In an early spy spoof, aging Sir James Bond comes out of retirement to take on SMERSH.

Vesper Lynd: Am I going to have a problem with you, Mr. Bond?
James Bond: No, don't worry, you're not my type.
Vesper Lynd: Smart?
James Bond: Single.
Vesper Lynd: [after discussing poker skills on the train] What else can you surmise, Mr. Bond?
James Bond: About you, Miss Lynd? Well, your beauty's a problem. You worry you won't be taken seriously.
Vesper Lynd: Which one can say of any attractive woman with half a brain.
James Bond: True. But this one overcompensates by wearing slightly masculine clothing. Being more aggressive than her female colleagues. Which gives her a somewhat *prickly* demeanor, and ironically enough, makes it less likely for her to be accepted and promoted by her male superiors, who mistake her insecurities for arrogance. Now, I'd have normally gone with "only child," but by the way you ignored the quip about your parents... I'm going to have to go with "orphan."
Vesper Lynd: All right... by the cut of your suit, you went to Oxford or wherever. Naturally you think human beings dress like that. But you wear it with such disdain, my guess is you didn't come from money, and your school friends never let you forget it. Which means that you were at that school by the grace of someone else's charity: hence that chip on your shoulder. And since you're first thought about me ran to "orphan," that's what I'd say you are.
[he smiles but says nothing]
Vesper Lynd: Oh, you are? I like this poker thing. And that makes perfect sense! Since MI6 looks for maladjusted young men, who give little thought to sacrificing others in order to protect queen and country. You know... former SAS types with easy smiles and expensive watches.
[Glances at his wrist]
Vesper Lynd: Rolex?
James Bond: Omega.
Vesper Lynd: Beautiful. Now, having just met you, I wouldn't go as far as calling you a cold-hearted bastard...
James Bond: No, of course not.
Vesper Lynd: But it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine. You think of women as disposable pleasures, rather than meaningful pursuits. So as charming as you are, Mr. Bond, I will be keeping my eye on our government's money - and off your perfectly-formed arse.
James Bond: You noticed?
Vesper Lynd: Even accountants have imagination. How was your lamb?
James Bond: Skewered! One sympathizes.
Vesper Lynd: Good evening, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: Good evening, Ms. Lynd.
James Bond: I'm sorry. That last hand... nearly killed me.
James Bond: Why is it that people who can't take advice always insist on giving it?
James Bond: [after Bond has just lost his 10 million in the game, to the bartender] Vodka-martini.
Bartender: Shaken or stirred?
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
James Bond: Dry Martini.
Bartender: Oui, monsieur.
James Bond: Wait... three measures of Gordon's; one of vodka; half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it over ice, and add a thin slice of lemon peel.
Bartender: Yes, sir.
Tomelli: You know, I'll have one of those.
Infante: So will I.
Bartender: Certainly.
Felix Leiter: My friend, bring me one as well, keep the fruit.
Le Chiffre: [annoyed] That's it? Hm? Anyone want to play poker now?
Felix Leiter: Someone's in a hurry.
Vesper Lynd: You're not going to let me in there, are you? You've got your armour back on. That's that.
James Bond: I have no armour left. You've stripped it from me. Whatever is left of me - whatever is left of me - whatever I am - I'm yours.
James Bond: [laughing - after being stuck five times with a knotted rope] Now the whole world's gonna know that you died scratching my balls!
Le Chiffre: [holding the rope over one shoulder] Oh... I died? I died?
James Bond: [laughing] Yeah! 'Cause no matter what you do, I'm not gonna give you the password which means your clients are gonna hunt you down and cut you into little pieces of meat while you're still breathing. Because if you kill me, there'll be nowhere else to hide.
Le Chiffre: [rounds on Bond] But you are SO WRONG! 'Cause even after I slaughtered you and your little girlfriend, your people would still welcome me with open arms... because they need... what I know.
James Bond: [quietly] The big picture.
[in another room, Vesper screams. Bond and Le Chiffre notice this]
Le Chiffre: Give me the password, and I will at least let her live.
[slaps Bond on the cheek again]
Le Chiffre: Bond, do it soon enough and she might even be in one piece.
[Bond considers this, then looks at Le Chiffre and laughs. Le Chiffre laughs as well, and realizes that Bond will not give in to the torture]
Le Chiffre: You *really* aren't going to tell me, are you?
James Bond: [laughing] No.
James Bond: I've got a little itch, down there. Would you mind?
Vesper Lynd: It doesn't bother you? Killing all those people?
James Bond: Well I wouldn't be very good at my job if it did.
[last lines]
James Bond: The name's Bond... James Bond.
Vesper Lynd: You love me?
James Bond: Enough to travel the world with you until one of us has to take an honest job... which I think is going to have to be you, because I have no idea what an honest job is.
Vesper Lynd: [introducing herself to Bond] I'm the money.
James Bond: Every penny of it.
M: You don't trust anyone, do you?
James Bond: No.
M: Then you've learned your lesson.
Le Chiffre: You changed your shirt, Mr Bond. I hope our little game isn't causing you to perspire.
James Bond: A little. But I won't consider myself to be in trouble until I start weeping blood.
James Bond: The job's done and the bitch is dead.
Vesper Lynd: There isn't enough room for me and your ego.
James Bond: I have a dinner jacket.
Vesper Lynd: There are dinner jackets and dinner jackets; this is the latter. And I need you looking like a man who belongs at that table.
James Bond: How?... It's tailored.
Vesper Lynd: I sized you up the moment we met.
M: Who the hell do they think they are? I report to the Prime Minister and even he's smart enough not to ask me what we do. Have you ever seen such a bunch of self-righteous, ass-covering prigs? They don't care what we do; they care what we get photographed doing. And how the hell could Bond be so stupid? I give him double-O status and he celebrates by shooting up an embassy. Is the man deranged? And where the hell is he? In the old days if an agent did something that embarrassing he'd have a good sense to defect. Christ, I miss the Cold War.
James Bond: I think I'll call it a Vesper.
Vesper Lynd: Because of the bitter aftertaste?
James Bond: No, because once you've tasted it, that's all you want to drink.
Vesper Lynd: If the only thing left of you was your smile and your little finger, you'd still be more of a man than anyone I've ever known.
James Bond: That's because you know what I can do with my little finger...
Le Chiffre: [after striking Bond with a knotted rope] You know, I never understood all these elaborate tortures. It's the simplest thing... to cause more pain than a man can possibly endure.
[strikes Bond again, this time harder]
Le Chiffre: And of course, it's not only the immediate agony, but the knowledge... that if you do not yield soon enough... there will be little left to identify you as a man.
[drags up a stool, sits down next to Bond and slaps him on the cheek]
Le Chiffre: The only question remains: will you yield, in time?
Vesper Lynd: I can't resist waking you. Every time I do you look at me as if you hadn't seen me in years. Makes me feel reborn.
James Bond: If you had just been born wouldn't you be naked?
Le Chiffre: I'm afraid that your friend Mathis... is really... my friend Mathis.
Le Chiffre: Wow. You've taken good care of your body. Such... a waste.
James Bond: [after reading a note left by M and seeing the Aston Martin] I love you too M.
Jimmy Bond: You can't shoot me! I have a very low threshold of death. My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
M: You've got a bloody cheek!
James Bond: Sorry. I'll shoot the camera first next time.
M: Or yourself. You stormed into an Embassy. You violated the only absolutely inviolate rule of international relations, and why? So you could kill a nobody. We wanted to question him, not to kill him! For God's sake! You're supposed to display some kind of judgement.
James Bond: I did. I thought one less bomb maker in the world would be a good thing.
M: Exactly. One bomb maker. We're trying to figure out how an entire network of terrorist groups is financed and you give us one bomb maker. Hardly the big picture, wouldn't you say?
James Bond: I always thought M was a randomly assigned initial, I had no idea it stood for...
M: Utter one more syllable and I'll have you killed.
[Bond, having been poisoned, is attempting to use a defibrillator on himself while a doctor talks him through the process over the phone, but the defibrillator has come disconnected. Bond passes out and his heart stops. Vesper arrives, reconnects the defibrillator, and uses it to restart Bond's heart. He regains consciousness]
James Bond: You OK?
Vesper Lynd: Me?
James Bond: Thank you.
Hot Room Doctor: You're welcome. Now get yourself off to a hospital.
James Bond: I will do. As soon as I've won this game.
Vesper Lynd: You're not seriously going back there?
James Bond: I wouldn't dream of it.
M: Sometimes we pay so much attention to our enemies, we forget to watch our friends as well.
Le Chiffre: [trying to keep calm] I'll get the money. Tell them I'll, I'll get the money.
Mr. White: Money isn't as valuable to our organization as knowing who to trust.
[shoots him]
James Bond: [Bond has just won Dimitrios's car in a game of poker] Oh, and the valet ticket.
Vesper Lynd: I'm afraid I'm a complicated woman.
James Bond: That is something to be afraid of.
Vesper Lynd: So?
James Bond: You want to do what to me?
Vesper Lynd: You've lost me completely.
James Bond: You just said you can't wait to get me back to the room.
M: [as Solange's dead body is carried away] I would ask you if you could remain emotionally detached, but that's not your problem, is it, Bond?
James Bond: No.
M: I knew it was too early to promote you.
James Bond: Well, I understand double 0s have a very short life expectancy... so your mistake will be short-lived.
Doctor #1: [to Bond, who is going into cardiac arrest] Stay calm and don't interrupt. Because you'll be dead within two minutes unless you do exactly what I tell you.
James Bond: I'm all ears.
James Bond: So you want me to be half-monk, half-hitman.
M: Any thug can kill. I need you to take your ego out of the equation.
James Bond: Vesper? I do hope you gave your parents hell for that.
James Bond: I'm sorry I'm not sorry.
James Bond: [upon receiving their alias documents] I'm Mr. Arlington Beech, professional gambler, and you're Miss Stephanie Broadchest...
Vesper Lynd: I am not!
James Bond: You're going to have to trust me on this.
Vesper Lynd: Oh no I don't.
Gettler: I'll kill her!
James Bond: Allow me.
Solange: [they are kissing on the floor of his beachfront suite] You like married women... don't you, James?
James Bond: It keeps things simple.
Solange: [laughs] What is it about bad men? You... my husband. I had so many chances to be happy, so many nice guys. Why can't nice guys be more like you?
James Bond: Because then they'd be bad.
Solange: [kissing him some more] Mmmmm, yeah...!
Le Chiffre: You are funny man, Mr. Bond.
M: Arrogance and self-awareness seldom go hand in hand.
Felix Leiter: I should have introduced myself, seeing as we're related. Felix Leiter, a brother from Langley.
[sees that Bond has a knife]
Felix Leiter: You should have faith. As long as you keep your head about you, I think you have him.
James Bond: Had. Excuse me.
Felix Leiter: You're not buying in?
James Bond: No.
Felix Leiter: Listen, I'm bleeding chips. I'm not going to last much longer. You have a better chance. I'll stake you. I'm saying I'll give you the money to keep going. Just one thing: you pull it off, the CIA bring him in.
James Bond: What about the winnings?
Felix Leiter: Does it look like we need the money?
Villiers: He's logged into our Secure Website, using your name and password.
M: [annoyed] How the hell does he *know* these things?
Vesper Lynd: This is me in character pissed off because you're losing so damn hard we won't be here past midnight. Oddly enough, my character's feelings mirror my own.
Mr. White: Hello?
James Bond: Mr. White? We need to talk.
Mr. White: Who is this?
[a shot rings out. White's leg is shattered. He drops to the ground in obvious pain and drags himself toward the house. He is stopped at the steps by the feet of a man in a suit. He looks up to see Bond with a cell phone in one hand and an assault weapon in the other]
James Bond: The name's Bond. James Bond.
James Bond: Stop touching your ear.
Carter: Sorry?
James Bond: Put your hand down!
James Bond: [as Solange is kissing her way down Bond's chest] Can I ask you a personal question?
Solange: Now would seem an appropriate time.
[speaking amorously to The Detainer, believing he has seduced her to his cause]
Jimmy Bond/Dr. Noah: And afterwords we can run amok! Or if you're too tired, we can walk amok.
[about Le Chiffre]
James Bond: Do you want a clean kill or do you want to send a message?
Dryden: [pointing a gun at Bond] Shame, we barely got to know each other.
[Pulls the trigger, and the gun doesn't fire]
James Bond: [holding up the magazine he'd presumably removed from Dryden's gun] I know where you keep your gun. 'Suppose that's something.
James Bond: What are you going to do to me?
Le Chiffre: Physically, nothing, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: Ah, so you're going to nothing me to death.
Smernov: [Lions approaching vehicle] I did not come here to be devoured by symbols of monarchy.
[in front of 10 Downing Street]
Mata Bond: I bet Mummy would've taken me in!
Sir James: Mummy took everyone in.
Le Chiffre: Weeping blood comes merely from a derangement of the tear duct, my dear General. Nothing sinister.
[considers his cards and moves his chips forward]
Le Chiffre: All in. I have two pair and you have a 17.4% chance of making your straight.
Mathis: It's amazing what you can do with Photoshop these days.
Jimmy Bond: [being led to a firing squad] You do know of course that this means an angry letter to The Times?
Narrator: Seven James Bonds at Casino Royale. They came to save the world and win a gal at Casino Royale. Six of them went to a heavenly spot. The seventh one is going to a place where it's terribly hot.
Steven Obanno: [after swinging a machete to cut off Valenka's hand, he stops just short of her flesh and looks at her admiringly] Not a word of protest. You should find a new boyfriend.
[Dryden, an MOD director, comes into his office late at night. After sitting at his desk, he finds James Bond sitting in the shadows]
James Bond: M doesn't mind you earning a little money on the side, Dryden. She'd just prefer it if it wasn't selling secrets.
Dryden: If the theatrics are supposed to scare me, you have the wrong man, Bond. If M was so sure that I was bent, she'd have sent a double-0. Benefits of being section chief, I'd know if anyone had been promoted to double-0 status, wouldn't I? Your file shows no kills, and it takes...
James Bond: Two.
Dryden: [pulls a gun and points it at Bond] Shame... we barely got to know each other.
[pulls the trigger, but nothing happens]
James Bond: [holds up the clip from Dryden's pistol] I know where you keep your gun. I suppose that's something.
Dryden: [lowers his gun] True. How did he die?
James Bond: Your contact? Not well.
[cut to a scene of Bond savagely beating a man to death in a bathroom]
Dryden: Made you feel it, did he? Well, you needn't worry. The second is...
[Bond pulls his gun and kills Dryden]
James Bond: Yes... considerably
Bacillus Box: ...Handle these capsules with care. Dr. Noah's bacillus is highly contagious. This germ, when distributed in the atmosphere will make all women beautiful and destroy all men over 4'6". Please handle these capsules with care.
Sir James: [taking the reins of the British Secret Service] Oh, by the way, Moneypenny, since I've come in here, have you heard me stammer?
Miss Moneypenny: No, sir!
Sir James: Splendid. Let me know if I do; I haven't got time for that sort of thing now.
Frau Hoffner: Come along, child. The auction is about to begin.
Mata Bond: Auction?
Frau Hoffner: Tonight we are selling one of the finest art collections in Europe.
Mata Bond: Le Chiffre's collection?
Frau Hoffner: Who?
Mata Bond: Le Chiffre.
Frau Hoffner: Who's Le Chiffre?
Mata Bond: The man who owns the collection.
Frau Hoffner: What collection?
Mata Bond: The collection that's about to be auctioned.
Frau Hoffner: Who said anything about an auction?
Mata Bond: You did.
Frau Hoffner: Who am I?
Mata Bond: Frau Hoffner.
Frau Hoffner: Never heard of her. You're insane, my child, quite insane.
Mata Bond: I think she's right!
Sir James: It's depressing that the words "secret agent" have become synonymous with "sex maniac."
Villiers: [calling M up in the middle of the night] He's in the Bahamas.
M: You woke me to share his holiday plans?
Mata Bond: You know, if you weren't my dad I think I could fancy you.
Sir James: That's very good of you, my dear. Rather warm in here, don't you think?
Mata Bond: Cool it, Charlie. So you want me to go to berlin, huh?
Sir James: Now Mata, you remember the old house on the Felmannstrasse?
Mata Bond: Yeah, where Mum had a dancing school.
Sir James: That has now become International Mother's Help. But that's just a cover for its reall function. It is... Does he speak English?
Mata Bond: Hey Charlie, you speak English?
Charlie: No.
Sir James: [Legionnaire salutes and rattles off something in French] Beg pardon?
French Legionnaire: [consults the book chained to his belt] The French have arrived!
Sir James: Look out!
French Legionnaire: [turns and punches a bad guy, then grabs his fist] Merde!
Sir James: Beg pardon?
French Legionnaire: [consults his book again] Ooch?
Vesper Lynd: Ten million was wired to your account in Montenegro, with the contingency for five more if I deem it a prudent investment. I suppose you've given some thought to the notion that if you lose, our government will have directly financed terrorism.
Mata Bond: Who is Le Chiffre?
Polo: Nobody knows, not even Le Chiffre.
Mathis: Being dead does not mean one cannot be helpful.
Vesper Lynd: Mr Evelyn Tremble?
Evelyn Tremble: Yes, that's right.
Vesper Lynd: Isn't Evelyn a girl's name?
Evelyn Tremble: No, it's mine, actually.
Carter: Looks like our man, burn scars on his face.
James Bond: Hmm. I wonder if bomb-makers are insured for things like that.
Frau Hoffner: Hmmm, it is little Otto. He was one of your mother's lovers. We often find him lying around.
Mata Bond: Is he dead?
Frau Hoffner: Hard to tell. He always looked like that.
Sir James: [In Mata's room] Who are all these people?
Mata Bond: They're the high priests of the temple. Okay, Fred, up it!
[a priest gets up and bows as he leaves]
Sir James: What an extraordinary performance. They seem to treat you like some kind of goddess.
Mata Bond: Well, I am the celestial virgin of the sacred altar.
Sir James: Figuratively speaking, of course.
Mata Bond: Of course.
Le Chiffre: Give our guests five minutes to leave... or throw them overboard.
Evelyn Tremble: [Vesper has just been kidnapped] Haven't by any chance seen a young lady in a green dress, have you?
Casino Doorman: [Who witnessed the kidnapping] Let me see, sir. Would that be a lady with a black bag over her head being manhandled by two unsavory gentlemens?
Evelyn Tremble: Could very well be, yes.
Casino Doorman: She went that way, sir, in a car.
[first lines]
James Bond: M really doesn't mind you earning a little money on the side, Dryden. She'd just prefer it if it wasn't selling secrets.
Evelyn Tremble: Mr. Mathis, there's something that's been worrying me...
Inspector Mathis: Yes?
Evelyn Tremble: Well, you're a French police inspector, yet you speak with a Scots accent.
Inspector Mathis: Aye, it worries me, too.
Sir James: The whole world believes that you were eaten by a shark, Miss Lynd.
Vesper Lynd: That was no shark. That was my personal submarine. But enough of this polite conversation. What is the purpose of your visit?
Q: [to Evelyn Tremble entering the laboratory. He hands him a form] If you'd be good enough to sign here, sir. It's not for me, it's for the Official Secrets Act.
Alex Dimitrios: I'm having a hard time seeing how this is my fault. It's your plan. All I did was get you the man.
Le Chiffre: A man who was under surveillance by the British Secret Service... which makes me wonder if I can trust you at all.
Alex Dimitrios: Then don't. I couldn't care less. But, I do care about my reputation. I have someone else willing to do the job. He just needs the particulars, and payment.
Sir James: [Giving a description of his era's spy type] ... vocationally devoted, sublimely disinterested. Hardly a description of that sexual acrobat who leaves a trail of dead beautiful women like so many blown roses behind him - that bounder to whom you gave my name and number.
Miss Moneypenny: I really have to note your qualifications.
Cooper: Height: six foot two and a half. 184 pounds. Trophies for karate and judo, holder of the Kama Sutra black belt.
Sir James: [Eyeing Miss Lynd's ostentatious pantsuit with extravagant feathered headdress] What a charming outfit that is. Do you often wear it in the office?
Vesper Lynd: If I wore it in the street, people might stare.
Dryden: Benefits of being section chief. I'd know if anyone had been promoted to double-oh status, wouldn't I? Your file shows no kills, and it takes...
James Bond: Two.
[cuts to Bond fighting Dryden's contact]
Evelyn Tremble: Grand Prix enthusiasts may be worried by the amount of time it has taken me to get into this Lotus Formula Three. What they don't realize is, although Le Chiffre thinks he has a faster car than me, I am faster in my Lotus Formula Three. Hee Hee!
Le Chiffre: Don't worry about that chair with a hole in the middle. It's merely waiting to be reupholstered.
Sir James: I remember your chap Lenin very well. First class organizer. Second class mind.
Q's Assistant: [showing Bond a pen] When the nib touches the paper it releases a stream of poisonous gas into the writer's eye.
Evelyn Tremble: Ideal if you want to send a...
Q's Assistant: [chiming in wearily] ... Poison pen letter, yes, all our agents say that, sir.
The Detainer: You're crazy. You are absolutely crazy!
Jimmy Bond: People called Einstein crazy.
The Detainer: That's not true. No one ever called Einstein crazy.
Jimmy Bond: Well, they would have if he'd carried on like this.
Sir James: [Passes the late M's wig to Agent Mimi/Lady Fiona McTarry, M's widow] Should it be given a Christian burial? Just how personal is a toupee?
Agent Mimi: It can only be regarded as a 'hair'loom.
Steven Obanno: Do you believe in God, Mr. Le Chiffre?
Le Chiffre: No. I believe in a reasonable rate of return.
Mata Bond: [upon seeing Mata Hari's bedroom] Hey, what an enormous bed!
Polo: The German army was very large in those days.
[Evelyn is afraid of looking through a window]
Vesper Lynd: Don't worry it's a one-way mirror.
Evelyn Tremble: Which way?
Frau Hoffner: [Mata just arrived at International Mother's Help] Who are you? What do you want?
Mata Bond: I'm here to enroll as a student.
Frau Hoffner: What are you qualifications, hmmmm?
Mata Bond: I am the daughter of Mata Hari.
Polo: Mata Hari!
Frau Hoffner: You are a liar.
Mata Bond: Am I? What about this, then?
[She takes off her coat to reveal a belly-dancing outfit]
Evelyn Tremble: If I'm not back in five minutes, start without me.
Polo: [struggling up the stairs] My battery needs recharging.
Mata Bond: Maybe your head needs examining.
Polo: No, I had that examined last week.
M: She knew you were you.
Sir James: Be careful, that's my loose kneecap.
Sir James: [Jimmy Bond is flailing his arms crazily trying to communicate] I never should have sent him to a Progressive school.
Jimmy Bond: Four...
Jimmy Bond: ... three...
Jimmy Bond: ... two...
Mata Bond: [Going through a spinning door located on a toilet] First john I've ever gone round with.
The Detainer: [Dr. Noah declares his desire for the Detainer, who is captive, nude, and strapped down] Do you treat ALL the girls you desire this way?
Jimmy Bond/Dr. Noah: [impatiently] Yes! Oh yes, I remove their clothing and tie them up, yes! I learned that in the Boy Scouts.
Piper: Are you Richard Burton?
Evelyn Tremble: No, I'm Peter O'Toole!
Piper: Then you're the greatest man that ever BREATHED.
Cooper: What's the strategy sir?
Sir James: Get out of the bloody place before it blows up.
James Bond: [Explaining to Mathis and Vesper why he deliberately lost a hand to Le Chiffre] He won the hand with the river card: the odds against are twenty three to one and he'd know that, when he made his first raise he had nothing, winning was blind luck.
Sir James: It's vaporized lysergic acid, it's highly explosive!
Sir James: Ah, this is where you come in Moneypenny. I want you to go through all the Auxiliary Files.
Miss Moneypenny: The lot, sir? It'll take all night.
Sir James: Your mother did some of her best work at night.
Taxi Driver: Taxi!
Mata Bond: Tally-ho!
[in a building that is about to explode]
Cooper: What's the strategy, sir?
Sir James: Get out of the bloody place before it blows up!
Sir James: They seem to treat you like some kind of a goddess.
Mata Bond: Well, I am the Celestial Virgin of the Sacred Altar.
Sir James: Figuratively speaking, of course.
Mata Bond: Of course! Some tea?
Sir James: Ah, cup of tea, splendid.
Mata Bond: Its made from poppy seeds. Two cups of this and you're stoned out of your mind!
James Bond: No, I'm Peter O' Toole!
Piper: Then you're the finest man that ever breathed!
Agent Mimi: To your right Sir James Bond, Lady Mary. Daughter of Douglas McTarry, raped by the Campbells in 1622. In retaliation of which Lord Douglas sent his only son, Hamish, out to rape twel' Campbell lasses.
Sir James: At-t-t the same time?
Agent Mimi: Eldest first, of course. As prescribed by scripture. Youngest bore him triplets. Their union thus bounteously blessed a contract of marriage was entered into which brought the McTarrys Black Loch, Ben Tarn, the Shagsa Rock, Glenlocke and a good stretch of salmon water.
James Bond: [Talking privately after losing all his chips] I need the other five million to buy back in. Look, I made a mistake I was impatient maybe I was arrogant but I can beat him
Vesper Lynd: I'm sorry
James Bond: [Angrily] "sorry?", why don't you try putting that in a sentence like maybe "sorry Le Chiffre is going to win and continue funding terrorism and killing innocent people", that kind of "sorry"?
Vesper Lynd: You lost because of your ego, and that same "ego" can't take it, that's what this is about all you're going to do now is lose more
James Bond: [Mumbling] well, then you're a bloody idiot
James Bond: I'm sorry?
Vesper Lynd: I said you're a bloody idiot look in my eyes, I can beat this man, you know that
James Bond: Get your hand off my arm
Q's Assistant: What side do you dress on?
Evelyn Tremble: Away from the window.
Jimmy Bond: [escaping the firing squad] So long, suckers!
James Bond: [to Mathis and Vesper referring to Le Chiffre] it was worth it to discover his "tell"
Mathis: What'd you mean "tell"?
James Bond: The twitch he has to hide when he bluffs
Vesper Lynd: Bluffs? He had the best hand
Vesper Lynd: Haven't you read the papers today?
Evelyn Tremble: I don't normally get them quite so early.
Vesper Lynd: I get them before they're printed.
Evelyn Tremble: Well, I suppose you can do anything if you have money.
[during a session in which Cooper is being trained to resist women]
Cooper: It goes against my nature, you know.
The Detainer: I sense that, too. What are you doing after the exercise?
Cooper: Having my head examined.
Polo: You're so like your mother, you're driving me insane.
Mata Bond: Well, you haven't got far to go.
Polo: Come to me. Come to me, my little Mata. Come to me. Come!
[He falls off the bed, Mata opens the door]
Mata Bond: About time you were back in your box, innit?
Polo: You must forgive me. I lose control of myself. I'm a mad fool. Mad.
Mata Bond: You want an argument?
Evelyn Tremble: [He and Vesper are leaving] Excuse me.
Casino Director: Willingly.
Frau Hoffner: The Mata Hari School of Dancing is the only truly international school of espionage in the world.
Polo: In the world.
Frau Hoffner: There is no political prejudice here.
Polo: Prejudice.
Frau Hoffner: We train Russian spies for America.
Polo: America.
Frau Hoffner: And American spies for Russia.
Mata Bond: Very democratic.
Frau Hoffner: *Very* democratic.
Dryden: If the theatrics are suppose to scare me you've got the wrong man Bond.

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