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A champion high school cheerleading squad discovers its previous captain stole all their best routines from an inner-city school and must scramble to compete at this year's championships.
Big Red: I'm sexy, I'm cute, / I'm popular to boot. Big Red, Whitney, Courtney, Darcy, Carver, Kasey, Torrance Shipman: I'm bitchin', great hair, / The boys all love to stare, / I'm wanted, I'm hot, / I'm everything you're not, / I'm pretty, I'm cool, / I dominate this school, / Who am I? Just guess, / Guys wanna touch my chest, / I'm rockin', I smile, / And many think I'm vile, / I'm flyin', I jump, / You can look but don't you hump, / Whoo / I'm major, I roar, / I swear I'm not a whore, / We cheer and we lead, / We act like we're on speed, / Hate us 'cause we're beautiful, / Well we don't like you either, / We're cheerleaders, / We are cheerleaders. /Roll call... Big Red: Call me Big Red. Whitney: I'm W-W-Whitney. Courtney: C-C-C-C-Courtney. [Courtney makes cat snarl] Darcy: Dude, it's Darcy. Carver: I'm big bad Carver. Yeah! Kasey: Just call me Kasey! Big Red: I'm... still Big Red, / I sizzle, I scorch, / But now I pass the torch, / The ballots are in, / And one girl has to win, / She's perky, she's fun, / And now she's number one, / K-K-Kick it Torrance, / T-T-T-Torrance! Torrance Shipman: I'm strong and I'm loud, / I'm gonna make you proud, / I'm T-T-T-Torrance, / Your captain Torrance. Jan, Whitney, Courtney, Darcy, Carver, Kasey, Torrance Shipman, Les: Let's go Toros. /We are the Toros, / The Mighty Mighty Toros, / We're so terrific, / We must be Toros.
[last lines] Cliff: So, second place... how does it feel? Torrance Shipman: It feels like first. [they kiss]
Courtney: Why does everyone have to go on a diet? Sparky: Because! In cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go as high.
Jan: They don't go, we win; once again, we're the best. Torrance Shipman: I define being the best as competing against the best there is out there and beating them. They have to go.
Courtney: Darcy thinks she should get captain 'cause her dad pays for everything. Whitney: He should use some of that money to buy her a clue.
Sparky: [the cheerleaders form a line for Sparky to inspect. To Kasey] You, you have weak ankles. [to Whitney] Sparky: One of your calves is bigger than the other. [to next girl] Sparky: Too much makeup. [to next girl] Sparky: Not enough makeup. [to Courtney] Sparky: What's with the skin? Say it with me; *sunlight*! [to Jan and Les] Sparky: Male cheerleaders, enough said. [to Missy] Sparky: Smile. [She more grimaces than smiles] Sparky: Don't smile. Missy: [Under her breath] Jackass. Sparky: [to Darcy] Good general tone and general musculature. [Peeks around her to look at her butt] Sparky: Report those compliments to your ass before it gets so big it forms it's own website! [to Torrance] Sparky: And you, I take you to be the captain, which means you'll probably need more work than anybody.
Torrance Shipman: Courtney, this is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. I'm sorry, but I'm overruling you. Courtney: You are being a cheer-tator Torrance and a pain in my ass!
Missy: See, I'm a hardcore gymnast. No way jumping up and down yelling "Go Team Go!" is gonna satisfy me. Torrance Shipman: We're gymnasts too, except no beams, no bars, no vault.
Isis: You wanna make it right? Then when you go to Nationals... bring it. Don't slack off because you feel sorry for us. That way, when we beat you, we'll know it's because we're better. Torrance Shipman: Oh, I'll bring it. Don't worry. Isis: I never do.
Aaron: I got the door, Torr! I got the door, Torr!
Whitney: [Courtney and Whitney notice Torrance flirting with Cliff] Oh, don't play dumb. We're better at it then you. Courtney: You were having cheer-sex with him!
Torrance Shipman: If we're gonna be the best, we have to have the best. Missy's the poo, [whispered] Torrance Shipman: so take a big whiff!
Isis: [Writing a letter] "Where we come from, 'cheer' is not a word we hear very often..." Lava: They should call us 'inspiration leaders' instead. Jenelope: Ooh, that's deep... I like that. Lafred: I don't know why we writin to some talk show host. It's like we begging for charity or somethin'. Isis: It's not charity. Pauletta Patton's from our neighborhood. She'll understand why we need the money. Lafred: [laughing] Tell her we need to buy doughnuts. Her big butt'll understand that. Jenelope: A-ha! Stop being counterproductive, a-ight? Lafred: Lava, please stop teaching her these big words before she choke on one. Jenelope: No, betta I choke you, LaFred!
Courtney: Can she yell? Torrance Shipman: We'll try an oldie. [Torrance tests a standard cheer on her] Torrance Shipman: Awesome, oh wow! Like, totally freak me out! I mean, right on! The Toros sure are number one! Missy: [cheering] I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort! [back to normal tone] Missy: OK, so I've never cheered before. So what? How about something that actually requires neurons?
Missy: So is every game that eventful? Torrance Shipman: No, thank God. We have a real situation on our hands. I mean, we were humiliated on our own turf. Missy: We might have to have a rumble. Torrance Shipman: This is a serious problem! Missy: Oh, so is your breath.
Kasey: Except, it's gonna cost us $2,000. Darcy: Do I have the letters 'A-T-M' tatooed on my forehead? Torrance Shipman: I was thinking more D-A-D-D-Y.
Missy: [the squad is arguing about whether or not to stick with the Clovers' routine] You people are unbelievable! I mean, we're talking about cheating, here! Courtney: Sorry, new girl, but *nobody* hit your buzzer!
Torrance Shipman: [about Cliff] He's your brother, you don't see him the way I do. Missy: And that's a good thing because that would be a crime.
Cliff: [after Missy leaves] I begged my mom for a brother. Torrance Shipman: He'd look a little ridiculous in that bikini, wouldn't he?
Jenelope: Can we just beat these Buffys down so I can go home? I'm on curfew girl.
Aaron: Big Red's a bitch, we all know that. Even she knows that.
Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: [Cheering at the game] Aaaaaaalllll right! We're sweet! We got the whip, we can't be beat. We're the best, our team's too cool. We got the class to rock this school. Aww... Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred, Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: [Clovers join in, humiliating the Toros] Yeah! We bad, we got the team, we can't be had. We're the best, so score them points. You win the game, we'll rock this joint! Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: Go Toros! Go Toros! Go, go, go Toros! Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred: Go Clovers! Go Clovers! Go, go, go Clovers! Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred, Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: Our game is fierce and we are hip, so get on back, you can't touch this! Our game is bad, we're without peer, so get that weakness outta here! Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred: Tried to steal our bit, but you look like shit! But we're the ones who are down with it!
Male Toro Cheerleader: [when Missy storms out of her first Cheerleader Practice] Hey, practice isn't over yet.
Torrance Shipman: [Torrance is stressed after knowing they had stolen Clovers' routine] Do you know what this means? My entire cheerleading career has been a lie. Missy: Well, look on the bright side - It's only cheerleading! Torrance Shipman: I *am* only cheerleading.
Sparky: I am a choreographer. That's what I do. You are cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded. What you do is a tiny, pathetic subset of dancing. I will attempt to turn your robotic routines into poetry, written with the human body. Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys.
Torrance Shipman: So, is that your band or something? Cliff: The Clash? Uh... no. It's a British punk band, circa 1977 to 1983-ish, original lineup anyway. Torrance Shipman: How vintage!
Torrance Shipman: Ever been to a cheerleading competition? Missy: Oh, you mean like a football game? Torrance Shipman: No, not a game, those are like practices for us. I'm talking about a tournament. ESPN cameras all around. Hundreds of people cheering. Cliff: Wait a minute, people cheering... cheerleaders? Torrance Shipman: That's right. Lots of people. Here's the deal, Missy. We're the shit, the best. We work hard, have fun, and win national championships. I'm offering you a chance to be a part of that.
Courtney: Let's not put the "duh" in dumb!
Darcy: Big Red ran the show, man. We were just flying ignorami, for sobbing out loud.
Football Player #1: Jan's got spirit, yes he do! Football Player #2: Jan's got spirit, how bout you? Jan: Dude! You just lost!
Courtney: Tell me we're not actually continuing the masquerade and having try-outs. Let's cut the crap and pick somebody now! Whitney's little sister Jamie is really teeny. She'll be easy to toss, and she doesn't give lip. Jan: Just tongue. Whitney: Kiss my ass, Jan! Jan: I'd love to.
Isis: Know what? She's right. See, then we'd be doing them a favor. Then they could feel good about sending raggedy Ann up here to jack us for our cheers. Torrance Shipman: 'Raggedy Ann'? Isis: Ugly redhead with a video camera permanently attached to her hand. Y'all been coming up here for years trying to steal our routines. Lafred: And we just love seeing them on ESPN. Torrance Shipman: What are you talking about? Isis: 'Brr, it's cold in here, there must be some Toros in the atmosphere'? I know you don't think a white girl made that shit up. Our free cheer service is over as of this moment. Jenelope: Over! Lafred: Finito! Isis: Every time we get some, here y'all come trying to steal it, putting some blonde hair on it and calling it something different. We've had the best squad around for years, but no one's been able to see what we can do. But you better believe, all that's gonna change this year. I'm captain, and I guarantee you we'll make it to Nationals. So just hand over the tape you made tonight, we'll call it even for now. Torrance Shipman: We don't have any tape. Missy: Really. We just came to see the show. Jenelope: What? Come on, Isis! Let me do this! Isis: You know what? Let's go. Jenelope: Wait a minute. So that's it? We're just gonna let them go? Isis: Yeah. Because unlike them, we have class. Torrance Shipman: I swear I had no idea. Isis: Well, now you do. Jenelope: Huh! You been touched by an angel, girl!
Big Red: You are all great athletes, thanks in large part... to me.
Sparky: I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it? Now cut that in half, this is called a diet, people, everyone start one today! Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal, your body feeds off its fat stores. And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass!
Torrance Shipman: You're a great cheerleader, Aaron, and you're cute as hell, but maybe you're just not "boyfriend" material.
Missy: What is your sexuality? Les: Well, Jan's straight, and I'm... controversial. Missy: Are you trying to tell me you speak fag? Les: Oh, fluently.
Jan: You know, all the cheerleaders in the world wouldn't help our football team. Les: It's just wrong. Cheering for them is just plain mean!
Torrance Shipman: You know, mothers have killed to get their daughters on squads. Christine Shipman: That mother didn't kill anybody. She hired a hit man.
Justin Shipman: Hey, I have to tell you something! Torrance Shipman: I'm on the phone creep! Justin Shipman: I realize that, and normally I'd be listening on the other line, but this is important. Torrance Shipman: Ok, what? Torrance Shipman: [Justin Shipman jumps and farts twice] Ugh! Get Out! Justin Shipman: Thank you for listening.
Big Red: This season should've been gravy, ok? I handpicked the squad, I delivered an idiot-proof routine... Now, Platter... nationals, hello? Torrance Shipman: Don't you mean a stolen routine? Big Red: Don't be so naive, Torrance. Look, the truth is I was real leader, ok? I did what I had to do to win a nationals. And ever since I handed the reins over to you, you've run my squad straight into the ground! If I made any mistake as a squad leader, it wasn't borrowing cheers. It was announcing you as my successor.
Isis: Hey! Enjoy the show? Lava: Yes, were the ethnic festivities to your liking today?
Courtney: Where the hell are my spanky pants?
Les: You know, everyone's saying that your ambition broke Carver's leg. Torrance Shipman: When really it was the angle in which she slammed into the ground. Les: Kasey did a massive e-mail last night, misspelled "leg". Torrance Shipman: Shut up! Les: Two G's.
Sparky: I understand you have underwear up your ass right now, but it beats the hell out of a shattered skull. Think about it.
Torrance Shipman: Well, I hope you're not too busy to hear this. Kiss my ass, Aaron. It's over.
Darcy: The words "big" and "britches" come to mind. Whitney: She's crazy. She'll kill us all. Courtney: Some of us haven't spent the whole summer working out. Right, Carver?
Been-Crying-For-Hours Girl: [at cheerleading auditions, a girl comes out looking devastated] R-C-H [starts blubbering and crying pathetically] Been-Crying-For-Hours Girl: Toros all the way! [continues crying] Been-Crying-For-Hours Girl: I'm sorry, I just broke up with my boyfriend.
Football Announcer: Our next defeat is scheduled for next Friday, 8 o'clock.
Aaron: You're a great cheerleader, Tor, and you're cute as hell. Maybe you're just not "captain" material.
Missy: You ripped off those cheers! Torrance Shipman: Excuse me, Missy, our cheers are 100% original. Count the trophies! Missy: Well, your trophies are bullshit, and you're a sadass liar. Torrance Shipman: All right, that's it! Get out of the car, I'm gonna kick your ass!
Courtney: I hate to be predictable, but I don't give a shit! We learned that routine fair and square. We logged the man-hours. Don't punish the squad for Big Red's mistake. This isn't about cheating. This is about winning. Everyone in favor of winning?
Jan: Hey, ladies, wanna see my spirit stick?
Missy: [Cliff is looking ahead at Torrance. Suddenly Missy blocks his view, her bikini-clad chest right in his line of sight] Hey, perv. Cliff: Gahhh! Missy: Hand over your fifteen bucks or get out of here. Cliff: What are you doing? Missy: Making money from guys oogling my goodies. Cliff: Aww, I didn't need to hear that. That was an over-share.
Theatre Boy: [performing] Give my regards to Broadway, remember me to Harold Square... Courtney: Excuse me! What's... with... the song? Theatre Boy: Isn't this the audition for Pippin? Courtney: [waves finger] No.
Torrance Shipman: We should get Big Red a gift. Or at least someone should say something. Courtney: Pass! Whitney: Good riddance. I don't believe in osmosis. Torrance Shipman: I'm not brown-nosing! She's the departing captain; she did a lot for this squad. [Courtney and Whitney both give her looks] Torrance Shipman: Oh, come on, both of you sucked before she whipped you into shape. Courtney: Oh, whipped? Is that what that was? Whitney: No one will miss Big Red, Torr. She puts the 'itch' in bitch. Courtney: She puts the 'whore' in horrifying. Torrance Shipman: You know, it's her last practice; how would you feel? Courtney: Big Red has no feelings! Whitney: Just testicles.
Darcy: Bring on the tyros, the neophytes, and the dilettantes. Jan: SATs are over, Darcy. Darcy: And you're still jealous of my score.
Missy: All right, we'll just get it over with. Hey, Torrance, get over here. [Torrance comes over] Missy: My brother wants to check out your rack.
Kasey: Courtney'll get captain. The guys love touching her butt. Darcy: Yeah, she's got a lot to hang on to. What's the plural for 'butt'? On one person, I mean. Carver: She puts the "ass" in "massive". [Bends over to pick sometihng up, unknowingly sticking her butt right in Darcy's face] Darcy: You put the "lewd" in "deluded".
Torrance Shipman: Missy is bank! Courtney: Uh, bankrupt!
Football Player #1: Why don't you let your cheerleaders come out and play for you, at least they win shit occasionally. Toros Quarterback: Ah, is that all you've got? Toros Tight End: Yeah, bring it on buttplug! Football Player #1: You want more? Alright, while we're out here kicking your ass, your cheerboys are over there, scamming on all your squirrel. Football Player #2: Which is cool, since you ain't got dicks anyway! Toros Quarterback: Hehe, bitch! [they fight as both benches clear]
Cheerleaders: [Cheerleaders from opposing team] Hey, Toros! / That's right / The red black and white / Guess What / Guess What / You really SUCK! Torrance Shipman: Hey... Torrance Shipman, Courtney, Whitney, Kasey, Darcy, Missy, Jan, Les: That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday! / That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday!
Aaron: We'll be reunited at Cal State Dominguez Hills! I'll be the experienced sophomore, you'll be the hot new freshman. It'll be just like high school, only better. Dorm rooms.
Whitney: [talking about Missy to Courtney] Excuse me, where did you park your Harley?
Toros Quarterback: Whoa! Sexy Leslie and Jan-Jan the cheerleading man! Toros Tight End: Hey fags! Les: What? Just because we won more trophies than you guys is no reason for you to get all... malignant. Toros Quarterback: [grabbing his balls] Malignant *this*, tool! Toros Tight End: [high-fiving the quarterback and laughs] Nice! Jan: One of these days man... Les: Let it go! They've never even won a single game! You gotta be kinda rough on them. [calling out to Les] Les: Besides, they're dicks!
Missy: I don't know what's scarier, neurotic cheerleaders or the pressure to win. I could make a killing selling something like Diet Prozac.
Torrance Shipman: Get out of here! Justin Shipman: Hey, this is the living room, it's public domain! Justin Shipman: [after Torrance cannot get through to her boyfriend Aaron on the phone] I'll take out famous losers for $200, Alex. Torrance Shipman: Shut up, moron! Justin Shipman: It's not my fault you're in love with a big gay cheerleader who won't return your phone calls. Torrance Shipman: Aaron isn't gay! Justin Shipman: Oh, so someone just made him become a cheerleader? Torrance Shipman: He's just busy! Justin Shipman: Yeah, busy scamming on guys! Torrance Shipman: Give me that! [rips out Justin's Nintendo game connection] Justin Shipman: Bitch!
Darcy: Remember: They give extra points for alacrity and effulgence. Kasey: Did we bring those?
Torrance Shipman: Thank God you're here this season Missy. I couldn't have done it alone. Missy: Aww, tear. [she points to an invisible tear on her face]
Rappin' White Girl: Yo, yo, yo, whassup, whassup? It's time to get busy! So let's kick this shit, and knock the CK off your pants, yeah!
Torrance Shipman: You're a great cheerleader, Aaron, it's just that... maybe you're not exactly "boyfriend material". Buh-bye.
Les: [Their first practice after the long summer] Pinch some panties, someone's slacking! Jan: [to Courtney, who they're holding] Do I look like a milkmaid 'cause somebody feels like a cow!