A small-town boy obsessed with the Italian cycling team vies for the affections of a college girl.

Dad: I was proud of my work. And the buildings went up. When they were finished the damnedest thing happened. It was like the buildings were too good for us. Nobody told us that. It just felt uncomfortable, that's all.
Dad: What is this?
Mom: It's sauteed zucchini.
Dad: It's I-tey food. I don't want no I-tey food.
Mom: It's not. I got it at the A&P. It's like... squash.
Dad: I know I-tey food when I hear it! It's all them "eenie" foods... zucchini... and linguine... and fettuccine. I want some American food, dammit! I want French fries!
Mom: [to the cat, who has jumped up onto the table] Oh, get off the table, Fellini!
Dad: Hey, that's *my* cat! His name's not Fellini, it's Jake! I won't have any "eenie" in this house!
[to the cat]
Dad: Your name's Jake, you hear?
Dave: Buon giorno, papa!
Dad: I'm not "papa." I'm your god-damned father.
Dad: He's never tired. He's never miserable.
Mom: He's young.
Dad: When I was young I was tired and miserable.
Dad: You guys still go swimmin' in the quarries?
Dave: Sure.
Dad: So, the only thing you got to show for my 20 years of work is the holes we left behind?
Dad: I dreamed all last night, that everyone I ever sold a car to came back for a refund. And there you were, handing out the checks! One for you, and one for you...
[as they go for a marriage license: ]
Moocher: I wonder if I have to have a job to qualify.
Nancy: I don't think so. I think it's mostly blood and relatives that they're interested in.
Moocher: Blood and relatives... well, that's great. I got both of them.
Dad: Refund? Refund?
Dave: Did you ever go to confession?
Moocher: Twice.
Dave: Did it make you feel better?
Moocher: Once.
Dave: You hear from your folks, Mooch?
Moocher: Yeah, my dad called. He wanted to know if the house was sold. He could use the money something fierce.
Dave: Well, you can come and live with me when it's sold. In Italy, everybody lives together.
Moocher: [laughs] Since you won that Italian bike, man, you've been acting weird. You're really getting to think you're Italian, aren't you?
Cyril: I wouldn't mind thinking I was someone myself.
Mom: What's the matter?
Dad: He's shavin'.
Mom: Well... so what?
Dad: ...his legs.
[Dave crosses himself on learning of Team Cinzano's imminent arrival]
Mom: Oh, Dave, try not to become Catholic on us.
Dad: What are we gonna do about him?
Mom: I don't know dear. We could always strangle him while he's asleep.
Moocher: [watching the college kids on campus] Sure look like they've got it made.
Mike: That's because they're rich.
Dave: Italians are poor, but they're happy.
Mike: Yeah? Maybe in Italy.
Dave: Have a nice trip.
Katherine: You too.
Dave: But I'm not going anywhere.
Katherine: I don't know about that.
Moocher: [looking at Dave's beat up bike] Doesn't look that bad to me...
Dave: That's cause you don't have to ride it!
Moocher: Well, you know, you don't have to ride it either, Dave. We're not gonna beg you.
Cyril: We may plead, but we would never beg!
Dave: Everybody cheats. I just didn't know.
Mike's Brother: How are you fellas doing?
Cyril: Well, we're a little disturbed by developments in the Middle East, but...
Cyril: Hey! Are you really gonna shave your legs?
Dave: Certo! All the Italians do it.
Mike: Ah. Some country. The women don't shave theirs.
Dad: No, I don't feel lucky to be alive! I feel lucky I'm not dead. There's a difference.
Mike: That's the place to be right there, Wyoming! Nothin' but prairies and mountains and nobody around. All you need is your bed roll and a good horse.
Cyril: Don't forget your toothbrush! You're still in your cavity-prone years.
Mike: You want to tell me who did it?
Cyril: It was dark... All I can tell your for sure is that they all wore Brut after-shave and reeked of Lavoris.
Nancy: You know what?
Moocher: No, what?
Nancy: I'm leaving home, that's what.
Moocher: What? Where are you going?
Nancy: About 5 blocks south.
Moocher: [laughs] Yeah?
Nancy: I found this little place, it's so cute I could scream.
Dad: I don't care if the second coming's coming!
Cyril: You know what I'd like to be? A cartoon of some kind. You know, like when they get hit in the head with a frying pan or something, and their head looks like the frying pan, with the handle and everything? They they just go *booiing*
[shakes head]
Cyril: and their head comes back to normal? Wouldn't that be great?
Mike: How'd you get to be so stupid, Cyril?
Cyril: I don't know... I guess I just have a dumb heredity. What's your excuse, Michael?
Dad: If you eat so much, Moocher, how come you're so damned small?
Moocher: Oh... It's my metabolism. I eat 3 times a day and my metabolism eats 5 times a day.
Mike: They're gonna keep callin' us "cutters." To them, it's just a dirty word. To me, it's just somethin' else I never got a chance to be.
Cyril: I was sure I was going to get that scholarship. My dad of course was sure I wasn't. When I didn't, he was real understanding, you know. He loves to do that. He loves to be understanding when I fail.
Mike: [after discovering that the college kids beat Cyril up] They want a fight, we'll give 'em a fight.
Cyril: We rednecks are few... college paleface students are many. I counsel peace.
Dad: I didn't want you to be this miserable. A little bit's all I asked for.
Dave: You mean we might be a father?
Dad: No. I might be a father. And your mom might be a mother. And YOU might be a brother. See, that way I keep it all in the family.
Moocher: Wow! Hey, I didn't think people your age...
Dad: The next word may be your last, kid!
Cyril: I sure miss playing basketball. I got depressed as hell when my athlete's foot and jock itch went away.
Moocher: Hey, come on in, Dave.
Dave: Nah, I read where this Italian coach said its no good to go swimmin' right after a race.
Mike: Who's swimmin'? I'm takin' a leak.
Suzy: [On the phone] Oh, hi Rod, I just wanted you to know that there's some guy outside with a guitar serenading Kath!
Dad: God-damned see-thru coffee!
Mom: He was very sickly until he started riding around on that bicycle.
Dad: Yeah... well... now his body's fine, but his mind is gone.

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