Dead Man on Campus Quotes
Two college roommates go out and party, resulting in bad grades. They learn of the clause that says, "If your roommate dies, you get an A," and decide to find someone who is on the verge, so to speak, to move in with them.
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: [after he gets caught singing a show tune by Cooper] Oh fuck me!
Cooper Frederickson: What were you just doing?
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: What? Nothing!
Cooper Frederickson: Oh no, don't tell me nothing, you were just singing a show tune!
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: You're crazy, I'd never do that.
Cooper Frederickson: You can't be suicidal if you're singing show tunes!
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: I am suicidal.
Cooper Frederickson: You're not even depressed!
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: Of course I'm depressed, look at me
[hunches over]
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: I'm very fucking depressed.
Cooper Frederickson: You fucking poser!
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: [loses his accent] Hey man, I'm not a fucking...
Cooper Frederickson: You're not even British!
Cooper Frederickson: What were you just doing?
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: What? Nothing!
Cooper Frederickson: Oh no, don't tell me nothing, you were just singing a show tune!
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: You're crazy, I'd never do that.
Cooper Frederickson: You can't be suicidal if you're singing show tunes!
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: I am suicidal.
Cooper Frederickson: You're not even depressed!
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: Of course I'm depressed, look at me
[hunches over]
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: I'm very fucking depressed.
Cooper Frederickson: You fucking poser!
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: [loses his accent] Hey man, I'm not a fucking...
Cooper Frederickson: You're not even British!
Cooper Frederickson: Young man! Where have you been? I was up all night worried sick. Do you know what time it is?
Josh Miller: I LOVE college. I love everything about it. The people, the freedom. This room. This chair. Look at this chair!
Cooper Frederickson: You had sex last night didn't you?
Josh Miller: That's a nice shirt.
Josh Miller: I LOVE college. I love everything about it. The people, the freedom. This room. This chair. Look at this chair!
Cooper Frederickson: You had sex last night didn't you?
Josh Miller: That's a nice shirt.
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: [singing] My words in my sperm, spewing forth my tragic...
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: What the fuck do you two what?
Josh Miller: Are you a musician?
Cooper Frederickson: Are you in a band?
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: Kiss... My... Arse.
Josh Miller: What?
[Josh and Cooper look at each other puzzled]
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: That's the name of the bleeding band.
Josh Miller: Oh, you're gonna be playing the big pre-finals party.
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: Yeah, that's right - if I'm still around.
Cooper Frederickson: What do you mean?
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: And who the fuck are you? Fucking Kurt Loader!
[shouting]
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: WOULD YOU PISS OFF AND SHUT MY FUCKING DOOR!
[Josh and Cooper hurriedly close the door, but remain in the room]
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: Piss off!
Josh Miller: Oh, Piss off
Cooper Frederickson: [On the way out of the room] What the fuck does piss off mean?
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: What the fuck do you two what?
Josh Miller: Are you a musician?
Cooper Frederickson: Are you in a band?
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: Kiss... My... Arse.
Josh Miller: What?
[Josh and Cooper look at each other puzzled]
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: That's the name of the bleeding band.
Josh Miller: Oh, you're gonna be playing the big pre-finals party.
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: Yeah, that's right - if I'm still around.
Cooper Frederickson: What do you mean?
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: And who the fuck are you? Fucking Kurt Loader!
[shouting]
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: WOULD YOU PISS OFF AND SHUT MY FUCKING DOOR!
[Josh and Cooper hurriedly close the door, but remain in the room]
Matthew 'Matt' Noonan: Piss off!
Josh Miller: Oh, Piss off
Cooper Frederickson: [On the way out of the room] What the fuck does piss off mean?
