Animal Crackers Quotes
Mayhem and zaniness ensue when a valuable painting goes missing during a party in honor of famed African explorer Captain Spaulding.
Capt. Spaulding: Now read me the letter, Jamison.
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga..."
Capt. Spaulding: [correcting him] Hungerdunger.
[they say the "hung" syllable in unison]
Capt. Spaulding: Hoong.
Horatio Jamison: Hungerdunger.
Capt. Spaulding: That's it, Hungerdunger.
Horatio Jamison: [continues reading] "... care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick."
Capt. Spaulding: You've left out a Hungerdunger. You left out the main one, too. Thought you could slip one over on me, didn't you, eh?
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: All right, leave it out and put in a windshield wiper instead.
[Jamison nods and writes]
Capt. Spaulding: I tell you what you do, Jamison, I tell you what. Make it, uh, make it three windshield wipers and one Hungerdunger. They won't all be there when the letter arrives anyhow.
Horatio Jamison: [rushes quickly through what he's just written] "... Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger... and McCormick."
Capt. Spaulding: And McCormick.
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "Gentlemen, question mark."
Capt. Spaulding: [correcting him] Gentlemen, question mark? Put it on the penultimate, not on the diphthongic. You wanna brush up on your Greek, Jamison. Well, get a Greek and brush up on him.
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "In re yours of the fifth inst..."
Capt. Spaulding: I see.
Horatio Jamison: Now, uh... you said a lot of things here that I didn't think were important, so I just omitted them.
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Well!
Capt. Spaulding: Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.
[suddenly tries to hit Jamison with his switch, but misses; he falls]
Mrs. Rittenhouse: [helps Spaulding up] Oh, Captain! Good gracious! Oh, my.
Capt. Spaulding: [to Jamison] So, you just omitted them, eh? You just omitted the body of the letter, that's all. You've just left out the body of the letter, that's all. Yours is not to reason why, Jamison. You've left out the body of the letter.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: All right, send it that way and tell them the body will follow.
[swings his switch indignantly]
Horatio Jamison: Do you want the body in brackets?
Capt. Spaulding: No, it'll never get there in brackets. Put it in a box. Put it in a box and mark it, uh..."fragilly."
Horatio Jamison: Mark it what?
Capt. Spaulding: Mark it fragilly. F-R-A-G... Look it up, Jamison, it's in the dictionary. Look under "fragile." Look under the table if you don't find it there.
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga..."
Capt. Spaulding: [correcting him] Hungerdunger.
[they say the "hung" syllable in unison]
Capt. Spaulding: Hoong.
Horatio Jamison: Hungerdunger.
Capt. Spaulding: That's it, Hungerdunger.
Horatio Jamison: [continues reading] "... care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick."
Capt. Spaulding: You've left out a Hungerdunger. You left out the main one, too. Thought you could slip one over on me, didn't you, eh?
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: All right, leave it out and put in a windshield wiper instead.
[Jamison nods and writes]
Capt. Spaulding: I tell you what you do, Jamison, I tell you what. Make it, uh, make it three windshield wipers and one Hungerdunger. They won't all be there when the letter arrives anyhow.
Horatio Jamison: [rushes quickly through what he's just written] "... Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger... and McCormick."
Capt. Spaulding: And McCormick.
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "Gentlemen, question mark."
Capt. Spaulding: [correcting him] Gentlemen, question mark? Put it on the penultimate, not on the diphthongic. You wanna brush up on your Greek, Jamison. Well, get a Greek and brush up on him.
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "In re yours of the fifth inst..."
Capt. Spaulding: I see.
Horatio Jamison: Now, uh... you said a lot of things here that I didn't think were important, so I just omitted them.
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Well!
Capt. Spaulding: Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.
[suddenly tries to hit Jamison with his switch, but misses; he falls]
Mrs. Rittenhouse: [helps Spaulding up] Oh, Captain! Good gracious! Oh, my.
Capt. Spaulding: [to Jamison] So, you just omitted them, eh? You just omitted the body of the letter, that's all. You've just left out the body of the letter, that's all. Yours is not to reason why, Jamison. You've left out the body of the letter.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: All right, send it that way and tell them the body will follow.
[swings his switch indignantly]
Horatio Jamison: Do you want the body in brackets?
Capt. Spaulding: No, it'll never get there in brackets. Put it in a box. Put it in a box and mark it, uh..."fragilly."
Horatio Jamison: Mark it what?
Capt. Spaulding: Mark it fragilly. F-R-A-G... Look it up, Jamison, it's in the dictionary. Look under "fragile." Look under the table if you don't find it there.
Capt. Spaulding: One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know. Then we tried to remove the tusks. The tusks. That's not so easy to say. Tusks. You try it some time.
Roscoe Chandler: Oh, simple: "tusks."
Capt. Spaulding: [shakes Chandler's hand] My name is Spaulding. I've always wanted to meet you, Mr. Chandler. As I say, we tried to remove the tusks. But they were embedded so firmly we couldn't budge them. Of course, in Alabama the Tuscaloosa, but that is entirely ir-elephant to what I was talking about.
Roscoe Chandler: Oh, simple: "tusks."
Capt. Spaulding: [shakes Chandler's hand] My name is Spaulding. I've always wanted to meet you, Mr. Chandler. As I say, we tried to remove the tusks. But they were embedded so firmly we couldn't budge them. Of course, in Alabama the Tuscaloosa, but that is entirely ir-elephant to what I was talking about.
Capt. Spaulding: Living with your folks... living with your folks... the beginning of the end... drab, dead yesterdays shutting out beautiful tomorrows... hideous, stumbling footsteps creaking along the misty corridors of time... and in those corridors I see figures... straaange figures... weeeird figures: Steel 186, Anaconda 74, American Can 138.
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Oh, Captain Spaulding...
Capt. Spaulding: I'll attend to you later.
[turns back to the litter-bearers]
Capt. Spaulding: Don't try and pull that...
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Oh, Captain Spaulding...
Capt. Spaulding: [she finally succeeds in getting his attention] Why, you're one of the most beautiful women I've *ever* seen, and that's not saying much for you.
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Captain Spaulding, Rittenhouse Manor is entirely at your disposal.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, I'm certainly grateful for this magnificent washout - er, turnout. And now I'd like to say a few words.
[sings]
Capt. Spaulding: Hello, I must be going/I cannot stay, I came to say I must be going/I'm glad I came, but just the same, I must be going, la-la!
[Tries to leave, the guests stop him]
Mrs. Rittenhouse: [sings] For my sake, you must stay/If you should go away/You'd spoil this party I am throwing.
Capt. Spaulding: [sings] I'll stay a week or two/I'll stay the summer through/But I am telling you/I must be going
Capt. Spaulding: I'll attend to you later.
[turns back to the litter-bearers]
Capt. Spaulding: Don't try and pull that...
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Oh, Captain Spaulding...
Capt. Spaulding: [she finally succeeds in getting his attention] Why, you're one of the most beautiful women I've *ever* seen, and that's not saying much for you.
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Captain Spaulding, Rittenhouse Manor is entirely at your disposal.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, I'm certainly grateful for this magnificent washout - er, turnout. And now I'd like to say a few words.
[sings]
Capt. Spaulding: Hello, I must be going/I cannot stay, I came to say I must be going/I'm glad I came, but just the same, I must be going, la-la!
[Tries to leave, the guests stop him]
Mrs. Rittenhouse: [sings] For my sake, you must stay/If you should go away/You'd spoil this party I am throwing.
Capt. Spaulding: [sings] I'll stay a week or two/I'll stay the summer through/But I am telling you/I must be going
[Jamison finishes reading the letter that Spaulding dictated to him]
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "Quotes, unquotes, and quotes."
Capt. Spaulding: That's three quotes?
Horatio Jamison: Yes, sir.
Capt. Spaulding: Add another quote and make it a gallon. How much is it a gallon, Jamison?
Horatio Jamison: Regards.
Capt. Spaulding: Regards. That's a fine letter, Jamison, that's an epic. That's dandy. Now, I want you to make two carbon copies of that letter and throw the original away. And when you get through with that, throw the carbon copies away. Just send a stamp, airmail, that's all. You may go, Jamison. I may go too.
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "Quotes, unquotes, and quotes."
Capt. Spaulding: That's three quotes?
Horatio Jamison: Yes, sir.
Capt. Spaulding: Add another quote and make it a gallon. How much is it a gallon, Jamison?
Horatio Jamison: Regards.
Capt. Spaulding: Regards. That's a fine letter, Jamison, that's an epic. That's dandy. Now, I want you to make two carbon copies of that letter and throw the original away. And when you get through with that, throw the carbon copies away. Just send a stamp, airmail, that's all. You may go, Jamison. I may go too.
Guests: Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer!
Capt. Spaulding: Did someone call me schnorrer?
Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!
Horatio Jamison: He went into the jungle where all the monkeys throw nuts.
Capt. Spaulding: If I stay here, I'll go nuts.
Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray! He put all his reliance / In courage and defiance / And risked his life for science.
Capt. Spaulding: Hey, hey!
Mrs. Rittenhouse: He is the only white man who covered every acre...
Capt. Spaulding: I think I'll try and make her...
Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!
Capt. Spaulding: Did someone call me schnorrer?
Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!
Horatio Jamison: He went into the jungle where all the monkeys throw nuts.
Capt. Spaulding: If I stay here, I'll go nuts.
Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray! He put all his reliance / In courage and defiance / And risked his life for science.
Capt. Spaulding: Hey, hey!
Mrs. Rittenhouse: He is the only white man who covered every acre...
Capt. Spaulding: I think I'll try and make her...
Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!
Capt. Spaulding: I used to know a fellow who looked exactly like you by the name of Emanuel Ravelli. Are you his brother?
Ravelli: I am Emanuel Ravelli.
Capt. Spaulding: You're Emanuel Ravelli?
Ravelli: I am Emanuel Ravelli.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, no wonder you look like him. But I still insist there is a resemblance.
Ravelli: Heh, heh, he thinks I look alike.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, if you do, it's a tough break for both of you.
Ravelli: I am Emanuel Ravelli.
Capt. Spaulding: You're Emanuel Ravelli?
Ravelli: I am Emanuel Ravelli.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, no wonder you look like him. But I still insist there is a resemblance.
Ravelli: Heh, heh, he thinks I look alike.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, if you do, it's a tough break for both of you.
[Spaulding has repeatedly told Jamison to take a letter to Spaulding's lawyers, but he has kept interrupting himself]
Capt. Spaulding: I say, take a letter to my lawyers!
Horatio Jamison: Well I am taking it!
[long pause, as nothing has yet been written]
Capt. Spaulding: Honorable Charles H., uh, Hungerdunger, care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick... semicolon.
Horatio Jamison: How do you spell semicolon?
Capt. Spaulding: All right, make it a comma.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: Honorable Charles. H. Hungerdunger, care of Hunger...
[rushes through the repetition]
Capt. Spaulding: ... and McCormick.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: Gentlemen, question mark?
[grunts]
Horatio Jamison: Do you want that, uh,
[grunt]
Horatio Jamison: in the letter?
Capt. Spaulding: No, put that in an envelope.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: Now then. In re yours of the fifth inst., yours to hand and beg to rep... brackets...
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: ... We have gone over the ground carefully, and we seem to believe, i.e., to wit, e.g., in lieu, that, uh, despite all our... precautionary measures which have been involved...
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: ... uh, we seem to believe that it is hardly necessary for us to proceed unless we, uh, receive an ipso facto that is not negligible at this moment, quotes, unquotes, and quotes...
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: ... uh, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain...
Horatio Jamison: [interrupting] Hoping this finds him where?
Capt. Spaulding: Well, let him worry about that. Don't be so inquisitive, Jamison.
[insultingly]
Capt. Spaulding: Sneak.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: I say, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain, as of June 9th, cordially yours, regards. That's all, Jamison.
Capt. Spaulding: I say, take a letter to my lawyers!
Horatio Jamison: Well I am taking it!
[long pause, as nothing has yet been written]
Capt. Spaulding: Honorable Charles H., uh, Hungerdunger, care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick... semicolon.
Horatio Jamison: How do you spell semicolon?
Capt. Spaulding: All right, make it a comma.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: Honorable Charles. H. Hungerdunger, care of Hunger...
[rushes through the repetition]
Capt. Spaulding: ... and McCormick.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: Gentlemen, question mark?
[grunts]
Horatio Jamison: Do you want that, uh,
[grunt]
Horatio Jamison: in the letter?
Capt. Spaulding: No, put that in an envelope.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: Now then. In re yours of the fifth inst., yours to hand and beg to rep... brackets...
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: ... We have gone over the ground carefully, and we seem to believe, i.e., to wit, e.g., in lieu, that, uh, despite all our... precautionary measures which have been involved...
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: ... uh, we seem to believe that it is hardly necessary for us to proceed unless we, uh, receive an ipso facto that is not negligible at this moment, quotes, unquotes, and quotes...
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: ... uh, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain...
Horatio Jamison: [interrupting] Hoping this finds him where?
Capt. Spaulding: Well, let him worry about that. Don't be so inquisitive, Jamison.
[insultingly]
Capt. Spaulding: Sneak.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: I say, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain, as of June 9th, cordially yours, regards. That's all, Jamison.
