European Vacation

European Vacation Quotes

The Griswolds win a vacation tour across Europe where the usual havoc ensues.

Rusty Griswold: [watching the romantic couple make out at the table] Dad he's grabbing her tits right there at the table!
Clark Griswold: Just eat your breakfast, Russ.
Rusty Griswold: [Rusty still watching the couple] ... Dad, I think he's gonna pork her.
Clark Griswold: He's not gonna pork her, Russ.
Rusty Griswold: I think he's gonna.
Clark Griswold: He may pork her, finish your breakfast.
[in Germany, Clark peers down at a village in the hills and tears come to his eyes]
Clark Griswold: There it is, kids, my motherland.
Rusty Griswold: Dad, Grandma's from Chicago.
Clark Griswold: Shut up, Russ.
Clark Griswold: [Clark is driving around Lambeth Bridge Roundabout in London, England, and is unable to turn to the left] Hey look kids, there's Big Ben, and there's Parliament... again.
Claudia: Those bells haven't rung in years.
Rusty Griswold: What do they mean?
Claudia: They're going to hang someone!
Rusty Griswold: [thinks for a moment, then] DAD!
Hotel Manager: [Speaking very quickly in a heavy English accent] You're scuppered mate, this place is full of macaroons, of course I could get on the dog and bone and call my friend down White Chapel way.
[Clark is unable to understand what the Hotel Manager is saying, so he begins using a handheld translation device]
Rusty Griswold: Dad, he's speaking English.
[In Germany, Clark is looking for their relatives house]
Clark Griswold: What are we looking for?
Audrey Griswold: Sechs, Dad.
[Pronounces it as "Sex"]
Clark Griswold: That'll do Audrey.
Rusty Griswold: Dad, that's German for six.
Rusty Griswold: [after Audrey collapses on a French museums steps] Great, are you happy now Dad? She's dead!
Audrey Griswold: [after seeing the large German sausage dish served by Helga] ... God, I miss Jack.
[From the dinner scene with Helga and Fritz. This line was not Translated and Subtitled]
Fritz Spritz: Isn't that Herman's children?
Helga Spritz: Herman never had kids.
Jack: [Audrey is reading Jack's letter] Dear Audrey, I miss the shit out of you. Luckily, Debbie is been coming by to cheer me up.
Audrey Griswold: That bitch!
Ellen Griswold: Something that matter, Audrey?
Audrey Griswold: No.
Clark Griswold: There's Buckingham Palace, kids. That's where the Queen lives and works.
Audrey Griswold: Works? What does she do, Dad?
Clark Griswold: She queens... and vacuums.
Stewardess: Do you want something to drink?
Clark Griswold: [to Ellen] Honey, you want something?
Ellen Griswold: No thank you.
Clark Griswold: [to the Stewardess] I'll have a Coke.
Stewardess: Do you want that in the can?
Clark Griswold: [Clark turns and looks at the bathroom, then turns back at the Stewardess] No, I'll have it right here.
Rusty Griswold: Oink oink, my good man!
Rusty Griswold: [comes in the room while Clark is brushing his teeth in a bowl] ... Hey, Dad, look. Bed pans!
[In England]
Ellen Griswold: Clark, you're driving on the wrong side of the road!
Clark Griswold: I realize that honey. I'm also on the wrong side of the car.
[Repeated line]
Audrey Griswold: God, I miss Jack!
Jack: [voice over in letter] I miss the shit outta you.
Clark Griswold: [singing] Oh the hills are alive with the sound of Griswold/this shit's been around for a very long time./I'm feeling so high, I just can't stand it/It's as if I've been here for at least a week.
Ellen Griswold: [In their hotel room in England, Ellen opens a door, only to find a closet, and discovering there is no bathroom] Clark, there's no bathroom.
Clark Griswold: Of course there's a bathroom. Europeans go to the bathroom, don't they?
[Clark opens the door to his left to find another closet with a mattress inside]
Clark Griswold: Maybe they don't.
Kent Winkdale, host of 'Pig in a Poke': What are the pyramidal tracks?
Clark Griswold: [thinking] ... Kent, I believe the pyramidal tracks are housing development outside of Cairo.
[last lines]
Rusty Griswold: ...Yep, the Griswolds are back.
Cafe Waiter: [to Clark in French] Go fuck yourself.
Rusty Griswold: Who was it that said when in Rome do as the Romans do?
Clark Griswold: That was Rome not Paris. This is Paris and you're drunk.
Ellen Griswold: Clark, why don't we just forget the "Pig-in-a-Poke" itinerary, and just play it by ear, like normal people?
Clark Griswold: Honey, we're not normal people. We're the Griswolds.
Ellen Griswold: [dead silence as no-one is answering the final question] ... Clark!
Kent Winkdale, host of 'Pig in a Poke': That's it. Clark... of Lewis and Clark. And the Griswold's are our grand prize winners!
Clark Griswold: There's the Left Bank, kids. Russ, I bet you can't guess what bank is on the right.
Rusty Griswold: The Bank of America.
[Rusty and his California Girl join the rest of the family as they chase Ellen's kidnapper]
Clark Griswold: Get in.
Rusty Griswold: What Happened?
Audrey Griswold: Oh, not much. Mom's been kidnapped.
[In England, Rusty sees a young man with a punk Mohawk haircut]
Rusty Griswold: That's it! That's it! That's the way I want my haircut, Dad!
Clark Griswold: Rusty, you don't want to look like a rooster do you?
Ellen Griswold: Look back there!
Clark Griswold: Yeah, it's just a hooker. They're all over the place.
Ellen Griswold: Look who she's with!
[Clark looks back, and sees that Rusty is with the hooker]
Hotel Desk Clerk: [looking at the Griswolds passports with laughter] ... Typical American assholes.

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