Braindead

Braindead Quotes

A young man's mother is bitten by a Sumatran rat-monkey. She gets sick and dies, at which time she comes back to life, killing and eating dogs, nurses, friends, and neighbors.

Father McGruder: I kick ass for the Lord!
Lionel Cosgrove: That's my mother you're pissing on.
Father McGruder: Stand back boy! This calls for divine intervention!
Paquita Maria Sanchez: Your mother ate my dog!
Lionel Cosgrove: Not all of it.
Mr. Matheson: [Eating custard with Vera's pus squirted in it] Damn fine custard. Rich and creamy, just the way I like it!
Guide: You've got... *the bite*!
Stewart: [the guide reaches for a machete] There's some Dettol in the Jeep...
Lionel Cosgrove: [about to charge at the zombies with a hoisted law mower] Party's over!
[to two housewives, after beating up Baby Selwyn in a public park and stuffing him into a duffel bag]
Lionel Cosgrove: Hyperactive!
Vet: Do you want a syringe, or are you going to sniff?
Mum: [Sucking Lionel into her gaping womb] No-one will ever love you like your mother!
Undertaker: [as Vera's eyes pop out and green slime sprays out] Cranial blowout!
Uncle Les: Is that the one with the donkey and the chambermaid?
Roger: You know what they are saying about you don't you? You've got funny in the head! A real bloody weirdo!
Uncle Les: She's history! I know what to do, I've read the comics! Total... bodily... dismemberment!
[the Sumatran rat monkey bites Mum, and she crushes it with the heel of her stiletto]
Zoo Keeper: Holy shit!
Mum: Look at this! It bit me. I've been savaged! And my dress!
Mr. Matheson: What we need is another war!
Father McGruder: Lionel, despite being deprived of his father at an early age, was blessed with an abundance of motherlove.
[Mum's hand smashes through her coffin lid and tries to strangle Lionel]
Lionel Cosgrove: They're not dead exactly, they're just... sort of rotting.
Uncle Les: Christ! What a stink!
Lionel Cosgrove: Uh... yeah. A dog must have uh, crawled under the house and died.
Zoo Keeper: Story goes, these great big rats come scuttling off the slave ships and raped all the little tree monkeys. The natives use them in black magic rituals. Don't ask me how, probably suck the blood of virgins, eh, eh?
Uncle Les: Ahhh, so you found your father's old stag movies, didn't ya?
Mum: YOU will look after me, Lionel.
Uncle Les: That's someone doing the business!
Father McGruder: The Devil's among us!
[after Lionel crashes into the church hugging his mother's 'corpse']
Nora Matheson: He was always dreadfully attached to Vera.
Father McGruder: Well I've seen some displays of grief in my day, but nothing quite like that.
Void: What are you doing with this thing? Digging up a few stiffs?
Mum: There's a beetle. Under the fridge! Horrid little creature scuttled right in front of me! I though I told you spray this house! The place is infested with vermin.
[Seconds before being devoured by zombies]
Intellectual: Some of my best friends are pedophiles!
Uncle Les: [to Paquita] Ooh I bet you go off like a rocket!
Mum: [about Paquita] I'll tell you what she is. She's EXPERIENCED.
Uncle Les: There's thousands of them!
Uncle Les: [Wielding a knife and a cleaver and faced with a horde of zombies] Step right up you greebo bastards!
Mum: [Waving a knife around] Look at this dust! It's an inch thick!
Mum: [Grossly deformed and gigantic] Come to mummy Lionel!
Lionel Cosgrove: Party's over.

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