The new kid in town stumbles across something sinister about the town's method of transforming its unruly teens into upstanding citizens.

Dorian Newberry: Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone.
Gavin Strick: The Yogurt Shop, Yogurt Shoppe, what the fuck's a Shoppe?
Allen Clark: Don't worry about the snakes in your garden when you've got spiders in your bed.
Gavin Strick: Appropriate sparks are flying, somebody cue the power ballad.
Betty Caldicott: Meet the musical little creatures that hide among the flowers.
Gavin Strick: Mr. Newberry here has got the full-on Boo Radley, village idiot, Quasimoto thing going, don't you Mr. Newb?
Steve: Be the ball.
[U.V. isn't sure if Steve Clark is now one of the Blue Ribbons]
U.V.: Wait man, what's the capital of North Dakota?
Steve Clark: How the fuck should I know?
U.V.: All right. You're still okay.
Lorna Longley: Bad wrong, wrong bad, bad wrong, wrong bad.
Chug Roman: Come on, Rae-Rae, give up the plate for old Chug.
Dr. Edgar Caldicott: Science is God.
Rachel Wagner: Listen, the last ferry leaves at eleven thirty. Just tell me you have a razor plan?
Steve: I am making this shit up as I go.
Dr. Edgar Caldicott: Every time one of these kids gets a hard-on they go out and beat somebody with it!
Lorna Longley: Treat yourself.
Gavin Strick: Hello, Lorna. How are you doing today, my dear?
Lorna Longley: Drop dead.
Gavin Strick: Contact.
U.V.: [shoots Gavin to prevent him from shooting Rachel and Steve]
Gavin Strick: [falls to the ground, bleeding] Three times? You had to shoot me three times?
U.V.: [voice breaking] Sorry, man.
Gavin Strick: Wow. I get to say to my twisted family... I guess this diminishes my chances of ever meeting Trent Reznor...
[about to die]
Gavin Strick: Wow, I guess I'm finally coming around...
[as Steve is leaving]
Dorian Newberry: Wait...
[Steve stops, turns back]
Dorian Newberry: You like Kurt Vonnegut?
Steve Clark: I don't get it.
Dorian Newberry: Haven't you ever wanted to just disappear, lunch boy? Poof, you're gone? You'd be surprised how interesting people become when they think you're *really* stupid.
Rachel Wagner: Sounds razor.
Steve Clark: [after seeing Chug in a fight] What was that about?
Rachel Wagner: Toxic jock syndrome.
Chug Roman: Will you go out with me?
Rachel Wagner: No.
Chug Roman: WHY NOT?
Gavin Strick: Rachel, this is Stevie Boy - good man. Stevie Boy, this is Rachel - Cook's Ridge trash.
Rachel Wagner: [disgusted] Bite me.
Steve Clark: I had no idea the evil was this pervasive.
Randi Sklar - Blue Ribbon: Why don't you make like a tree and leave?
Gavin Strick: Clever girl.
Dickie Atkinson the Mechanic: [awkwardly] You had friends in Chicago?
Steve Clark: Yeah.
Lorna Longley: You can have friends here.
Rachel Wagner: Who put the acid in my Spam?
[Blood running down her face]
Lorna Longley: I have to go home. I've got a big physics test tomorrow.
Dorian Newberry: This town sucks for heroes.
U.V.: I bet you didn't know toast came in 3 flavors.
Steve Clark: Tell me, Shannon, do you get yelled at when you talk about your dead grandfather?
Nathan Clark: Steve...
Steve Clark: 'Cause around here, people go crazy if you talk about a dead brother.
Dorian Newberry: Do good things, lunch boy.
Gavin Strick: [sees Andy Effkin being talked to by police] Andy Effkin toasts with the most.
Dorian Newberry: Evening Officer!
Officer Cox the BIG Rat: What are you doing?
Dorian Newberry: Oh, I'm getting rid of rats!
[after Steve begs for the family to head back to Chicago, Dr. Caldicott steps inside the Clark house]
Dr. Edgar Caldicott: Steven, you ARE home. Cradle Bay is where you belong, here with your family.
Steve Clark: You signed me up for the program?
Cynthia Clark: We want what's best for you.
Steve Clark: [screaming] WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT?
Dr. Edgar Caldicott: Steven, do you think you're really happy...
Steve Clark: Oh, shut the up! You sold me out.
Steve Clark: Don't do this! Maybe they can be helped!
Dorian Newberry: No they can't. And neither can I.
[shows the gunshot wound to his stomach]
U.V.: I've got like, two customers left! If this keeps up, I'm going to be the 7-11 guy!
Andy Effkin: [snaps Mary Jo's neck] Slut.
Gavin Strick: [Blue Ribbons circle around Steve] Ice ice baby.
Rachel: Gavin thinks some sinister force has taken over the Cradle Bay meatheads.
Steve: A sinister force?
Rachel: You know, evil. Nowhere to turn, no one to trust, altogether ooky.
Gavin Strick: Look at him, he's killing his hard-on.

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