Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland Quotes

Nineteen-year-old Alice returns to the magical world from her childhood adventure, where she reunites with her old friends and learns of her true destiny: to end the Red Queen's reign of terror.

The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
[Alice checks Hatter's temperature]
Alice Kingsley: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
[from trailer]
The Mad Hatter: There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter.
[picks up his hat]
The Mad Hatter: Which luckily I am.
Alice Kingsley: This is impossible.
The Mad Hatter: Only if you believe it is.
Alice Kingsley: Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
The Mad Hatter: That is an excellent practice.
The Mad Hatter: [to Alice] You used to be much more..."muchier." You've lost your muchness.
The Mad Hatter: Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?
Alice Kingsley: Do you think I've gone 'round the bend?
Charles Kingsleigh: I'm afraid so... you're mad. Bonkers. Off your head... but I'll tell you a secret... all of the best people are.
Alice Kingsley: I try to believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast. Count them, Alice. One, there are drinks that make you shrink. Two, there are foods that make you grow. Three, animals can talk. Four, cats can disappear. Five, there is a place called Underland. Six, I can slay the Jabberwocky.
Alice Kingsley: I'm sorry, Hamish. I can't marry you. You're not the right man for me. And there's that trouble with your digestion.
[Alice walks over to her sister]
Alice Kingsley: I love you, Margaret, but this is my life. I'll decide what to do with it.
[Alice turns to Lowell, meeting his sour look with a stern glare]
Alice Kingsley: You're lucky to have my sister for your wife, Lowell, and be good to her. I'll be watching very closely.
[Alice goes up to Aunt Imogene and takes her hands]
Alice Kingsley: There is no prince, Aunt Imogene. You need to talk to someone about these delusions.
[Alice walks past Lady Ascot, looking sternly at her]
Alice Kingsley: I happen to love rabbits, especially white ones.
[Alice goes up to her mother]
Alice Kingsley: Don't worry, Mother. I'll find something useful to do with my life.
[Alice turns to the Chattaway sisters]
Alice Kingsley: You two remind me of some funny boys I met in a dream.
Lord Ascot: You've left me out.
Alice Kingsley: No, I haven't, sir. You and I have business to discuss.
Lord Ascot: Shall we speak in the study?
[Alice smiles and starts to head to the house, when suddenly she turns back to the crowd]
Alice Kingsley: Oh. And one more thing.
[Alice lifts the hem of her dress to her knees and does the Futterwacken]
Alice: If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
Alice Kingsley: From the moment I fell down that rabbit hole I've been told where I must go and who I must be. I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched, and stuffed into a teapot. I've been accused of being Alice and of not being Alice but this is *my* dream. *I'll* decide where it goes from here.
Blue Caterpillar: Who are you?
Alice Kingsley: Absolem?
Blue Caterpillar: You're not Absolem. I'm Absolem. Stupid girl.
The Mad Hatter: Your carriage, my lady.
Alice Kingsley: A hat?
The Mad Hatter: Of course. Anyone can go by horse or rail, but the absolute best way to travel is by hat. Have I made a rhyme?
Cheshire Cat: [suddenly appearing]
[notices the marks on Alice's arm]
Cheshire Cat: It looks like you ran afoul of something with wicked claws.
Alice Kingsley: [to herself] I've never stopped dreaming.
Cheshire Cat: What did that to you?
Alice Kingsley: Bander who... the bander...
Cheshire Cat: The Bandersnatch?
[suddenly appears behind Alice, she turns to face him]
Cheshire Cat: Well, I'd better have a look.
Alice Kingsley: What are you doing?
Cheshire Cat: It needs to be purified by someone with evaporting skills, or it will fester and putrefy.
Alice Kingsley: I'd rather you didn't. I'll be fine as soon as I wake up.
Cheshire Cat: At least let me bind it for you?
[Alice holds out her arm and he wraps the wound with a piece of cloth]
Cheshire Cat: What do you call yourself?
Alice Kingsley: Alice.
Cheshire Cat: *The* Alice?
Alice Kingsley: There's been some debate about that.
Cheshire Cat: I never get involved in politics.
[disappears]
White Queen: Alice, you cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours, because when you step out to face that creature, you will step out alone.
The Mad Hatter: 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
Alice Kingsley: Sorry, what was that?
The Mad Hatter: What was what?
[continues walking]
The Mad Hatter: The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame, Jaws that bait and claws that catch, Beware the Jabberwock, my son, The frumious Bandersnatch He took his vorpal sword in hand The vorpal blade went snicker-snack He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back. Its all about you, you know
Alice Kingsley: I'm not slaying anything. I don't slay, so put it out of your mind
The Mad Hatter: ...Mind?
[Hatter stops, puts Alice down on a log, and continues walking]
Alice Kingsley: Wait! You Cant leave me here!
The Mad Hatter: You don't slay? Do you have any idea what the Red Queen has done? You don't slay.
Alice Kingsley: I couldn't if i wanted to.
The Mad Hatter: You're not the same as you were before You were much more..."muchier" You've lost your "muchness"
Alice Kingsley: My "muchness"?
The Mad Hatter: [Points to Alice's heart] In there.
Alice Kingsley: Who's to say what is "proper"? What if it was agreed that "proper" was wearing a codfish on your head? Would you wear it?
Mad Hatter: Would you like a little more tea?
Alice: Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more.
March Hare: Ah, you mean you can't very well take less.
Mad Hatter: Yes. You can always take more than nothing.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [Stayne sees Alice] And who is this lovely creature?
The Red Queen: Um, my new favourite.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [to Alice] What is your name?
The Red Queen: Um.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [to Alice] I believe your name has slipped the Queen's mind.
The Red Queen: Her name is Um, IDIOT!
Jabberwocky: So my old foe, we meet on the battlefield once again.
Alice Kingsley: We've never met.
Jabberwocky: Not you, insignificant bearer. My ancient enemy, the Vorpal one.
Alice Kingsley: Alright, that's enough chatter.
[Alice slices off the Jabberwocky's tongue]
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: If you're hiding her, you will lose your heads.
The Mad Hatter: [as Stayn clutches his throat]
[strained]
The Mad Hatter: Already lost them.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Alice has escaped.
[Red Queen slaps him]
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: On the Bandersnatch.
[Red Queen slaps him again]
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: With the Vorpal Sword.
[Red Queen slaps him again]
Alice: It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change.
Doorknob: Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction.
The Red Queen: [the Mad Hatter is brought into The Red Queen's court] Where is Alice?
The Mad Hatter: I've been considering words that start with the letter M. Moron. Mutiny. Murder. Mmm-malice.
The Red Queen: Well, we're looking for an A word right now. Where is Alice?
[first lines]
Lord Ascot: Charles, you have lost your senses? This picture is impossible.
Charles Kingsleigh: Precisely. Gentlemen, the only way to achieve the impossible, is to believe it's possible.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: You're all mad.
The March Hare: Thanks very much.
The Red Queen: She's slain my Jabber-baby-wocky?
The Mad Hatter: Down with the bloody Red Queen!
The Mad Hatter: When that day comes I shall futterwacken... vigorously.
Blue Caterpillar: You're almost Alice.
The Mad Hatter: Well. The entire world is falling to ruins and poor Cheshire's off his tea.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Well, if it isn't my favorite trio... of lunatics.
The Mad Hatter: Rise up against the bloody red queen.
The Mad Hatter: [Hatter looks scornfully at her]
The Mad Hatter, Dormouse, Dodo Bird, White Rabbit, Tweedledee, Tweedledum: Down with the bloody big head!
Cheshire Cat: All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.
The Mad Hatter: You could stay.
Alice Kingsley: What an idea. What a mad, crazy, wonderful idea.
[They smile at each other]
Alice Kingsley: ... But I can't.
The Mad Hatter: 'Twas brillig/and the slithy toves/did gyre and gimbel in the wabe/all mimsy were the borogoves/and the mome raths outgrabe.
[last lines]
Alice Kingsley: [to a blue butterfly landing on her shoulder] Hello, Absolem.
Alice Kingsley: Off-with-your-head!
Alice Kingsley: [Cuts off Jabberwocky's head]
The Mad Hatter: Why is it you're always too small or too tall?
Alice Kingsley: [the March Hare throws some food toward the kitchen entrance as the White Queen enters, and ducks under the tossed food, Alice follows] Is the March Hare here?
The March Hare: [exclaims] You're late for your soup you we buzzem! You're late for your soup!
Alice Kingsley: [walks in and tastes the spattered food] Could use some salt.
The March Hare: Come here, you!
[the Hare tosses a salt shaker at Alice, who ducks out of the way]
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: We're looking for the girl called Alice.
The Mad Hatter: Speaking of the Queen, here's a little song we used to sing in her honor:
The Mad Hatter, Dormouse, The March Hare: "Twinkle twinkle little bat, how I wonder where you're at. Up..."
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [Wraps arm around Hatter's throat] If you're hiding her you'll lose your heads.
The Mad Hatter: *Already lost them.* All together now!
The Mad Hatter, Dormouse, The March Hare: "Up above the world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky. Twinkle twinkle..."
The Mad Hatter: [from trailer]
[Meeting the Red Queen]
The Mad Hatter: You have a regrettably large head! I would very much like to hat it!
Cheshire Cat: Who are you?
Alice Kingsley: I'm Alice.
Cheshire Cat: *The* Alice?
Alice Kingsley: There's some debate about that.
The Red Queen: Never mind him. He's mad.
White Queen: Because when you step out to face that creature, you will step out on your own.
The Red Queen: How would you like to have your head hacked off?
The Mad Hatter: [chuckles]
The Red Queen: Stop that.
The Red Queen: Off with their heads!
Dodo Bird: [Watching Alice struggle with size changing] You'd think she'd remember all of this from the first time.
Cheshire Cat: How's the arm, love?
Cheshire Cat: Goodbye, sweet hat.
Alice: I simply must get through!
Doorknob: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible.
Alice: You mean impossible?
Doorknob: No, impassible. Nothing's impossible.
The March Hare: You're all late for tea!
[Throws teacup]
The Red Queen: And what is this?
White Rabbit: It's a who, majesty. This is... um...
The Red Queen: 'Um'?
Alice Kingsley: From Umbridge.
The Red Queen: What happened to your clothes?
Alice Kingsley: I outgrew them. I've been growing an awful lot lately. I tower over everyone in Umbridge. They laugh at me. So, I've come to you hoping you might understand what it's like.
The Red Queen: My dear girl, anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court. Someone find her some clothes, use the curtains if you must, but clothe this enormous girl.
[the Executioner tries to take off the hat of the Mat Hatter at the beheading platform]
The Mad Hatter: I'd like to keep it on.
Executioner: Suit yourself. As long as I can get at your neck.
Cheshire Cat: [singing] 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves / Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: / All mimsy were the borogroves, / And the mome raths outgrabe.
Alice: Now where do you suppose...?
Cheshire Cat: Lose something?
Alice: [turns around to find just the Cat's smile talking to her] Oh my! oh, no no, I was just... uh never mind.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, that's quite all right. One moment please.
[two eyes drop down on top of the mouth and the full cat form appears]
Cheshire Cat: Second chorus.
[singing]
Cheshire Cat: 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves / Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
Alice: Why, why you're a cat!
Cheshire Cat: A *Cheshire* Cat.
[starts to disappear]
Cheshire Cat: All mimsy were the borogroves...
Alice: Oh wait!
Cheshire Cat: [reappears] There you are! Third chorus...
Alice: Oh, no, no. I was just wondering if you could help me find my way.
Cheshire Cat: Well that depends on where you want to get to.
Alice: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as...
Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go.
The Mad Hatter: Yes, yes-but you would have to be half-mad to dream me up.
The Red Queen: I need a pig here!
[Live pig is slid under her feet]
The Red Queen: I love a warm pig belly for my aching feet.
[Alice falls down the rabbit hole and her dress poofs up like a parachute]
Alice: Well, after this I should think nothing of falling down stairs.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way.
Alice: Who did?
Cheshire Cat: The White Rabbit.
Alice: He did?
Cheshire Cat: He did what?
Alice: Went that way.
Cheshire Cat: Who did?
Alice: The White Rabbit.
Cheshire Cat: What rabbit?
Alice: But didn't you just say - I mean - Oh, dear.
Cheshire Cat: Can you stand on your head?
Alice: Oh!
The March Hare: Spoon!
The Red Queen: Ilosovic Stayne, you Knave. Where have you been lurking?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Majesty, I have found... the Oraculum.
[unrolls it with a flourish]
The Red Queen: Is that it? Seems so ordinary for an oracle.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [pointing] Look here, on the Frabjous Day.
The Red Queen: [frowning] I'd know that tangled mess of hair anywhere. Is it Alice?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: I believe it is.
The Red Queen: What's she doing to my darling Jabberwocky?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [examining his gloves, deadpan] She appears to be slaying it.
The Red Queen: [angry] She killed my Jabberbabywocky?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Not yet, but it will happen if we don't stop her.
Alice Kingsley: I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched and stuffed into a teapot!
Alice Kingsley: I *make* the path!
The Red Queen: You're right, Stayne. It is far better to be feared than loved.
Alice Kingsley: How's *this* for muchness?
Alice Kingsley: It's only a dream...
Queen of Hearts: I warn you, child... if I lose my temper, you lose your head! Understand?
Lady Ascot: Do you know what I fear most?
Alice Kingsley: The decline of the aristocracy?
Lady Ascot: Ugly grandchildren.
Cheshire Cat: If I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.
Alice: The Mad Hatter? Oh, no no no...
Cheshire Cat: Or, you could ask the March Hare, in that direction.
Alice: Oh, thank you. I think I'll see him...
Cheshire Cat: Of course, he's mad, too.
Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here.
[laughs maniacally; starts to disappear]
Cheshire Cat: You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself.
Lady Ascot: Imbeciles! The garden is planted with white roses when I've specifically asked the red.
Alice Kingsley: You can always paint the roses red.
Lady Ascot: What an odd thing to say.
The Red Queen: Someone has stolen three of my tarts!
Alice Kingsley: Aunt Imogene, I think I'm going mad. I keep seeing a rabbit in a waistcoat.
Aunt Imogene: Can't be bothered with your fancy rabbit now. I'm waiting for my fiance.
Alice Kingsley: You have a fiance?
Aunt Imogene: Hmm.
Alice Kingsley: [sees White Rabbit again] There! Did you see it?
Aunt Imogene: [ignores] He's a prince. But alas, he cannot marry me unless he renounces his throne. It's tragic, isn't it?
Alice Kingsley: Very.
Blue Caterpillar: I can't help you if you don't even know who you are, stupid girl.
Dormouse: I'm right behind you.
White Queen: You're a little taller than I thought you'd be.
Daisy: What kind of a garden do you come from?
Alice: Oh, I don't come from any garden.
Daisy: Do you suppose she's a wildflower?
White Rabbit: Well. If it isn't the *wrong* Alice.
The Mad Hatter: I'm investigating things that begin with the letter M.
Alice Kingsley: Lost my muchness, have I?
Alice Kingsley: Enough chatter.
Alice Kingsley: [Chops off Jabberwocky's tongue. The White Queen looks like she's going to puke]
The Mad Hatter: What is the hatter with me?
Alice: Well, when one's lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are, until someone finds you. But who'd ever think to look for me here?
[sigh]
Alice: Good advice. If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice.
[sings]
Alice: But I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble that I'm always in. Be patient, is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious. And I'd love the change. Should something strange begin?
[begins to cry]
Alice: Well... I went along my merry way, and I never stopped to reason. I should've known there'd be a price to pay, someday... Someday... I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it!
[cries harder]
Alice: Will I ever learn to do the things I should?
[continues crying]
Caterpillar: Who... are... you?
Alice: I- I hardly know, sir. I've changed so many times since this morning, you see...
Caterpillar: No, I do not 'C.' Explain yourself.
Alice: I'm afraid I can't explain myself sir, because I'm not myself, you know.
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Alice: Well, I can't put it any more clearly, sir, for it isn't clear to me.
Caterpillar: You? Who ARE you?
Alice: Better look first, for if one drinks much from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with you sooner or later.
Caterpillar: Recite.
Alice: Oh. Yes sir. How doth the little bumblebee improve each...
Caterpillar: Stop. That is not spoken correctically. It goes: How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws.
Alice: Well, I must say, I've never heard it that way before.
Caterpillar: I know. I have improoooved it.
March Hare: I have an excellent idea, LETS CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
Alice: [after eating a mushroom] I'm tired of being only three inches high.
[suddenly grows out of control]
Alice: Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Alice: Riddles? Now let me see... why is a raven like a writing desk?
Mad Hatter: I beg your pardon?
Alice: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Mad Hatter: [alarmed] Why is a what?
March Hare: Careful, she's stark ravin' mad!
Alice: But it's your silly riddle. You just said...
Mad Hatter: Easy, don't get excited!
March Hare: How about a nice cup of tea?
Alice: "Have a cup of tea," indeed! Well I'm sorry, but I just haven't the time!
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Um forced herself on me. I told her my heart belongs to you-she's obsessed with me.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [pinning Alice against the wall] I like you, Um. I like... largeness.
Alice: In my world, the books would be nothing but pictures.
White Rabbit: [singing] I'm late / I'm late / For a very important date. / No time to say "Hello, Goodbye". / I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.
Alice Kingsley: Off with your head.
The Rose: Just what species or, shall we say, genus are you, my dear?
Alice: Well, I guess you would call me... genus, humanus... Alice.
Daisy: Ever see an alice with a blossom like that?
Orchid: Come to think of it, did you ever see an alice?
Daisy: Yes, and did you notice her petals? What a peculiar color.
Orchid: [sniffing Alice's hair] And no fragrance.
Daisy: [chuckling, as she lifts up one side of Alice's dress] And just look at those stems.
The Rose: [as Alice slaps the Daisy's leaves away] Rather scrawny, I'd say.
Bud: I think she's pretty.
The Rose: Quiet, bud.
[after they have restrained the Dormouse]
Mad Hatter: Ah thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me!
March Hare: See all the trouble you started?
Alice: But I didn't think...
March Hare: Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk.
Alice: Oh, but that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk.
The Rose: But of course we can talk, my dear.
Orchid: If there's anyone around worth talking to.
Daisy: Or about.
[giggles]
Dormouse: Twinkle twinkle, little bat / How I wonder what you're at? / Up above the world you fly / Like a tea tray in the sky.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Arrest that girl for unlawful seduction!
The Red Queen: Where's your champion, Sister?
Alice Kingsley: Here.
The Mad Hatter: What a regrettably large head you have. I would very much like to hat it. I used to hat The White Queen, you know. Her head was so small.
The Red Queen: It's tiny. It's a pimple of a head.
Queen of Hearts: Who's been painting my roses red? WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED? /Who dares to taint / With vulgar paint / The royal flower bed? / For painting my roses red / Someone will lose his head.
Card Painter: Oh no, Your Majesty, please! It's all *his* fault!
Card Painter: Not me, your grace! The ace, the ace!
Queen of Hearts: You?
Card Painter: No, two!
Queen of Hearts: The deuce, you say?
Card Painter: Not me! The three!
Queen of Hearts: That's enough! Off with their heads!
White Rabbit: Why, Mary Ann! What are you doing out here?
Alice: Mary Ann?
White Rabbit: Don't just do something, stand there... Uh... no no! Go go! Go get my gloves! I'm late!
Alice: But late for what? That's just what I...
White Rabbit: My gloves!
[Blows trumpet]
White Rabbit: At once, do you hear!
Alice: Goodness. I suppose I'll be taking orders from Dinah next.
\\White Queen: We have our champion
Alice: [as a giant] And as for you... Your Majesty! Your Majesty indeed! Why, you're not a queen,
[shrinking]
Alice: But just a - a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty...!
[normal size]
Alice: Tyrant.
Queen of Hearts: [giggles] And uh, just what were you saying, my dear?
Cheshire Cat: Why, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant!
[chuckles]
Alice: Curiouser and curiouser.
Alice: [after the Walrus and the Carpenter] That was a very sad story.
Tweedle Dee: Aye, but there's a moral to it.
Alice: Oh, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster.
Mad Hatter: Mustard! Yes, mu- MUSTARD? Don't let's be silly! Lemon, that's different...
Caterpillar: By the way, I have a few more helpful hints. One side will make you grow taller...
Alice: One side of what?
Caterpillar: ...and the other side will make you grow shorter.
Alice: The other side of what?
Caterpillar: THE MUSHROOM, OF COURSE!
Queen of Hearts: Now, where do you come from?
Alice: Well, I'm trying to find my way home...
Queen of Hearts: Your way? All ways here are my ways!
Alice: Yes, I know, but I was just thinking...
Queen of Hearts: Curtsy while you're thinking. It saves time.
Alice: [curtsying] Yes, Your Majesty, but I just wanted to ask you...
Queen of Hearts: I'll ask the questions! Do you play croquet?
Alice: Why, yes, Your Majesty.
Queen of Hearts: Then let the game begin!
Bird in the Tree: A serpent! Help! Help! A serpent, a serpent!
Alice: But please! Please!
Bird in the Tree: Off with you! Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Serpent! Serpeeeent!
Alice: I'm not a serpent!
Bird in the Tree: You? Indeed? Then just what are you?
Alice: I'm just a little girl.
Bird in the Tree: Little? Little?
[laughs]
Alice: Well, I am... I mean, I was.
Bird in the Tree: And I suppose you don't like eggs, either?
Alice: Yes, I do, but, but, but...
Bird in the Tree: I knew it! I knew it! Serpent! Serpeeeent!
Alice: Oh, for goodness sake!
Alice: When I get home I shall write a book about this place... If I ever do get home.
King of Hearts: What do you know about this unfortunate affair?
March Hare: Nothing.
Queen of Hearts: Nothing whatever?
March Hare: Nothing whatever!
Queen of Hearts: [shouts] That's very important! Jury, write that down!
Alice: I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party. Thank you.
March Hare: Birthday? My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party.
Mad Hatter: Of course not. This is an unbirthday party.
Dodo: Ahoy, and other nautical expressions!
[the Caterpillar has called a very frustrated Alice back so he can finish the conversation]
Alice: Well?
Caterpillar: Keep your temper.
Alice: Is that all?
Caterpillar: No. "Exaketededly" what is your problem?
Alice: Well its exak... exact... Its precisely this. I should like to be a little larger, sir.
Caterpillar: Why?
Alice: Well, after all, three inches is such a wretched height, and...
Caterpillar: [suddenly angry] *I* am "exaketededly" three inches high, and it is a very good height, in-*deed*!
Alice: But I'm not used to it. And you needn't... *shout*!
[Alice reaches the door to escape from the mob]
Doorknob: [tries to open the door] D'oh! I'm - still locked, you know!
Alice: [in horror] But the queen! I simply *must* get out!
Doorknob: [chuckles] But you *are* outside.
Alice: [releases her grip on the Doorknob] What?
Doorknob: [opens his mouth] See for yourself.
[Alice sees through his mouth and sees herself asleep with Dinah also sleeping on her lap by a tree in a beautiful meadow]
Alice: Why - why that's me! I'm asleep!
Queen of Hearts: [shouting from a distance, advancing toward Alice along with a mob of other characters] Don't let her get away! Off with her head!
Alice: [in terror, through the Doorknob's mouth] Alice, wake up! Please, wake up, Alice!
Queen of Hearts: [comes closer with the rest of the mob] Off with her head!
Alice: Alice! Please, wake up, Alice!
[as the mob draws nearer, the screen goes into swirling multicolor until it shows Alice sleeping by the tree]
Alice: [voiceover] Alice! Alice! Alice!
Alice's sister: [changes to her sister's] Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson?
Alice: Unbirthday? I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand.
March Hare: It's very simple. Now, thirty days has Septem -No. wait... An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then you -
[laughs]
March Hare: She doesn't know what an unbirthday is.
Walrus: The time has come, my little friends, to talk of other things / Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings / And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings / Calloo, Callay, come run away / With the cabbages and kings.
Alice: I was sitting on the riverbank with uh... with you know who...
Mad Hatter: I DO?
[chuckles]
Alice: I mean my C-A-T.
Mad Hatter: Teeeea?
March Hare: [slices a tea cup in half] Just half a cup, if you don't mind.
Alice: You can learn a lot of things from the flowers... Huh! Seems to me they could learn a few things about manners!
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Alice... Of course, why didn't I see it? Well, it has been a long time and you were such a little tyke then.
Cheshire Cat: You know? We could make her *really* angry! Shall we try?
Alice: Oh, no, no!
Cheshire Cat: Oh, but it's loads of fun!
Alice: Curiosity often leads to trouble.
The March Hare: Twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle...
Queen of Hearts: Now... are you ready for your sentence?
Alice: Sentence? But there has to be a verdict first...
Queen of Hearts: Sentence first! Verdict afterwards.
Alice: But that just isn't the way...
Queen of Hearts: [shouting] All ways are...!
Alice: ...your ways, your Majesty.
Tweedle Dum: If you think we're waxworks, you ought to pay, you know.
Tweedle Dee: Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us.
Tweedle Dum, Tweedle Dee: That's logic.
Alice: [drinks from bottle] Mmm... tastes like cherry tart.
[shrinks down]
Alice: Custard.
[shrinks down]
Alice: Pineapple.
[shrinks down]
Alice: Roast turkey.
[now at minimum size]
Alice: Goodness! What did I do?
Doorknob: [chuckles] You almost went out like a candle!
Alice: But look, I'm just the right size!
Doorknob: Oh - no use.
[laughs]
Doorknob: I forgot to tell you.
[laughs]
Doorknob: I'm locked!
[laughs]
Alice: Oh, no!
Doorknob: But of course, you've got the key, so...
Alice: What key?
Doorknob: Now, don't tell me you've left it up there!
Dodo: I say, you'll never get dry that way.
Alice: Get dry?
Dodo: Have to run with the others. First rule of a caucus race, you know.
White Rabbit: Your Majesty, members of the jury, loyal subjects... and the King... the prisoner at the bar stands accused of enticing Her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, thereby and with malice of forethought, molesting, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved...
Queen of Hearts: Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper.
White Rabbit: ...thereby causing the Queen to lose her temper.
March Hare: Start at the beginning.
Mad Hatter: Yes, yes. And when you come to the end...
[chuckles]
Mad Hatter: STOP. See?
Alice: Well, it all started when I was sitting on the river bank with Dinah.
March Hare: Very interesting - Who's Dinah?
[Pants lasciviously]
Alice: Oh, Dinah's my cat. You see...
Dormouse: Cat? CAT!
Orchid: To put it bluntly, a weed.
White Rabbit: We need a lazard with a liddle... a lad... can you help us?
Bill: At your service, gov'nor.
Dodo: Bill, my lad. Have you ever been down a chimney?
Bill: Why, gov'nor, I've been down more chimneys...
Dodo: Excellent, excellent. Now just hop down the chimney and pull that monster out of there.
Bill: Righto, gov'nor... Monster? Aaaaah!
Queen of Hearts: And who is this?
King of Hearts: Let me see, my dear. It's certainly not a heart. Do you suppose it's a club?
Mad Hatter: No wonder you're late. Why, this watch is exactly two days slow.
Doorknob: D'ooooh!
Alice: Oh! I beg your pardon...
Doorknob: Whew. Quite all right, but you did give me quite a turn.
Alice: You see, I was following...
Doorknob: Rather good, what? Doorknob? Turn? Since one good turn deserves another, what can I do for you?
Mad Hatter: What's the matter my dear, don't you care for tea?
Alice: Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea.
March Hare: If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!
Queen of Hearts: [after the Queen of Hearts is hit in the head and covered in the table cloth] Someone's head IS GOING TO ROLL FOR THIS!
Alice: Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you. Why, you're nothing but a pack of cards.
White Rabbit: Her Imperial Highness, Her Grace, Her Excellency, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of Hearts!
[Crowd cheers]
White Rabbit: ... And the King.
Voice in crowd: Hooray!
Alice: [turning down an offer for a cup of tea] I'm sorry, but I just haven't the time!
March Hare: The time! The time! Who's got the time?
King of Hearts: Rule 42: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately.
Alice: I am not a mile high, and I'm not leaving.
Queen of Hearts: Sorry. Rule 42, you know.
Alice: Oh dear, everything is *so* confusing.
Caterpillar: It is not.
Alice: Well, it is to me.
Caterpillar: Why?
Alice: Well, I can't remember things like I used to, and...
Caterpillar: Recite.
The Rose: Girls! We shall sing "Golden Afternoon". That's about all of us.
Mad Hatter: Clean cup, clean cup! Move down!
Queen of Hearts: Off with their heads.
Dodo: [singing] We'll blow the thing there out, we'll smoke the monster out!
[last lines]
Alice's sister: Alice... Alice... will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson?
Alice: [waking up after escaping the mob] Hm? Oh. Oh, uh, how doth the little crocodile improve each shining tail and pour the waters of the...
Alice's sister: Alice, what *are* you talking about?
Alice: Oh. I'm sorry, but you see, the Caterpillar said...
Alice's sister: Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sakes. Alice, I... Oh, well. Come along, it's time for tea.
Alice: Of all the silly nonsense, this is the stupidest tea party I've ever been to in all my life.
[first lines]
Alice's sister: [reading from a history book] "... leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the Earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand..." Alice.
[camera zooms out to show Alice sitting in a tree, playing with Dinah and making a chain of daisies]
Alice: Hmm? Oh, I'm listening.
Alice's sister: "And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was moderate."
[Alice laughs as her daisy crown falls on her sister's face]
March Hare: There's only one way to stop a MAD WATCH.
Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum: [singing together] How do ya do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do ya do and shake hands and state your name and business.
[both spoken]
Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum: That's manners!
Mad Hatter: [after "fixing" the White Rabbit's watch] Two days slow, that's what it is.
[repeated line]
Caterpillar: Who are you?
Alice: [singing] Painting the roses red...
Card Painter, Card Painter, Card Painter: [singing] We're painting the roses red. Don't tell the Queen what you have seen or say that's what we said, but we're painting the roses red.
Alice: Yes, painting the roses red.
Card Painter: Not pink!
Card Painter: Not green!
Alice: Not aquamarine!
Card Painter, Card Painter, Card Painter: We're painting the roses red!

Popular Movies view all

The Shawshank Redemption The Godfather The Godfather: Part II The Dark Knight The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Schindler\'s List Pulp Fiction Fight Club 12 Angry Men The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back Inception