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Batman is wrongly implicated in a series of murders of mob bosses actually done by a new vigilante assassin.
[Andrea Beaumont has just called Arthur's office] Joker: Now ain't that a co-inky-dink? [grabs Arthur by his shirt] Joker: Here we are discussing the old man when the spawn of his loins just happens to call! Makes you want to laugh, doesn't it, Artie? [he laughs maniacally]
[Alfred sees Batman in costume for the first time] Alfred Pennyworth: My... God!
[Sal walks through the remains of the "Future of Gotham" park as the robots sing; then the Joker enters] Joker: I hate that song... Gasp! Can it be? Old Sallie "the Wheezer" Valestra! Welcome, paisan! It's been a dog's age! Salvatore "Sal The Wheezer" Valestra: [nervously] Hello, Joker. Didn't mean to drop by unannounced.
Joker: Can't be too careful with all those weirdos around.
Alfred: Vengeance blackens the soul, Bruce. I've always feared that you would become that which you fought against. You walk the edge of that abyss every night, but you haven't fallen in and I thank heaven for that.
The Joker: [when Batman picks up the phone in Andrea's apartment] Hello, anybody home? Listen, boopsie, even though you never call and never write, I still got a soft spot for you. So I'm sending you a fun gift, airmail! And there's no use jumping out the window this time, toots... [Batman looks out the window and sees a toy Joker plane flying in carrying a bomb] The Joker: The plane of the future is going to make you history! [Batman throws a Batarang, exploding the bomb outside the window; the blast knocks him back against the wall, and the phone is left dangling] The Joker: [laughing] Hello? Hello, operator? I believe my party's been... disconnected! HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!
[while Reeves is trying to resist the effects of Joker's toxin, Batman appears in his hospital room] Arthur Reeves: [gasps, then giggles helplessly] Oh, no! Batman: Why did the Joker meet with you? [Reaves keeps giggling] Batman: It has to do with the gangster murders, doesn't it? He thinks you're involved. WHY? Arthur Reeves: [giggling] I don't know! Batman: [grabs him] That's not the answer I want! [Reaves manages to calm down] Arthur Reeves: Beaumont needed me to help him and his kid get out of town... [starts to giggle again] Arthur Reeves: He kept in touch. Batman: When was the last time you spoke to him? Arthur Reeves: Years ago, my first election campaign. I was running out of money and I asked him for help... [giggles] Arthur Reeves: He said no! Batman: So you sold him to the mob. Arthur Reeves: [now laughing hysterically] I was broke! Desperate! They said all they wanted was their money back! [he collapses with laughter, as Batman leaves in disgust]
Joker: Mi casa nostra es su casa nostra.
The Phantasm: Stay away! This is not your fight! Batman: This madness ends now!
[the Phantasm goes to Valestra's mansion, but instead finds Valestra dead, along with Joker's surveillance camera and a bomb] Joker: Whoops! Ha! I guess the joke's on me. You're not Batman after all. Looks like there's a new face in Gotham and soon his name will be all over town... to say nothing of his legs, and feet, and spleen, and head... [the Phantasm leaps out the window just as the bomb explodes]
Joker: So, what's an old-timer like you want with a two-timer like me?
Joker: Don't touch me, old man! I don't know where you've been.
Andrea Beaumont: You're not smiling, Joker. I thought you found death amusing. The Joker: Oh, me? You won't hear a giggle out of me. [Joker presses a button. Hazel the Robot laughs maniacally and attacks with a cleaver]
The Joker: Ain't it always the way? You get in the mood and company shows up.
Batman: You think you know everything about me, don't you? Alfred Pennyworth: I diapered your bottom; I bloody well ought to, *sir*!
[At Bruce's parents' grave] Bruce Wayne: It doesn't mean I don't care anymore. I don't want to let you down, honest, but... but it just doesn't hurt so bad anymore. You can understand that, can't you? Look, I can give money to the city - they can hire more cops. Let someone else take the risk, but it's different now! [thunder and lightning] Bruce Wayne: Please! I need it to be different now. I know I made a promise, but I didn't see this coming. I didn't count on being happy. [thunder and lightning] Bruce Wayne: Please! Tell me that it's okay. Andrea Beaumont: [enters] Maybe they already have. Maybe they sent me. [They embrace in the rain]
The Joker: All right, I give in. I surrendered already. Tell her, Batman. Batman: [Panting] Andrea, you've got to... get out of here! The whole place is set to... explode! Andrea Beaumont: No. One way or another it ends tonight. Goodbye, my love.
Batman: Your father's dead, isn't he? You came into town early to get Chuckie Sol, so you could shift the blame to your father if necessary. Andrea Beaumont: They took everything, Bruce. My father, my friends, my life, you. I'm not saying it's right, or even sane but it's all I have left! So either help me, or get out of the way! Batman: You know I can't do that. Andrea Beaumont: Look what they did to us! What we could have had! They had to pay! Batman: But Andy... what will vengeance solve? Andrea Beaumont: If anyone knows the answer to that, Bruce, it's you. [silent pause] Batman: Leave, Andy, now. Please.
Andrea Beaumont: What's that you're practicing? Bruce Wayne: Jujitsu. Andrea Beaumont: Gesundheit... That was a joke.
Joker: I'm impressed, lady. You're harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids. The Phantasm: So, you figured it out. [the Phantasm removes his mask to reveal Andrea Beaumont] Joker: Gotta hand it to you, nice scheme. Costume's a bit theatrical, but hey, who am I to talk?
[Buzz talks to Chuckie's tombstone, leaving a wreath] Buzz Bronski: Chuckie, Chuckie. You always were a loser.
Joker: You just don't know when to quit, do you?
[at Andrea's mother's grave] Andrea Beaumont: So, tell me - with all that money and power, how come you always look like you want to jump off a cliff? Bruce Wayne: Why do you care? Andrea Beaumont: I don't. Mom was asking.
Arthur Reeves: [on TV] What kind of city are we running when we depend on the support of a potential madman! [click] Alfred: What rot, sir! Why you're the very model of sanity. Oh by the way, I pressed your tights and put away your exploding gas balls. Bruce Wayne: Thank you, Alfred.
The Joker: Very cute! But I can blow smoke too, toots!
The Phantasm: [just before dropping a statue on Buzz Bronski] You always were a loser, Mr. Bronski.
Alfred Pennyworth: There are certain advantages to having a sturdy cranium, Master Bruce. But then, hardheadedness was always your virtue.
The Joker: For once, I'm stuck without a punchline.
Batman: Do you still follow your dad's orders? Andrea Beaumont: The way I see it, the only one in this room controlled by his parents is you.
The Joker: That's it. That's what I want to see, a nice big smile.
Joker: You're crazy! I'm your only chance to get out of here! Let me go or we'll both die! Batman: Whatever it takes!
The Joker: What a photo op: The city councilman and his wacky pal!
The Phantasm: Sal Valestra, your Angel of Death awaits...
[after meeting Sal Valestra] Bruce Wayne: Is my shirt too big, or is that my flesh crawling?
Police Commissioner James Gordon: He didn't do it! It's garbage, Councilman! The Batman does not kill. You want him, you get him! I'll have no part in it.
[last lines] Partygoer: Quite a sight. Andrea Beaumont: [Melancholic] Yes. Partygoer: I'm sorry. Do - Do you want to be alone? Andrea Beaumont: I am.
Salvatore "Sal The Wheezer" Valestra: Hello, Joker. Didn't mean to drop by unannounced.
Andrea Beaumont: Hi. Hey, what happened to you? Trip over some loose cash? It's been three days since we met and still no calls. I figured you must be dead or something. Bruce Wayne: You expect every guy you meet to call you up? Andrea Beaumont: The ones who are smart enough to dial a phone.
[Bruce proposes to Andrea] Andrea Beaumont: I never thought this would happen. I always felt like... like I'd thrown you a curveball, like you never knew what to do with me, because I wasn't in "The Plan". Bruce Wayne: You are now. I'm changing the Plan.
Charles "Chuckie" Sol: What do you want? [the Phantasm points his right arm at Chuckie] The Phantasm: I want you, Chuckie boy.
[Bruce's crime-fighting training is derailed by his infatuation with Andrea] Bruce Wayne: What am I doing, Alfred? This isn't part of the Plan! I must be going nuts! Alfred Pennyworth: If I may be so bold, sir, I'd say quite the opposite.