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A divorced woman who decides to pursue the man she's interested in learns he's her new friend's ex-husband.
Eva: Oh, the Container Store? Albert: Yes, yes, the Container Store. The store that sells crap so you can put your crap in so you can go out and buy some more crap. Eva: I love that store. I love crap.
[last lines] Albert: I should tell you... I bought some night tables. Eva: You did? Albert: No. [Eva laughs] Albert: No, I didn't. Eva: OK, that's good.
Eva: I'm tired of being funny. Albert: Me too.
Eva: I could not believe what I was watching! No brains, and the fake cheekbones, and the fake boobs. Do you like fake boobs? Albert: ...No. No, I like real boobs. Eva: Yeah - I got real boobs. Albert: ...That's workin' out for us then.
Eva: You have, like, eighty million toothbrushes. Albert: I do? Eva: Yeah. Albert: I only use one of them. Eva: Then why don't you just throw the other ones out? Albert: I don't know. Because they're my friends?
Albert: So while you were, uh, being torn, she was poisoning our relationship and poisoning your perception of me. Now why would you want that? Eva: I don't know, I mean, except maybe I was trying to protect myself, you know, because, you know, we've both been married before. And you know how things can turn out. Albert: What about us? What about protecting us? Eva: I didn't protect us.
Eva: Did they just turn the music louder. Albert: No, I think you just got older.
Eva: I don't usually park in front of your house. I usually just drive by. Albert: Sometimes I drive by your house, too. Eva: You do?
Eva: [Albert's daughter has just left with some friends] You think they have threesomes? Albert: What? Why would you say that? Eva: I know, but apparently, that's what they're doing these days. That's what I heard.
Ellen: Excuse me, Chloe, but can I have my mom back?
Will: Eva was telling me that there are no men at this party that she's attractred to. Albert: That's OK, there's no one here I'm attracted to either.