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Paul, a conservative young lawyer, marries the vivacious Corie. Their highly passionate relationship descends into comical discord in a five-flight New York City walk-up apartment.
Corie Bratter: You're almost nearly perfect! Paul Bratter: That's a rotten thing to say!
Ethel: I feel like we've died and gone to heaven - only we had to climb up.
Ethel: I had to park the car three blocks away. Then it started to rain so I ran the last two blocks. Then my heel got caught in a subway grating. When I pulled my foot out, I stepped in a puddle. Then a cab went by and splashed my stockings. If the hardware store downstairs was open, I was going to buy a knife and kill myself.
Corie Bratter: [Looking arond Mr. Velasco's Apt] Isn't this wild? What do you think, Mother? Ethel: I think I've broken some straps!
Harry Pepper, Telephone man: My name's Harry Pepper if you ever have any trouble with line, do me a favor, don't ask for Harry Pepper.
[after five non-stop, newlywed nights in a hotel room, as a packed lift door opens, to her new husband] Corie Bratter: Thank you, Mr. Dooley. Next time you're in New York, just call me up.
bellboy: [Dropping newspaper on pile of unread ones outside the door] How long they been in there? Hotel Maid: 5 days. bellboy: That must be a hotel record. Hotel Maid: For a political convention. Honeymoon record's 9 days.
Paul Bratter: I'm home, castle!
Victor Velasco: Does your husband work during the day? Corie Bratter: Yes. Victor Velasco: In an office? Corie Bratter: Yes. Victor Velasco: Good. I work at home during the day. Oh, I predict some interesting complications... am I making you nervous? Corie Bratter: Very nervous. Victor Velasco: Wonderful! Once a month I try to make pretty young girls nervous, just to keep my hand in!
Corie Bratter: My divorce! When do I get my divorce! Paul Bratter: How should I know? The marriage license hasn't even come in yet!
Victor Velasco: Shama shama elma commama!
Ethel: [to Corie, after just climbing up the stairs to Paul and Corie's top-floor apartment] I remember when you were a little girl, you said you wanted to live on the moon... I thought you were kidding.
Paul Bratter: Well, I'm 26, and cold as hell!
Victor Velasco: No, you said "Fly you have a waiter in my soup." Corie Bratter: Well I did! He put his hand in my soup to get the fly out!
Corie Bratter: Hey! [rattling a box] Corie Bratter: what's in here, that sounds expensive? Ethel: Now I think it's a broken clock. Corie Bratter: [opening another box] Does this pot come with instructions? Ethel: If I'd known about this apartment it would have come with hot coffee. Corie Bratter: Mother. Oh, I love everything. But you've got to stop sending me presents. You should start spending your money on yourself. Ethel: Oh... myself. What does a woman like me need living alone way out in New Jersey? Corie Bratter: You could travel... Ethel: Oh, travel. Alone. I read a story in the times. A middle-aged woman travelling alone fell off the deck of a ship. they never even discovered it 'til they got to france. Corie Bratter: Mother, I promise you, if you ever fell off the deck of a ship, someone would know about it.
Corie Bratter: Paul, I think I'm gonna be a lousy wife. But don't be angry with me. I love you very much - and I'm very sexy!
Victor Velasco: So what are you, a folk singer? Corie Bratter: No, a wife!
Corie Bratter: Six days does not a week make. Paul Bratter: What does that mean? Corie Bratter: [pause] I don't know!
Paul Bratter: You don't just dive into a black salad. You have to play with it first!
Paul Bratter: Good-bye leaky closet.
Ethel: Make him feel important. If you do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage - like two out of every ten couples.