Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan Quotes
Kazakh TV talking head Borat is dispatched to the United States to report on the greatest country in the world. With a documentary crew in tow, Borat becomes more interested in locating and marrying Pamela Anderson.
Borat: Sometime my sister, she show her vazhïn to my brother Bilo and say "You will never get this you will never get it la la la la la la." He behind his cage. He cries, he cries and everybody laughs. She goes "You never get this." But one time he break cage and he "get this" and then we all laugh. High five!
Borat: I want to have a car that attract a woman with shave down below.
Car Dealership owner: Well that would be a Corvette. Or a Hummer.
[starts showing Borat cars]
Car Dealership owner: We'll try to help you out here.
Borat: A man yesterday, tell me if I buy a car I must buy one with a pussy magnet.
Car Dealership owner: He means a car that women like.
Borat: Yes, but where do you keep this magnet?
Car Dealership owner: [interrupts] No. There's no magnet he just means the vehicle. Women love the Hummers.
Borat: Do this have a pussy magnet?
Car Dealership owner: No. The vehicle itself would be a magnet.
Borat: If I give you good price, will you please put in pussy magnet?
Car Dealership owner: Yeah but there's no-there's no such thing in this country as a-as a magnet.
Borat: If this car drive into a group of gypsies, will there be any damage to the car?
Car Dealership owner: It depends on how hard you hit them and all that.
Borat: *Hard*
Car Dealership owner: You might-if somebody rolls on the windshield, they could crack your windshield.
Borat: How fast do I need to go to guarantee I kill them?
Car Dealership owner: Uh-let me tell you something with this vehicle here probably doing 35-45 miles per hour will do it.
Borat: Great! When I uh, buy my wife, at the start she was uh, cook good, her vazhïn work well, and she strong on plow. But after three years when she was fifteen, then she become weak, her voice become deep: BORAT BORAT, eh, she receive hair on chest, and vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard.
Car Dealership owner: Huh-Jesus...
Borat: How do I know that this will not happen with the car?
Car Dealership owner: Chevrolette guarantees you that with a warranty.
Borat: I like-a very much buy this Hummers, how much is it?
Car Dealership owner: Fifty-two thousand.
Borat: I am looking for something between um, six-hundred to uh... six-hundred and fifty dollars.
Car Dealership owner: We don't have any cars for six-fifty that you can buy. I might be able to sell you a wholesale car, a car with a lot of miles for seven-hundred with no warranty.
Car Dealership owner: Well that would be a Corvette. Or a Hummer.
[starts showing Borat cars]
Car Dealership owner: We'll try to help you out here.
Borat: A man yesterday, tell me if I buy a car I must buy one with a pussy magnet.
Car Dealership owner: He means a car that women like.
Borat: Yes, but where do you keep this magnet?
Car Dealership owner: [interrupts] No. There's no magnet he just means the vehicle. Women love the Hummers.
Borat: Do this have a pussy magnet?
Car Dealership owner: No. The vehicle itself would be a magnet.
Borat: If I give you good price, will you please put in pussy magnet?
Car Dealership owner: Yeah but there's no-there's no such thing in this country as a-as a magnet.
Borat: If this car drive into a group of gypsies, will there be any damage to the car?
Car Dealership owner: It depends on how hard you hit them and all that.
Borat: *Hard*
Car Dealership owner: You might-if somebody rolls on the windshield, they could crack your windshield.
Borat: How fast do I need to go to guarantee I kill them?
Car Dealership owner: Uh-let me tell you something with this vehicle here probably doing 35-45 miles per hour will do it.
Borat: Great! When I uh, buy my wife, at the start she was uh, cook good, her vazhïn work well, and she strong on plow. But after three years when she was fifteen, then she become weak, her voice become deep: BORAT BORAT, eh, she receive hair on chest, and vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard.
Car Dealership owner: Huh-Jesus...
Borat: How do I know that this will not happen with the car?
Car Dealership owner: Chevrolette guarantees you that with a warranty.
Borat: I like-a very much buy this Hummers, how much is it?
Car Dealership owner: Fifty-two thousand.
Borat: I am looking for something between um, six-hundred to uh... six-hundred and fifty dollars.
Car Dealership owner: We don't have any cars for six-fifty that you can buy. I might be able to sell you a wholesale car, a car with a lot of miles for seven-hundred with no warranty.
End Credits Men's Choir: Kazakhstan greatest country in the world, All other countries are run by little girls. Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium, all other countries have inferior potassium. Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool, it's length thirty meter and width six meter. Filtration system a marvel to behold. It remove 83 percent of human solid waste. Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown. Kazakhstan friend of all except Uzbekistan, They very nosey people with bone in their brain. Kazakhstan industry best in the world, we invented toffee and trouser belt. Kazakhstan's prostitutes cleanest in the region, except of course Turkmenistan's. Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown. Come grasp the might penis of our leader from junction with the testes to tip of its face!
Borat: [while driving] Look, there is a woman in a car! Can we follow her and maybe make a sexy time with her?
Driving Instructor: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Borat: A-why not?
Driving Instructor: Because a woman has the right to choose who she has sex with.
Borat: [stunned] WHAT...? You joke?
Driving Instructor: It must be consensual. How 'bout that?
Borat: Ahahahahaha!
Driving Instructor: That's good, huh?
Borat: [stops laughing] Is not good for me.
Driving Instructor: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Borat: A-why not?
Driving Instructor: Because a woman has the right to choose who she has sex with.
Borat: [stunned] WHAT...? You joke?
Driving Instructor: It must be consensual. How 'bout that?
Borat: Ahahahahaha!
Driving Instructor: That's good, huh?
Borat: [stops laughing] Is not good for me.
Borat: Who is this car that follow us? I wish it didn't follow us anymore.
Driving Instructor: Oh, I don't know.
Borat: Maybe we lose them.
Driving Instructor: No, we better not lose them.
Borat: [yelling at the passing car] Hey, don't look at me. Eat my tits!
Driving Instructor: All right. We'll make a right turn up here.
Borat: Don't look at me like that! I will eat your shit.
Driving Instructor: Hey, don't do that.
Borat: You fuck my mother.
Driving Instructor: Hey, hey. You can't do that.
Borat: No, he do before. He look on me.
Driving Instructor: You can't do that, okay? They're gonna throw us in jail, me with you. You can't...
Borat: Why in jail? He look on me- la-la-la behind.
Driving Instructor: You can't say that.
Driving Instructor: Oh, I don't know.
Borat: Maybe we lose them.
Driving Instructor: No, we better not lose them.
Borat: [yelling at the passing car] Hey, don't look at me. Eat my tits!
Driving Instructor: All right. We'll make a right turn up here.
Borat: Don't look at me like that! I will eat your shit.
Driving Instructor: Hey, don't do that.
Borat: You fuck my mother.
Driving Instructor: Hey, hey. You can't do that.
Borat: No, he do before. He look on me.
Driving Instructor: You can't do that, okay? They're gonna throw us in jail, me with you. You can't...
Borat: Why in jail? He look on me- la-la-la behind.
Driving Instructor: You can't say that.
Borat: [singing the Kazakhi national anthem to the tune of the American national anthem] Kazakhstan is the greatest country in the world / All other countries are run by little girls / Kazakhstan is number-one exporter of potassium / Other Central Asian countries have inferior potassium / Kazakhstan is the greatest country in the world / All other countries is the home of the gays...
Borat: I like you, do you like me?
Driving Instructor: Of course I like you.
Borat: You are my friend?
Driving Instructor: You're a nice young man and, yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You will be my boyfriend?
Driving Instructor: No, I won't be your boyfriend.
Borat: Why not?
Driving Instructor: Okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.
Driving Instructor: Of course I like you.
Borat: You are my friend?
Driving Instructor: You're a nice young man and, yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You will be my boyfriend?
Driving Instructor: No, I won't be your boyfriend.
Borat: Why not?
Driving Instructor: Okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.
Borat: My name i' Borat, I come a-from Kazakhstan. Can I say a-first, we support your War of Terror.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May we show our support for our boys in Iraq.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May U.S. and A kill every single terrorist.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May George Bush a-drink the blood of every single man, woman, and child of Iraq.
[crowd cheers wildly]
Borat: May you destroy their country so that for the next thousand years not even a single lizard will survive in their desert.
[some of crowd still cheers]
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May we show our support for our boys in Iraq.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May U.S. and A kill every single terrorist.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May George Bush a-drink the blood of every single man, woman, and child of Iraq.
[crowd cheers wildly]
Borat: May you destroy their country so that for the next thousand years not even a single lizard will survive in their desert.
[some of crowd still cheers]
Borat: And what is this?
Store Clerk (uncredited): That's cheese.
Borat: And what of this?
Store Clerk (uncredited): That's cheese...
Borat: And this?
Store Clerk (uncredited): That's cheese...
Borat: And what is this? Rice?
Store Clerk (uncredited): No that's cheese, this is all cheese here.
Borat: But this say "Crackers", this not cheese.
Store Clerk (uncredited): No Crackers is the brand, that's cheese...
Store Clerk (uncredited): That's cheese.
Borat: And what of this?
Store Clerk (uncredited): That's cheese...
Borat: And this?
Store Clerk (uncredited): That's cheese...
Borat: And what is this? Rice?
Store Clerk (uncredited): No that's cheese, this is all cheese here.
Borat: But this say "Crackers", this not cheese.
Store Clerk (uncredited): No Crackers is the brand, that's cheese...
Bobby Rowe: Of course every picture that we get back from the terrorists or anything else; the Muslims, they look like you. Black hair and a black moustache.
Borat: Yeah.
Bobby Rowe: So shave that dadgum moustache off, so you're not so conspicuous, so you look like maybe an Italian. Or somethin'.
Borat: Yes.
Bobby Rowe: As far as from people lookin' at ya. I see a lot of people and I think "there's a dadgum Muslim, I wonder what kind of bomb he's got strapped to him".
Borat: Yes.
Bobby Rowe: And you probably aren't a Muslim, maybe that's not your religion, but...
Borat: No, I am a Kazakh...
Bobby Rowe: Yeah, but...
Borat: I follow the hawk.
Bobby Rowe: Yeah, but you look like one of 'em. When this thing gets over with and when we win it, and kick the butts over there...
Borat: Yes.
Bobby Rowe: And all of them son of a butts hangin' from the gallows.
Borat: [Getting excited] . Yes!
Bobby Rowe: By that time you will have proven yourself and they'll understand and you will be excepted. Take care.
Borat: Thank you.
[Tries to kiss Bobby]
Borat: .
Bobby Rowe: I ain't gonna kiss you!
Borat: [Disappointed] . A-why not?
Borat: Yeah.
Bobby Rowe: So shave that dadgum moustache off, so you're not so conspicuous, so you look like maybe an Italian. Or somethin'.
Borat: Yes.
Bobby Rowe: As far as from people lookin' at ya. I see a lot of people and I think "there's a dadgum Muslim, I wonder what kind of bomb he's got strapped to him".
Borat: Yes.
Bobby Rowe: And you probably aren't a Muslim, maybe that's not your religion, but...
Borat: No, I am a Kazakh...
Bobby Rowe: Yeah, but...
Borat: I follow the hawk.
Bobby Rowe: Yeah, but you look like one of 'em. When this thing gets over with and when we win it, and kick the butts over there...
Borat: Yes.
Bobby Rowe: And all of them son of a butts hangin' from the gallows.
Borat: [Getting excited] . Yes!
Bobby Rowe: By that time you will have proven yourself and they'll understand and you will be excepted. Take care.
Borat: Thank you.
[Tries to kiss Bobby]
Borat: .
Bobby Rowe: I ain't gonna kiss you!
Borat: [Disappointed] . A-why not?
End Credits Men's Choir: Kazakhstan greatest country in the world, All other countries are run by little girls. Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium, All other countries have inferior potassium. Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool, Its length thirty meter and width six meter. Filtration system a marvel to behold. It remove 83 percent of human solid waste. Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown. Kazakhstan friend of all except Uzbekistan, They very nosey people with bone in their brain. Kazakhstan industry best in the world, We invented toffee and trouser belt. Kazakhstan's prostitutes cleanest in the region, Except of course Turkmenistan's. Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown. Come grasp the might penis of our leader From junction with the testes to tip of its face!
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): I'm, er... recently retired...
Borat: You are a retard?
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): Er... yes...
Borat: Er... physical or mental?
Bethany Weston (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): [to Jared] Retired...
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): RETIRED! I don't work anymore...
Bethany Weston (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): Stopped work...
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): STOPPED WORKING!
Borat: [quietly across the table] Is very good you allow retard to, er...
[mumbles politely]
Borat: You are a retard?
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): Er... yes...
Borat: Er... physical or mental?
Bethany Weston (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): [to Jared] Retired...
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): RETIRED! I don't work anymore...
Bethany Weston (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): Stopped work...
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): STOPPED WORKING!
Borat: [quietly across the table] Is very good you allow retard to, er...
[mumbles politely]
