A con man, Irving Rosenfeld, along with his seductive partner Sydney Prosser, is forced to work for a wild FBI agent, Richie DiMaso, who pushes them into a world of Jersey powerbrokers and mafia.

Sydney Prosser: You're nothing to me until you're everything.
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Life is ridiculous. And you know that I would never say anything bad about your father in front of you, but your father is a sick son-of-a bitch.
Danny Rosenfeld: Daddy's a sick son-of-a-bitch?
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Don't repeat that... but yes.
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: We fight and then we fuck, that's our thing.
Irving Rosenfeld: [Narrating] She was the Picasso of passive-aggressive karate.
Irving Rosenfeld: [Rosalyn has accidentally destroyed their new microwave] I told you not to put metal in the science oven, what did you do that for?
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Don't make such a big deal! Just get another one.
Irving Rosenfeld: I don't want another one, want the one that Carmine gave me.
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: [mocking] Oh, Carmine! I want the one that Carmine gave me! Carmine! Carmine!
[serious]
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Why don't you just marry Carmine? Get a little gold microwave and put it on a chain around your neck! You wanna be more like Carmine? Why don't you build something, like he does? Instead of all your empty deals; they're just like your fuckin' science oven. You know, I read that it takes all of the nutrition out of our food! It's empty, just like your deals. Empty! Empty!
Irving Rosenfeld: Listen to this bullshit.
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: It's not bullshit! I read it in an article, look: By Paul Brodeur.
[hands Irving the article]
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Bring something into this house that's gonna take all the nutrition out of our food and then light our house on fire? Thank God for me.
Irving Rosenfeld: I felt like we had a secret, just the two of us. Like that thing where you just wanna be with one person all the time. You feel like the two of you get something no one else gets.
Richie DiMaso: You got any other questions?
Paco Hernandez: Yeah, I think the name of this operation is offensive. What, Abscam? "Arab-scam"? It's racist!
Irving Rosenfeld: Are you fucking kidding? What do you care? You're Mexican.
[from trailer]
Irving Rosenfeld: Did you ever have to find a way to survive and you knew your choices were bad, *but* you had to survive?
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: I knew that Pete was going to go over there and knock some sense into your head. I've been reading this book Irving. It's by Wayne Dyer. The Power of Intention. And my intention in sending Pete over to you was that so you could come up with this plan. So, you're welcome.
Richie DiMaso: If I really wanted to fucking bother you, this is what I would do.
[messes with Irving's hairpiece]
Sydney Prosser: What the hell do you think you're doing?
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: What do I think I'm doing? What the fuck do you think you're doing? You're going to come in here and judge me for flirting with someone else when you've been fucking my husband for how many years?
Sydney Prosser: You don't have any fucking clue what's going on!
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: I have a ring on my finger. We have a child together!
Sydney Prosser: He doesn't love you, Rosalyn. He loves me. And you know it, and I know it, and he knows it. And it might be done now, but it was beautiful, and it was real...
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Stop it.
Sydney Prosser: -and we loved each other.
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Shut up.
Sydney Prosser: You scare him, and you manipulate him, and you use your son!
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Well, he must like it on some level. He must want it, because he keeps coming back for it. It's like that perfume that you love, that you can't stop smelling even when there's something sour in it. Can't get enough of it. Well guess what? He's never gonna leave me. He's always going to want me, and I will make you so sorry, Edith. I will make you so sorry for what you've done to my family. Mark my words!
Sydney Prosser: That is fucked up! I would never say anything that fucked up to anybody, but you do because you're gross inside. You're so fucked up and gross.
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Oh, I'm gross inside?
Sydney Prosser: Yeah!
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Maybe you're gross inside. What, robbing people and all that shit that you do? Maybe we're both gross inside. That's what Irving loves about us. At least he's consistent. You know, sometimes in life, all you have are fucked up, poisonous choices.
[She kisses Sydney and laughs]
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: The car's a little dinged up, I'm a little stiff. But whatever I don't want to talk about it.
Irving Rosenfeld: When you are offered a favor or money, take the favor, not the money. Jesus said that, didn't he?
Richie DiMaso: I know you think - look at me, hey, Edith - I know you think Irv loves you. I know you think you know him. You think that he sees the world as this cold, dark place. He cares about nobody but a very few people on a short list: His son, his father, Rosalyn, and you. You think you're on the top of the list? What if you're not? What if you're not on that list? What if you're not even on that list at all? He'd be in here right now if he took the cheque, but no, you did. God, it's so clear to me, it's crazy, it's clear to me, but it's not clear to you. He uses you, Edith, to protect himself, to protect his son, and his wife in Long Island. No? Yes. He put a ring on her finger, he adopted her son. They have a huge house and they have two huge cars, what does she do all day? I'll tell you what she does: She plays with her nails, she watches TV, and she spends your money; the money that you make.
[sighs]
Richie DiMaso: I don't like that you're in jail while he's going free, I don't like any of that, I want to help you. All the razzle-dazzle that he does? It's not good, it's not real, it's fake, it's not real. Who you are is who you are, between you and God. You and your soul, that's what matters, that's what counts, that's what I'm about. That's what I see in you. Tell me you didn't feel it the first time we saw each other? Am I crazy? I don't think so.
[beat]
Richie DiMaso: I'm not supposed to be talking like this, but I don't care, I break the rules.
[takes a deep breath]
Richie DiMaso: Okay, Edith, Edith, I wanna help you. I like you.
[mouths]
Richie DiMaso: I like you.
[speaks]
Richie DiMaso: I like you.
Sydney Prosser: [On the phone] Who's that? Who are you with?
Richie DiMaso: Oh no, just people.
Richie's Girlfriend: [Across the hall] People? I'm your fiance. Richard!
Sydney Prosser: Oh, you've got a fiance, you're engaged.
Richie DiMaso: [Stammering] I don't-I don't-I don't have a fiance-I don't know-I don't know.
Sydney Prosser: You don't know? You don't know if you have a fiance?
Richie DiMaso: I don't. No.
Sydney Prosser: Interesting.
Irving Rosenfeld: You're young. You're beautiful. You gotta go out and find somebody else. Get some friends. Alright?
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: I don't like going out. I get anxiety when I have to meet people. You know how hard that is.
[last lines]
Irving Rosenfeld: We took down some very big guys. Some of whom, they were just doing business as usual, helping their communities or their states, but some of them knew they had larceny in their blood, and they even admitted it. But in all, it was six congressmen, one United States senator, and my friend Carmine Polito. We gave the two million back, so that Carmine got a reduced sentence, 18 months. The loss of his friendship would haunt me the rest of my life. When the story was written, Richie DiMaso's name was never mentioned. Syd and I, we moved in together. Rosalyn? She would always be interesting. Our conning days were behind us. You can fool yourself for just so long, that your next reinvention you better have your damn feet on the ground. We got a loan from a bank and were able to go gallery-legitimate. The art of survival, is a story that never ends.
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: [Muttering] Don't put metal in that science oven, Rosalyn. Don't put metal in that science... He always treats me like a fucking child, I'll do whatever I want.
[Puts a metal TV dinner container in the microwave, turns it on. The microwave bursts into flames]
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Oh!
Danny Rosenfeld: [Off-screen] Another fire!
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: No, Danny! Not that one! That one's empty! We gotta use the big one!
Irving Rosenfeld: I'm like the fucking Vietcong, man, all right? I'm in and I'm out. I was there the whole time. You don't know it, all right? That's the fuckin' art of becoming somebody who people can pin their beliefs and their dreams on.
Richie's Mother: [saying grace] And please help Richard to marry Diane so that I may have grandchildren, and that the Pope may have more followers.
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: You told me that you wanted me to find a nice, quiet man. He's the one.
Irving Rosenfeld: Oh, what a doozy you picked. Oh, you hit that... He's the most dangerous guy ever.
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Well, what do you expect, Irving? I know everybody through you!
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: [Discussing her nail polish with Dolly Polito] There's something, the topcoat. It's like, perfumey, but there's also something, rotten. And I know that sounds crazy, but I can't get enough of it.
[first lines]
Richie DiMaso: What are you doing, going behind my back? Telling people I'm screwing up this operation? I got you a suite at the fucking Plaza Hotel.
Irving Rosenfeld: The shittiest suite at the Plaza Hotel.
Richie DiMaso: What's the ending of the ice fishing story?
Stoddard Thorsen: I'm not telling you the end of the ice fishing story!
Richie DiMaso: I'm going to call your fuckin' brother to find out the end.
Stoddard Thorsen: My brother's *dead*!
Richie DiMaso: That's how it ends! He fell through the fuckin' ice!
Stoddard Thorsen: No, that's not... He died a different way, many years later!
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: [interrupting] Hey, Irving, I'm gonna be having fun. Maybe it'll be contagious, huh?
Irving Rosenfeld: I'm going out for dinner with Carmine and the wives out in Camden.
Richie DiMaso: Who?
Irving Rosenfeld: Carmine, and myself, and the wives.
Richie DiMaso: What? Without me?
Irving Rosenfeld: He doesn't like you, what do you want from me? I got him to take the money, you got him on tape, I mean, I can't make him like you. I did my job.
Sydney Prosser: [reluctantly realizing his angle] Everybody at the bottom crosses paths eventually in a pool of desperation and you're waiting for them...
Irving Rosenfeld: How about "we"?
Richie DiMaso: You know what, if the country were run by people like you, Irving Rosenfeld, we'd be living in Eastern Europe or Guatemala.
Richie DiMaso: [while seducing Sydney] You know, we're taking down a very... important... politician.
Cosmo Interview Girl: Our cover story right now is about cunnilingus. What do you think about that?
Sydney Prosser: I like it.
Richie DiMaso: [as Richie puts the phone down from talking to Sydney he turns to his mother and puts his hands on her face] That's what the phone call's about. Everybody thought, "Oh, Richie DiMaso is gonna stay in the office pushing papers." That's not gonna happen, mom. I'm outside on the field, I got peoples working for me. My ideas, I'm running the show, I'm the quarterback and I'm not gonna settle for no one, mom.
[he looks at his mother for a moment before kissing her on the cheek and getting up to leave]
Victor Tellegio: Don't get your balls in an uproar. Everything's fine. Everything's good. It's all good. It's all good... It's all good; I just hope the other part of this is all good. And real. Because we're real. You *know* that. You deal with us, you're dealing with a *real* organization. We're dealing with you, we don't know what we're dealing with.