A former convict poses as a cop to retrieve a diamond he stole years ago.

Melissa Green: [being interrogated] What can you tell me about Miles?
Tulley: All I can tell you is that he's gay! GAY! GAY! GAY!
Tulley: I'll rip your lips off, and kiss my ass with them shits. I'll rip your tongue out, and lick my balls with it.
Miles Logan: Diaz, is it? Diaz?
Detective Diaz: With a 'Z'.
[Miles looks at street signs, then the sign on the building]
Miles Logan: 5th and Grand? To protect and to - - ?
[throws a fit]
Miles Logan: "Can't believe so much bad shit can happen on such a beautiful day."
Tulley: That guy Logan owes me $50,000... If I don't get it soon, I'M TALKIN'.
Miles Logan: Don't you ever get all up on this thing?
Carlson: I don't think I've ever gotten all up on anything, sir.
Miles Logan: We can't get out of here. They got cops everywhere.
Tulley: So? You're one of 'em.
Miles Logan: No, I'm a drug dealer now!
Tulley: Man, why you sellin' this shit when you got that big diamond in your hand?
Eddie: What the hell are you doing?
Deacon: 17 million 4 ways I'm to greedy for that, Eddie
Miles Logan: Yo tengo el gato los pantalones.
Carlson: You just said you have a cat in your pants.
Miles Logan: What are you gonna do with one shoelace? Floss your ass with it.
Janiece: You told me you were a banker...
Miles Logan: A bank robber!
Miles Logan: Hey, this is the police. Move your busted-ass vehicle. Move, move, move, move. This is the LAPD. We'll pop one in your ass. We got guns and shit.
Miles Logan: [talking to Deacon] I know you don't want to go to jail in Mexico because nobody wants to go to jail in Mexico. They put all kinds of burritos in your ass.
Carlson: When Myles tells Carlson, "This place is a cesspool" Carlson: Oh no, we're in the shit now.
Le Fleur: Want to prove you are not a cop? Shoot him.
Miles Logan: No problem.
Deacon: What's going on?
Tulley: I never know what's going on!
Miles Logan: Put your hands on the Oodles of Noodles.
Tulley: Chicken or beef?
Miles Logan: Chicken.
[Miles grabs the diamond]
Miles: Got the rock. Time to roll.
Tulley: And then he said I was ugly and I can't read good.
FBI Agent Gray: All right Detective Malone. Now the objective here is to have these individuals look upon you as if you were one of them, a member of the criminal underworld. So it's important that your actions, your speech, and your general mode of behavior is all congruent with their expectation of a fellow criminal.
Miles Logan: Oh, okay, I get it. S-sorta walk the walk.
FBI Agent Gray: That's right.
Miles Logan: Yeah.
FBI Agent Gray: You have to look, act, and even think like a criminal. And you're gonna have to change your speech patterns too. Most criminals like to use slang terminology, and profanity, and so forth, especially with regard to police and authority figures.
Miles Logan: Oh, you mean like, "Shut the hell up you d*ckless FBI..."?
FBI Agent Gray: Okay that's right, that'll do.
Miles Logan: "You stupid-ass..."
FBI Agent Gray: That'll do.
Miles Logan: No, "You tight-ass..."
FBI Agent Gray: Enough!
Tulley: He also called me ugly and said I couldn't read good.
Miles Logan: Carlson. I've got something to tell you. I'm not from West Covina. I'm from Internal Affairs.
Miles Logan: No, I'm over your head, because your head's up your ass.
Miles Logan: Ah am an officer of the loohr.
Miles Logan: All right check this out: This is a Brigga 3300, toughest safe in the world. What's the first thing you do?
Eddie: Drill the lock.
Miles Logan: No! You got to check to see if it's open.
Miles Logan: [excited] It's open!
Eddie: [surprised] Really?
Miles Logan: Nah I'm messin' wit- I'm messing with you! They would never do that! Now Eddie, you know they would never do that!
[laughs]
Carlson: What is it with you and the heating ducts, sir?
Miles Logan: It's cold in here, BRRRRR!
Miles Logan: Lay off the cold cuts. It's comin out your pores. It's seepin.
Miles Logan: Yo, let me get that up out you, Deke!
Miles Logan: I'm a federale.
Miles: You want thirty-one flava's? Baskin and Robbins is where you wanna be. Be cool.

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