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A gentle man, with scissors for hands, is brought into a new community after living in isolation.
Kim: Hold me. Edward: I can't.
Kim: You're here... They didn't hurt you, did they? [Edward shakes his head] Kim: Were you scared? I tried to make Jim go back, but, you can't make Jim do anything. Thank you for not telling them that we... Edward: You're welcome. Kim: It must have been awful when they told you whose house it was. Edward: I knew it was Jim's house. Kim: You... you did? Edward: Yes. Kim: ...Well, then why'd you do it? Edward: Because you asked me to.
[last lines] Kim: You see, before he came down here, it never snowed. And afterwards, it did. If he weren't up there now... I don't think it would be snowing. Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it.
Edward: I am not complete.
Edward: Goodbye. [Kim kisses Edward] Kim: I love you.
Bill: So Edward, did you have a productive day? Edward: Mrs Monroe showed me where the salon's going to be. [turns to Peg] Edward: You could have a cosmetics counter. Peg Boggs: Oh, wouldn't that be great! Bill: Great. Edward: And then she showed me the back room where she took all of her clothes off. [everyone stares, Kevin snickers]
The Inventor: [to Edward] Let us pretend that we are in the drawing room and the hostess is serving tea. Now many numerous little questions confront us. Should the man rise when he accepts his cup of tea? May lump sugar be taken with the fingers? No. Is it good form to accept a second cup? Should the napkin be entirely unfolded or should the centre crease be allowed to remain? It is so easy to commit embarrassing blunders, but etiquette tells us just what is expected of us and guards us from all humiliation and discomfort. Mm, yes. Boring. Let us switch to, uh... to some poetry, hm? "There was an old man from the Cape, who made himself garments of crepe. When asked: will they tear? He replied: Here and there, but they keep such a beautiful shape!" That's right. Go ahead, smile, it's funny. That's right.
Bill: Soup's on! Edward: I thought this was shish kabob.
Peg Boggs: Why are you hiding back there? You don't have to hide from me - I'm Peg Boggs, your local Avon representative and I'm as harmless as cherry pie... [sees Edward come toward her] Peg Boggs: Oh - I can see that I've disturbed you. I'll just be going now... Edward: Don't go. Peg Boggs: [sees his scissor hands] Oh, my. What happened to you? Edward: I'm not finished.
Officer Allen: Will he be OK, Doc? Psychologist: The years spent in isolation have not equipped him with the tools necessary to judge right from wrong. He's had no context. He's been completely without guidance. Furthermore, his work - the garden sculptures, hairstyles and so forth - indicate that he's a highly imaginative... uh... character. It seems clear that his awareness of what we call reality is radically underdeveloped. Officer Allen: But will he be all right out there? Psychologist: Oh yeah, he'll be fine.
Jim: [after seeing Edward accidentally cut Kim] Hey! Now you've done it! Kim: It was just a scratch Jim, really! Peg Boggs: What's going on? Jim: Call a doctor, he skewered Kim! Kim: He didn't skewer me! Jim: [now bullying and shoving Edward] You can't touch anything without destroying it! Who the hell do you think you are hanging around here, huh? Get the hell outta here! Go you freak! Jim: [to Kim] He tried to hurt you. Kim: No he did not and you know it! Jim: Are you nuts? I just saw him! Kim: Jim, I don't love you anymore I just want you to go, ok? Just go! Jim: Are you serious? Losing me to a loser like that? He isn't even human! Kim: Just get out of here ok, just go! Kim: [after Jim has left] Dad, did you see where Edward went? Bill: No, he just waltzed down the street.
Bill: Sweetheart, you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies.
Edward: I'm not finished.
Host-TV: Quite a story, yes? Any questions for Edward? Yeah, get way over. Stand right up. Audience Member #1: What's been the best part of your new life here in town? Edward: The friends I made. Host-TV: Any other questions? Audience Member #2: Have you ever thought of having corrective surgery or prosthetics? I know a doctor that might be able to help you. Edward: I'd like to meet him. Host-TV: We'll give that name after the show. Thank you very much. That's very nice. Anyone else? Yes, stand right up. Audience Member #3: But if you had regular hands you'd be like everyone else. Edward: Yes, I know. Host-TV: I think he'd like that. Audience Member #4: Then no one would think you're special. You wouldn't be on TV or anything. Peg Boggs: No matter what, Edward will always be special.
Esmerelda: I can't believe you sheep have strayed so far from the path of righteousness! Edward: [Walking towards Esmerelda] We're not sheep!
Edward: Kevin, you wanna play scissors, paper, stone again? Kevin: No! Edward: Why not? Kevin: 'Cause it's boring. I always win!
various characters: I know a doctor who might be able to help you.
Peg Boggs: My, those are your hands? Those are your hands! What happened to you? Where are your parents? Um... Your mother? Your father? Edward: He didn't wake up. Peg Boggs: Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself? What happened to your face? No, I won't hurt you. But at the very least, let me give you a good astringent. And this will help to prevent infection. What's your name? Edward: Edward. Peg Boggs: Edward... I think you should just come home with me.
Suzanne: [at the dinner table, Edward hands her some meat with his scissors] I can't eat that, he used his hands. I think it's unsanitary.
[Kevin has brought Edward to his class for show and tell] Kevin: One chop to a guy's neck, and it's all over. [Edward does a karate pose; the class gasps in unison]
Joyce: [after Edward cuts her hair] That was the single most thrilling experience of my entire life.
Bill: OK, everybody. Grab your plates. Soup's on. Edward: [with mouth full] I thought this was shish-ka-bob. Bill: What? Edward: [a little clearer] I thought this was shish-ka-bob. Bill: Yeah, it is shish-ka-bob. It's a figure of speech, Ed.
Kim: Edward, I was so afraid. I thought you were dead. Jim: [coming into the screen with a revolver] I didn't.
Kim: [finishes her story to her granddaughter] She never saw him again. Not after that night. Granddaughter: How do you know? Kim: [takes off her glasses revealing herself] Because I was there. Granddaughter: You could've gone up there, you still could go. Kim: No, sweetheart. I'm an old woman now. I would rather have him remember me the way I was.
Peg Boggs: Avon calling. Helen: Weren't you just here? Peg Boggs: No, not since last season. Today I've come to show you our exquisite new line in softer colours in shadows, blushes and lipstick. Everything you need to accent and highlight your changing look.
Kim: Why can't you do it? Jim: Because my father keeps the damn room locked. We need Edward to get us in. Kim: Well can't you just take the key when he's sleeping or something? Jim: You don't understand. The only thing that guy hangs onto tighter is his dick.
Peg Boggs: [to Edward] You want to see the pictures? All right. Well, this is my husband Bill. He's a bowling champion. Do you know what bowling is? Bowling? No. Well... here they are down at the lake, fishing. I think Kevin looks a little glum because they didn't catch anything that day. And, um... here's my daughter Kim. All dressed for the junior prom. She's a senior now, if you can believe it! She's camping in the mountains with some friends... but she'll be back in a few days. And you can meet her then. Isn't she beautiful. That's my family. Now, come along dear. I'll show you the rest of the house. Then you can just freshen up and make yourself at home. That's the kitchen over there. You help yourself to anything you want to eat or drink. Those are grapes. And, um... back here are the bedrooms. Let me get you some towels and I'll see what we can find for you to wear. You know what? I think I have some of Bill's old clothes in here. This is perfect! Here.These should just fit you. [phone rings] Peg Boggs: Oh! Oh no, don't be alarmed. That's just the phone. Now you can go in Kim's room and put these on, and I'll be right with you.
[Joyce offers Edward lemonade] Joyce: Lemonade? [Edward pukes]
Officer Allen: We're looking for the man with the hands.
Kim: [threatening Jim with Edward's scissors] STOP IT! Or I'll kill you myself! Jim: [Jim slaps her and kicks her away] Bullshit! Jim: [to Edward who is approaching Kim] Hey, I said stay away from her!
Peg Boggs: The light concealing cream goes on first. Then you blend, and blend, and blend. Blending is the secret.
Joyce: [to Edward] Oh! Eddie, is there anything you can't do? You take my very breath away, I swear. Look at this! Have you ever cut a woman's hair? Would you cut mine?
The Inventor: I know it is a little early for Christmas, Edward, but; I have a present for you. [shows Edward his soon to be human hands]
Bill: Well, this must be quite a change for you, right, Ed? Peg Boggs: Edward, dear. I think he prefers Edward. Bill: Oh, sure.
Peg Boggs: [talking on phone] Well, of course, we'll still have our Christmas party. Why wouldn't we? [talking on other end] Peg Boggs: Well, you may think that, but you're wrong.
Audience Member #5: Do you have a girlfriend? Host-TV: Ohhh...
Esmerelda: He has been sent first to tempt you. But it's not too late. You must push him from you, expel him! Trample down the perversion of nature!
Officer Allen: [to Edward] Drop your weapons!
Kevin: Man, those things are cool! You know, I bet they're razor-sharp. One karate chop to a guy's neck... Peg Boggs: Kevin...! Edward... would you like some butter for your bread? Great! Edward: Thank you. Kevin: Hey, can I bring him to show and tell on Monday? Peg Boggs: Kevin, I've had enough
Kim: Edward? Edward: Are you okay? Kim: Yes. Are you okay? Edward: Where is everybody? Kim: Out looking for you.
Joyce: [to Edward] Don't be ridiculous! You're not handicapped, you're... What do they call the... exceptional? My name's Joyce, and I noticed that you have not tasted any of the ambrosia salad that I made especially for you. Allow me.
Esmerelda: It's not heaven he's from! It's straight from the stinking flames of hell! The power of Satan is in him, I can feel it. Can't you? Have you poor sheep strayed so far from the path? Edward: We're not sheep. Esmerelda: Don't come near me!
George: [to Edward] Hi, George Monroe. Woah. That's a heck of a handshake you got there, Ed.
Tinka: [on the phone] Joyce, I just saw this strange guy drive in with Peg. I didn't get a good look at him. He looked kinda pale.Okay. I'll be right there. Don't do anything without me. Okay, bye. Joyce: [on the phone] Yes, I'll be right there.
Jim: Forget about holding her hand, man. Think about the damage he could do to other places.
Peg Boggs: Good morning Joyce. Avon calling. Joyce: Well Peg, have you gone blind? Can't you see there's a vehicle in my driveway?
Joyce: All along I felt in my gut there was something wrong with him.
Peg Boggs: Darn this stuff!
Neighbors: Hi. Joyce: You all are hiding in there like a bunch of old hermit crabs.
Bill: Well I'll be darned.
Jim: I'd give my left nut to see that again.
Host-TV: [to Edward] How about it, Edward? Is there some special lady in your life?
Peg Boggs: Edward, this is our daughter Kim. Kim, this is Edward, who's gonna live with us. Kim: Hi.
Jim: Hey! Now you've done it. Kim: It's just a scratch, Jim, really. It's okay. Jim: Stay back! Touch her again and I'll kill you. Kim: No, it's no big deal. It's just a scratch. Jim: Call a doctor. He skewered Kim.
[first lines] Kim: Snuggle in, sweetie. It's cold out there.
Peg Boggs: Hello? Hello? Hello? Avon calling. Oh, my. Hello? Hello? I'm Peg Boggs. I'm your local Avon representative. Hello? I... I'm sorry to barge in like this, but you don't have any reason to be afraid. Ooh! This is some huge house, isn't it? Thank goodness for those aerobics... classes. Hello? Hello?
Kim: [approaches the neighbors] He's dead. The roof caved in on them. They killed each other. You can see for yourselves. See? [Kim holds up a fake scissor hand] Helen: [leaves with the others, sadly] I'm going home.
George: Eddie. The guys and I were talking, we'd like want to invite you to our card game on Friday night. Would you like that? Only thing is, you can't cut!
Helen: [on the phone] Hello? Marge: [on the phone] Hi. Yeah, it's Marge. Listen, I was standing outside talking to Carol, and Peg drove by. And she had somebody with her in the car. Helen: [on the phone] Did you get a good look at it?
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