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The fledgling romance between Nick, a playboy bachelor, and Suzanne, a divorced mother of two, is threatened by a particularly harrowing New Year's Eve. When Suzanne's work keeps her in ... See full summary »
Nick Persons: [on a horse next to a moving train] I'm gonna have to hop on! Kevin Kingston: I don't think that's a good idea! Nick Persons: Says who? Kevin Kingston: Says the guy who put all that junk on the road! Nick Persons: Oh snap!
[from trailer] Kevin Kingston: [from trailer] [in the car] Kevin Kingston: I have to go to the bathroom. Lindsey Kingston: I'm sure the carpet's absorbent.
Nick Persons: [wanting new tires] Look, I'll pay you extra. See? Yao Ming! Rookie card. Car Mechanic: Oh, I see. You think because I am Chinese that you can get me to do anythi - OOOO! Hologram!
[last lines] Satchel Paige: I love a happy ending! Hahaha!
Nick Persons: Come on, you're driving like a old lady. Ernst: No, no, you watch. Ernst knows how to drive.
Lindsey Kingston: [about 50 cent] I'll give him a dollar to shut up.
Lindsey Kingston: [interrupting Nick and Suzanne talking about going out on the porch] What is going on out here? Kevin Kingston: Mom, where have you been? Miss Mable burnt out dinner, fell asleep, and she just keeps farting!
[a pair of young shoplifters enter the store, one of them walks up to the counter where Nick awaits] Shoplifter: Hey, Mister, you got any 'Yu-Gi-Oh!'? Nick Persons: What you think? Shoplifter: You got any Dragonball GT? Nick Persons: [furiously] Look. You come in here every day, askin' the same questions. We ain't got no Pokemon, no Digimon, no Buffy, no SpongeBob, no Beanie Babies... [sees the other shoplifter trying to take a rare baseball card] Nick Persons: And no shoplifters! [he chucks a football at the shoplifter, who drops the card, then leaves with his partner] Nick Persons: Now, get! BOTH OF Y'ALL! GET!'!'!
Lindsey Kingston: [talking about Keven] He played lady pac-man and had nightmares for a week.
[Nick's car is burning up] Nick Persons: Oh man! I never even got to read the manual!
Kevin Kingston: Do you have any Justin Timberlake or Clay Aiken? Nick Persons: [looks up at the sky] Lord, these kids are ethnically challenged. You know you could get shot by playing those CDs in my old neighborhood. Kevin Kingston: We're not ghetto!
Ernst: Ernst to the rescue! Do-do-do-do-de-do!
Amish Man: [sees Nick making a big fuss over his SUV being wrecked] [to fishing partner] Amish Man: This is why we never come to the city.
Nick Persons: Kiss my 330 cubic inches of V8 power, sucker!
Nick Persons: What is wrong with you kids?
Nick Persons: Oh Damn! Boy Didn't you hear what I just said? Lindsey Kingston: Ooh, you just swore. Nick Persons: Your damn right I swore, that's about $400 dollars worth of damage to my new car! Lindsey Kingston: That's twice! Now you have to put two dollars in the swear jar.