Beethoven the St. Bernard dog becomes a father, but his girlfriend Missy is dog-napped, and his puppies are in danger of the same fate.

Regina: People in California generally swallow before they start talking.
Floyd: [Has banana in his mouth] Hey. I know how to eat in California, okay?
Floyd: [knock at the door] That's her, that's the dog
Regina: Dogs don't knock, Floyd.
[the Newtons are having dinner, faint barking sounds are heard]
George Newton: Are those sounds coming from outside or in the basement?
Alice Newton, Ryce Newton, Emily, Ted a.k.a. Shorty: [quickly, in unison] Outside.
George Newton: [leaves the table] I-I think I'm hearing something from the basement.
[George walks down the basement, the light switch is heard turned on]
George Newton: OH, NO!
Alice Newton: Roll, anyone?
Ted a.k.a. Shorty: So, can I get you a Coke?
Janie: Aren't I a little tall for you? I mean, aren't you a little short?
Ted a.k.a. Shorty: Well, height's just temporary. When you wake up in the morning, you're a little taller, right?
Janie: No. See ya.
[Janie leaves as Ted goes upset]
Seth: Ryce? Like the food?
[Regina and Floyd fall into a pool of mud from Beethoven]
George Newton: Hold on!
Regina: Ugh, shut up! And don't do us any favors! Take your stinkin' puppies and stuff it!
Floyd: Yeah, stuff it!
Regina: Shut up!
Alice Newton: We're going to help you and it will be alright!
Regina: [to Floyd] You idiot!
Floyd: What, me? This whole dog business was YOUR idea!
Regina: My idea?
[the dam comes apart spilling mud and Regina and Floyd into the raging river]
Regina: [to Floyd] I HATE YOU!
Floyd: You stupid! You got me into this! It's all your fault!
Regina: No, it's not!
Floyd: I didn't even care about those dogs!
Regina: Let go of me!
Alice Newton: [to George] Well... ya hungry?
Emily: We're not millionaires yet. Are we thousandaires?
Regina: If you want your dog back, call my lawyer.
George Newton: Honey, I've been thinking. You been thinking?
Alice Newton: Uh-huh.
George Newton: What have you been thinking?
Alice Newton: I've been thinking, "What do you think?"
Alice Newton: I just got off the phone with Miss Anderson. You wanna tell me what's going on?
Ryce Newton: I can't.
Alice Newton: You can't? Oh, honey, yes you can. We've always been very honest with each other. What, are you skipping school to spend time with boys? 'Cause if you are, there was a time in my life ...
Ryce Newton: No, mom, no. I'm not using drugs and I'm not pregnant.
Alice Newton: Well, what's goin' on, honey?
Ryce Newton: Ted, Emily, and I have been hiding four puppies in the basement.
George Newton: [downstairs] Honey, I'm home!
Alice Newton: Don't tell your dad.
Regina: Isn't this entertaining? Hicks and their dogs.
Brillo, Regina's ex-husband & Missy's owner: I've got good news.
George Newton: Yeah, what's that?
Brillo, Regina's ex-husband & Missy's owner: The judge threw out Regina's claim. That means I get Missy and Regina gets nothing.
Ted a.k.a. Shorty: That's great, Brillo.
Brillo, Regina's ex-husband & Missy's owner: I bought Missy over to see her children. Are they around?
George Newton: Sure I'll get them. Puppies! Puppies, your mother is here.
Emily Newton: Puppies! Oh, puppies!
[Missy's puppies come running down the stairs]
Regina: [to Floyd] Do you have to stand like that? Didn't my trainer teach you how to stand? How can we have a relationship if you can't even stand right?
[first lines]
Emily: [gives Beethoven a piece of pork] Here, Beethoven.
Ted a.k.a. Shorty: [gives him a slightly bigger slice] Here, boy. Here's a special treat.
Alice Newton: [shows him a roasted chicken] Here, Beethoven. This is from all of us.
George Newton: Beethoven...
[holds up a giant steak]
George Newton: I want you to have this!
[George approaches to Beethoven]
Ryce Newton: Mom, we're out of toilet paper!
Alice Newton: Here!
[a roll of toilet paper wakes up Beethoven from his dream]
George Newton: I don't want to be responsible for 5 dogs!
Ryce Newton: You don't HAVE to be responsible. Dad, we've been responsible - we've gone through hell with these dogs. And if being responsible means we have to give them up now, then, I hate responsibility. Dad, we kept them alive just like you and mom kept us alive. Ad you're not gonna take them away from us.
[after Ryce comes home and after Taylor kissed her]
Alice Newton: Hi, honey.
Ryce Newton: [smiles, not paying attention] Uh-huh...
George Newton: It's 7:30.
Ryce Newton: Uh-huh...
Ryce Newton: [after Taylor locked her in with him] Taylor, this isn't funny. Just unlock the door.
Taylor Devereaux: Ryce, Ryce, relax. This is gonna be an experience you're never gonna forget.
[Beethoven suddenly tears the cottage down sending half the party of teenagers and Taylor into the lake]
Ryce Newton: Hey, Taylor, great party!
[Beethoven barks at her]
Ryce Newton: Thanks, Beethoven!
[Ryce sees Taylor talking to another girl]
Michelle: Ah, forget her. He like you, he told me.
[they see the girl Taylor is talking to again]
Michelle: God, you can see her bra right through her shirt. Like totally accidental, I'm sure.
Bully at Fair: Do you wanna get your face crushed, shrimp?
Ted a.k.a. Shorty: Last one, I promise.
[to Beethoven]
Ted a.k.a. Shorty: Beethoven, Bite this guy in the Weiner.
[Beethoven barks and growls, causing the bully to run]
[Regina snatches the puppies from Ted and Emily]
Regina: '$11 for chocolate bars', huh?
[the Newton family search for the puppies]
Emily Newton: Look!
[the family stops]
Emily Newton: Puppy poops.
Ted a.k.a. Shorty: If it's warm, that means we're close! Touch it.
Emily Newton: No, YOU touch it.
Ted a.k.a. Shorty: No, I'm not gonna touch it; you're gonna touch it.
Ryce Newton: I'll touch it.
[Ryce slowly puts her fingers down to the object, Emily winces]
Ryce Newton: [in disgust] It's warm.
George Newton: Okay, good! They're close. Better wash your hands.
Jordan, the Newspaper Boy: Hey, Mr. Newton!
[George puts down his mug of coffee]
George Newton: [gets ready] Okay, Jordan, right down the pike.
[the newspaper boy tosses the paper accidentally knocking down a hanging flower and spilling dirt all over George]
Jordan, the Newspaper Boy: Sorry...
[George goes still until]
George Newton: ALICE!