[turns the page]
Morticia: "I know it is wet, and the sun is not sunny. But we can have lots of good fun... that is funny."
[flipping to the last page]
Morticia: Oh, no. He lives.
Wednesday: Death! Death to the enemies of the people of the Republic.
[Pugsley releases the guillotine and chops a watermelon in half]
Wednesday: Hurrah! Justice is served. Bring forward the evil one.
[Pugsley brings over Pubert, who is in a white dress and bonnet]
Wednesday: [to Pubert] You have betrayed the people of France. You are evil incarnate. How do you plead?
Pugsley: [holds up Pubert, speaks in "baby voice"] Guilty!
Wednesday: Guilty! By her own admission! The sentence is death. Executioner, place her on the block.
[Pugsley lays Pubert down in the guillotine]
Wednesday: 1... 2...
Morticia: [from downstairs] Children, what are you doing?
Wednesday, Pugsley: Playing!
Wednesday: ...3!
[She releases the guillotine. Pubert catches the blade in his fingers]
Wednesday: Woe to the Republic.
[Pugsley releases the guillotine and chops a watermelon in half]
Wednesday: Hurrah! Justice is served. Bring forward the evil one.
[Pugsley brings over Pubert, who is in a white dress and bonnet]
Wednesday: [to Pubert] You have betrayed the people of France. You are evil incarnate. How do you plead?
Pugsley: [holds up Pubert, speaks in "baby voice"] Guilty!
Wednesday: Guilty! By her own admission! The sentence is death. Executioner, place her on the block.
[Pugsley lays Pubert down in the guillotine]
Wednesday: 1... 2...
Morticia: [from downstairs] Children, what are you doing?
Wednesday, Pugsley: Playing!
Wednesday: ...3!
[She releases the guillotine. Pubert catches the blade in his fingers]
Wednesday: Woe to the Republic.
Wednesday: [continuing a ghost story] And so, the next night, the ghost returned to the haunted cabin. And he said to the campers, "None of you really believe in me, so I'll have to prove my power." And the next morning, when the campers woke up, all of their old noses had grown back.
[all of the girls scream]
[all of the girls scream]
[last lines]
Joel: Poor Debbie. She was sick.
Wednesday: She wasn't sick. She was sloppy.
Joel: What do you mean?
Wednesday: If I wanted to kill my husband, I'd do it, and I wouldn't get caught.
Joel: How?
Wednesday: I'd scare him to death.
Joel: No, you wouldn't.
[kneels at Debbie's grave]
Joel: We're all very sorry, Debbie. We wish you only the best.
[reaches out to put flowers on the grave; a hand reaches up and grabs him. He screams while Wednesday smiles]
Joel: Poor Debbie. She was sick.
Wednesday: She wasn't sick. She was sloppy.
Joel: What do you mean?
Wednesday: If I wanted to kill my husband, I'd do it, and I wouldn't get caught.
Joel: How?
Wednesday: I'd scare him to death.
Joel: No, you wouldn't.
[kneels at Debbie's grave]
Joel: We're all very sorry, Debbie. We wish you only the best.
[reaches out to put flowers on the grave; a hand reaches up and grabs him. He screams while Wednesday smiles]
Debbie Jellinsky: My latest husband, my late husband, Fester.
Uncle Fester: The fool.
Debbie Jellinsky: The corpse. And his adorable family. You took me in, you accepted me, but did any of you love me? Really love me?
Gomez: Hands!
[the Addams family, all strapped into their electric chairs, are unable to raise their hands]
Uncle Fester: The fool.
Debbie Jellinsky: The corpse. And his adorable family. You took me in, you accepted me, but did any of you love me? Really love me?
Gomez: Hands!
[the Addams family, all strapped into their electric chairs, are unable to raise their hands]
Wednesday: Pugsley, the baby weighs ten pounds, the cannonball weighs twenty pounds. Which will hit the stone walkway first?
Pugsley: I'm still on fractions.
Wednesday: Which do you think?
Pugsley: The cannonball?
Wednesday: Very good. But which one will bounce?
Pugsley: The baby?
Wednesday: There's only one way to find out. Ready? One... two... three.
Pugsley: I'm still on fractions.
Wednesday: Which do you think?
Pugsley: The cannonball?
Wednesday: Very good. But which one will bounce?
Pugsley: The baby?
Wednesday: There's only one way to find out. Ready? One... two... three.
Debbie Jellinsky: FREEZE!
Uncle Fester: Pookie?
Debbie Jellinsky: I tried to make it look like an accident. I tried to give you some dignity. But oh no, not you.
Uncle Fester: What are you saying?
Debbie Jellinsky: I'm saying I want you dead and I want your money.
Uncle Fester: But... but... don't you love me?
Debbie Jellinsky: AH HA HA HA!
Uncle Fester: Is that a no?
Uncle Fester: Pookie?
Debbie Jellinsky: I tried to make it look like an accident. I tried to give you some dignity. But oh no, not you.
Uncle Fester: What are you saying?
Debbie Jellinsky: I'm saying I want you dead and I want your money.
Uncle Fester: But... but... don't you love me?
Debbie Jellinsky: AH HA HA HA!
Uncle Fester: Is that a no?
Grandma: Unless Fester comes back, we're talking *dimples*.
Gomez: Not in this house!
Grandma: He could stay this way for years! Forever! He could become... a lawyer.
Gomez: I won't listen!
Grandma: An orthodontist!
Morticia: Mama! Stop!
Grandma: President!
Gomez: [looking up above] Please! I beg you! Take me!
[sobs openly]
Gomez: Not in this house!
Grandma: He could stay this way for years! Forever! He could become... a lawyer.
Gomez: I won't listen!
Grandma: An orthodontist!
Morticia: Mama! Stop!
Grandma: President!
Gomez: [looking up above] Please! I beg you! Take me!
[sobs openly]
[first lines]
Wednesday: [giving a funeral to a cat in a shoe-box] Come, sorrow; we welcome thee. Let us join in grief, rejoice in despair, and honor the fortunate dead.
Grandma: Dearly beloved...
Wednesday: [the cat mews and Wednesday shakes the box] Shh! Quiet!
Grandma: [starts piling dirt on the box]
Wednesday: [giving a funeral to a cat in a shoe-box] Come, sorrow; we welcome thee. Let us join in grief, rejoice in despair, and honor the fortunate dead.
Grandma: Dearly beloved...
Wednesday: [the cat mews and Wednesday shakes the box] Shh! Quiet!
Grandma: [starts piling dirt on the box]
Debbie Jellinsky: My first husband, the heart surgeon. All day long, coronaries, transplants.
Grandma: What about your needs?
Debbie Jellinsky: "Sorry about dinner, Deb. The Pope has a cold."
[the next slide shows a shadow of an axe on the wall heading towards the Surgeon]
Grandma: An axe! That takes me back.
Grandma: What about your needs?
Debbie Jellinsky: "Sorry about dinner, Deb. The Pope has a cold."
[the next slide shows a shadow of an axe on the wall heading towards the Surgeon]
Grandma: An axe! That takes me back.
Uncle Fester: [as they are getting married, Fester tearfully recites his vows] I, Fester Addams, do hereby declare my un-ending love.
[sobbing]
Uncle Fester: I will worship you forever. I will devote my every waking moment to your happiness alone.
[openly sobbing]
Uncle Fester: Henceforth, I am your eternal and helpless slave.
Debbie Jellinsky: [near indifferent] Nice.
[to Cousin Itt, who acts as minister]
Debbie Jellinsky: Ditto.
[sobbing]
Uncle Fester: I will worship you forever. I will devote my every waking moment to your happiness alone.
[openly sobbing]
Uncle Fester: Henceforth, I am your eternal and helpless slave.
Debbie Jellinsky: [near indifferent] Nice.
[to Cousin Itt, who acts as minister]
Debbie Jellinsky: Ditto.
Uncle Fester: [walking down the hallway, arms full of presents] A birthday party! What a treat! And to think, I might have missed all this! What was I thinking of?
Wednesday: Physical pleasure.
Uncle Fester: Ooohhh!
Pugsley: Uncle Fester, do you miss Debbie?
Uncle Fester: Well... sometimes, late at night, I remember how she used to turn to me and say, "Jeez, Fester, go back to your room!"
Wednesday: Physical pleasure.
Uncle Fester: Ooohhh!
Pugsley: Uncle Fester, do you miss Debbie?
Uncle Fester: Well... sometimes, late at night, I remember how she used to turn to me and say, "Jeez, Fester, go back to your room!"
Camp Children: [at Thanksgiving play, singing, dressed as Thanksgiving food] Eat us! Hey, its Thanksgiving Day! Eat us, we make a nice buffet! We lost the race with Farmer Ed, eat us 'cause we're good and dead. White man or red man from east, north or south, chop off our legs, and put 'em in your mouth!
Pugsley: Eat me!
Camp Children: Sautéed or barbecued!
Pugsley: Eat me!
Camp Children: We once were pets but now we're food! We won't stay fresh for very long! So eat us before we finish this song! Eat us before we finish this song!
Pugsley: Eat me!
Camp Children: Sautéed or barbecued!
Pugsley: Eat me!
Camp Children: We once were pets but now we're food! We won't stay fresh for very long! So eat us before we finish this song! Eat us before we finish this song!
Gary: [blows whistle] Attention! Hey! Listen up, everybody! I'm Gary Granger!
Becky: And I'm Becky Martin-Granger!
Gary: We're the owners and directors here at Camp Chippewa. America's foremost facility for - privileged young adults.
Becky: And we're all here to learn, to grow, and to just plain have fun!
Gary: 'Cause that's what being privileged is all about!
Becky: And I'm Becky Martin-Granger!
Gary: We're the owners and directors here at Camp Chippewa. America's foremost facility for - privileged young adults.
Becky: And we're all here to learn, to grow, and to just plain have fun!
Gary: 'Cause that's what being privileged is all about!
Morticia: [in a philosophical sighing tone] Our whole family... together at last... three generations... above ground.
Debbie Jellinsky: [shouting from offstage, then suddenly appearing on the scene holding a ridiculous-looking fat-bodied old-fashioned sawed-off shotgun, which she pumps dramatically to chamber a shell] IN-LAWS!
[Shluck-shlick!]
Debbie Jellinsky: [shouting from offstage, then suddenly appearing on the scene holding a ridiculous-looking fat-bodied old-fashioned sawed-off shotgun, which she pumps dramatically to chamber a shell] IN-LAWS!
[Shluck-shlick!]
[after Fester walks off the plane, with leis around his neck, he approaches Debbie]
Debbie Jellinsky: Fester?
Uncle Fester: Uh-huh?
Debbie Jellinsky: We may be together for a while.
Uncle Fester: All our lives, cara mia!
Debbie Jellinsky: What?
Uncle Fester: Mon cher.
Debbie Jellinsky: Speak English!
Uncle Fester: Pumpkin?
Debbie Jellinsky: And if I have to be seen with you, we need to make some changes.
Uncle Fester: Changes?
Debbie Jellinsky: Fester?
Uncle Fester: Uh-huh?
Debbie Jellinsky: We may be together for a while.
Uncle Fester: All our lives, cara mia!
Debbie Jellinsky: What?
Uncle Fester: Mon cher.
Debbie Jellinsky: Speak English!
Uncle Fester: Pumpkin?
Debbie Jellinsky: And if I have to be seen with you, we need to make some changes.
Uncle Fester: Changes?
[Wednesday reads a letter which she is holding in her hand]
Wednesday: "Dear Wednesday and Pugsley. I love you dearly, but I can never see you again."
Gary: [impatiently] Glicker, go!
[Joel gives up and flings the arrow at the ground]
Becky: Good try!
[Joel goes to the end of the line, as Pugsley takes the bow, and Wednesday finishes reading]
Wednesday: "When you are grown up and very lonely, you will understand. Love, Uncle Fester." He's a dead man.
Wednesday: "Dear Wednesday and Pugsley. I love you dearly, but I can never see you again."
Gary: [impatiently] Glicker, go!
[Joel gives up and flings the arrow at the ground]
Becky: Good try!
[Joel goes to the end of the line, as Pugsley takes the bow, and Wednesday finishes reading]
Wednesday: "When you are grown up and very lonely, you will understand. Love, Uncle Fester." He's a dead man.
Wednesday: Hurry up!
Pugsley: I'm coming.
Joel: Wait!
Wednesday: Who's there?
Joel: Be careful. Tetanus.
[siren sounds]
Amanda: [walking toward Wednesday, Pugsley and Joel with Gary, Becky and Camp Children] There they are! I saw them sneak out.
Gary: Children, what do you think you're doing?
Wednesday: We have to see our family. It's very important.
Becky: More important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?
Gary: And Joel Glicker. I'm surprised at you.
Joel: I-I have to get out of here. I have allergies.
Becky: [mockingly] Oh, you're allergic? To sunshine and archery and crafts?
Joel: Yes.
Amanda: I think they should be punished.
[starts chanting]
Amanda: Punish!
Camp Children: [chanting along with Amanda] Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish!
Becky: No! No! We are *not* here to punish. We are here to inspire.
Gary: Campers? Do you know what I think are little ninja friends here need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted little lives right all around?
Joel: What?
Camp Children: [singing in unison with Gary, Becky, and Amanda] Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Oh Lord, kumbaya.
Pugsley: I'm coming.
Joel: Wait!
Wednesday: Who's there?
Joel: Be careful. Tetanus.
[siren sounds]
Amanda: [walking toward Wednesday, Pugsley and Joel with Gary, Becky and Camp Children] There they are! I saw them sneak out.
Gary: Children, what do you think you're doing?
Wednesday: We have to see our family. It's very important.
Becky: More important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?
Gary: And Joel Glicker. I'm surprised at you.
Joel: I-I have to get out of here. I have allergies.
Becky: [mockingly] Oh, you're allergic? To sunshine and archery and crafts?
Joel: Yes.
Amanda: I think they should be punished.
[starts chanting]
Amanda: Punish!
Camp Children: [chanting along with Amanda] Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish!
Becky: No! No! We are *not* here to punish. We are here to inspire.
Gary: Campers? Do you know what I think are little ninja friends here need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted little lives right all around?
Joel: What?
Camp Children: [singing in unison with Gary, Becky, and Amanda] Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Oh Lord, kumbaya.
Uncle Fester: Gomez, do you remember what we were like? I hated you!
Gomez: I despised you!
Uncle Fester: I choked him until he lost consciousness and had to be put on a respirator!
Gomez: I tied him to a tree and pulled out four of his permanent teeth!
Uncle Fester: When he was asleep, I opened his skull, and removed his brains!
Gomez: You did?
Uncle Fester: [laughs hysterically] Ah, brother!
Gomez: Brother!
[Gomez flings him into the opposite wall, then grabs up about twenty knives conveniently lying on the table, flinging them all around Fester, with several right next to his head. Fester laughs hysterically through it all, although the last four are done with Gomez's back to him]
Uncle Fester: Children, you see?
Gomez: I despised you!
Uncle Fester: I choked him until he lost consciousness and had to be put on a respirator!
Gomez: I tied him to a tree and pulled out four of his permanent teeth!
Uncle Fester: When he was asleep, I opened his skull, and removed his brains!
Gomez: You did?
Uncle Fester: [laughs hysterically] Ah, brother!
Gomez: Brother!
[Gomez flings him into the opposite wall, then grabs up about twenty knives conveniently lying on the table, flinging them all around Fester, with several right next to his head. Fester laughs hysterically through it all, although the last four are done with Gomez's back to him]
Uncle Fester: Children, you see?
Gary: [opens cabin door] Mail call.
[handing out mail]
Gary: Addams!
Becky: [handing out mail] Barclay, Cesselman, Calloway, Dexter, Donman, Edwards, Evans, Barclay, Finley, Fisher, Gingham, Ginley, Harper.
Wednesday: Oh, no.
Pugsley: What is it?
Wednesday: This is unspeakable.
Becky: Is something wrong, Wednesday? Bad news?
Wednesday: This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of human events. Uncle Fester's getting married.
Gary: A wedding? But that's great news!
Amanda: To whom?
Wednesday: The nanny.
Amanda: Get out of the cabin. I mean, I'll kill myself. The help?
Becky: I'm sure she's a very nice lady.
Amanda: I think that's disgusting. I think their whole family's like some weird medical experiment. I think they're like, circus people.
Pugsley: [menacingly] What did you say?
Becky: Campers! Group hug!
Gary: Wednesday... Pugsley. Will a hug hurt us?
Wednesday: We don't hug.
Becky: Oh, they're just shy.
Pugsley: We're not shy.
Wednesday: We're contagious.
Gary: I'm sensing some friction here. Somethin' not quite Chippewa.
Camp Children: Mm-hmm.
Gary: But, hey, no problemo. All they need are good friends, good fun, and a little time in the Harmony Hut.
[handing out mail]
Gary: Addams!
Becky: [handing out mail] Barclay, Cesselman, Calloway, Dexter, Donman, Edwards, Evans, Barclay, Finley, Fisher, Gingham, Ginley, Harper.
Wednesday: Oh, no.
Pugsley: What is it?
Wednesday: This is unspeakable.
Becky: Is something wrong, Wednesday? Bad news?
Wednesday: This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of human events. Uncle Fester's getting married.
Gary: A wedding? But that's great news!
Amanda: To whom?
Wednesday: The nanny.
Amanda: Get out of the cabin. I mean, I'll kill myself. The help?
Becky: I'm sure she's a very nice lady.
Amanda: I think that's disgusting. I think their whole family's like some weird medical experiment. I think they're like, circus people.
Pugsley: [menacingly] What did you say?
Becky: Campers! Group hug!
Gary: Wednesday... Pugsley. Will a hug hurt us?
Wednesday: We don't hug.
Becky: Oh, they're just shy.
Pugsley: We're not shy.
Wednesday: We're contagious.
Gary: I'm sensing some friction here. Somethin' not quite Chippewa.
Camp Children: Mm-hmm.
Gary: But, hey, no problemo. All they need are good friends, good fun, and a little time in the Harmony Hut.
