Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason Quotes
After finding love, Bridget Jones questions if she really has everything she's dreamed of having.
Daniel Cleaver: [Daniel Cleaver and Mark Darcy have just had a fistfight over Bridget] You know what, mate? If you are so obsessed with Bridget Jones, why don't you just marry her?
Mark Darcy: [turns away and starts to walk]
Daniel Cleaver: [pause] Cause then she'd definitely shag me.
[Mark dives again into the fountain]
Mark Darcy: [turns away and starts to walk]
Daniel Cleaver: [pause] Cause then she'd definitely shag me.
[Mark dives again into the fountain]
Mark Darcy: [answers the phone] Hello?
Bridget Jones: It's me. Just wondered how you are.
Mark Darcy: I'm fine thanks. Everything alright with you?
Bridget Jones: Fine, though, er, I've just had a rather graphic shag flashback. You do have a genuinely gorgeous bottom.
Mark Darcy: Right, well, thank you. I'm actually with the Mexican Ambassador just at the moment and the Head of Amnesty International and the Under Secretary for Trade and Industry and you're on speakerphone.
Bridget Jones: Oh, right.
Bridget Jones: It's me. Just wondered how you are.
Mark Darcy: I'm fine thanks. Everything alright with you?
Bridget Jones: Fine, though, er, I've just had a rather graphic shag flashback. You do have a genuinely gorgeous bottom.
Mark Darcy: Right, well, thank you. I'm actually with the Mexican Ambassador just at the moment and the Head of Amnesty International and the Under Secretary for Trade and Industry and you're on speakerphone.
Bridget Jones: Oh, right.
Daniel Cleaver: [while fighting] You're insane!
Mark Darcy: And you're a disgrace, Cleaver, and you're gonna pay for it!
Daniel Cleaver: Ow, you're pulling my hair! Fuck off, I'm not going in the sodding water!
Mark Darcy: You're going in, Cleaver!
Daniel Cleaver: If I'm going in, you're going in with me, you smug bastard!
[they fall into the fountain]
Mark Darcy: And you're a disgrace, Cleaver, and you're gonna pay for it!
Daniel Cleaver: Ow, you're pulling my hair! Fuck off, I'm not going in the sodding water!
Mark Darcy: You're going in, Cleaver!
Daniel Cleaver: If I'm going in, you're going in with me, you smug bastard!
[they fall into the fountain]
Mark Darcy: As a matter of fact, I have a question to ask you.
Bridget Jones: Okay. As long as it's not, "Will you marry me?"
[chuckles. Mark looks devastated]
Bridget Jones: Oh, God... It *is* "Will you marry me?"
Mark Darcy: Well, I'm not going to say it now.
Bridget Jones: No, no, no! Just wait!
[runs back to the door]
Mark Darcy: The moment's gone, Bridget.
Bridget Jones: We've just come out into the corridor and you say, "I've got a question to ask you" and then I don't say *anything*!
[pause]
Bridget Jones: and you say...
Mark Darcy: [pause] Bridget Jones, will you marry me?
Bridget Jones: Okay. As long as it's not, "Will you marry me?"
[chuckles. Mark looks devastated]
Bridget Jones: Oh, God... It *is* "Will you marry me?"
Mark Darcy: Well, I'm not going to say it now.
Bridget Jones: No, no, no! Just wait!
[runs back to the door]
Mark Darcy: The moment's gone, Bridget.
Bridget Jones: We've just come out into the corridor and you say, "I've got a question to ask you" and then I don't say *anything*!
[pause]
Bridget Jones: and you say...
Mark Darcy: [pause] Bridget Jones, will you marry me?
Mark Darcy: [Bridget gets out of bed covered in a sheet and begins to fumble around] What on Earth are you doing?
Bridget Jones: Getting dressed.
Mark Darcy: Why're you dancing around in that tent business?
Bridget Jones: Because I don't want you to see any of my wobbly bits.
Mark Darcy: Well now that's a bit pointless, isn't it? As I happen to have a very high regard for your wobbly bits. In all circumstances.
Bridget Jones: [Bridget's head emerges from the sheet] Really?
Mark Darcy: Absolutely. I think it's high time we had another look.
[Bridget drops the sheet on the floor]
Bridget Jones: Getting dressed.
Mark Darcy: Why're you dancing around in that tent business?
Bridget Jones: Because I don't want you to see any of my wobbly bits.
Mark Darcy: Well now that's a bit pointless, isn't it? As I happen to have a very high regard for your wobbly bits. In all circumstances.
Bridget Jones: [Bridget's head emerges from the sheet] Really?
Mark Darcy: Absolutely. I think it's high time we had another look.
[Bridget drops the sheet on the floor]
Mark Darcy: Can I ask you a question Bridget?
Bridget Jones: Of course, any question... as long as it's not, 'Will You Marry Me'.
[pause after looking at Mark's face]
Bridget Jones: Omg, it is isn't it? It's will you Marry me? Ok, no! Wait, pretend that we just came out...
[walks back to the door, opens and closes it]
Bridget Jones: and you asked me if you could ask me a question and I said yes and NOTHING more. Ok, go.
Mark Darcy: Bridget Jones, will you marry me?
Bridget Jones: Of course, any question... as long as it's not, 'Will You Marry Me'.
[pause after looking at Mark's face]
Bridget Jones: Omg, it is isn't it? It's will you Marry me? Ok, no! Wait, pretend that we just came out...
[walks back to the door, opens and closes it]
Bridget Jones: and you asked me if you could ask me a question and I said yes and NOTHING more. Ok, go.
Mark Darcy: Bridget Jones, will you marry me?
Bridget Jones: Daniel Cleaver is a deceitful, sexist, disgusting specimen of humanity that I wouldn't share a lift with, let alone a job.
Daniel Cleaver: [swings around on his chair, coming into Bridget's view] Oh, come on Jones there must have been something you liked about me.
Bridget Jones: You have a nice car. And - quite nice manners, outside the bedroom. But that's about it. And by the way, I know exactly where Germany is. The question is, do you know the location of your arsehole?
[walks out]
Daniel Cleaver: [to other colleagues] As a matter of fact I do know the exact location of my arsehole. And hers, for that matter.
Daniel Cleaver: [swings around on his chair, coming into Bridget's view] Oh, come on Jones there must have been something you liked about me.
Bridget Jones: You have a nice car. And - quite nice manners, outside the bedroom. But that's about it. And by the way, I know exactly where Germany is. The question is, do you know the location of your arsehole?
[walks out]
Daniel Cleaver: [to other colleagues] As a matter of fact I do know the exact location of my arsehole. And hers, for that matter.
Bridget Jones: Well, uh... I just wanted to tell Mr. Darcy that I heard what magnificent work he actually did, releasing me from prison. Tiny... tiny misunderstanding to do with an enormous stash of cocaine. And I also wanted to say, since having found out that his girlfriend is actually a lesbian, that I love him. Always have. Always will. And that I'm, you know, available for dates if he should feel so inclined.
Jeremy Paxman: Ah Daniel! Your Madrid piece was outstanding. Full of insights; really original.
Daniel Cleaver: [Walking with Bridget] Oh cheers Jeremy, thanks mate. Ya, I really appreciate that. Lads worked really hard on that one.
Daniel Cleaver: [Jeremy walks away] Tosser.
Daniel Cleaver: [to Bridget] Talking of which, how is Mark Darcy?
Daniel Cleaver: [Walking with Bridget] Oh cheers Jeremy, thanks mate. Ya, I really appreciate that. Lads worked really hard on that one.
Daniel Cleaver: [Jeremy walks away] Tosser.
Daniel Cleaver: [to Bridget] Talking of which, how is Mark Darcy?
Bridget Jones: [Bridget is on the phone talking to Mark's answering machine while he waits outside her flat] You're outside! Look err, I'll ring you later. Unless you've come to chuck me once and for all, in which case... Bye and thank you and sorry.
[Mark buzzes up again from outside]
Bridget Jones: Oh God please don't chuck me, don't chuck me. If you have chucked me, please change your mind, I'll behave much better in future.
[pause]
Bridget Jones: On the other hand if you haven't chucked me please behave better next time we go out. Stuck up snob.
[Mark buzzes up again from outside]
Bridget Jones: Oh God please don't chuck me, don't chuck me. If you have chucked me, please change your mind, I'll behave much better in future.
[pause]
Bridget Jones: On the other hand if you haven't chucked me please behave better next time we go out. Stuck up snob.
Bridget Jones: I read that you should never go out with someone if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
Mark Darcy: And can you think of three?
Bridget Jones: Yes.
Mark Darcy: Which are?
Bridget Jones: First off, I embarrass you. I can't ski, I can't ride, I can't speak Latin , my legs only come up to here and yes I will always be just a little bit fat. And you, you fold your underpants before you go to bed!
Mark Darcy: No, hang on! That-that can't be a reason.
Bridget Jones: No, it's not a reason! But you're not perfect either! You look down your nose at absolutely everyone and you're incapable of doing anything spontaneous or potentially affectionate.
[pause]
Bridget Jones: It feels like you're waiting to find someone in the VIP room who's- who's so fantastic, just the way she is, that you don't need to fix her.
Mark Darcy: Bridget, this is mad.
Bridget Jones: And perhaps you thought you found her.
[long pause]
Bridget Jones: Do you *want* to marry me?
[awkward silence]
Mark Darcy: Look- I...
Bridget Jones: You see, you can never muster the strength, to fight for me.
[long silence. Mark opens his mouth and closes it again. Bridget walks out]
Mark Darcy: And can you think of three?
Bridget Jones: Yes.
Mark Darcy: Which are?
Bridget Jones: First off, I embarrass you. I can't ski, I can't ride, I can't speak Latin , my legs only come up to here and yes I will always be just a little bit fat. And you, you fold your underpants before you go to bed!
Mark Darcy: No, hang on! That-that can't be a reason.
Bridget Jones: No, it's not a reason! But you're not perfect either! You look down your nose at absolutely everyone and you're incapable of doing anything spontaneous or potentially affectionate.
[pause]
Bridget Jones: It feels like you're waiting to find someone in the VIP room who's- who's so fantastic, just the way she is, that you don't need to fix her.
Mark Darcy: Bridget, this is mad.
Bridget Jones: And perhaps you thought you found her.
[long pause]
Bridget Jones: Do you *want* to marry me?
[awkward silence]
Mark Darcy: Look- I...
Bridget Jones: You see, you can never muster the strength, to fight for me.
[long silence. Mark opens his mouth and closes it again. Bridget walks out]
Shazzer: [on Daniel Cleaver] You wouldn't sleep with him?
Bridget Jones: No, of course not. Absolutely not.
[pause]
Bridget Jones: But he is clever.
Shazzer: Yes?
Bridget Jones: And handsome.
Shazzer: He's also a dysfunctional, fucked-up, middle-aged lost boy!
Bridget Jones: [pause] Well, no one's perfect.
Bridget Jones: No, of course not. Absolutely not.
[pause]
Bridget Jones: But he is clever.
Shazzer: Yes?
Bridget Jones: And handsome.
Shazzer: He's also a dysfunctional, fucked-up, middle-aged lost boy!
Bridget Jones: [pause] Well, no one's perfect.
