Bandits Quotes

Two bank robbers fall in love with the girl they've kidnapped.

[Terry is at the drive-up window as the police pull up]
Policeman: Where's Dottie?
Terry: Who?
Policeman: The drive-up girl.
Terry: Oh, yes, Dottie. Of course. She's... sick.
Policeman: Sick with what?
Terry: Vaginitis. She's been suffering from an abnormal vaginal discharge. You know the common symptoms, a viscous fluid, usually associated with... uh... vaginitis.
[the police drive away looking embarrassed]

[Terry is listening to a tape about various diseases]
voice on tape: The most common symptom of vaginitis is an abnormal vaginal discharge...
[Terry fast forwards the tape for a while]
voice on tape: ...probably from an allergic reaction to mites.

Terry: I noticed you got a gold watch.
Joe: It's an 18 karat gold watch.
Terry: I don't give a shit how many karats it is.
Joe: 36 grand. It's no big deal.
Terry: Did you ever think about asking someone for the time? It's a lot cheaper.

[Terry and Harvey are waiting for Joe and Kate. Harvey is dressed in a very loud cowboy outfit]
Terry: Harvey?
Harvey: Yeah?
Terry: Do you remember what I said about conspicuous behavior?
Harvey: Keep it low profile.
Terry: Are you achieving it do you think?
Harvey: Yep.
Terry: Good boy.
Harvey: What do you think of my boots?
Terry: Very lifelike.

Joe: Put that gun down.
Terry: Make me!
Joe: Make me?
Terry: Yes, MAKE ME!
Joe: What the hell is this, the third grade?
Terry: Well, I'm out of well-turned phrases at this point, Joe!

[dreaming]
Terry: Beavers and Ducks!

Terry: You're gonna knock over a bank with a Magic Marker? What are you gonna do, write on 'em?

Terry: You know the hardest thing about being smart?
Joe: No.
Terry: I always pretty much know what's gonna happen next. There's no suspense.

Joe: What'd you bring her here for?
Terry: One, I had no choice, two, I may have suffered a slight concussion and three, she is mentally imbalanced to a spectacular degree.
Kate: I can hear you!

Charles Wheeler: Please, wherever you are, return my wife to me. Kate, if you're listening, I want you to know that I'm okay. I hope you're holding up well, I hope that these gentlemen are treating you correctly, the way you should be treated, and speaking of which, I'm going to Spain next week, so if your kidnappers would like to contact me, they can get in touch with my people, and you know who they are, and the house is waiting for you, right here, where you belong. And the house misses you, I miss you...
[Kate turns off the television]
Kate: Hmph! He has no IDEA where I belong!
Joe: You belong here.
Terry: Yeah. With us.

Joe: ...Of course, if you are expecting the unexpected... well, then it really isn't unexpected anymore... and that leaves you vulnerable to the truly unexpected... because you're not expecting it.

Terry: Kate, you should choose. What's it gonna be? Mr. Action Figure Hero Guy? Or brains, and sensitivity, and a lot of other things I could name. So in other words: me or THAT guy?
Joe: Yeah, good looking, or ITCHY.

[Kate starts reciting the lines to "Total Eclipse of the Heart". Joe joins in]
Kate: Oh my god! I can't believe you KNOW that song!
Joe: Yeah. Bonnie Tyler. "Total Eclipse of the Heart". It's the ultimate sappy chick song.

Terry: Do you smell burning feathers?
Kate: Burning feathers?
Terry: Joe's older brother, Albert. He smelled burning feathers. He had a brain tumor.
Kate: Joe doesn't have an older brother.

Terry: I am a fugitive from justice! I am a dangerous criminal!
Kate: Oh well that explains the hijacking!

Terry: Love is a wish you hide in your heart that no one else knows.

Harvey: What about the mini-van?
Terry: You leave it here.
Harvey: But I like the mini-van!
Terry: I appreciate that. But as it's a stolen mini-van it's probably best that you leave it here.

Kate: I'll make dinner.
Terry: I cook the dinners around here.
Kate: Sorry. Not familiar with the outlaw code.

Terry: I'm gonna flee from the scene of the crime in the nick of time.

Terry: Kate, I - I'm a desperate man.
Kate: Desperate?
Terry: Yes.
Kate: You don't know the meaning of the word. Desperate is when you wake up in the morning and you wish you hadn't. It's knowing that every time you get behind the wheel of a car you're only a tree away from ending the empty charade that your life has become! So don't talk to me about desperate!

Terry: I don't want to rob banks for the rest of my life! The stress level is just too damn high.

Bank teller: Is this a joke?
Joe: No ma'am, this is a bank robbery.

[Speaking to Kate after she refuses to get out of the car]
Terry: You're insane!
Kate: I'm unhappy! It's not the same thing.

[after having been shot at and chased by police]
Terry: May I please go back to prison?

Flamingo Desk Clerk: I've never seen so much pink in my goddamn life! It's a hell of a thing to do to an automobile.

Terry: Kate, there are guys who leave, and there are guys who get left. I don't think it's any mystery as to which category I fall into.
Kate: Terry, I'm not leavin' you.
Terry: You're staying?
Kate: Yeah.
[Kate gives terry a kiss]
Kate: Good night.

Joe: Got the gun?
[the back window of the car they are driving gets shot out]
Terry: No.

Harvey: I don't know. Kate's a special lady.
Terry: Kate is an ice burg waiting for the Titanic.

Terry: I've been thinking I don't *have* a brain tumor because you never had a brother!

Kate: You can't just step in front of a moving car and expect it to stop!
Terry: Yes you can! I've seen it done!

Joe: Paradise. Tuxedos and Margaritas.

Joe: Terry! That's Kate, right there, take her!

Terry: You know the problem with being smart? You always know what will happen next. It ruins the suspense.

Bandits Quotes

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