Dick

Dick Quotes

Story of two girls who wander away from a White House tour and meet President Nixon.

Arlene Lorenzo: We have a very important school report on turquoise jewelry due in two days, and we can't find any books on it, and the President's having us followed. It's too much pressure.
Dick: Checkers - shut up. Or I'll feed you to the Chinese.
Henry Kissinger: Excuse me, Mr. President. I was not informed that you were in the middle of... what the hell ARE you in the middle of?
Betsy Jobs: Checkers pooped.
Rose Mary Woods: Girls, the President's dog doesn't "poop." He "does his business."
Dick: I've got a way with young people. They trust me.
Mrs. Spinnler: Every lie is another brick in the pathway to hell.
Bob Woodward: [meeting Betsy and Arlene] You're Deep Throat?
Betsy Jobs: Yeah, we both are.
Bob Woodward: How old are you?
Betsy Jobs: Twenty-three.
Bob Woodward: Is that your combined ages?
Betsy Jobs: [scoffs] There's no need to be snotty.
Betsy Jobs: You kicked Checkers, you're prejudiced and you have a potty mouth.
Mrs. Spinnler: Because of your thoughtlessness, we've missed the field trip lunch at McDonald's - which the students on the other buses are now enjoying. We will return to school, for a *cold* lunch. In the cafeteria.
Arlene Lorenzo: How dare those people treat us like we're stupid teenage girls.
Betsy Jobs: We are stupid teenage girls.
Arlene Lorenzo: No. We're human beings, and we're American citizens. And four score and seven years ago our forefathers... did something.
Henry Kissinger: It's alright, gentlemen. I'm familiar with these two young ladies. Well, not "familiar", familiar, obviously.
Bob Halderman: I have met yams with more going on upstairs than these two.
Betsy Jobs: What are you doing?
Chip: Beer Bong?
Betsy Jobs: I'm definitely tripping already... heavily.
Betsy Jobs: You're the smartest person I know.
Arlene Lorenzo: But you don't know anybody...
Betsy Jobs: [shouting] You can't let dick control your life.
Betsy Jobs: [while looking at a portrait of George Washington] It looks like he's wearing blush.
[the girls giggle]
Dick: Pat, will ya stop snoring, goddamn it! My head is about to explode!
Arlene Lorenzo, Betsy Jobs: You suck, Dick!
Betsy Jobs: Are you the President's dog trainer?
John Dean: I'm John Dean, Chief White House Counsel.
Betsy Jobs: Oh. That's too bad.
Arlene Lorenzo: So you really think that my dad could be alive?
Betsy Jobs: Alive and famous! It makes perfect sense, he was probably married or something and your mom had to keep it a secret to protect his reputation. I mean, he's probably out there right now, his heart breaking because he can't reach out to the one person who truly maters to him. His darling daughter.
Arlene Lorenzo: My life is so tragic!
Betsy Jobs: Or it could be worse! What if... years from now you get married and find out that your finacee's dad is your dad, too, and you two are brother and sister!
Arlene Lorenzo: Oh my GOD!
Betsy Jobs: Mhm. It's called incest, Arlene. And it's against the law.
Arlene Lorenzo: Dick frightens me!
Arlene Lorenzo: We think you haven't been completely honest with us.
Dick: Let me tell you, if it's about that goddamn Watergate! I tell you, I had NOTHING to do with it, you hear? It's those goddamn Woodward and Burnstein! They're out to get me!
Arlene Lorenzo: [Stunned silence] Actually it was just about the dog.
Betsy Jobs: You act like you like him. But we don't think you do.
Dick: What dog?
Betsy Jobs: Isn't it against the law to cut up the flag?
Arlene Lorenzo: Not if you sew it back together.
Arlene Lorenzo: I love Dick!
Henry Kissinger: I'll take responsibility here. I'll be the only person in this administration who's willing to take responsibility for anything.
Arlene Lorenzo: War is not healthy for children and other living things.
Betsy Jobs: It's called incest Arlene, and it's against the law
Betsy Jobs: Hey, that guy has T.P. stuck to his shoe.
Arlene Lorenzo: Hey, mister! Hey! Hey, you, hey turn around, mister!
G. Gordon Liddy: Young lady, I am a VERY busy man.
Arlene Lorenzo: Wait a minute, I know you.
Betsy Jobs: Me too. But from where?
[thinks for a second, then gasps]
Betsy Jobs: Are you the guy who sells corndogs at the mall?

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