Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo Quotes
Deuce is tricked again into man-whoring by T.J., only in Amsterdam while other man-whores are being murdered in his midst.
Deuce Bigalow: T.J., I'm so glad you are here.
T.J. Hicks: How did you find me?
Deuce Bigalow: Well, this seemed like the only chicken and waffles place in all of Holland.
T.J. Hicks: Ohhh, so the black guy has to go to a chicken and waffles place, that's Racist!
Deuce Bigalow: But you're here.
T.J. Hicks: Yeah, but figuring it out was racist.
Deuce Bigalow: [noticing all the black people] This is a nice place.
T.J. Hicks: How did you find me?
Deuce Bigalow: Well, this seemed like the only chicken and waffles place in all of Holland.
T.J. Hicks: Ohhh, so the black guy has to go to a chicken and waffles place, that's Racist!
Deuce Bigalow: But you're here.
T.J. Hicks: Yeah, but figuring it out was racist.
Deuce Bigalow: [noticing all the black people] This is a nice place.
T.J. Hicks: Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles?
Deuce Bigalow: Really?
T.J. Hicks: Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow: You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks: THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS!
Deuce Bigalow: Really?
T.J. Hicks: Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow: You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks: THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS!
Deuce Bigalow: We're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone.
T.J. Hicks: I don't give a damn about that. It's the "extremely gay" part that's bothering me. I mean, if I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. But a gay pimp? Like, where am I going? Vermont?
T.J. Hicks: I don't give a damn about that. It's the "extremely gay" part that's bothering me. I mean, if I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. But a gay pimp? Like, where am I going? Vermont?
Deuce Bigalow: [on the way to the Man-Whore awards, and Eva is riding behind them] Hey look, there's Eva!
Gaspar Voorsboch: Oh.
[starts speeding up]
Deuce Bigalow: Hey what are you doing, she's right behind us.
Eva: Deuce, he's the killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Huh, what?
Eva: You're with the killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Wuh... I'm with the dealer?
Eva: He's the Man-Whore killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Um, Eighteen Wheeler?
Eva: [comes right up to the Passengers Window] My uncle is the killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Oh, I'm with the...
[Gaspar points a gun towards him]
Deuce Bigalow: ...I mean... you're the Killer?
Gaspar Voorsboch: She said: You are with the killer, you stupid ho!
Deuce Bigalow: [making sense of the Situation] Ohhhhh.
[notices a hand bag with the Leopard-coat, and a wig barely showing out]
Deuce Bigalow: ...but... why, what did Man-Whores ever do to YOU?
Gaspar Voorsboch: What did they do to me? All my life, I wanted to be one thing, a Gigolo, yes, me, Gaspar Voorsboch! I'll never forget that day, it was my first Semester at Man-Whore University.
Gaspar Voorsboch: Oh.
[starts speeding up]
Deuce Bigalow: Hey what are you doing, she's right behind us.
Eva: Deuce, he's the killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Huh, what?
Eva: You're with the killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Wuh... I'm with the dealer?
Eva: He's the Man-Whore killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Um, Eighteen Wheeler?
Eva: [comes right up to the Passengers Window] My uncle is the killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Oh, I'm with the...
[Gaspar points a gun towards him]
Deuce Bigalow: ...I mean... you're the Killer?
Gaspar Voorsboch: She said: You are with the killer, you stupid ho!
Deuce Bigalow: [making sense of the Situation] Ohhhhh.
[notices a hand bag with the Leopard-coat, and a wig barely showing out]
Deuce Bigalow: ...but... why, what did Man-Whores ever do to YOU?
Gaspar Voorsboch: What did they do to me? All my life, I wanted to be one thing, a Gigolo, yes, me, Gaspar Voorsboch! I'll never forget that day, it was my first Semester at Man-Whore University.
Gaspar Voorsboch: [pointing a Sword at Deuce] You die with the rest of them, Gigolo!
Deuce Bigalow: Please Sir, you don't have to do this.
Gaspar Voorsboch: Those Gigolos... robbed me of my man-hood, I was never able to satisfy a woman, and I shall acceed to it, that they don't either!
[they both Start Sword Fighting]
Deuce Bigalow: You don't have to kill anyone Gaspar, cuz you can please a Woman. These Gigolos... don't know what they're talking about!
Deuce Bigalow, Chadsworth Buckingham, III: Is he talking about us?
Deuce Bigalow: Do you really think that all a woman wants, is for some man to give her a "Mud Pretzel", "Turkish Snow Cone", or an..."Irish Facial"?
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: Yes, they do, Liar.
[all the Women: No!]
Deuce Bigalow: All a woman really wants... is a guy who asks her about her day, how she's been... or at least pretends to.
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: [all the Women: Yeah!] What?
Deuce Bigalow: ...or if she's feeling down, or depressed
[Gaspar tries to Stab Him, and misses]
Deuce Bigalow: Cry WITH Her!
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: Hey, I assure to you that I had no complaints from ANY of those freaks!
Lily: [slaps His face] I faked it!
Deuce Bigalow: Women don't really care if you live in a big house, wear a Rolex watch, or have a gigantic schlong like... like Heinz Hummer.
Mahmoud: This guy knows his shit!
[all the Man-Whores unzip their pants, and remove random objects making it look as if they had big packages]
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: [backing off a couple Steps] What are you all doing? Sigh, okay, anyone else?
[Lil Kim pulls a Tootsie Roll]
Deuce Bigalow: Let a Woman know you really care about her, and maybe she'll give *you* an Irish Facial.
Deuce Bigalow: Please Sir, you don't have to do this.
Gaspar Voorsboch: Those Gigolos... robbed me of my man-hood, I was never able to satisfy a woman, and I shall acceed to it, that they don't either!
[they both Start Sword Fighting]
Deuce Bigalow: You don't have to kill anyone Gaspar, cuz you can please a Woman. These Gigolos... don't know what they're talking about!
Deuce Bigalow, Chadsworth Buckingham, III: Is he talking about us?
Deuce Bigalow: Do you really think that all a woman wants, is for some man to give her a "Mud Pretzel", "Turkish Snow Cone", or an..."Irish Facial"?
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: Yes, they do, Liar.
[all the Women: No!]
Deuce Bigalow: All a woman really wants... is a guy who asks her about her day, how she's been... or at least pretends to.
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: [all the Women: Yeah!] What?
Deuce Bigalow: ...or if she's feeling down, or depressed
[Gaspar tries to Stab Him, and misses]
Deuce Bigalow: Cry WITH Her!
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: Hey, I assure to you that I had no complaints from ANY of those freaks!
Lily: [slaps His face] I faked it!
Deuce Bigalow: Women don't really care if you live in a big house, wear a Rolex watch, or have a gigantic schlong like... like Heinz Hummer.
Mahmoud: This guy knows his shit!
[all the Man-Whores unzip their pants, and remove random objects making it look as if they had big packages]
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: [backing off a couple Steps] What are you all doing? Sigh, okay, anyone else?
[Lil Kim pulls a Tootsie Roll]
Deuce Bigalow: Let a Woman know you really care about her, and maybe she'll give *you* an Irish Facial.
Security Guard: Um, Excuse me sir, but this is a Private Club, Manwhores only.
Lil' Kim: Hey, I'm a real GOOD Manwhore, just go ask yo Mamma.
Security Guard: STILL, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Lil' Kim: And that's what yo Momma said after I bang her!
Lil' Kim: [starts laughing hysterically]
Security Guard: O.k., that's it.
Security Guard: [Tosses Lil' Kim in the dumpster]
Lil' Kim: Hey, yo MAMMA's in here!
Lil' Kim: Hey, I'm a real GOOD Manwhore, just go ask yo Mamma.
Security Guard: STILL, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Lil' Kim: And that's what yo Momma said after I bang her!
Lil' Kim: [starts laughing hysterically]
Security Guard: O.k., that's it.
Security Guard: [Tosses Lil' Kim in the dumpster]
Lil' Kim: Hey, yo MAMMA's in here!
Wealthy Woman in Car: [pulls up in a car] Hey guys! I need a quick gigolo fix. What do you say?
Enzo Giarraputo: [aware that a manwhore killer is on the loose] Ahh. I'm judging a sand castle building competition this afternoon so... I can't help you.
Mahmoud: [the woman pulls out a Wad of Cash] Ahh... The dog ate my... penis.
[the woman drives off]
Enzo Giarraputo: [aware that a manwhore killer is on the loose] Ahh. I'm judging a sand castle building competition this afternoon so... I can't help you.
Mahmoud: [the woman pulls out a Wad of Cash] Ahh... The dog ate my... penis.
[the woman drives off]
T.J. Hicks: [T.J. is in Jail, and is testing all the Prisoners for their orientation] Hey, let me give you the low-down on T.J. Now, some time ago, I used to be a sideshow host at a Circus, I played the role for eating broken glass. So we di about two shows a week, now that's a lot of broken glass, and it's all collected right in the line of my anus... my *ass* is like one damn cheese grater!
[the Prisoners all stand, and glare at him]
[the Prisoners all stand, and glare at him]
Deuce Bigalow: [T.J. just came out of Jail] Hey, did anyone hurt you in there?
T.J. Hicks: Oh, you're asking if I got ass-pumped, is what's goin on here?
Deuce Bigalow: Not if you don't want to talk about it.
T.J. Hicks: Well, you see, it turns out that I'm not really... that attractive.
Deuce Bigalow: Well, you've been cleared of murder, but people still think you're gay.
T.J. Hicks: Hey, don't tell nobody I'm not gay, I mean, just think of it; T.J., the Gay mans Pimp, and I'm the corner Market man, check out my new bitches.
[a bunch of gay people stare, and wave at T.J]
Deuce Bigalow: O.k. then, lets go grab some chicken, and Waffles, my treat.
T.J. Hicks: Man, you said the first thing a black man wants when he gets out of jail.
T.J. Hicks: Oh, you're asking if I got ass-pumped, is what's goin on here?
Deuce Bigalow: Not if you don't want to talk about it.
T.J. Hicks: Well, you see, it turns out that I'm not really... that attractive.
Deuce Bigalow: Well, you've been cleared of murder, but people still think you're gay.
T.J. Hicks: Hey, don't tell nobody I'm not gay, I mean, just think of it; T.J., the Gay mans Pimp, and I'm the corner Market man, check out my new bitches.
[a bunch of gay people stare, and wave at T.J]
Deuce Bigalow: O.k. then, lets go grab some chicken, and Waffles, my treat.
T.J. Hicks: Man, you said the first thing a black man wants when he gets out of jail.
Gaspar Voorsboch: We will die together, Douche!
Deuce Bigalow: Please, you don't have to do this.
Gaspar Voorsboch: Those Manwhores ruined my life!
Deuce Bigalow: Just give me the detonater.
Gaspar Voorsboch: No, my Penis exploded!
Deuce Bigalow: O.k., that's a tough one, I'll give you that, but... having a Penis, is way over rated, trust me.
Deuce Bigalow: Please, you don't have to do this.
Gaspar Voorsboch: Those Manwhores ruined my life!
Deuce Bigalow: Just give me the detonater.
Gaspar Voorsboch: No, my Penis exploded!
Deuce Bigalow: O.k., that's a tough one, I'll give you that, but... having a Penis, is way over rated, trust me.
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: [asking gigolos about their night] So... Assapopolis, got any She-Johns lined up for Tonight?
Assapopoulos Mariolis: I got the herpes. What're you gonna do, heh.
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: [chuckles Sarcastically, then rips off band-aid] Liar! Mahmoud, What's your excuse?
Mahmoud: Uh, I just realized... I'm gay. Does anyone... want a blow job?
[all the other Manwhores make a Sourly disgusted Face]
Dutch Gigolo: I do.
Mahmoud: Ok then. I guess I'd better go... put that penis in my mouth.
Assapopoulos Mariolis: I got the herpes. What're you gonna do, heh.
Chadsworth Buckingham, III: [chuckles Sarcastically, then rips off band-aid] Liar! Mahmoud, What's your excuse?
Mahmoud: Uh, I just realized... I'm gay. Does anyone... want a blow job?
[all the other Manwhores make a Sourly disgusted Face]
Dutch Gigolo: I do.
Mahmoud: Ok then. I guess I'd better go... put that penis in my mouth.
