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Two hapless freight handlers find themselves encountering Dracula, the Frankenstein Monster and the Wolf Man.
Wilbur Grey: Well that's gonna cost you overtime because I'm a union man and I work only sixteen hours a day. McDougal: A union man only works eight hours a day. Wilbur Grey: I belong to two unions.
Chick Young: Get up on your feet. It's only a dummy Wilbur Grey: Dummy nothin'. It was smart enough to scare me.
Dr. Lejos/Dracula: Young people making the most of life - while it lasts.
Dracula: And about the brain? I don't want to repeat Frankenstein's mistake and revive a vicious, unmanageable brute. This time the Monster must have no will of his own, no fiendish intellect to oppose his Master.
Larry Talbot: So! We meet again, Count Dracula. Dracula: Dracula? Wilbur Grey: Yes. That's who he says you are. Dracula: Oh. My costume perhaps? Chick Young: [jokingly] No. Talbot here thinks you're the real thing. Wilbur Grey: Uh-huh. Right out of McDougal's House of Horrors. Dracula: What an odd hallucination. But, the human mind is often inflamed with strange complexes. I suggest you consult your physician, Mr. Talbot. Chick Young: [referring to Wilbur] And take him along with you, please.
Larry Talbot: I know you'll think I'm crazy, but in a half an hour the moon will rise and I'll turn into a wolf. Wilbur: You and twenty million other guys. Larry Talbot: [slamming Wilbur into a locker with Chick going in behind him] Listen! I might tear you limb from limb! Wilbur: [turning to Chick in the locker] Is that serious? Chick Young: He'll murder ya! Wilbur: [turns to Talbot] That's serious.
Chick Young: You know the old saying? Everything comes in threes. Now suppose a third girl should fall in love with you? Wilbur Grey: What's her name? Chick Young: We'll say her name is Mary. Wilbur Grey: Is she pretty? Chick Young: Beautiful! Wilbur Grey: Naturally, she'd have to be. Chick Young: Now you have Mary, you have Joan, and you have Sandra. So, to prove to you that I'm your pal, your bosom friend, I'll take one of the girls off your hands. Wilbur Grey: Chick, you're what I call a real pal... you take Mary.
Dr. Lejos/Dracula: I must warn you my dear Sandra. I am accustomed to having my orders obeyed. Especially by women with a price on their heads. Dr. Sandra Mornay: Don't try to scare me, Count Dracula. Dr. Lejos/Dracula: Look into my eyes. Dr. Lejos/Dracula: Look! Deeper. Tell me what you see.
Wilbur Grey: [Larry Talbot's called about Mr. McDougal's packages and is turning into the wolf, growling and snarling] Mr. McDougal, will you stop gargling your throat? [growling continues] Wilbur Grey: Hey, you're gonna have to get your dog away from the phone, I can't hear a word you're saying. [growling and snarling continues] Wilbur Grey: You're awful silly to call me all the way from London just to have your dog talk to me. [hears the snarling and barks in response]
Larry Talbot: I just got a line on Dracula and the Monster. A certain Dr. Lajos has been receiving a lot of electrical equipment - just the type necessary to revive the Monster. Wilbur Grey: So what? I'm way out on an island. I got my own problems. Larry Talbot: Yes, but listen... I believe you're in the house of Dracula right now!
Wilbur Grey: I've had this brain for thirty years. It hasn't done me any good!
Chick Young: You're making enough noise to wake up the dead! Wilbur Grey: I don't have to wake him up. He's up.
Wilbur Grey: [Chick calls Wilbur from across the room] Miss Raymond, will you excuse me. [looking at himself in the mirror] Wilbur Grey: Oh you irresistible boy. Wilbur Grey: [to Chick] You want me. Chick Young: [grabs Wilbur and pulls him towards the window] Yes I want you. Come over here. I just wanted to get a good look at you in the light. Chick Young: I still don't get it. Wilbur Grey: Jealous?
Dr. Lejos/Dracula: Miss Raymond, would you honor me with a dance? Larry Talbot: No, I warn you, he is Count Dracula. Joan Raymond: How interesting. Tell me more. Dr. Lejos/Dracula: Let "me" tell you, while we dance. Pardon me, Mr. Talbot.
Joan Raymond: Oh Wilbur, can't we both come along too? Wilbur Grey: Yes, mon amour. Wilbur Grey: That's Spanish. Chick Young: That's French. Wilbur Grey: How do you like that, I speak French too.
McDougal: My name's McDougal, now where are my shipments? Wilbur Grey: McDougal? I just got off the phone with you in London, how'd you get here so fast, did you shoot out of a cannon?
Chick Young: What I'd like to know is, what does he got they I haven't got? Dr. Sandra Mornay: A brain. Wilbur: [flattered] Oh, a brain. Chick Young: I'd like to know where it is.
Dr. Sandra Mornay: Look into my eyes! [Wilbur looks into her eyes and sees two bats flapping their wings] Dr. Sandra Mornay: Don't you know what's going to happen now? Wilbur Grey: I'll bite. Dr. Sandra Mornay: No, I will.
Larry Talbot: [gives Wilbur a key] Lock me in, and no matter what you hear or what you might think, don't let me out!
Chick Young: I know there's no such person as Dracula. You know there's no such person as Dracula. Wilbur Grey: But does Dracula know it?
Wilbur Grey: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Wilbur Grey: Who screamed? Chick Young: You did. Chick Young: [amused] I did?
Chick Young: You still want your exhibits? McDougal: Of course I do. Wilbur Grey: Here comes one of 'em now!
Chick Young: Why don't you get down to the police station and tell them you know the story of Dracula and Monster they'd be very interested. Larry Talbot: I can't do that because then I'd have to tell them who I am and how I know what I know.
Wilbur Grey: I've got a date. In fact I've got two dates. Larry Talbot: But you and I 'have a date with destiny'. Wilbur Grey: Let Chick go with Destiny.
Wilbur Grey: You know that person you said there's no such person? I think he's in there... in person. I was reading this sign over here, Dracula's Legend. All of a sudden I heard... [Wilbur imitates a creaking noise] Chick Young: That's the wind. Wilbur Grey: It should get oiled.
Wilbur Grey: Mr. Talbot, and I thought you were such a nice man too. Look at you, you're a mess. Larry Talbot: Last night I went through another one of my horrible experiences. Many years ago I was bitten by a werewolf. Now, whenever the full moon rises I turn into a wolf myself. Wilbur Grey: Oh pal. That's all right; I'm sort of a wolf myself.
Chick Young: Well after what I saw, there'd better not be any 'maybe'.
Dr. Lejos/Dracula: Nervous, my dear? Dr. Sandra Mornay: This is risky business.
Larry Talbot: Have you seen Chick Young or Wilbur Grey? Waiter: Seen 'em? I don't even know them.
Dracula: What we need is young blood... and brains...
Wilbur Grey: And another thing Mr. Chick Young! The next time I tell you that I saw something when I saw it, you believe me that I saw it! Chick Young: Oh relax. Now that we've seen the last of Dracula, the Wolf Man, and the Monster, there's nobody to frighten us anymore. Invisible Man: Oh, that's too bad. I was hoping to get in on the excitement. Chick Young: Who said that? Invisible Man: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the Invisible Man.
Wilbur Grey: Oh, boy! I'm floatin' on a cloud of love! Chick Young: Listen, you little blimp! I'll let the air out of you in a minute if you don't give me a hand. [slams a bag into Wilbur's head] Chick Young: Ya understand that? Wilbur Grey: Thank You. Chick Young: Boy, is this kid lost!
Wilbur Grey: [whispering] Hey, will you please stop yelling. Come here. [continues whispering] Wilbur Grey: Don't you know it's impolite to raise your voice? [screams] Wilbur Grey: Oh Chick!
[Wilbur answers the door and Joan kisses him] Wilbur Grey: Oh, oh... Chick Young: Now who is this? Wilbur Grey: She's, she's beautiful. Joan Raymond: I'm Joan Raymond. Wilbur Grey: [shrugging] She's Joan Raymond.
Chick Young: I'm going out to get the other crate. And no back talk! Wilbur Grey: I've got just two words to say to you. Chick Young: What is that? Wilbur Grey: Hurry back.
Larry Talbot: Soon the moon will rise. I've taken the room across the hall; here's the key, lock me in. Wilbur Grey: Lock you in? Larry Talbot: Yes, please. Hurry. [to Chick] Wilbur Grey: He's scared too.
Chick Young: Professor, do you understand women? Prof. Stevens: I don't even try. I'm gonna get me a drink.
Chick Young: [the phone rings] Answer that phone. [a lady rings the bell for service] Chick Young: Answer the bell. [the phone rings again] Chick Young: Answer the phone! Wilbur Grey: Which one do you want me to answer first? Chick Young: Both of them! Wilbur Grey: [mocks him] Both of them! Both of them!
Chick Young: I don't get it. Out of all the guys around here that classy dish has to pick out a guy like you. Wilbur Grey: What's wrong with that? Chick Young: Go look at yourself in the mirror sometime. Wilbur Grey: Why should I hurt my own feelings?
[Trying to evade the monster, Wilbur puts on a black cloak over his face] Wilbur Grey: [imitating Dracula] Back! Back! The Monster: Yes, master. Wilbur Grey: [takes off cloak and turns to Chuck] He thinks I'm Dracula!
Chick Young: People pay McDougal cash to come in here and get scared. Wilbur Grey: I'm cheatin' him. I'm gettin' scared for nothin'.
Chick Young: What's the matter? Larry Talbot: I know you'll think I'm crazy, but... in a half-an-hour the moon will rise and I'll turn into a wolf. Wilbur Grey: You and 20 million other guys!