Drop Dead Fred Quotes
A young woman finds her already unstable life rocked by the presence of a rambunctious imaginary friend from childhood.
[Polly has just finished reading a Fairy Tale]
Young Elizabeth: Did they live happily ever after?
Polly: Of Course Elizabeth.
Young Elizabeth: How do you know?
Polly: Because, she was a good little girl, if she would have been naughty, the Prince would have run away.
Young Elizabeth: What a pile of shit.
Young Elizabeth: Did they live happily ever after?
Polly: Of Course Elizabeth.
Young Elizabeth: How do you know?
Polly: Because, she was a good little girl, if she would have been naughty, the Prince would have run away.
Young Elizabeth: What a pile of shit.
Fred: I can't believe we left the party so soon. And there was so much wine to spit around the place.
Elizabeth: I got upset.
Fred: "I got upset." God, you're so stupid. You never leave a party 'til the very very end.
Elizabeth: Oh really?
Fred: Yeah really.
Elizabeth: Well what about Cinderella? Remember what happened with her?
Fred: No I don't remember what happened *with her*. I deliberately forgot all about her. She made me puke. I remember the ugly stepsisters, they were great.
Elizabeth: I got upset.
Fred: "I got upset." God, you're so stupid. You never leave a party 'til the very very end.
Elizabeth: Oh really?
Fred: Yeah really.
Elizabeth: Well what about Cinderella? Remember what happened with her?
Fred: No I don't remember what happened *with her*. I deliberately forgot all about her. She made me puke. I remember the ugly stepsisters, they were great.
Fred: I'm not afraid of the megabeast!
Young Elizabeth: I'm not either, when she comes in here we'll make her eat up all this mud!
Fred: Yeah... and then we'll cut her head off...
Young Elizabeth: with scissors...
Fred: Yeah... and then we'll make her eat it
Young Elizabeth: ...make her eat her own head... with what?
Fred: Oh yeah, well I'll eat her head then.
Young Elizabeth: And I'll eat the rest of her!
Fred: Yeah! And then we'll get up and poo her all over the table cause we're not afraid of anything
Fred, Young Elizabeth: yeah, yeah YEAH!
Young Elizabeth: I'm not either, when she comes in here we'll make her eat up all this mud!
Fred: Yeah... and then we'll cut her head off...
Young Elizabeth: with scissors...
Fred: Yeah... and then we'll make her eat it
Young Elizabeth: ...make her eat her own head... with what?
Fred: Oh yeah, well I'll eat her head then.
Young Elizabeth: And I'll eat the rest of her!
Fred: Yeah! And then we'll get up and poo her all over the table cause we're not afraid of anything
Fred, Young Elizabeth: yeah, yeah YEAH!
[Mickey wants to be as 'crazy' as Elizabeth, and he starts hurling pasta at couples in the resturarant]
Waiter #2: [approaches]
Fred: Uh-oh!
Waiter #2: [furioudly] YOU DON'T THROW SPAGHETTI IN MY RESTRUARANT!
Mickey Bunce: [mimicking his Italian accent] Ok, oka fine - YOU DO IT!
[he slaps his hands underneath the plates the waiter is holding in each hand, sending them flying across the room]
Waiter #2: [approaches]
Fred: Uh-oh!
Waiter #2: [furioudly] YOU DON'T THROW SPAGHETTI IN MY RESTRUARANT!
Mickey Bunce: [mimicking his Italian accent] Ok, oka fine - YOU DO IT!
[he slaps his hands underneath the plates the waiter is holding in each hand, sending them flying across the room]
[first lines]
Polly: And the prince took the beautiful young girl in his arms and said, will you marry me? Yes, she whispered, I will be your princess.
Young Elizabeth: Did they live happily ever after?
Polly: Of course, Elizabeth.
[tucking her in]
Young Elizabeth: How do you know?
Polly: Because she was a good little girl. If she had been naughty, the prince would have run away.
Young Elizabeth: What a pile of shit!
Polly: And the prince took the beautiful young girl in his arms and said, will you marry me? Yes, she whispered, I will be your princess.
Young Elizabeth: Did they live happily ever after?
Polly: Of course, Elizabeth.
[tucking her in]
Young Elizabeth: How do you know?
Polly: Because she was a good little girl. If she had been naughty, the prince would have run away.
Young Elizabeth: What a pile of shit!
Mickey Bunce: [comes home to find his daughter Natalie, covered with chocolate. He kneels next to her] Natalie, what happened?
Natalie Bunce: We wanted some chocolate! It's yummy, do you want some?
[offers Mickey her hand to lick]
Mickey Bunce: [chuckles] No, I don't want any.
Ms. Fuzzock: This young lady has made quite a mess in the kitchen, and she expects me to believe that some pretend friend did it.
Natalie Bunce: He's not pretend! He's drop dead Fred!
Elizabeth: [kneels down to speak to Natalie] What did you say?
Fred: [appearing from behind a tree] She said I'm not pretend. What are you deaf?
Mickey Bunce: Natalie, come on, what really happened?
Natalie Bunce: I'm telling you the truth! Don't you believe me?
Elizabeth: I believe you. Next time you see that drop dead Fred. You give him my love.
Natalie Bunce: We wanted some chocolate! It's yummy, do you want some?
[offers Mickey her hand to lick]
Mickey Bunce: [chuckles] No, I don't want any.
Ms. Fuzzock: This young lady has made quite a mess in the kitchen, and she expects me to believe that some pretend friend did it.
Natalie Bunce: He's not pretend! He's drop dead Fred!
Elizabeth: [kneels down to speak to Natalie] What did you say?
Fred: [appearing from behind a tree] She said I'm not pretend. What are you deaf?
Mickey Bunce: Natalie, come on, what really happened?
Natalie Bunce: I'm telling you the truth! Don't you believe me?
Elizabeth: I believe you. Next time you see that drop dead Fred. You give him my love.
Fred: Boo!
Elizabeth: Ahhh!
Fred: Hello, Snotface! Yuck! What happened to you? Look at you. You're all older. You're even uglier. Uch. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to be sick all over you immediately. Lie down.
[Pushes Elizabeth down on the bed]
Fred: Hang on. Where's all the dolls?
Elizabeth: [Whispers] Drop Dead Fred.
Fred: Where is the dolls?
[Throws dolls at Elizabeth]
Fred: I wanna play with the-Ah hah! The dolls! Hello, Jemima. Hello, Angelec.
[Makes the dolls say 'Hello.']
Fred: You're gonna die!
[Screams and hits Jemima's head against the door. Bites off Angelec's head. Throws dolls]
Fred: Mr. Pooh!
[Makes Mr. Pooh say 'Hello.']
Fred: You die too!
[Makes Mr. Pooh say 'No no no.']
Fred: Yes yes yes.
[Screams and rips Mr. Pooh's stuffing out while throwing the stuffing at Elizabeth]
Fred: [Makes Mr. Pooh scream 'No! My intestines. Not my intestines!']
[Spits on Mr. Pooh]
Elizabeth: [Whispers] I must be dreaming.
Elizabeth: Ahhh!
Fred: Hello, Snotface! Yuck! What happened to you? Look at you. You're all older. You're even uglier. Uch. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to be sick all over you immediately. Lie down.
[Pushes Elizabeth down on the bed]
Fred: Hang on. Where's all the dolls?
Elizabeth: [Whispers] Drop Dead Fred.
Fred: Where is the dolls?
[Throws dolls at Elizabeth]
Fred: I wanna play with the-Ah hah! The dolls! Hello, Jemima. Hello, Angelec.
[Makes the dolls say 'Hello.']
Fred: You're gonna die!
[Screams and hits Jemima's head against the door. Bites off Angelec's head. Throws dolls]
Fred: Mr. Pooh!
[Makes Mr. Pooh say 'Hello.']
Fred: You die too!
[Makes Mr. Pooh say 'No no no.']
Fred: Yes yes yes.
[Screams and rips Mr. Pooh's stuffing out while throwing the stuffing at Elizabeth]
Fred: [Makes Mr. Pooh scream 'No! My intestines. Not my intestines!']
[Spits on Mr. Pooh]
Elizabeth: [Whispers] I must be dreaming.
Polly: [walks up to Nigel who is holding young Elizabeth at the bottom of the stairs]
[offering him the tape]
Polly: Nigel, do it.
Nigel: No, I won't. I don't want anything to do with it, it's not right.
Polly: Alright, I'll do it.
[begins to tape the jack-in-the-box close]
Nigel: [kisses Elizabeth and then goes to Polly]
[quietly]
Nigel: It's not right.
Polly: What do you know about raising a child?
Nigel: [looks to Elizabeth and to Polly] Apparently nothing.
[he leaves the house]
[offering him the tape]
Polly: Nigel, do it.
Nigel: No, I won't. I don't want anything to do with it, it's not right.
Polly: Alright, I'll do it.
[begins to tape the jack-in-the-box close]
Nigel: [kisses Elizabeth and then goes to Polly]
[quietly]
Nigel: It's not right.
Polly: What do you know about raising a child?
Nigel: [looks to Elizabeth and to Polly] Apparently nothing.
[he leaves the house]
Fred: [sitting inside the refrigerator]
[about Charles]
Fred: Snotface, he's the wrong man for you.
Elizabeth: I don't want to hear it
Fred: You're not happy.
[Elizabeth closes the fridge door]
Elizabeth: Yes I am.
Fred: [crawling from underneath a counter] Well, if you're so happy, then why I am still here, hmm?
Elizabeth: I can fix that.
[she pulls out the pills]
Fred: Oh no, don't do that. No, please, don't do that. Do-
[Elizabeth takes the pill, he dubs over in pain. While grinding pepper, Elizabeth sneezes and sends Fred bouncing against the walls]
[about Charles]
Fred: Snotface, he's the wrong man for you.
Elizabeth: I don't want to hear it
Fred: You're not happy.
[Elizabeth closes the fridge door]
Elizabeth: Yes I am.
Fred: [crawling from underneath a counter] Well, if you're so happy, then why I am still here, hmm?
Elizabeth: I can fix that.
[she pulls out the pills]
Fred: Oh no, don't do that. No, please, don't do that. Do-
[Elizabeth takes the pill, he dubs over in pain. While grinding pepper, Elizabeth sneezes and sends Fred bouncing against the walls]
