Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat Quotes
Sally and Conrad are two bored kids whose life is turned up-side-down when a talking cat comes to visit them.
The Fish: Someone else should drive!
The Cat: Alright, you win. Concrete, you drive.
[gives Conrad the wheel]
Conrad: Are you serious?
The Cat: I don't know. A little voice inside of me is saying, "This is a bad idea." But I can barely hear that little voice, because an even louder little voice is screaming, "Let the twelve-year-old drive!" Now punch it.
Conrad: This is awesome!
Sally: I want to drive.
The Cat: I think that's a great idea.
[gives Sally another wheel]
Conrad: Wait, two people can't drive at the same time.
The Cat: You're right. We should all drive.
[gets his own wheel]
The Cat: Alright, you win. Concrete, you drive.
[gives Conrad the wheel]
Conrad: Are you serious?
The Cat: I don't know. A little voice inside of me is saying, "This is a bad idea." But I can barely hear that little voice, because an even louder little voice is screaming, "Let the twelve-year-old drive!" Now punch it.
Conrad: This is awesome!
Sally: I want to drive.
The Cat: I think that's a great idea.
[gives Sally another wheel]
Conrad: Wait, two people can't drive at the same time.
The Cat: You're right. We should all drive.
[gets his own wheel]
The Cat: [as the cook] Delicious cupcakes are just minutes away.
The Cat: [as a cooking show host] Did you just say "minutes away"? That's impossible!
The Cat: [as the cook] You're not just wrong, you're stupid.
The Cat: [as a cooking show host] Now, wait just a minute...
The Cat: [as the cook] And you're ugly, just like your mum.
The Cat: [as a cooking show host] Did you just say "minutes away"? That's impossible!
The Cat: [as the cook] You're not just wrong, you're stupid.
The Cat: [as a cooking show host] Now, wait just a minute...
The Cat: [as the cook] And you're ugly, just like your mum.
The Cat: [sinister voice] There is a third option!
[Vaudeville keyboard music]
Sally: There is?
The Cat: Yes. It involves... murder!
[More vaudeville keyboard music]
Conrad: That's your option?
The Cat: [normal voice] No. You guys both had options. I just wanted to have one too.
The Cat: [back to sinister] Or did I?
[More vaudeville keyboard music]
Sally: Cat, you're not helping!
[Vaudeville keyboard music]
Sally: There is?
The Cat: Yes. It involves... murder!
[More vaudeville keyboard music]
Conrad: That's your option?
The Cat: [normal voice] No. You guys both had options. I just wanted to have one too.
The Cat: [back to sinister] Or did I?
[More vaudeville keyboard music]
Sally: Cat, you're not helping!
Thing Two: Don't belittle me.
The Cat: Ah, yes of course. Thing 2 would like to clarify that just because he wears the number 2 does not imply in any way that he's inferior to Thing 1.
Thing Two: And all of the above.
The Cat: He says you may feel free to call him Thing A if you like. He will also accept Super Thing, Thing King, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate Thun-da or Ben.
Thing Two: Ben.
[Thing 1 jabbers incoherently]
The Cat: Thing 1 says he's Thing 1 for a reason and some people should just get used to it. It's a Thing thing, you wouldn't understand.
The Cat: Ah, yes of course. Thing 2 would like to clarify that just because he wears the number 2 does not imply in any way that he's inferior to Thing 1.
Thing Two: And all of the above.
The Cat: He says you may feel free to call him Thing A if you like. He will also accept Super Thing, Thing King, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate Thun-da or Ben.
Thing Two: Ben.
[Thing 1 jabbers incoherently]
The Cat: Thing 1 says he's Thing 1 for a reason and some people should just get used to it. It's a Thing thing, you wouldn't understand.
The Cat: [closing the crate after Conrad opened it] Listen, Condax... you probably don't wanna do that.
Conrad: Why not? It's just a crate.
The Cat: This isn't just any old crate, it's the Transdimensional Transporterlator. It's kinda like a doorway which leads from this world to my world.
Conrad: But it says "Made in the Philippines".
The Cat: Yes, but not *this* Philippines.
Conrad: Why not? It's just a crate.
The Cat: This isn't just any old crate, it's the Transdimensional Transporterlator. It's kinda like a doorway which leads from this world to my world.
Conrad: But it says "Made in the Philippines".
The Cat: Yes, but not *this* Philippines.
Sally: Who are you?
The Cat: Who, Me? Why I'm The Cat in the Hat, there's no doubt about that. I'm a super fundiferous feline, who's here to make sure that you're..."meline"..."key lime"..."turpentine". I got nothing! I'm not so good with the rhyming, not really, no. Look, I'm a cat that can talk that should be enough for you people!
The Cat: Who, Me? Why I'm The Cat in the Hat, there's no doubt about that. I'm a super fundiferous feline, who's here to make sure that you're..."meline"..."key lime"..."turpentine". I got nothing! I'm not so good with the rhyming, not really, no. Look, I'm a cat that can talk that should be enough for you people!
Mr. Humberfloob: First, I'd like to welcome aboard our newest member of the Humberfloob family, Jim McFlinnagan.
[McFinnigan shakes Humberfloob's hand, to everyone else's shock]
Jim McFinnigan: Mr. Humberfloob, I wanted to thank you...
Mr. Humberfloob: Fired.
Jim McFinnigan: I beg your pardon?
Mr. Humberfloob: Fired.
Jim McFinnigan: But I...
Mr. Humberfloob: [shouting] Fireeeee-dah!
[McFinnigan runs away crying]
[McFinnigan shakes Humberfloob's hand, to everyone else's shock]
Jim McFinnigan: Mr. Humberfloob, I wanted to thank you...
Mr. Humberfloob: Fired.
Jim McFinnigan: I beg your pardon?
Mr. Humberfloob: Fired.
Jim McFinnigan: But I...
Mr. Humberfloob: [shouting] Fireeeee-dah!
[McFinnigan runs away crying]
