A flighty teenage girl learns that she is her generation's destined battler of vampires.

[Amilyn has lost an arm]
Amilyn: We're immortal, Buffy. We can do anything.
Buffy: Oh yeah? Clap.
Buffy: All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now it may not sound too great to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell. And you come along and tell me I'm a member of the hairy mole club so you can *throw* things at me?
[after getting his whole arm cut off]
Amilyn: You ruined my new jacket! Kill him A LOT!
Andy: They had this look in their eyes, totally cold, animal. I think they were young Republicans.
Pike: Look! Air!
Buffy: Does the word "duh" mean anything to you?
[after punching Merrick]
Buffy: Oh, wow. I-I never hit anybody before.
Merrick: Really? Well you did it perfectly.
Buffy: I didn't even break a nail.
Amilyn: Will you be wagging that jaw of yours while I'm biting it off?
Pike: Are you addressing I?
Gary: [Throwing detention slips on the dead vampires] Detention
[Walks to another body]
Gary: ... detention
[Walks to another body]
Gary: ... detention.
[Throws 2 more slips on the same body. Says quickly]
Gary: Detention, detention.
Buffy: Don't worry. They can't come in unless they're invited.
Kimberly: I already invited 'em.
[Buffy looks at her]
Kimberly: They're seniors!
Grueller: Now, I'm a God!
Pike: [stakes him] And now, you're a coat rack.
Gary: [Thinking Buffy is doing drugs] Hey, there's nothing to be afraid of! I know where you're coming from. Believe me. I'll tell you the truth. I've had my drug experiences, too. I did a lot - I did some acid in the Sixties. Well, the late Seventies, actually. It was at a Doobie Brother's concert... and I could see the music flowing into me, it was bright red and electric, and I felt like a big toaster, and I thought, maybe I am a toaster, we're all molecules, and my friend Melissa, her head looked like a big party balloon, and that scared me, I started to freak out...
Buffy: Does Elvis talk to you? Does he tell you to do things? Do you see spots?
Nicole: Buff, I don't see why we have to invite every single senior.
Buffy: Because it's the senior dance. It's just a shot in the dark.
Buffy: I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm in a graveyard with a strange man hunting for vampires on a *school night*.
Lothos: You and I are one.
Buffy: One what? Cute couple? I don't THINK so.
Zeph: Where the hell are going?
Pike: I'm leaving man, I'm bailing town. This place has gotten way too hairy.
Zeph: Where the hell I'm I gonna find a mechanic stupid enough to work for my kind of money?
Pike: Seen Benny lately?
Zeph: No. Hey! What, you want me to give him a message?
Pike: You should think about leaving too, man. Sell this place. There's something going on around here. I don't know, something really weird.
Zeph: Hey, what do you want me to do if I see Benny?
Pike: Run.
Buffy: I have something that the other girls didn't have.
Merrick: And what might that be, pray?
Buffy: My keen fashion sense!
Merrick: Oh, vampires of the world beware.
Buffy: Merrick, you made a Joke. Are you okay? Do You want to lie down? I know it hurts the first time
[the Coach is having the last pep-talk with his team, pointing at a piece of paper with an infinity-sign, some male / female symbols and the eye inside the pyramid]
Coach: Therefore, if we all work together, together it'll all work out. Are you with me? Now, get out there! All right! Score some, uh, points! Hey, you missed practice again today! I think you better sit down and think about how that made me feel.
Buffy: You threw a knife at my head!
Merrick: Yes, I had to show you.
Buffy: But... you *threw* a *knife* at my *head.*
Merrick: And you caught it. Only the chosen one could have caught it.
Buffy: Pike isn't a name, it's a fish.
Benny: Let me in, Pike. I'm *hungry*!
Pike: Go home, Ben.
Benny: [whining] C'mon I'm hungry.
Pike: You're floating! C'mon, man, get away from here!
Buffy: [Merrick has taken Buffy to the graveyard] D'you have any gum?
Buffy: Great. My secret weapon is PMS. That's just terrific. Thanks for telling me.
Buffy: You left me a message?
Jeffrey: You weren't home! Like always.
Buffy: You broke up with my machine?
Pike: I know that guy. *That* is a bad guy. Can we go please?
Merrick: [Trying to explain that Buffy's a vampire slayer] I've searched the entire world for you, Buffy. To bring you... your birthright.
Buffy: My birthright?
[Slightly excited]
Buffy: You mean, like a trust fund?
Lothos: [Buffy holds up a cross] This is your defense? Puh-lease. Your puny faith?
Buffy: No.
[the cross ignites in flames and she tosses the cap off a hairspray can]
Buffy: My keen fashion sense.
[she sprays the flames, shooting them at his face]
Cheerleaders: How funky is your chicken? How funky is your chicken? How loose is your goose? Our goose is totally loose! So come on all you Hog fans, so come on all you Hog fans and shake your caboose, and shake your caboose! WHoooO!
Buffy: Are you okay?
Pike: I can't move my legs.
Buffy: Why?
Pike: 'Cause you're sittin' on them.
Buffy: [Trying to come up with an issues-related theme for their school dance] The environment.
Nicole: The homelesses?
Kimberly: [to Nicole] Oh, please.
Jennifer: Are there any good sicknesses that aren't too depressing?
Buffy: Guys. The environment. I'm telling you, it's totally key. The earth is in terrible shape, we could all die, and besides, Sting's doing it.
Benny: Her yabos scoff at gravity.
Buffy: Three weeks ago, all I thought about was... well I didn't actually think about anything.
Nicole: You got a C-plus? I can't believe I cheated off of you.
Buffy: Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador, like I'm ever going to Spain anyway.
Merrick: None of the other girls ever gave me this much trouble.
Buffy: And where are they now?
Coach: Okay people, they're psyching you out. Let's not be so defensive out there, Okay? Now what do we say on the court, repeat after me; I *am* a person, I have the right to the ball.
[Buffy stakes Lothos]
Lothos: Now I'm really pissed off.
Buffy's Dad: Ok Honey, be good.
[Kisses Buffy]
Buffy's Dad: And stay away from the Jag!
Buffy: Good bye.
Buffy's Mom: Bye-Bye Bobby!
Jeffrey: Bye! She thinks my name is Bobby?
Buffy: It's possible she thinks *my* name's Bobby.
Buffy: Excuse much! Rude or anything?
Lothos: I haven't finished with you, bitch!
Buffy: I thought that look was over.
Kimberly: Well, it's Retro.
Pike: Buffy, you're the guy. You are the chosen guy.
Buffy: Right. I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping.
Buffy: Is that your van?
Pike: Yeah, it was. It's still...
Shambling Vampire: BluaaaahUGH!
Merrick: I would have been a wonderful bootmaker.
Gary: [Lothos breaks through the wall] That is defiantly *not* a student.
Gary: I have detention slips here and I'm not afraid to use them.
Kimberly: Buffy? What's your sitch? You're acting like the thing from another tax bracket. It's too weird.
Buffy: Listen, a lot's been going on you guys, okay? And I really wanted to talk to you guys about it. See, um, a couple of weeks ago, I met this guy-...
Kimberly: Oh my god, you're having an affair?
Nicole: Cool!
Jennifer: Does Jeffrey know?
Buffy: It's not about that. He's, like, old. He's fifty.
Kimberly, Nicole, Jennifer: Ewwwww!
Jennifer: Gross!
Buffy: Haven't you guys noticed what's been going on here? The strange things? Have you noticed people disappearing, turning up dead?
Nicole: What are you talking about?
Kimberly: Weird? You mean like hanging around with that homeless Poke?
Buffy: Pike.
Nicole: [gasp] Eww, you're having an affair with him?
Jennifer: He doesn't look fifty.
Buffy: Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five minutes ago.
Merrick: And you're going to be able to use that to track them.
Buffy: Great. My secret weapon is PMS. That's just terrific. Thanks for telling me.
Merrick: It's not a weapon. It's an alert system.
Buffy: Well, aren't we kung fu? I don't see you out there killing any vampires.
Merrick: I play my part.
Buffy: You can play with your part all you want, but it's my neck on the block.
Buffy: Well, you know, I'm not gonna kick so easy. I've got a few things the other girls didn't have.
Merrick: As for example, what?
Buffy: My keen fashion sense.
Buffy's Mom: [Buffy walks in late] Do you know what time it is?
Buffy: Uh... around ten?
Buffy's Mom: [looks at her watch] I *knew* this thing was slow. You pay a fortune for something...
[shouts to Buffy's father]
Buffy's Mom: Honey, come on, we're gonna be late!
Merrick: None of the other girls ever gave me this much trouble.
Buffy: And where are they now? Hello!
Buffy: What language are you speaking?
Kimberly: Get out of my facial!
Buffy: It's a stupid dance with stupid people I see every stupid day!
Kimberly: [while having a fight with Buffy] Get out of my facial!
Pike: [as Amilyn advances towards Pike] Com'on lefty, you remember what happened the last time you messed with me?
Amilyn: Oh, I remember.
[Lifting Pike off the ground by his shirt collar]
Pike: Shit
[Amilyn throws him]
Biker: Hey babe. You want to get some real power between your legs?
Buffy: Yeah, I do.
[steals his motorcycle]
Biker: Dyke! You're a dyke! I'm telling the world!
Lothos: [to Amilyn] Honestly, I don't know how you made it through the Crusades.
Kimberly: Nice ensemble.
Merrick: You do everything wrong.
Buffy: Sorry.
Merrick: No. Do it wrong. Don't play our game.