As Good as It Gets Quotes
A single mother/waitress, a misanthropic author, and a gay artist form an unlikely friendship after the artist is in an accident.
Receptionist: I can't resist! You usually move through here so quickly and I just have so many questions I want to ask you. You have no idea what your work means to me.
Melvin Udall: What does it mean to you?
Receptionist: [stands up] When somebody out there knows what it's like...
[place one hand on her forehead and the other over her heart]
Receptionist: ... to be in here.
Melvin Udall: Oh God, this is like a nightmare.
[Turns around and presses the elevator button multiple times]
Receptionist: Oh come on! Just a couple of questions. How hard is that?
[Scampers up to Melvin]
Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.
Melvin Udall: What does it mean to you?
Receptionist: [stands up] When somebody out there knows what it's like...
[place one hand on her forehead and the other over her heart]
Receptionist: ... to be in here.
Melvin Udall: Oh God, this is like a nightmare.
[Turns around and presses the elevator button multiple times]
Receptionist: Oh come on! Just a couple of questions. How hard is that?
[Scampers up to Melvin]
Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.
Melvin Udall: I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.
Melvin Udall: I've got a really great compliment for you, and it's true.
Carol Connelly: I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful.
Melvin Udall: Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... all right, well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.
Carol Connelly: I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.
Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.
Carol Connelly: ...That's maybe the best compliment of my life.
Melvin Udall: Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.
Carol Connelly: I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful.
Melvin Udall: Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... all right, well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.
Carol Connelly: I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.
Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.
Carol Connelly: ...That's maybe the best compliment of my life.
Melvin Udall: Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.
Carol Connelly: OK, we all have these terrible stories to get over, and you-...
Melvin Udall: It's not true. Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good.
Melvin Udall: It's not true. Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good.
Melvin Udall: Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?
Simon Bishop: [clears his throat] Uhm, yes. It's not a... subtle point that you're making.
Melvin Udall: Okay then.
[Shuts door in Simon's face]
Simon Bishop: [clears his throat] Uhm, yes. It's not a... subtle point that you're making.
Melvin Udall: Okay then.
[Shuts door in Simon's face]
Melvin Udall: [enters his psychiatrist's office] Hi.
[shuts door]
Melvin Udall: *Help!*
Dr. Green: If you want to see me, you will not do this. You will make an appointment.
Melvin Udall: Dr. Green, how can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compulsive disorder, and then act like I have some choice about barging in here?
[shuts door]
Melvin Udall: *Help!*
Dr. Green: If you want to see me, you will not do this. You will make an appointment.
Melvin Udall: Dr. Green, how can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compulsive disorder, and then act like I have some choice about barging in here?
Melvin Udall: [Sitting in the bar after Carol storms out] Well, it's not right to go into details, I got nervous. I screwed up, I said the wrong thing... Where if I hadn't, I could be in bed right now with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you got a life. Instead I'm here with you
[gestures to bartender]
Melvin Udall: . No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug.
[gestures to bartender]
Melvin Udall: . No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug.
Melvin Udall: Can I ask you a personal question?
Simon Bishop: Sure.
Melvin Udall: You ever get an erection over a woman?
Simon Bishop: Melvin...
Melvin Udall: I mean, wouldn't your life be easier if you weren't...
Simon Bishop: You consider your life easy?
Melvin Udall: [pause] All right, I give you that one.
Simon Bishop: Sure.
Melvin Udall: You ever get an erection over a woman?
Simon Bishop: Melvin...
Melvin Udall: I mean, wouldn't your life be easier if you weren't...
Simon Bishop: You consider your life easy?
Melvin Udall: [pause] All right, I give you that one.
Simon Bishop: Okay... What I do is, I watch. Ever watch somebody who doesn't know you're watching them? An old woman sitting on a bus? Or kids going to school? Somebody just waiting, and you see this flash come over them. And you know immediately that has nothing to do with anything external because that hasn't changed. They're just sort of realer and more alive. You look at someone long enough, you discover their humanity.
Simon Bishop: Is this fun for you? You lucky devil. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? I'm losing my apartment, Melvin. And Frank, he wants me to beg my parents, who haven't called me, for help. And I won't. And... I... I don't want to paint any more. So the life that I was trying for, is over. the life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe.
Carol Connelly: I'm sure Simon they did something really "off" in order for you to feel this way but when it comes to your parents or your kids something will always be "off" unless you set it straight and maybe this thing happened to you so you have a chance to do that
Simon Bishop: When I was a kid I always painted and my mother always encouraged it , she was very fabulous about it, I was too young to think that there was anything wrong with it, so she used to pose nude for me, I always thought or I assumed my father knew about it, one day he found us and started screaming I was trying to defend my mother and make peace in the lamest way, I said " she's not naked, it's art" and he started hitting me and beat me unconscious, he taught me a lesson he thought I'd never forget, he knew what I was even before I did, the morning I left for college he walked into my room and held out his hand and it was filled with money, a big sweaty wad of money and he said, " take this and I don't want you ever to come back", I grabbed him and hugged him and he turned around and walked out I haven't seen him or talked to him since
[Carol kisses him on the cheek]
Simon Bishop: When I was a kid I always painted and my mother always encouraged it , she was very fabulous about it, I was too young to think that there was anything wrong with it, so she used to pose nude for me, I always thought or I assumed my father knew about it, one day he found us and started screaming I was trying to defend my mother and make peace in the lamest way, I said " she's not naked, it's art" and he started hitting me and beat me unconscious, he taught me a lesson he thought I'd never forget, he knew what I was even before I did, the morning I left for college he walked into my room and held out his hand and it was filled with money, a big sweaty wad of money and he said, " take this and I don't want you ever to come back", I grabbed him and hugged him and he turned around and walked out I haven't seen him or talked to him since
[Carol kisses him on the cheek]
Melvin Udall: I need you to chaperone separate everything but cars you said you liked convertibles now I'm on the hook
Carol Connelly: I'm sorry, "stiff one eye ?", I can't, I work
Melvin Udall: You get off when you want to
Carol Connelly: My son
Melvin Udall: The vet says his doing fine
Carol Connelly: I'd rather not
Melvin Udall: What's that got to do with it?
Carol Connelly: Funny, I thought it strong point
Melvin Udall: "Write a note isn't she sweet?" I need a hand and where'd she go?
Carol Connelly: Your saying accepting your help obligates me?
Melvin Udall: Is there any other way to see it?
Carol Connelly: I'm sorry, "stiff one eye ?", I can't, I work
Melvin Udall: You get off when you want to
Carol Connelly: My son
Melvin Udall: The vet says his doing fine
Carol Connelly: I'd rather not
Melvin Udall: What's that got to do with it?
Carol Connelly: Funny, I thought it strong point
Melvin Udall: "Write a note isn't she sweet?" I need a hand and where'd she go?
Carol Connelly: Your saying accepting your help obligates me?
Melvin Udall: Is there any other way to see it?
