Big Trouble Quotes
The lives of several Miami denizens, from ad agents to gunrunners to street thugs to law enforcement to school-children, intersect with humorous and dangerous results.
[Snake and Eddie are riding in the hi-jacked police car; and Eddie is coming up to the two main Airport signs]
Eddie: Okay, we gotta pick a road. Arrivals or departures? We're arriving, but then we're departing. Which one, Snake?
Snake: What do you think?
Jenny Herk: I think you guys should turn yourselves in and plead not guilty by reason of stupidity.
Snake: [looks at the signs] Departures.
Eddie: Okay, we gotta pick a road. Arrivals or departures? We're arriving, but then we're departing. Which one, Snake?
Snake: What do you think?
Jenny Herk: I think you guys should turn yourselves in and plead not guilty by reason of stupidity.
Snake: [looks at the signs] Departures.
Arthur Herk: [making an opinion on who might have shot his TV] I'll tell you who did it. It's probably some goddamn kids. 'Cause these goddamn kids today, they all got goddamn guns, and they're all sniffing glue!
Officer Monica Romero: Any additional insights, Mr. Herk? Any information can help us to protect you.
Arthur Herk: I seriously doubt that you or any other member of the police force in this town could protect their own dicks with both hands.
Officer Monica Romero: Thank you for that observation.
Officer Monica Romero: Any additional insights, Mr. Herk? Any information can help us to protect you.
Arthur Herk: I seriously doubt that you or any other member of the police force in this town could protect their own dicks with both hands.
Officer Monica Romero: Thank you for that observation.
Arthur Herk: Oh, my God! She's coming to get me!
Pat Greer: The dog, Mr. Herk?
Arthur Herk: No! Her!
Pat Greer: Who?
Arthur Herk: You know! Her!
Martha Stewart: Herk, Herk, Herk! Herk!
Arthur Herk: Oh, my God, she knows my name... She knows everything! She's come to take my soul!
Pat Greer: Mr. Herk, this is important...
Arthur Herk: Please don't let her take my soul!
Pat Greer: What the hell's he talking about?
Monica Romero: I don't know.
Alan Seitz: How close did he get to that toad?
Monica Romero: Like face first.
Alan Seitz: Beufotin. Hell of a hallucination. He's gone and he's not coming back.
Martha Stewart: [growls]
Pat Greer: The dog, Mr. Herk?
Arthur Herk: No! Her!
Pat Greer: Who?
Arthur Herk: You know! Her!
Martha Stewart: Herk, Herk, Herk! Herk!
Arthur Herk: Oh, my God, she knows my name... She knows everything! She's come to take my soul!
Pat Greer: Mr. Herk, this is important...
Arthur Herk: Please don't let her take my soul!
Pat Greer: What the hell's he talking about?
Monica Romero: I don't know.
Alan Seitz: How close did he get to that toad?
Monica Romero: Like face first.
Alan Seitz: Beufotin. Hell of a hallucination. He's gone and he's not coming back.
Martha Stewart: [growls]
Leonard: [during their second attempt to kill Arthur] What's happening?
Henry Desalvo: Well, Moron #1 is tying up the family.
Leonard: So take the shot.
Henry Desalvo: I would, but Moron #2 just came back with a couple of Miami's Finest.
Henry Desalvo: [Henry notices Eliot in the kitchen] Hold on a second. We have a Die Hard situation developing in the kitchen.
Leonard: What?
Henry Desalvo: There's a guy there in the kitchen.
Leonard: A guy? What's he doing?
Henry Desalvo: Well my guess is he's either gonna whack em' with a rolling pin or he's gonna bake em' a cake. I don't know. Could go either way with this crew.
Henry Desalvo: [sees Eliot grab Matt's water pistol] Holy shit. Betty Crocker's got a squirt gun!
Leonard: Let me look!
Henry Desalvo: Forget about it. This is better than pay-per-view.
Henry Desalvo: [sees Eliot make the water pistol look like a real gun] There goes the warranty, and here comes the Iron Chef.
Henry Desalvo: Well, Moron #1 is tying up the family.
Leonard: So take the shot.
Henry Desalvo: I would, but Moron #2 just came back with a couple of Miami's Finest.
Henry Desalvo: [Henry notices Eliot in the kitchen] Hold on a second. We have a Die Hard situation developing in the kitchen.
Leonard: What?
Henry Desalvo: There's a guy there in the kitchen.
Leonard: A guy? What's he doing?
Henry Desalvo: Well my guess is he's either gonna whack em' with a rolling pin or he's gonna bake em' a cake. I don't know. Could go either way with this crew.
Henry Desalvo: [sees Eliot grab Matt's water pistol] Holy shit. Betty Crocker's got a squirt gun!
Leonard: Let me look!
Henry Desalvo: Forget about it. This is better than pay-per-view.
Henry Desalvo: [sees Eliot make the water pistol look like a real gun] There goes the warranty, and here comes the Iron Chef.
Eliot Arnold: Strip poker. Strip poker. Now, that's a good game.
[Grabs a squirt gun away from Matt]
Eliot Arnold: This is a stupid game.
Matt Arnold: Dad, no offense, but only a moron would mistake that for a real gun.
Eliot Arnold: You could've been killed. And where's your partner in crime?
Matt Arnold: Andrew?
Jenny Herk: He ran the other way.
Eliot Arnold: Did anybody call the police?
[Grabs a squirt gun away from Matt]
Eliot Arnold: This is a stupid game.
Matt Arnold: Dad, no offense, but only a moron would mistake that for a real gun.
Eliot Arnold: You could've been killed. And where's your partner in crime?
Matt Arnold: Andrew?
Jenny Herk: He ran the other way.
Eliot Arnold: Did anybody call the police?
[At the Airport Security Walk-through]
Airport Security Checker: What is this?
Snake: A garbage disposal.
Airport Security Checker: A garbage disposal?
Snake: Portable.
Airport Security Checker: You'll have to turn it on.
Snake: It's got a timer.
[turns the switches of the bomb on]
Snake: Grounds up your garbage, while you're out.
Airport Security Checker: What is this?
Snake: A garbage disposal.
Airport Security Checker: A garbage disposal?
Snake: Portable.
Airport Security Checker: You'll have to turn it on.
Snake: It's got a timer.
[turns the switches of the bomb on]
Snake: Grounds up your garbage, while you're out.
Airport Officer Arch Ridley: [Agent Greer just pushed him up against a support wall] Name's Arch Ridley. Tell me what you need. Please don't kill me.
Pat Greer: We're tracking a couple of scumbags, with one, maybe two hostages and a big metal suitcase. Anybody in this crackerjack system of yours see anything like that?
Pat Greer: We're tracking a couple of scumbags, with one, maybe two hostages and a big metal suitcase. Anybody in this crackerjack system of yours see anything like that?
Henry Desalvo: I got a great New York Strip over there that cost me $27 in change and it tastes like I'm eating a cigar butt. Now please put out your cigars.
Bruce: There's no rule against smoking here.
Henry Desalvo: This isn't about rules, it's about manners. Now there's no rule that says that I cant come over here and fart on your entree. But I don't do it. Why? Because it's not good manners. Now I'm asking you please - put out your cigars.
Bruce: [blows smoke in Henry's face] No.
[Henry breaks his middle and index fingers]
Bruce: I hope you realize you've just committed assault.
Henry Desalvo: I know. There was a time when you actually had to hit somebody.
Bruce: There's no rule against smoking here.
Henry Desalvo: This isn't about rules, it's about manners. Now there's no rule that says that I cant come over here and fart on your entree. But I don't do it. Why? Because it's not good manners. Now I'm asking you please - put out your cigars.
Bruce: [blows smoke in Henry's face] No.
[Henry breaks his middle and index fingers]
Bruce: I hope you realize you've just committed assault.
Henry Desalvo: I know. There was a time when you actually had to hit somebody.
[Henry and Leonard are stuck in the middle of a big traffic jam, just right before the Airport Road]
Henry Desalvo: We're gonna miss our flight.
Leonard: You see what the problem is?
Henry Desalvo: I don't know. There's some kind of commotion up there. There might be something about it on the radio.
Henry Desalvo: We're gonna miss our flight.
Leonard: You see what the problem is?
Henry Desalvo: I don't know. There's some kind of commotion up there. There might be something about it on the radio.
Annoyed Sports Radio Host: I'm looking for one brave Gators fan to call, just one. Oh so Gators fans talk trash all the time but when they play a game and lose nobody has the guts to call in?
Leonard: What are Gators?
Henry Desalvo: Football. College.
Confused Sports Radio Call In: I'm a Gators fan.
Annoyed Sports Radio Host: And what do you have to say?
Confused Sports Radio Call In: You said that Gators fans don't have the guts to call in.
Annoyed Sports Radio Host: Your point?
Confused Sports Radio Call In: My point is that I'm calling you now.
Leonard: [notices Snake and Eddie escorting Arthur wearing dark-colored pantyhose on their head] Is that him?
Henry Desalvo: I think we got Gator fans.
Leonard: What are Gators?
Henry Desalvo: Football. College.
Confused Sports Radio Call In: I'm a Gators fan.
Annoyed Sports Radio Host: And what do you have to say?
Confused Sports Radio Call In: You said that Gators fans don't have the guts to call in.
Annoyed Sports Radio Host: Your point?
Confused Sports Radio Call In: My point is that I'm calling you now.
Leonard: [notices Snake and Eddie escorting Arthur wearing dark-colored pantyhose on their head] Is that him?
Henry Desalvo: I think we got Gator fans.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: Ok, I gonna need your names sir.
Snake: John Smith.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: And the other names, sir?
[referring to Eddie, Jenny and Puggy]
Snake: John Smith.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: You're all John Smith?
Snake: Everybody.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: [suspicious] Ok, I'm gonna need some ID.
Snake: [Snake hands her more money]
Snake: There you go.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: Ok, family Smith. Have a nice flight.
Snake: John Smith.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: And the other names, sir?
[referring to Eddie, Jenny and Puggy]
Snake: John Smith.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: You're all John Smith?
Snake: Everybody.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: [suspicious] Ok, I'm gonna need some ID.
Snake: [Snake hands her more money]
Snake: There you go.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: Ok, family Smith. Have a nice flight.
[Matt and Andrew are getting prepared for a big water gun war at their friend, Jenny, in her home]
Andrew: So, what's the plan? Through the front?
Matt Arnold: [sarcastically] Yeah. "It's Matt Arnold. I'm here to kill your daughter, Jenny."
[truthfully]
Matt Arnold: No, we gotta go over the wall, dickweed. I just she doesn't see this stupid turdmobile.
Andrew: So, what's the plan? Through the front?
Matt Arnold: [sarcastically] Yeah. "It's Matt Arnold. I'm here to kill your daughter, Jenny."
[truthfully]
Matt Arnold: No, we gotta go over the wall, dickweed. I just she doesn't see this stupid turdmobile.
[Officer Monica Romero and Agent Greer are in his car, arguing about Russian bombs and missiles]
Officer Monica Romero: Where did they get that stuff?
Pat Greer: Russia.
Officer Monica Romero: Don't the Russians have controls on that kind of thing?
Pat Greer: You'd faint if you knew. A few months ago, somebody got a warhead out of a missile-dismantlement facility in a place called -...
Alan Seitz: Sergijev Posad. Not far from Moscow. Beautiful churches there.
Pat Greer: Anyway, somebody who knew what they were doing modified it. Dumped it on some guys who run a place here called The Jolly Jackal.
Officer Monica Romero: The bar?
Pat Greer: That bar has more AK-47s than Budweiser.
Officer Monica Romero: Where did they get that stuff?
Pat Greer: Russia.
Officer Monica Romero: Don't the Russians have controls on that kind of thing?
Pat Greer: You'd faint if you knew. A few months ago, somebody got a warhead out of a missile-dismantlement facility in a place called -...
Alan Seitz: Sergijev Posad. Not far from Moscow. Beautiful churches there.
Pat Greer: Anyway, somebody who knew what they were doing modified it. Dumped it on some guys who run a place here called The Jolly Jackal.
Officer Monica Romero: The bar?
Pat Greer: That bar has more AK-47s than Budweiser.
