James Porter (Martin Lawrence) drives his teenage daughter Melanie (Raven Symone), from their home in Chicago to a college interview in Washington, D.C.

Trey Porter: You know, Sigmund Freud said the best way to understand women is by listening to them.
Chief James Porter: Did he say anything about understanding ten year-olds?
Trey Porter: In the future all video will be implanted in our brains.
Wendy Greenhut: [just finished singing 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas'] I love Christmas carols, don't you? Just give me a chorus of 'Joy to the World' and I'm as mad as a hatter!
[laughs, hysterically]
Trey Porter: [whispering] They're crazy
[makes cuckoo sign]
Melanie Porter: [whispers] I know!
Chief James Porter: Little Houdini pig.

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