A noted professor and his dim-witted apprentice fall prey to their inquiring vampires, while on the trail of the ominous damsel in distress.

Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: [a young woman tries to fend off Shagal, a Jewish Vampire, with a cross] Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire.
Sarah Shagal: I got into the habit of it at school. It's funny Papa. You can't just change your habits in a couple of months, can you? Besides, it's good for your health. Once a day is the very least. Don't you agree?
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: [laughs nervously] Yes.
Sarah Shagal: Do you mind if I have a quick one?
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: Huh?
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: [Thinks she means something else]
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: I don't mind at all, but...
Sarah Shagal: Oh, thank you! You are being very nice. Now could you get me some hot water?
Count Von Krolock: I am a night bird. I am not much good in the daytime.
Count Von Krolock: A year ago exactly on this same night we were assembled here in this very room: I your pastor, and you my beloved flock. With hopefulness in my heart I told you then that with Lucifer's aid we might look forward to a more succulent occasion. Cast back your minds. There we were, gathered together, gloomy and despondent, around a single meager woodcutter.
[last lines]
Narrator: That night, fleeing from Transylvania, Professor Abronsius never guessed he was carrying away with him the very evil he had wished to destroy. Thanks to him, this evil would at last be able to spread across the world.
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: Shouldn't we build a barricade?
Professor Abronsius: No, that would be bad tactics.
Narrator: [Last Lines] That night, fleeing from Transylvania, Professor Abronsius never guessed that he was carrying away with him the very evil he had sought to destroy. Thanks to him, this evil would now be able to spread itself across the world.
Professor Abronsius: Takes me for a nincompoop, that necrophile.
[opening lines]
Narrator: That night, penetrating deep into the heart of Transylvania, Professor Abronsius was unaware that he was on the point of reaching the goal of his mysterious investigations. In the course of which he had journeyed throughout Central Europe for years accompanied by his one and only faithful disciple, Alfred. A scholar and scientist whose genius was unappreciated, Abronsius had given up all to devote himself body and soul to what was to him a sacred mission. He had even lost his chair at Königsberg University, where for a long time his colleagues used to refer to him as "The Nut".
Sarah Shagal: [Alfred hears her scream and makes his way to the bathroom door]
Sarah Shagal: No!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: I told you to stay in your room! But you always take a bath!
Sarah Shagal: No! No! No!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: I'll give you that bath!
Sarah Shagal: I won't! I won't, Papa! No!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: [Alfred looks through a keyhole to see what's going on]
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: [spanking her] I told you, every day you are having baths!
Sarah Shagal: [kicking and screaming] I won't!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: I told you, no bath! No bath! No bath! No bath!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: [He stops]
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: Now you satisfied?
Sarah Shagal: [crying] Papa...
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: Now you got it.
Professor Abronsius: Garlic!
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: You think so?
Professor Abronsius: Almost without a doubt.
Professor Abronsius: [to Shagal] I'm not completely daft, you know.

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