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During an outrageous memorial for a Southern patriarch, an unexpected romance blooms between a young woman and man.
Claire Colburn: So you failed. Alright you really failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You think I care about that? I do understand. You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling.
Claire Colburn: Sadness is easier because its surrender. I say make time to dance alone with one hand waving free.
Claire Colburn: I'm impossible to forget, but I'm hard to remember.
Claire Colburn: I think I've been asleep most of my life. Drew Baylor: Me too.
Claire Colburn: Welcome to the annual meeting of people who annually meet, and we'll see ya'll next year.
Claire Colburn: Trust me. Everybody is less mysterious than they think they are.
Drew Baylor: No true fiasco ever began as a quest for mere adequacy. A motto of the British Special Air Force is: 'Those who risk, win.' A single green vine shoot is able to grow through cement. The Pacific Northwestern salmon beats itself bloody on it's quest to travel hundreds of miles upstream against the current, with a single purpose, sex of course, but also... life
Claire Colburn: You're an artist, man. Your job is to break through barriers. Not accept blame and bow and say thank you, I'm a loser, I'll go away now. Oh, Phil's mean to me, whaa, whaa, So what. Drew Baylor: I don't cry. Claire Colburn: You want to be *really* great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make 'em wonder why you're still smiling. That's true greatness to me. But don't listen to me, I'm a Claire.
Drew Baylor: I'm gonna have to call you back... Heather Baylor: Okay, just dial HELL and i'll answer.
Claire Colburn: Men see things in a box, and women see them in a round room.
(text written on a cloth above the stage): If it wasn't this... it'd be something else.
Hollie Baylor: We were complete opposites and it worked. And something happened between us that was not part of the plan... we were in love.
Drew Baylor: Because we have a moment here, let me tell you that I have recently become a secret connoisseur of 'last looks'. You know the way people look at you when they believe it's for the last time? I've started collecting these looks.
Claire Colburn: I'm going to miss your lips. And everything attached to them.
Claire Colburn: Most of the sex I've had in my life was not as personal as that kiss.
Claire Colburn: To have never taken a solitary road trip across country? I mean everybody's got to take a road trip, at least once in their lives. Just you and some music.
Claire Colburn: [voice over] Some music *needs* air. Roll down your window.
Claire Colburn: Just tell me you love me and get it over with!
Drew Baylor: What is that word...? Whimsical!
Claire Colburn: We are intrepid. We carry on.
Jessie Baylor: I teach my kids about the things that really matter. I will teach them about Abraham Lincoln and Ronnie Van Zandt, because they are equally important in my house.
Claire Colburn: I don't know a lot about everything, but I do know a lot about the part of everything that I know, which is people.
Claire Colburn: Do you ever just think I'm fooling everybody? Drew Baylor: You have no idea.
Chuck Hasboro: Death and life. And death and life. Right *next door* to each other! There's like, there's a hair between them.
Hollie Baylor: All forward motion counts.
[repeated line] Drew Baylor: I'm fine.
Claire Colburn: Hey, you're only 45 minutes away. You wanna meet halfway and see the sunrise? At this point it's probably easier to stay up! Drew Baylor: You think so? Claire Colburn: I think that's what "they" say!
Claire Colburn: And so we all became helpers, which I *so* can't help. I can't help helping.
Claire Colburn: Never met a Mitch I didn't like. Fun, full of life. Like... everyone wants to be a part of Mitch's club.
Claire Colburn: You know, You're always trying to break up with me, and we're not even together. Drew Baylor: I know... We're not?
Hollie Baylor: A few days after Mitch died I was walking through the yard and I saw our neighbor who was a very good friend of Mitch's, Bob, and he saw me coming through the gate, and he said, "I am so sorry for your loss." And I knew that he needed to feel that loss, too, and to share it, and I wanted to help him. And he put his arms around me, he cradled me, and his embrace tighted. Finally, here was somebody who truly cared. And then, I felt something else. [audience starts laughing] Hollie Baylor: Some-thing huge. [the laughing gets harder, Drew and Heather look embarrassed] Hollie Baylor: Let's just say it, let's just say it. A BONER!
Drew Baylor: And who says we have to listen to 'them'? Claire Colburn: *They* do!
Drew Baylor: In that moment, I knew success, not greatness, was the only god the world served.
Ellen Kishmore: Drew, it was real, and it was great, and it was really great.
[from trailer] Hollie Baylor: Don't expect to be making any friends. Heather Baylor: Drew doesn't have friends, Mom. Drew Baylor: I have friends!
Claire Colburn: I've spent so much time thinking about all the answers to the problem, that I forget what the problem *actually* was.
text on an urn: KISS Forever
Drew Baylor: Did I miss 60B?
Claire Colburn: We peaked on the phone.
Drew Baylor: And don't worry. Because as great as you look tonight, you are safe with me.
[first lines] Dock Worker: [receiving returning good] Welcome back, boys. Drew Baylor: As somebody once said, there's a difference between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is simply the non-present of success. Any fool can accomplish failure. But a fiasco, a fiasco is a disaster of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others, that makes other people feel more... alive. Because it didn't happen to them.
Drew Baylor: I see you right there. I see you right there. Claire Colburn: There you are.
Claire Colburn: What they say is, it *will* hit you, it could be ten minutes or it could be ten years from now.
Bill Banyon: Is there such a thing as partial cremation?
Claire Colburn: [after learning that Drew's father is Mitch] Ah, so you're a son of a Mitch.
Hollie Baylor: It takes time to be funny. It takes time to extract joy from life.
Drew Baylor: I've just recently decided that the things we know aren't black and white.
Jessie Baylor: This loss will be met with a hurricane of love.
Hollie Baylor: I was still waiting for everything to start, and now it's over.
Drew Baylor: Beautiful night, does it ever cool off? Jessie Baylor: No, this time of year its hotter than the hinges of hell, we got stars though...
Phil DeVoss: I am ill-equipt in the philosophies of failure.
Drew Baylor: You know, there is nothing greater than deciding in your life that things maybe really are black and white! And this guy Ben, who clearly takes you for granted, who serially takes advantage of you, is bad! And what I'm saying is good! See what I mean? You shouldn't be the substitute for anybody. This guy should be right here, right now, doing this [kisses Claire] Drew Baylor: .
Drew Baylor: [on cremating his dad] That's the plan - that is the way it's gonna be guys! Sprinkled at sea! Drew Baylor: [angrily] And that's the decision from California! [then realising what he just said] Drew Baylor: Shit, Oregon! [men at table laughing] Drew Baylor: We really are from Oregon!
Claire Colburn: I want you to get into the deep beautiful melancholy of everything that's happened.
Claire Colburn: Hey, now we actually have a shot at being friends for the rest of our lives. Drew Baylor: The rest of our lives... hm...
Drew Baylor: And they all know me, and I don't know any of them. And I've never seen a dead body before.
Claire Colburn: I'm walking out the door... in last night's clothes.
Drew Baylor: You're smart, you'll just wear your shoes and *never* ask any questions. Just enjoy your footwear.
[from trailer] Drew Baylor: [embracing] Please don't take this as rejection. Claire Colburn: I really don't.
Claire Colburn: Life cannot be so cruel that we don't deserve to be together... to eat.
Chuck Hasboro: Okay, it's all about family bro. Drew Baylor: Thank you, Chuck. [they hug]
Drew Baylor: Can you imagine an entire life wrapped up in a shoe?
Claire Colburn: I'm one of a kind.
Claire Colburn: [voiceover] Don't get lost!
Drew Baylor: So what are you doing right now? Claire Colburn: [referring to Drew] I'm checking out this cute guy... Drew Baylor: [disgusted face] Why are you telling me that?
Drew Baylor: We should've taken this trip years ago.
Hollie Baylor: [looking at a picture of Mitch] I love you. This is for you. Your favorite song on a Saturday night. [Moon River plays]
Drew Baylor: [on phone] I am Currently stealing Chuck and Cindy's wedding beer. Chuck Hasboro: You're a friend of Chuck's right? Drew Baylor: Yes, yes I am Chuck Hasboro: No you're not, I'm Chuck Drew Baylor: ...Of... Chuck and Cindy? Claire Colburn: [voiceover] Is that Chuck? Drew Baylor: It's Chuck!
Drew Baylor: By the way, I didn't say 'million,' I said 'billion.' A billion dollars; that's a lot of million.