The U.S. President, low in the opinion polls, gets talked into raising his popularity by trying to start a cold war against Canada.

Highway Patrolman: I do have to fine you. That will be a thousand dollars Canadian, or 10 American dollars if you prefer.
Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor: The Canadians. They walk among us. William Shatner. Michael J. Fox. Monty Hall. Mike Meyers. Alex Trebek. All of them Canadians. All of them here.
U.S. President: It's time to turn off that war machine, and turn on our children.
R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics: The American public's attention span is about as long as your dick.
Boomer: There it is, men. Toronto.
Roy Boy: It's beautiful. Like no other city I've ever seen. It's like Albany. Only cleaner.
R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics: Here he is now. The man that a thin majority of you chose to be the president of the United States.
Redneck Protester #1: Everything I see and hear about these Canadians makes me wanna puke!
Redneck Protester #2: It's time we put the "America" back in North America! GOD BLESS BUD BOOMER!
Crowd of Protestors: USA! USA! USA! USA!
U.S. President: The American people, Mr. Smiley, would never ever buy this.
Smiley: Mr. President, the American people will buy whatever we tell them to.
Boomer: If life hands you a lemon, you gotta crush it into lemonade.
General Panzer: What do you want to do, sir? About Russia, sir?
U.S. President: Yeah, why don't we call up and find out who's in charge over there this week.
[TV Announcer describes the Canadian National Tower in Toronto]
Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor: It is the height of six American football fields, or five Canadian football fields. As if Canadian football really counts.
Boomer: I'll tell ya another thing: their beer sucks!
[Highway patrolman tells Boomer why his graffiti must be in both English and French]
Highway Patrolman: Le Quebecois.
Boomer: Huh?
Highway Patrolman: You know. Wine drinkers. Pea soup eaters. French Canadians!
Roy Boy: How come you never see any black guys playing hockey?
Kabral: Now do you think it's easy to just gradually take over every professional sport? Let me tell you something, man. Brothers have started figuring out this ice thing. Hope you enjoyed it!
Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor: Like maple syrup, Canada's evil oozes over the United States.
Russian President: You're in charge of the world, now. Don't be such a sore winner!
RCMP Officer at Headquarters: I don't know what you're talking aboot, eh?
Kabral: Aboot! It's ABOUT! And what's with this 'eh' business?
Roy Boy: [pointing a gun] We have ways of making you pronounce the letter O, pal.
Roy Boy: You ever see The Dirty Dozen?
Boomer: That was a cool movie.
Roy Boy: Man, that was real cool.
Boomer: Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Ernest Borgnine...
Kabral: Jim Brown.
Roy Boy: Uh, Telly Savalas, Clint Walker...
Kabral: Jim Brown.
Boomer: Trini Lopez!
Roy Boy: Cool.
Kabral: Trini Lopez? I never could figure that one out, man. What in the hell was he doing in The Dirty Dozen, man? If I was putting together a group of murderers and cutthroats, Trini Lopez would not be in the starting lineup.
Boomer: That's why he dies first.
Roy Boy: Yeah, don't they all die?
Boomer: They all don't die.
Kabral: Jim Brown dies.
Roy Boy: Hey man, what do you expect? Of all The Dirty Dozen, this black guy's supposed to sneak in behind enemy lines and pretend he was a Kraut? Ugh?
Boomer: Uh-huh?
Kabral: That's not it, man. It's just the black guy always dies. Think about it, man. Unforgiven, Alien, Rocky 4, The Shining...
Roy Boy: Star Trek 2, Forrest Gump, Witness...
Boomer: Annie Hall! Not Annie Hall...
Roy Boy: No, Night Of The Living Dead.
Boomer: That's the one!
Kabral: And what about that brother in Jurassic Park, man?
Roy Boy: Oh, that was cool.
Boomer: There was two black guys who died in that one! That was a twofer! You must be really pissed off at that one!
Kabral: I'm telling you, man. The black guy always dies first.
Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor: Think of your children pledging allegiance to the maple leaf. Mayonnaise on everything. Winter 11 months of the year. Anne Murray - all day, every day.
Candy Striper at Canadan Hospital: Oh we're not doctors. We're candy stripers! Our universal health care system has determined that you don't actually need a doctor until...
Candy Striper at Canadan Hospital: ...2006!
Roy Boy: I want to call the American embassy!
Boomer: All I said was "Canadian beer sucks!"
[riot intensifies]
Kabral: People! People! Can't we all just get along?
Roy Boy: Are you sure we're in Canada?
Honey: You smell anything?
Roy Boy: No.
Honey: Exactly. Canada!
Boomer: There's not a locked door in the whole country.
Highway Patrolman: Ah, Americans. Welcome to Ontario, sportsman's paradise!
Boomer: Isn't it though.
Omega Force Leader: [a member of the omega force collapses. The leader goes up to him] You ok?
Omega Force member: Yeah, it's just my toe.
[the team leader shoots him]
Boomer: Y'know, it's a free country. If he doesn't like it here, he can swim across the river to Canada. Lotta work there.
[the Mountie explains that Honey has been taken to the capital]
Boomer: The capital Toronto.
RCMP Officer at Headquarters: No, the capital of Canada is Ottawa.
Boomer: Yeah, right. Do we look that stupid? Ottawa!
Roy Boy: Nice try, Dudley.
Honey: Kabral, what does this look like to you?
Kabral: Got me. I never saw a white one that size.
Boomer: All right. Enough of this Dirty Dozen stuff.
Boomer: Hey, did anyone see "Dirty Dancing"? Now that was a good movie.
Secretary of State: We were thinking, what could be a bigger threat than aliens invading from space?
General Panzer: Ooh boy! Scare the shit out of everyone. Even me, sir!
U.S. President: Jesus, is this the best you could come up with? What about, ya know, international terrorism?
General Panzer: Well, sir, we're not going to re-open missile factories just to fight some creeps running around in exploding rental cars, are we, sir?
U.S. President: You sold control of American missiles to a foreign country?
R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics: If you can call Canada foreign.
Smiley: Or a country.
Boomer: There's a time to think, and a time to act. And this, gentlemen, is no time to think.
Mountie Sergeant: Have some fudge. Just leave me alone.
Smiley: How do you know that was a nuclear facility?
General Panzer: Well, they tricked us on that one. That's a hospital. But it's a hell of a strike!
Gus: These Canadians suffer from a serious inferiority complex. That's why they built this: The Canadian National Tower! World's largest free-standing structure!
Gus: Canadians are always dreaming up a lotta ways to ruin our lives. The metric system, for the love of God! Celsius! Neil Young!
[attempting to speak French on the phone]
U.S. President: Écoutez!
U.S. President: Vous avez gagné.
U.S. President: [uncertain] Fermez les rockettes, okay!
U.S. President: [embarrassed] About two years in high school and four years in college.
General Panzer: Let me level with you, sir. I would destroy any nation - even my own - if my president gave the order.
RCMP Officer at Headquarters: Welcome to Canada.
Boomer: Hold it right there, Canuck!
RCMP Officer at Headquarters: Who are you?
Boomer: I'm your worst nightmare. I'm a citizen with a constitutional right to bear arms!
RCMP Helecopter: Attention, please. Attention, please. This is the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Would you come down from the tower, please.
Honey: If you say "please" one more time, I'm gonna let you have it!
[while in a tank, driving through a "Welcome to Mexico" sign]
Gus: Ha ha ha, there it is! Like I care!
Smiley: When have you ever heard anyone say, "Honey, lets stay in and order Canadian food"?
Honey: [reading card] "Best wishes, Gordon Lightfoot." Eeew!
Boomer: What about Jurassic Park? Two black guys died in that movie. That's a twofer!
U.S. President: I want to say to Prime Minister MacDonald: Surrender her pronto, or we'll level Toronto.
President's aide: Sir, the Helms amendment and NSC order 725 both specifically prohibit the use of Omega Force against Caucasians.
Russian President: Mr. President, please. Is this why you called us here? We already gave up! You won! We are too busy trying to perfect universal indoor plumbing!
Hacker Hellstorm: This is the Hacker Hellstorm. One minute until total annihilation. Have a nice day.

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