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Martin Lawrence plays Jamal, an employee in Medieval World amusement park. After sustaining a blow to the head, he awakens to find himself in 14th century England.
Jamal: Do you have a thong? Victoria: Excuse me? Jamal: Never mind. We'll just take an old pair of drawers and cut the ass out.
Jamal: Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the presence of fear, yet the will to move on.
Guard #1: Who be ye? Jamal: Who be I? I be stompin' yo ass you put your hand on me one more again!
[Trying to get Victoria's 's phone number] Jamal: ANYBODY GOT A PEN? Victoria: You can read and write! Jamal: Yeah!... Who you been datin'?
Jamal: I'm not only the... duke's official messenger... but I'm also the court jester!
Phillip, Leo's Chamberlain: Your Majesty, if I may have your attention. Starting at Small Forward, from Inglewood High, 2 time All County Conference Player of the Year, The Messenger from Normandy - Jamal Skyyyyywalker.
Jamal: 'Tis roadkill!
King Leo: You arrive early. My daughter and I welcome you. What news from Normandy? Jamal: What news? Well a couple of drive-bys, other than that, same ole same ole. King Leo: When will the Duke arrive to take my daughter's hand? Jamal: This is a hell of a setup you've got here. I mean, I'm not lyin'. I mean, wooh! You got to have major coins behind this. Who's backin you, Puffy? King Leo: Silence, Moor! Tell me when will the Duke arrive. Jamal: Oh, I, I get it. You wanna see if I can improv. Ok, well let's see. Uh. The Duke will arriveth in all his royal pomposity and splendor on Tuesday. King Leo: Tuesday! Ha! That is excellent news! Phillip, have the servants supply this messenger with much food and drink. And let him lay with any damsel that he desires, except my daugher, of course. [everyone laughs]
Jamal: [chanting] King Leo's got a great big castle, [Troops of men echo him] Men: King Leo's got a great big castle, Jamal: We're gonna shove it right up his a**hole! Men: We're gonna shove it right up his a**hole! Jamal: Sound off! Men: 1,2! Jamal: Break it on down! Men: Uh, uh, uh-uh!
Jamal: That's why you shouldn't drink your own urine.
Jamal: 9-1-1! 9-1-1! White man down! White man down!
Jamal: With these hands, I make [holds out and flicks on lighter] Jamal: ... FIRE! Crowd member: We have fire.
Percival: How dare you deflower the king's daughter. Jamal: Believe me, someone got to that flower long before I did.